The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #2 "The Penguin Huddle " 🐧🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

Hello Ladies

Starting a new penguin huddle thread as the first one is getting very full. This is for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

Getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

Let's start the roll call:

Me:
No living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 8+3. Had early scan at 7 weeks that showed baby measuring right for 7w with a heartbeat. Got another early viability scan booked in for this Tuesday at 8+6. Really scared I've lost this one again.
2 previous pregnancies ended in mmc at 12+3 (baby stopped growing at 5 weeks) in July 2018 and mc (CP but hate that term) in November 2018. Before then had been TTC for 5 years so our journey has been 6 years since starting to TTC.

@KnitKitty @Yukka @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @MyHeartisBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @boboelephant @Newbie21

Who have I missed?

@sadtoday21 I'm not sure the knicker watch ever stops when you've lost.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue fabulous news on the scan!

@Frillyfarmer sounds like strong symptoms there. Good on one hand on other hand sorry you feel so awful.

@Bluebelltulip I would also agree counselling is worth it if you can. I had mine through Petals charity, I initially was given 6 sessions for free but then because 4 months after the first loss I lost a second one they extended the sessions and gave me 3 more. The counsellor I had was really supportive and patient with me. If you're in the Essex/Cambridge/East Hertfordshire area or willing to travel a little they could be worth looking into.

@DuvetCaterpillar good news on the scan. Hopefully you can take some reassurance from that.

@rubyroot do you have a scan booked in for soon?

@tinatsarina cannot believe you still haven't had a scan. Nerves of steel! I've had 3!

Been getting more and more anxious again. 11+2 today by LMP or 11+3 by last 2 scans. With first pregnancy last year I started passing a small squishy brown clot at 11+1. Then more brown and pink at 11+3 with mmc discovered at EPU at 11+4. Passed pregnancy at 12+3. I'm so scared of losing this one now. I'm fed up too of DH constantly asking me about telling people and now wanting to go for a lads weekend away knowing how nervous I am as last year it was on that lads weekend away I started bleeding and he was too far away and intoxicated to be there for me. He just keeps pushing even though I've told him I don't want to think about it until after harmony test results end of next week.

@InDreamland I’m so sorry you are going through this right now. Your DH really should understand your anxiety and stay by your side through the weekend, especially if you are expecting the harmony test results soon. Have you tried talking to him about how you feel about all this? Thinking of you xxx.

@rubyroot if the baby makes it, my EDD will be 14 March, not far off from you. I’m also not putting much stock into due dates though, it’s hard to think about when you’ve had losses.

@Bluebelltulip I didn’t realise that you lost your baby at 32 weeks, that must have been utterly devastating. I am so so sorry. I understand why you can’t relax until the baby is in your arms. Really glad that everything is going well so far and the hb is strong.

Welcome to the new joiners! Pregnancy after loss is filled with anxiety but this thread has lots of supportive women who understand what you're going through. Fingers crossed for a healthy and uneventful 9 months for you all!

All went well at my 20 week scan and everything is looking as it should! So relieved! I might actually start buying things now...

Might write today off completely. Trying to pack as we're away from tomorrow for 3 weeks, just visiting family before I go back to work, and earlier there was a quite a big queue at the drs. Just wanted a prescription which was at reception and when I finally got to the front I said two words, said sorry I need to seat down as I know when I'm suddenly going to faint and just wondered off to the waiting room. Poor receptionist came over a little bit later, gave me some water and sorted stuff out for me. It was so awkward! I had my blood pressure checked about 40 mins before which was all fine. All I want to do is nap at the moment too 😔

@DuvetCaterpillar glad your scan went well and you saw a heartbeat.

@tinatsarina it could be possible, I thought I was going mad when I was pregnant with DD2 as I felt movements before my 12 week scan but I also thought they were too high up, the scan showed that I was right though.

@ineedanotherholiday welcome, I don't think symptoms are good at correlating to outcomes but I can understand why it's worried you.

@InDreamland thanks but I'm much further north. My thoughts are with you over the next few days, it must be worrying. It's seems like your DH is feeling much more optimistic, I think I would feel the same as you though.

@Beaglemum93 yay for your 20 week scan!

Hello ladies, I'm hoping and praying I get to stay on this thread. I've just had a little look through and its lovely to see all your scan pictures and so many familiar names.

So I just got a faint positive on a bog standard test at 10 dpo. I know it's early days but I'm impressed I got a line so early on a not very sensitive test. I'm literally shaking at the moment. I really hope I get to come along on this crazy journey with you. I will test again tomorrow on an FRER I think. So far I've been feeling good just a little emotional. Last time when I had my chemical I had cramping and pain from ovulation to the bleed so this definitely feels different. Typically I've been eating badly, the odd small glass of wine. I didn't think this was my month. I'm so glad you're all getting on so well and absolute super heroes to deal with pregnancy after lossxx

Congratulations @Catconfusion! Fingers crossed this is your rainbow! Don't worry about the eating badly and the wine, it's too early for a shared blood supply.

Massive congrats @Catconfusion and lovely to see you come over here from our other thread!!!! I knew it would happen for you too and you’re not far behind me! It will be great to go on this journey together. Wishing you all the best for the future xxx.

Thanks @beaglemum93. I have just had a pretty bad shock during the week. My best friends of 15 years ended our friendship out of the blue without reason. I've been crying a lot and trying hard to block it out. Any tips on managing external stress would be greatly appreciated ladies as I want to keep nice and chilled out.

I have an ultrasound scheduled for Wednesday anyway as I had a suspected cyst. I'm going to go, not that they'll see anything as it will be early days. Probably just thickened lining etc. Hopefully, if there is a cyst it's a small one and not going to cause problems xx

Arh thanks @sadtoday21I'm over the moon to be here with you and hope I can stay. Many hurdles to climb over but I'll deal with them as calmly as I can. I will test tomorrow on an FRER to confirm. From what I remember didn't you start with a cheapy? I'm not even sure why I did it as wasn't expecting a line since the FRER was negative yesterday. It must have just implanted. xx

@rubyroot my EDD is 25th March but not hanging onto it yet as it's early days and I'm still having this stupid discharge! Bought more pads today! 🤬🤬🤬 and I'm feeling so tired I'm the mornings and evenings. Walking around like a zombie! Hope all these are good signs and will see our little bean's heartbeat on Wednesday
@Catconfusion tentative congratulations!

Sorry about your friends @Catconfusion. I had a cyst on my right ovary that they saw on early scans but it was shrinking and seems to have disappeared now. Hopefully if you do have one the same will happen for you.

Bah, realised I forgot to update the list, although mine's still so early I feel a bit weird adding it to the list. It's only because of my previous ectopic that I know it at all, because I needed a few extra early scans to make sure everything was where it should be this time round.

Thanks again for the good wishes @myheartisbrokebutIhavesomeglue @rubyroot @navy123 (hello - I remember you from the TTC thread, am so pleased you're here!) @InDreamland and @bluebelltulip It's a big relief. I'm actually cautiously starting to get excited about it now, although obviously the underlying worry is still there. We've told our closest friends and family as well now which has been really lovely, not least because if it does go wrong again, we'll need them to understand and scoop us both up for a while. It's not the approach everyone would take, entirely understandably, but they were great at rallying round after my ectopic, so it works for our circumstances at least.

@beaglemum93 - what a lovely scan picture! Am so glad everything is going well for you.

@unicornsandrainbows1 - you poor thing, that sounds rubbish. Hopefully you can get an early night tonight. I went to bed at 9.30pm last night and it was genuine bliss on earth - I like my sleep at the best of times, but this is ridiculous!

@bluebelltulip I'd second the idea of counselling - I found it really helpful (arranged mine through work). I can't imagine what you've been through to lose your lovely daughter at 32 weeks, and no wonder you're terrified, but I found it unexpectedly helpful to have someone who was literally paid just to listen to me vent the darkest corners of my heart, without my having to worry about managing their reaction or if I was burdening them - that was literally the point of them being there.

Welcome @Ineedanotherholiday and may your stay with us be full-term, content and incredibly uneventful.

@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty - 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@Zznorth - 29 - EDD 17/02/20
@InDreamland - 39 - EDD 19/02/20 (TBC at dating scan if baby still alive)
@Tinatsarina- 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer*- 29 - EDD 29/02/20
@duvetcaterpillar - 34 - EDD 27/03/2020

And I'm such a slow typist someone has literally joined the thread since I started my post! Welcome @catconfusion - I remember you posting on the other thread too, great to have you here! I had a bit of random cystic tissue in my uterus at my 4/5 week scan too, but registrar didn't seem at all bothered about it barring checking to make sure it wasn't twins - my DH went a funny colour at that point, he's very grateful it seems just to be a singleton! Cysts are generally weird I think. especially under the influence of early pregnancy hormones - hopefully yours behaves and just fades away.

@Russkispy best of luck for Weds, I hope you see your little bean's heartbeat and that all is well. We're all here if you need to wibble ahead of time!

Thanks @Russkispy and I’m sorry you have this spotting. I hope all goes well on Wednesday.

Thanks @Beaglemum93 she knew we were in the tww and I told her I was keeping stress to a minimum. It was awful but I’ve got bigger things to think about. Thanks for info regarding cyst. I’m presuming we won’t see much at scan as I’ll only be 4 weeks. Hopefully if there is a cyst it will be tiny.

Thanks @DuverCaterpillar, hopefully it won’t be an issue. Ha ha, I can imagine it was a tense moment. Xx

@Bluebelltulip I hope you're ok and I agree if you can find some counselling it may help. I can't imagine how hard it is for you this time round. Xx

Congratulations @Catconfusion lovely to see you here 😊

I'm just rough rough rough again today. Absolutely not complaining about it but looking after a toddler is a challenge today 🤢 I breezed through early pregnancy with my DS - this pregnancy is SO different!

@Russkispy you're doing extremely well. When I miscarried both times, the brown quickly turned to red so hopefully all will be good on Wednesday. And they've said where they think it's coming from so that's encouraging too.

I know lots of women bleed in pregnancy so fingers crossed for yoyr scan on Wednesday.

@Russkispy I'm in awe at how well you're doing holding out for a scan! I had brown spotting until about 10.5 weeks (and a red bleed at about 6 weeks) but I had many scans because I couldn't cope with the waiting, you are so strong! Good luck for your scan on Wednesday.

@rubyroot @Beaglemum93 nerves made of steel first time I saw it, it freaked me out, I won't lie. But now nothing fazes me. I'm prepared for whatever outcome will be on Wednesday.

@catconfusion In sorry to hear about your friend as well - that's upsetting, and her timing is lousy! I'm using the Headspace app at the moment to manage stress, which helps.

@russkispy Nerves of steel. I'm impressed.

Thanks @Frillyfarmer I so want to stay but strangely ok if something goes wrong. With my second pregnancy, I was a nervous wreck but this is strangely different. Whatever the outcome I know I'll be ok.

You are doing amazingly well @Russkispy after all you've been through. I'd be freaked out too. Fingers crossed for you and it calming down soon so you can relax a bit more.

Ladies did any of you take progesterone? If so when did you start it?I'm not sure whether to go and get my levels checked. My first pregnancy was a mmc at 10 weeks but I was told levels were fine and everything looked normal when they did my ERPC i.e. lining fine and placenta growing normally. The second was a chemical pregnancy. We got to 4 weeks plus 2 before the bleed so lost very early though I had spotting at 9dpo after I got my bfp and at 11 dpo. After that the tests got lighter. That pregnancy just didn't feel right though as I'd had severe cramping from ovulation. After the Tommys research I'm not sure whether to see if I can have some progesterone just in case. Any thoughts would be really appreciated. xx

Thank you @DuvetCaterpillar it was awful and she knew we were going away for a few days to relax in case I was pregnant so it feels a bit vindictive. She also supported me through a breakup where my ex left suddenly leaving only a note, also my Mum stepping away from our relationship so she knows how triggering abandonment is. I think she is jealous because in the last year I married the most supportive man imaginable and we have a lovely home. Her life is a bit messed up. It's so sad. Headspace is a very good shout. Also I found Bettina Rae Yoga. There's a great one for anxiety in pregnancy. I just did it and I'm nice and chilled! www.youtube.com/channel/UCwFzZN7U8VhmochUCOEKWiA

@Catconfusion I'm taking progesterone Utrogest. After my 2nd beta bloods, progesterone level was 87 and my fertility doc told me to take 2 pills. Since this bleed started last Monday, I was told to take 2 more extra pills. I must say I've always been taking progesterone with all my fertility treatments and with my DD, it was consequently on a low dose from 12 weeks and stopped altogether around 13-14 weeks

Thanks @Russkispy I think I probably need to see what the doctor says. No indication I have low progesterone but I'm worried as my last loss was early. It was straight after the ERPC though so lightly an implantation issue. xx