The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #2 "The Penguin Huddle " 🐧🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

Hello Ladies

Starting a new penguin huddle thread as the first one is getting very full. This is for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

Getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

Let's start the roll call:

Me:
No living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 8+3. Had early scan at 7 weeks that showed baby measuring right for 7w with a heartbeat. Got another early viability scan booked in for this Tuesday at 8+6. Really scared I've lost this one again.
2 previous pregnancies ended in mmc at 12+3 (baby stopped growing at 5 weeks) in July 2018 and mc (CP but hate that term) in November 2018. Before then had been TTC for 5 years so our journey has been 6 years since starting to TTC.

@KnitKitty @Yukka @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @MyHeartisBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @boboelephant @Newbie21

Who have I missed?

After a lovely strong positive this morning I'm now cramping and spotting. Doesn't look good and I am so, so pissed off for being even vaguely positive about this.

@Navy123 sorry to hear this. This happened to me about 9 weeks back. It sounds like you've been through an awful lot. X

@Catconfusion my best friend did the same thing to me in between my two miscarriages this year, I suspected it was for the same reasons as yours did. She split up with her on/off boyf last month and came back to apologise and make a massive effort which was lovely. I thought she'd been quiet this last week and when I checked up on her she's back with her controlling, waste of space bf so I suspect I might be dumped again.

I think when you have friends who haven't been through the TTC process and particularly the miscarriages, they just don't understand. Until you've been where we are, it's a darkness that you can only think you might understand.

Sorry you're spotting @Navy123, have you phoned the epu?

Thanks @Frillyfarmer and I’m sorry to hear about your friend. My ex friend has been really good about the losses in the past. She also works as a theatre technician so has seen ERPCs being done. When I look back she did seem a bit abrasive on Friday. I told her my surgery was really invasive and traumatic. She said in her professional opinion it’s no more invasive than a coil fit. I had to bite my tongue. I should have known something was wrong. She saw my lovely home and how happy DH and I are and I don’t think she could stand it. She sounds like your friend. I’ve already told her husband to tell her to never contact me again as she blocked me. Xx

@Catconfusion and @Frillyfarmer sorry to hear about your friends. The same happened to me, 17 years if friendship just stopped, without any warning whatsoever! I was then pregnant with my DD. She still doesn't know anything about her, what she looks like, nothing and never mind my 2 MMCs and the rest. I was so sad, in tears all the time. But then my other friend said she probably was jealous of me, my supportive DH, our lovely home etc but I helped her so much! Financially and morally. And then the friendship was gone. Really sad

@Catconfusion @Russkispy there are honestly so many shit women out there. There are always painful aspects of friends' successes - I had to mute a couple of my pregnant friends on social media during my MCs and I think that is fairly normal, but to kill a friendship out of jealousy is just batshit.

@Navy123 I'm really sorry you're spotting - can you call EPU? Just remember that at this point it absolutely could be nothing to worry about. I know that isn't helpful when it's happening to you, but I'm hoping it is all fine for you xx

Thank you @FrillyFarmer and @DuvetCaterpillar.

@Catconfusion congratulations on your BFP, sorry about your friend.

@Navy123 my fingers are crossed for you.

The person on the till at the supermarket today commented on my bump, asked when I was due, then said I'm big for then. I know I have a big bump for 4 months but this is my 3rd pregnancy in 3 years and I only had DD2 in January. Don't want to say that to people though so managed a breezy 'o well'. Why do people feel the need to comment on bump sizes!

@Beaglemum93 @Frillyfarmer our epu doesn't take self referrals and doesn't take anyone under 6 weeks. I get why and I know it wouldn't make any difference but it is so frustrating. If it's going to happen I want it to just get on with it and if it isn't I'd like the pain and spotting to end so I can stop freaking out. Just feel so miserable.

I’m so sorry @Navy123 and I hope it’s normal spotting. I’ve got everything crossed for you.

@Frillyfarmer @Russkispy I messaged her ex husband (who she unhappily still lives with) and told her to make it known she can’t ever contact me again because I don’t want destructive people in my life. She become more and more unstable with an alcohol problem.

I’ve felt really sad the last few days like she died. I don’t understand friendship breakups in adulthood. It’s surely the stuff of the playground. Now I just hope the stress hasn’t affected this pregnancy.

I guess it must be implanting if I have a line on an ic at 10 dpo. I just need to hold tight until my ultrasound on Wednesday. Xx

It's so difficult @Navy123. Spotting at 5 weeks could be implantation bleeding. What colour is it?

@Bluebelltulip people are so rude commenting on bump size. A woman in work told me last week that I was big for 18 weeks and that my baby is going to be massive... I am already anxious that something is wrong, I don't need people telling me that I'm not normal to add to the worrying. Plus I know from my scan today that although he is slightly bigger than average he is not freakishly so! I also don't think my bump is massive...

@Bluebelltulip thank you. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. It's so rude! xx

@Bluebelltulip people do turn into complete fuckwits when it comes to pregnant ladies - usually complete strangers as well. I showed quite early on with DS and because of my anterior placenta I think it accentuated my bump even more - I was all up front.

I had so many comments and become progressively more rude as it wore on. The guy in my local coop rolled his eyes at me at about 7 months and said "Jesus are you still pregnant". I actually called their regional office and had a complete melt down at them 😂 how I didn't end up punching someone I will never know. It's difficult not to get upset or angry but don't feel bad if you do. It's their awkwardness - they can wear it! Xx

@Beaglemum93 it's bright red streaks inch if you see what I mean. It wouldn't worry me so much if I didn't have pain to go with it.

The bump is getting bigger @sadtoday21 which I am taking as a sign that all is going well.

Congratulations and welcome @Navy123 - I would definitely get a private scan if you have no luck with you GP.

Really hoping that Wednesday is a good news day @Russkispy - really don't know how you stay so strong, just amazing!

Lovely scan @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - an hour is an amazing amount of time to get to see your little one.

Great news @DuvetCaterpillar

Congratulations @ineedanotherholiday

Amazing @Beaglemum93 - the scan just looks perfect. Enjoy the celebration of the milestone and defo start buying those little outfits! We will hopefully be doing the same next week!

OMG @Catconfusion - so nice to see you on here and wow! A BFP. So very happy for you! It's going to be your time! So pleased for you both! I saw your news about your friend on the other thread and just can't believe how she was with you! Better off without her I would say! Xxxx

@Navy123 I'm sorry, this must be so frightening. We're here to hold your hand whatever happens. Sending you strength and love xx

Really hope you're okay @Navy123. Thinking of you

@Amanda81 thank you. 
@Catconfusion definitely don't need this kind of stress! Better off without this kind of friend
@Navy123 sorry to hear about spotting! Hope it stops and there's nothing to it. 🤞🏻

Welcome to the new Graduates

@Navy123 I hope all is ok and it is IB.

Lovely seeing the beautiful scan photos.

I'm a bit out of it. I had a corporate responsibility volunteer day yesterday where I spent all day painting railings in a park in Lambeth and building fences. It was really good but utterly exhausting. I ache today. I didn't have my phone on me and I can see there is a lot going on. I hope those of you with the friends or ex friends who are being lame or have stuff going on with their lives they don't have the capacity to be there for you that you are getting support from elsewhere. It's so hard and upsetting but I've realised how relative emotions are. I have a group of friends and we all have had different stuff going on that it's been quite difficult for everyone to support each other although we try our best but sometimes we all get consumed in our own stuff. It's hard though - I can't just pick up the phone to them like I used to.

Sorry

@newbie21 You must be quite close to me then - feel free to PM me if you ever fancy meeting up locally somewhere.

How are you doing today @navy123 ? Hope you're OK and not in too much pain - been thinking of you. Fingers crossed everything is OK

Thanks @Amanda81 I’m still a little shell shocked but so unbelievably happy. So pleased your bump in growing nicely. Yes my ex friend is a mess and I’m much better off without her. Xx

Thanks @Newbie21 it sounds like you had a lovely rewarding day yesterday. Hope the aches go soon. I’m very lucky that I have some very lovely friends. My ex friend was right in her text when she said we have an ‘unhealthy dynamic’. We do because she’s unstable. All my other friendships are very healthy. It is hard though when everyone is busy. I feel well supported though by DH. We’ve decided not to tell anyone else until we at least see a heartbeat. Xx

So I woke up and tested again. It’s a much stronger line today so I’m feeling pretty optimistic. I don’t think I’ll test again. Just wait and see what the ultrasound shows. Xx

@DuvetCaterpillar I actually live out in Chelmsford, Essex but it was a volunteer day through work (I work in the City) so I headed over to Lambeth for the day. It was actually really nice - Archbishop's Park - it had a fantastic playground for kiddies and a little city farm. I was thinking how much my 3 yr old would love it. I saw lots of mummy groups meeting up in the park with their babies and I actually felt a bit excited about Mat Leave - I can honestly say it was the best year of my life - hard work but rewarding every single day.

Thanks @DuvetCaterpillar @Squiff70 @Russkispy @Newbie21

Less spotting today and it's more brown which I guess is a good sign. Still getting pain though and just feel so negative about it all. I wish I could peek into the future to check what is going to happen! Managed to distract myself with a lot of sewing today which helped.

@Catconfusion glad your lines are getting stronger.

I’m so sorry @Navy123 it’s simply not fair. Good it’s eased a bit so hopefully nothing to worry about. That’s the annoying thing about early pregnancy, no one can predict how it will play out. It’s so hard to deal with.

I’m feeling quite calm today but I have a feeling I’ll freak out at about 6 weeks when my first pregnancy stopped progressing. Spotting would certainly push me over the edge. My nausea has kicked in today. I had hypermesis with the first pregnancy so I have a feeling this once is going the same way. It’s less scary this time though as I know what to expect. I don’t care how ill I get I just hope this baby is healthy and sticks! Xx

Hello ladies, as some of you know, I have been TTC #2 since losing my first baby at full term earlier this year.

I got a faint positive on a FRER on Tuesday at 12 DPO and a clearer +ve on Thursday at 14 DPO.

I’m 4 weeks since LMP.

I have had a few symptoms such as wind (sorry, tmi), constipation (tmi again) and some nausea. I felt close to throwing up twice yesterday morning when I tried to have a drink. I’m hoping that’s a good sign.

Today I haven’t felt sick and had the worry that that might not be a great sign but I know with my first pregnancy I had days where I “felt pregnant” and days when I felt “normal”. I also don’t remember nausea before 5-6 weeks with my first baby.

Thanks for those who tagged me on the other thread and hope everyone is doing well. I wasn’t sure whether to join this thread yet as I still feel quite nervous but I know most of you ladies feel a similar way.

@Navy123 Fingers crossed this is just implantation bleeding for you 🤞

How are you @InDreamland @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Bluebelltulip ?