The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #2 "The Penguin Huddle " 🐧🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

Hello Ladies

Starting a new penguin huddle thread as the first one is getting very full. This is for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

Getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

Let's start the roll call:

Me:
No living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 8+3. Had early scan at 7 weeks that showed baby measuring right for 7w with a heartbeat. Got another early viability scan booked in for this Tuesday at 8+6. Really scared I've lost this one again.
2 previous pregnancies ended in mmc at 12+3 (baby stopped growing at 5 weeks) in July 2018 and mc (CP but hate that term) in November 2018. Before then had been TTC for 5 years so our journey has been 6 years since starting to TTC.

@KnitKitty @Yukka @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @MyHeartisBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @boboelephant @Newbie21

Who have I missed?

@thecherryontop I did choose to have the harmony scan for this pregnancy but I didn't for my DS and my result then was fine. Age can be a factor and it can throw up higher risk results than a harmony would indicate and it can vary from woman to woman. For me, I just didn't want the worry or feel the need to have any follow up invasive test unless absolutely necessary. I've had 3 MCs last year so wanted maximum peace of mind. The NHS test might very well have been absolutely fine but I didn't want to risk it not being - if that makes sense. The harmony test is expensive but is more accurate. It's a shame they haven't rolled it out on the NHS yet.

Just catching up on yesterday. Lovely to hear good scan results - fingers crossed they keep coming x

@Laney79 can I ask when you were given/will be given your section date? Are you NHS or private? I'm currently NHS and was told I would have an appointment to assess whether I was eligible for a c-section but I got the impression that it wasn't until quite late on which makes me a bit nervous. I had a 3rd degree tear with my DS and had to have an op. It all went well but hospital told me if I had another baby that I should seriously consider c-section due to heightened risk of repeat tear and incontinence but I have moved house so at a different hospital and they seem a bit more reluctant in the c-section front. I might ask my midwife again when my appointment to discuss this is.

@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty - 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@InDreamland - 39 - EDD 19/02/20 (TBC at dating scan if baby still alive)
@Tinatsarina- 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer*- 29 - EDD 29/02/20

@Newbie21 not certain yet-I'm hoping my consultant will either give me my date or tell me when I'll get it. Will update you after I've seen him. I'm lucky in that he's already said I can have a section, and I have it in writing.

Definitely keep asking, make sure they know it's worrying you (mental health is so important during pregnancy and there seems to be a big focus on it at the moment). I also wrote down my reasons before I saw my consultant to ask for the section so that if I got upset I could give it to him. I'd ask at every appt, ask that it's noted at every appointment, and see if your trust has a birth options clinic or similar so you can see a consultant and ask. Xxx

@Newbie21 oh and mine is NHS...do you have a good GP who has your old pregnancy notes? If so would they be willing to write a letter detailing what happened during your last birth?

If not you could request your notes from the last pregnancy to see if the advice they gave is recorded? X

Hi @thecherryontop and welcome to the huddle. I also went for the Harmony test for maximum peace of mind. I didn't want to wait until 13/14 weeks to find out if there was anything wrong, I would have worried too much and don't need any additional worry!

Another one here waiting to find out about c section. I didn't tear but I did have an emergency section with DD after long and horrible induction where I failed to progress and her heart rate dropped. They had no concerns when I asked and said I'd be referred to a consultant. I'm going to ask at my 16 week app tomorrow (I'm actually 17+4). I agree with Laney - write everything down. Show that you understand the risks but also be firm and keep asking! Even though I haven't so far encountered any resistance, I definitely have the mindset that I will not take no for an answer! These our our bodies and ultimately it's our choice how we give birth.

There is so much unknown with giving birth, it's all well and good reading the books and doing breathing techniques etc, but you never know what will happen! I have heard how elective sections can be really positive experiences. I healed pretty well from my EMCS - was up and about quickly, don't remember struggling too much at home... and that was after a three day induction with about four hours sleep! I think if you are well rested and prepared, the elective will be a whole different experience and will certainly make a real difference to all of our anxieties and worries about how a vaginal birth may go. Hoping we all get them sorted smoothly and without trouble!

Glad to hear the scan went well @sadtoday21 and that you also had a good scan @Ginmonkey84!

Hope everyone has good Tuesdays!

@Amanda81 Good call on taking out the gestations. Thanks.

@sadtoday21 Yes, I'll have my 20 weeks scan and then growth scans every 4 weeks as I'm higher risk for prem. I also have an anatomy scan in 2 weeks which is to look at my womb and cervix.

@Ginmonkey84 Oooh! A sneaky scan! How exciting! Teehee. I'm glad everything is looking good!

@thecherryontop Hi! Welcome. Sorry about your loss last year. I hope this time it all goes smoothly. The scan at 8 weeks is a really good sign. And what an incredible and happy shock that must have been! Has it all sunk in yet?

@Newbie21 Have you thought of submitting a Subject Access Request to get your notes from your previous full-term pregnancy? You're within your rights to request a c-section anyway, but it might help your current team to be on board with it if they have your notes from before.

Is anyone else really struggling with tiredness?
I've been getting early nights but I still really struggle to get up in the morning and literally briefly fell asleep at my desk on Friday afternoon (and nearly did yesterday). I just feel like I can't function after lunch-time!

@tinatsarina my nausea was morning and evening, easing in the afternoon. Now it tends to be morning only.

Welcome @thecherryontop.

Adding my experience to the C-section discussion. I had a 3rd degree tear and pph with DD1 and needed to go to theatre. My consultant wasn't concerned by another vaginal birth and I had DD2 that way and didn't tear. Planning an induced vaginal birth this time.

Not saying if you want a C-section you shouldn't just sharing my experience.

@KnitKitty thank you. Hopefully things do go well but I am just being realistic. Those stats do look very good, I just can't help feeling like I'm always in that small minority of "unlucky" ones. Next hurdle is 12 week scan and harmony test results.

@sadtoday21 I am booked in with the clinic for end of next week when they'll give me the results. Absolutely petrified now. First this baby needs to survive and not mc then I need a low risk result but I'm just not feeling positive. Too much has gone wrong in the attempts to have a family the past 6 years.

@Ginmonkey84 great you managed to get a sneaky little scan in and you saw little bean.

@tinatsarina I felt nauseous last night and this morning. It's so inconvenient. Think last night was the raw onion I had in my homemade chicken burger. Won't be having that again for a while.

@thecherryontop welcome to the group! Congratulations on your pregnancy, fx for a H&H 40 weeks.

Oh, and just to add RE c-section. For any of you who haven't had open surgery before, prepare yourself for the scar you'll have afterwards. I only say this because I had abdominal surgery and had prepared for it for 4 months but I really struggled with my new appearance afterwards because it (for some stupid reason) hadn't occurred to me that I'd now have a big scar on my tummy. It also didn't heal well as I had a reaction to the glue they used to close the wound (they used some sort of glue and staples) . During a second abdominal surgery they cut through the same scar and used stitches and it healed a lot better.
Our bodies are changing a lot at the moment anyway and we're all going to have to get used to looking differently, but I don't want anyone else having the shock that I did with the scar issue.

I might add that I was a teenager at the time of said surgery, so body-image was obviously more of a delicate subject at the time then as well; I don't think I'd have struggled so much if I'd been older, but I've definitely started mentally preparing myself to add to the abdominal scar collection if I end up needing a c-section.

@KnitKitty all I want to do is sleep. Completely exhausted and feel like I could sleep for England at the moment. Was like this in my first pregnancy too. My mum said she was the same with me and my sister. Imagine how much work your body is doing it's going to make you feel totally wiped out. I tend to sleep pretty much through the weekends. I'm no good to anyone at the moment.

I also had a horrendous failed induction @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue both me and my boyfriend had (I think) mild ptsd. My baby's heart rate stayed constant throughout, bless him- what a trooper. I had told them I wanted a c section and didn't want to do induction as I knew it would end in x section, but they refused. Its daft, you can get a c section organised earlier on, but not later! Anyhow turns out I was exactly right! I got to 9 cm dilated and the consultant finally said baby wasn't in right position! I was so relieved to have a c section, by that point Id had so many epidurals that I'm sure I'd developed resistance and could feel quite a bit of the c section, I was wincing on the table and trying not to cry out in pain. BUT it was still such a relief to finally have the section.
I think if you've previously had a c section then you can request another and they pretty much honour it. It's probably harder to get one if you haven't a had one before. I would be incessant and keep asking, they can't ignore you then..

Re the scar- mines is right under bikini line and was actually impressed with how small it was.

Sorry I've been AWOL for a bit.

@Melpops3638 - EDD 5/12/2019
@Beaglemum93 - 25 - EDD 22/12/19
@Amanda81 - 38 - EDD 27/12/19
@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - 36 - EDD 3/01/20 but having an elective section so likely to be 27/12/19
@theAntsareMyFriends - 35 - EDD 04/02/2020
@Laney79 - 40 - EDD 6/1/2020 (but elective section so likely to be 30/12/19)
@Bluebelltulip - 29 - EDD 9/1/2020 likely induction 2 weeks earlier
@moonpeace - 37 - EDD 23/01/20
@KnitKitty - 31 - EDD 29/01/20
@newbie21 - 38 - EDD 6/2/2020 (if c-section circa. 31/1/2020)
@InDreamland - 39 - EDD 19/02/20 (TBC at dating scan if baby still alive)
@Tinatsarina- 29 - EDD 26/02/20
@Frillyfarmer*- 29 - EDD 29/02/20

My first two babies were very close to their EDD so I will probably be behind @laneey79 and @bluebelltulip.

We are planning a home birth which is more from necessity than choice. DS1 was born less than 15mins after arriving at hospital which I thought was quick. With DS2 my labour was under 30mins and he popped out in the sitting room 15mins before the home birth MW arrived. The MW coached my DP through it but he was so nervous he's pretty much forgotten everything that he needs to do this time. All he can remember is me shouting at him 'stop pushing him back in' as I was convinced he was pushing on the babies head.

@thecherryontop welcome and congratulations. I had the IONA test (similar to the Harmony) but only after I was flagged up as high risk with my NHS test. I still had to pay £300 (its free if you are in Wales) so if I could turn back time I would have had the Harmony done at 10weeks and saved me a fortnight of upset.

@indreamland sorry to hear you are so tired. Its really draining. I was more tired in the first trimester and feel better now so hopefully you will too. I'm not even sure if I can tell if I'm tired anymore as I haven't slept through the night for over 5 years due to DS1 and DS2 so think being permanently tired may now feel normal to me.

I keep having brown discharge/spotting on and off throughout the day, all day, but not filling up the pad etc not in pain, clots or discomfort or cramps. Think feeling nauseous in the mornings?! Just been to the loo and the discharge kind of changed in colour and maybe a bit watery now with some brown bits, and when wiping mostly. Ive read on Tommy.org and miscarriage association about bleeding and think I'm ok as long as I don't bleed fresh red blood and experience tummy ache etc and again had another toilet trip and saw my discharge, almost like periody, but all brown, I think. Asked my DH to call EPU as I'm at work and waiting for their call tomorrow. Our lovely nurse did say though not to panic and it could still be all normal. I'm just fed up seeing these discharges all day every day to the point that I don't know anymore what colours they are! I know it's not bright red! Or red, for that matter. She said it might be still too early to scan me tomorrow to see a heartbeat and I know everyone is different. I'm not in pain or cramping. rescan is scheduled next Wednesday, can't wait to see what's happening inside. Unless EPU suggested earlier date. It's just never straight forward

@theAntsareMyFriends goodness they're quick births. A fast labour sounds ideal but not if coming before I can get to a maternity unit. That thought frightens me!

Does anyone else feel something almost lodged in the back of their throat all the way down to just below the rib cage? Making me feel more nauseous. Can't work it out. I get momentary relief if I burp but it really is just for a moment then it comes back.

@Russkispy how many weeks do you think you are now? Really hoping it's just implantation bleed rather than anything sinister. I had some with this pregnancy but it's awful to see even if it is brown rather than red.

@InDreamland last week when I went to EPU thinking I was 6w3d or so but in fact I was only around 5 weeks. Tomorrow I'm 6wks. Strangely I'm not panicking or anxious but fed up with this discharge malarkey. And it's first natural pregnancy, I'm just in the unknown zone. Feel like with all my fertility treatments, everything was straight forward. Will wait for EPU's call tomorrow and see how things go between now and then. It's nothing else I can do.

@Russkispy I'm not surprised you're fed up of the discharge. It's very unsettling. Keeping my fx for you that this little bean is a sticky one and you see a healthy heartbeat at the scan next week. I think you should be able to see a heartbeat at 6w so you should definitely see one next week at 7w.

Thanks @InDreamland will keep you posted 🤞🏻

@Russkispy how many weeks are you? I had brown spotting for over a week on and off again I thought the worst it’s so horrible seeing it but everything is okay so far. It’s so hard not to worry but the likelihood is it will be okay x

Sorry just saw 6wks. Hopefullly they bring you in just for some reassurance x

@Russkispy I had my partner phone epu for me and they said they couldn't book an appointment through him. It had to be me they spoke to for confidentiality reasons. Hopefully they can see u soon so u know what's going on.

@theAntsareMyFriends I'm in awe at your quick labours!

@Russkispy so sorry you are going through this. Bleeding is so stressful and it's torture having to wait. Can you get seen earlier next week so you reduce the wait? Sending big virtual hugs xxx

@russkispy they can see a heartbeat at 6 weeks usually. Can you insist when they ring that you'd like to be scanned tomorrow? Try to be a bit pushy? I can't remember if you said they saw a yolk sac last time, I seem to think you did... which is definitely a good sign.