The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #2 "The Penguin Huddle " 🐧🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

Hello Ladies

Starting a new penguin huddle thread as the first one is getting very full. This is for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

Getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

Let's start the roll call:

Me:
No living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 8+3. Had early scan at 7 weeks that showed baby measuring right for 7w with a heartbeat. Got another early viability scan booked in for this Tuesday at 8+6. Really scared I've lost this one again.
2 previous pregnancies ended in mmc at 12+3 (baby stopped growing at 5 weeks) in July 2018 and mc (CP but hate that term) in November 2018. Before then had been TTC for 5 years so our journey has been 6 years since starting to TTC.

@KnitKitty @Yukka @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @MyHeartisBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @boboelephant @Newbie21

Who have I missed?

Hi all, sorry to have gone quiet for a bit, my anxiety got pretty horrendous earlier this week in the run up to my scan on Weds afternoon, to the point where I was getting panic attacks, so I've just scaled right back on baby stuff online so I don't freak myself out too much. Anyway, good news is that while I'm still super early (4/5 weeks) the gestational sac is in my uterus - it is not ectopic again! Such a massive relief to be able to stop thinking I'm going to collapse and die multiple times a day. Still too early to see yolk sac or embryo so EPU can't confirm it's viable at this stage, but repeat scan next week for another look. I don't know what happens from here and not out of the woods yet, but at least the iron corset of fear is off for the moment.

Congratulations @amanda81 and @knitkitty on the wonderful scans, and (rather sweaty) hand holds to you all. Emily Oster's Expecting Better has a good section on increased body temperature for those who haven't read it, but my foremothers had babies in India in the summer and largely came out of it OK, at least as far as heat damage goes, if that helps at all?

@Amanda81 congrats on your scan, very happy for you!! Xxx

@Newbie21 good luck on your scan today!

@DuvetCaterpillar I’m so happy your pregnancy isn’t ectopic this time around and fx all is viable next week. I know what you mean about anxiety peaking pre-scan, this is happening to me too with my first scan on Monday. I should be 7w5d by then, so if I don’t see a hb it will all be over for me....I’m scared to death! I haven’t read expecting better, but it sounds worthwhile from all the comments on here. Best of luck for your scan next week!

@InDreamland hope you are holding up better with the heat today! I agree that it was terrible last night. Slept in front of the fan, but can’t seem to cool down! How is your anxiety today?

@KnitKitty Awesome news, and what a lovely photo!! We're due the same day too ☺

@DuvetCaterpillar glad the scan went well and everything is in the right place. The anxiety can be all consuming so understand why you'd need some time out. I bought that book last year during my first pregnancy but never finished reading it because I mc'd. I may dig it out again when I'm feeling less anxious.

@sadtoday21 my anxiety at the moment is through the roof. Petrified at what tomorrow will bring. Feel like I've come this far but now it'll all be ripped away from me. It's certainly cooler today. Hopefully it'll be a more comfortable night.

Really quick one from me as I've had some mum friends and their kids over today and I feel exhausted!

@DuvetCaterpillar I'm so pleased your scan showed the pregnancy in the right place. I understand everything you said about the fear of another ectopic. The relief I felt when my first scan showed it was in the right place was immense. You've passed the first hurdle and it was a big one. I know the anxiety will come back on and off but for now be happy you don't have to go through all the pain and horribleness of an ectopic again. For me I was also so relieved that my body worked with one tube!

Great to hear all is well @Amanda81! And good news on the placenta shift too! Mine is apparently slightly to one side (still anterior) I would love it to shift more but don't think that's possible!

Glad to hear the Harmony tests results went well @Newbie21! Another hurdle checked off! Did you opt to find out the sex?

@InDreamland big hugs ahead of tomorrow. Are you having it done at the Fetal Medicine Center? I cried all over the lady who did my Harmony test and she was so kind. You will be in good hands if you feel anxious. We are all behind you and rooting for you.

I'm off to bed now, entertaining three mummies and four two year olds has broken me! Lots of love to everyone else in our penguin huddle. Sorry haven't had gone to reply to you all xxx

Hi ladies,
I have just been reading through some of these stories about what everyone has been through! Pregnancy is such a hard journey when you have had a mc!
I have 2 mc's one last year on xmas day! And another this year at the end of april! Both horrific times in my life! I am currently 9+4w pregnant and saw the babies heartbeat yesterday with the baby kicking his/her legs! Even though i have see the heartbeat I still cant seem to relax, every pain I feel i automatically think "oh god here we go again" its honestly the longest wait to 12w to get that scan to know everything is okay this time! Xx

@InDreamland good luck tomorrow. You've got this far and we're all here rooting for your little rainbow.
@Rmac90 welcome to the thread! Sorry about your losses I understand the anxiety I'm 9+2 and how I've not caved and got a scan I don't know. I think everyone here is so positive it's helping me stay relatively calm. Have you heard when your scan will be?

@tinatsarina yeah its lovely to read how nice everyone is to everyone! No my hospital always runs late you never get it at 12w its more 13w! So i have a private scan next weekend! Only because the hospital never runs on times with scans my last mc i got sent out my dating scan before i knew i had a miscarriage and the date they gave me would of made me nearly 14w!!! They don't care if you are anxious due to previous miscarriages! Xx

@InDreamland good luck for tomorrow. You can do this. X

I went to the doctors with pains in my left hand side and epau have been looking after me ever since. Third scan at 6 weeks and 3 days on Monday. So nervous.

@Rmac90 welcome to the thread. I think by 9 weeks and a heart beat the risk of miscarriage is drastically reduced. Its a very anxious time for all of us on here and these babies really are little miracles.

@DuvetCaterpillar glad scan showed gestational sac is where it's supposed to be. Will keep everything crossed for you that things continue to progress well and that next scan reveals yolk sac.

@Rmac90 welcome to the thread. Seeing a heartbeat is such a huge relief but I know the anxiety continues.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue we didn't opt to find out sex. DH is keen to but I don't think I want to. We did tell DS about baby - mainly because he keeps jumping on me and i told him my tummy was delicate and then he kept worrying that I was sick. Anyway it was actually really funny - we said he was going to be a big brother and was going to have a little brother or sister and then we showed him the scan photo and he said "is that a puppy?" (Face beaming) and when we said no it's a little baby he was slightly disappointed 😂 he's a little perplexed about it being in my tummy and suggests doctor gives mummy and baby calpol to get it out. I'm likely to have a c-section due to complications with his birth so luckily I could say that the doctor will help baby out when baby is ready.

So here is the scan photo from yesterday. I hope you all agree it doesn't resemble a puppy! EDD is now fixed at 6/2/2020 so possible Jan baby for me if I have a section. Feel free to guess the sex if you like. I'm still thinking boy.

Good to see good news from @DuvetCaterpillar, @Amanda81 and @Newbie21.

Good luck @InDreamland.

@Newbie21 I find it quite sweet that he recommended Calpol. There are times that I'm tempted to tell DD as she keeps climbing on me and did kick my tummy in bed this morning (not on purpose) but I can't bring myself to do it yet.

@InDreamland good luck today!! Thinking of you and hoping all is well xxx.

@Newbie21 your DS sounds adorable! What a cute story and lovely scan photo!

@Rmac90 welcome and congrats on seeing the hb at 9w4d! That’s a huge milestone that you have passed now and very good news indeed.

@rubyroot we both have scans on the same day next week! And are almost the same time - I might just be about a week ahead of you, 7w3d today. How are you feeling? Any more cramps?

Only 2 more days now until the scan...every twinge has made me feel it is over, but then even without any bleeding I worry because of the mmc before. Also really worried it might be a partial molar again and probably wouldn’t be able to tell from the scan. Do you think they will take my hcg levels too to rule it out? Feeling incredibly anxious that I am already 7w3d with very little naseau or sickness - I just need to be sick this time! Also, does anyone know if gardening is safe in pregnancy? Expecting better said something about toxoplasmosis...but I have never heard of this before. Any thoughts?

@SadToday21 the advice with gardening is to wear gloves and wash hands thoroughly after. Toxoplasmosis is dangerous if caught in pregnancy, generally if it's present in your garden you will have already had it so not an issue. I had some tests for other things and they tested my immunity to this too, and I'm not immune so I do need to be careful. DH is the gardener in this house though.

@InDreamland good luck today! I'm sure everything will be fine!
@Newbie21 glad to hear all is low risk!

@sadtoday21 hey just read your reply and the one below mine and seeing you are also anxious!
So i had a scan at 7+2 because of my 2 previous mc's, the first mc i was bleeding the second i had no bleeding at all! So after my scan this time the week after I started having really bad sharp pains in my stomach and was convinced i was losing thus baby! So I had a scan on Thursday and everything was fine i was told that the cramps and other pains i was getting was probably my ligaments stretching! In my 3 pregnancies i never experienced any sickness and I just wish i would get sickness so i knew maybe everything was okay but in actual fact alot of women don't get sickness :) but nothing will ever take that anxious feeling away until wee see our babies on that 12w scan! Good luck and i hope everything goes well :) x

@InDreamland best of luck for today. Everything crossed 🤞 for you. Will you ask them to find out the sex?

@moonpeace aww no! Its hard to enjoy any pregnancy after a mc! And i dont think people understand that unless they have been through it themselves! Every twinge or pain has you worrying or endless trips to the toilet just to make sure there is no blood! On top of that we are trying not to stress! Hope you are okay and manage to relax soon ☺️ xx

@Rmac90 I'm the same as you. I have never had sickness in any pregnancy. Sometimes I feel slightly nauseous when I'm getting hungry but other than that, nothing really. It's very unnerving as the only way to know your pregnant is scans really. I've had an MC and 2 MMCs so you have the fear of turning up to a scan and getting bad news. There is no way round it unfortunately. I just wait for those words "and there's the heartbeat" and then I can calm a little. The more positive scans I have the bette I feel and it definitely helps when you get passed the number of weeks when you have previously lost.

@Newbie21 yeah i am the exact same with feeling a little sick when hungry thats it! Aww fingers crossed for you with this baby ☺️ hopefully our luck has changed this time round xx

@moonpeace I didn't have the NHS test. My midwife actually advised me against it if I was having the harmony. She said it's so much more accurate and the NHS test, with my age, 38, would definitely put me at higher risk so create anxiety unnecessarily. The nhs sonographer was great at my 12 week dating scan - she talked through everything she could see - the brain forming and the different chambers, the skull, all the bones she could see, the tube, placenta. She was so precise it was fantastic. It was so reassuring. So that combined with the harmony result has made me feel so much better.

@sadtoday21 I think they can rule molar put if there's heartbeat, yolk sac etc. I'm also worried about mmc as I had this third pregnancy. Theyre supposed to be rare, but my experience tells me this is not the case. Quite a few people I know have experienced these.

I've also never experienced sickness duri g pregnancy.

Re NHS tests, I think they're pointless if having harmony. I know people who have had scary odds and then harmony been absolutely fine.

For me at 38 though, my odds were 1 in 7000 or something like that, so I think it can still be okay with age factored in. I guess in my case papp a must have lowered risk as it is a triple test.

I meant first, not third.

Good luck with the scan @InDreamland - 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 looking forward to hearing your update.

@moonpeace - I decided against the NHS test (also due to my age, 38). Apparently age is a factor in the calculation, and I have just heard so many stories about women having weeks of panic waiting for the NIPT test. I opted for a harmony instead and had this at 11 weeks. In my experience, I got the results within 5 days and had them before the NHS 12 week scan. Your morning sounds like you have had an emotional rollercoaster- take some time to breathe this afternoon and relax.

Hey @sadtoday21 - thinking of you!! Your scan will be absolutely fine. I had a few days of 'pain' which was around the lower abdomen. This was all the ligaments stretching. I still get the odd day or so where I feel the discomfort, but as you become more familiar with the feelings, you will start to settle. After a while, HCG tests aren't really a reliable way of seeing if a pregnancy is progressing well as the numbers vary so greatly. I don't think they will do blood tests, but given your history with the partial molar you may get different tests so that they can monitor to you. Big hugs 🤗 oh and wear gloves when gardening like the others have said and have a good wash afterwards x

Welcome @Rmac90, sorry to hear about your previous experience, hoping you get the support here. It's been an absolute joy for me to share the happiness of being pregnant again, but also to get the support when the anxiety makes an appearance again.

Lovely scan photo @Newbie21

It's strange that the sonographers are changing the position of my placenta @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue this could be because it's moved, or just different opinions. On Thursday the sonographer said my placenta was in the fundal position (but wrapped around slightly to the back and front). I have my 20 week NHS scans on the 6th August, so will be guided by them on where it is. Thankfully it's not low lying.

We have a ritual in our house after each scan, where my DH will scan the scan photos and stick them on the fridge. As we've been so busy since we got back from hols, he has only just got round to doing it...so here she is at 17+6 weeks. I can't believe I am 18+1 weeks today!!! It's seriously starting to sink in. Very happy 😃