The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #2 "The Penguin Huddle " 🐧🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

Hello Ladies

Starting a new penguin huddle thread as the first one is getting very full. This is for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

Getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

Let's start the roll call:

Me:
No living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 8+3. Had early scan at 7 weeks that showed baby measuring right for 7w with a heartbeat. Got another early viability scan booked in for this Tuesday at 8+6. Really scared I've lost this one again.
2 previous pregnancies ended in mmc at 12+3 (baby stopped growing at 5 weeks) in July 2018 and mc (CP but hate that term) in November 2018. Before then had been TTC for 5 years so our journey has been 6 years since starting to TTC.

@KnitKitty @Yukka @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @MyHeartisBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @boboelephant @Newbie21

Who have I missed?

Hoping I picked the right pictures without my details 🙈

Dating scan went well though it took a while to get the fold measurement thanks to little wrigglebutt. Been pushed forward to the 29th Jan as they measured 12+5! Thought I'd be maybe 12+2 at a push. Just so relieved.

Congratulations @UnicornsandRainbows1! I'm glad all is looking good :)

I'm getting really anxious again about something being wrong... It's 11 days until my next scan but I'm considering booking another private one before then but I'm working the late shift all week so won't be able to get one until Saturday at the earliest. At what point do you reckon, if any, the anxiety stops?

Congrats @UnicornsandRainbows1, it's an amazing scan isn't it? I also had an uncooperative little one and had to have three separate attempts over a few hours before we got baby in the right position!

Hi ladies, sorry for being absent for a few days. Haven't had time to catch up properly either.

Congratulations and wow @UnicornsandRainbows1! Do you have any other children?

I would definitely get a scan ASAP @Ginmonkey84 if you are spotting. The likelihood is that all is fine, I bled loads with my DD. However, I've also been on the other side and had an ectopic, the only sign of which was spotting. Not saying this will happen to you and I don't want to scare you, it's definitely more common that bleeding is just implantation and things stretching, but you should always get it checked and any EPU will be happy to see you xxx

@moonpeace great news on the test results!

I took today off work after sleeping terribly last night. No real reason, just couldn't sleep. Anyway I feel nauseous again which I'm blaming on the heat. I'm 16+3 and thought it would have long gone but still retching and feeling sick on and off. Dreading getting the tube tomorrow and I'm telling work I'm working from home Thursday when it's supposed to be the hottest. Not even attempting to move from under the fan!

With all the ladies experiencing anxiety YET AGAIN. @moonpeace the movement I have felt has also been totally irregular, somedays I feel really strong sensations and some days hardly anything. Today just a few soft pops. It is normal to have no pattern at this stage but completely sends my anxiety levels soaring. @Beaglemum93 my next scan isn't until the 1st and then I've got three weeks until my 20 week scan, one of which I'm away for (just in the UK). I think book as many as you need! I would have them every week if I could afford it! It's crap though isn't it? The anxiety is just constant. It goes for a few days and then the negative thoughts creep back in and the worries over lack of sickness or movement or a twinge sends us spiralling. It's so hard when you have been made aware of the other side and want something so much.

I've booked one for Saturday @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue. I thought by 18 weeks I'd be a bit more relaxed. It doesn't help that I'm not feeling any obvious movements which I know is because I have an anterior placenta but I'm still worrying. I have got a foetal doppler so at least I know he's still alive and I can hear him moving loads with it I just can't feel it!
Sorry you're still feeling sick. I felt really sick on the plane a couple of weeks ago which was weird because I've never had travel sickness on a plane before...

Hi ladies, I haven't properly joined the thread but thought I'd ask your advice.
First, about me, I'm 43, DD#1 is 2yrs old, conceived with IUI. Had failed IUIs, 2 failed IVFs. 2 missed miscarriages from 1 IUI and 1 IVF. Had d&c for both miscarriages. Last MMC was this May. Decided on donor egg to start this cycle but got a surprising BFP, natural TTC.

Had a bit of a fright this morning. Woke up and everything was ok. After breakfast felt "wet". Went to the toilet and had blood on my underpants. It freaked me out! Called EPU instantly and they just kept saying to call GP as I need to be referred. I was getting mad at them as I never experienced it before. Anyway, they just told me to keep an eye on bleeding. I run to GP and they referred me. But I never had any other bleed all day, not pains, no cramps, nothing. The nurse said it was more likely implantation bleed. But to keep an eye and go to A&E if starts again and progresses more with pains and clots etc I'm trying to stay calm. I'm around 6w2d. This is a completely new territory to me as never been pregnant naturally. And with all my fertility treatments I had fertility drugs and symptoms were different if any at all. I know we're all different and experience early pregnancy in all sorts of ways but I'm just hoping this was really IB and everything is well. Early scan is booked next Monday.

@Russkispy sorry you've had some bleeding. How much was there? I had a small red bleed at 6 weeks and was so sure it was over but all was ok. Bleeding in early pregnancy isn't normal but it is common. In my area you have to be referred by a doctor too so I understand your frustration (such a stupid system that you can't get instant advice until 18 weeks...) I hope all goes well at your scan on Monday.

@Beaglemum93 it wasn't much, the spot was just a bit bigger than a £2 coin. And haven't had it since. I read a little bit About it and believe it's just normal when it's not a lot of it. Just waiting for the scan next week.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue Thanks your absolutely right. I’ve went ahead and booked a scan for 11:30 tomorrow better to be safe than sorry I’d be silly to sit on it. Will let you all know how it goes fingers crossed it’s in the right place x

@Russkispy I’m so sorry it’s so scary I’m 6 + 2 also. Fingers crossed for your scan, I’m sure everything will be okay. Although seeing any blood in pregnancy doesn’t half put the fear of god into you. I really hope your okay x

I have an anterior placenta this time around too @Beaglemum93. Although apparently mine is more to the right which is interesting as all the little popping sensations I have had have been low and left side. Can I ask about what Doppler you are using? Have you ever struggled to find the heartbeat? My neighbour said she has one that she was happy to give me but I declined. I read somewhere that some people find it harder to find with an anterior placenta and that would just freak me out more. Now wondering if actually it would be nice to be able to calm myself down as the anxiety seeks to flare up and it's hard to talk myself down (without scans!)

Hi @Russkispy. Sorry you have had bleeding. As I said on my early post I have had two experiences of bleeding - one with my ectopic which was a weird orange/brown watery spotting on and off for over a week and a half. There was lots of it but only when wiping, it would start at night and then stop and come back. The other was with my DD (who is now 2.5) and I bled from about four weeks to 26 weeks. Sometimes watery pink but many times and a few occasions in the first trimester, bright red gushes and often small clots. They never found a cause, was just told it was "one of those things." Oddly with my MMC I never bled at all until it started. Anyway, my point being that bleeding can be caused by many things and is more than likely to be ok if just a small amount that doesn't continue over more than a few days. The fact you have had nothing else is a good sign. Also, I am sure I have read that week 6 is the most common week for spotting/bleeding. As I said earlier it should always be checked but the most likely explanation is it's just things stretching and embedding and it will all be fine. It's shit though having to wait it out and I know that horrible-hold-your-breath feeling when you're on knicker watch. Sorry to be the scan-pusher again (!!) but do you have to wait till Monday? Can you book a private scan if you think it will ease your mind? I know that's easier said than done xxx

@Ginmonkey84 I'm so sorry if I scared you, I didn't mean too. I am confident you will be fine, all I meant was don't delay getting these things checked. If anything to give yourself some peace of mind. I understand you want to pass your milestone but you can always have another scan at a later date once you know it's ok - again I'm the scan pusher!! Anyway, good luck for tomorrow, I will be thinking of you and sending positive vibes xxxx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue not at all honestly you haven’t scared me. But it would be terrible to sit on something like this and then later down the line cause more damage. It would be pretty neglectful to myself and my baby if I didn't go. So thank you for the push I needed x

Thank you ladies, had a shower and it was tiny bit of brown discharge on my finger. The same if it was the last day of AF. Hopefully nothing happens after that. I'm taking progesterone pills before bed but nothing else.

@InDreamland I would tell your friend before the spa, even if the worst happens I don't think you would be able to hide it and hopefully you will have a restricted spa stay due to a thriving babydreamland. I had the same thing with yoghurt, one week I loved it the next week I couldn't have it at all.

Seem to have lost the rest of the post I was writing and I'm too tired to redo it so will do it again in the morning.

@rubyroot @Ginmonkey84 yes I had brown spotting earlier on, around weeks 5-6 mainly, brown on a pad/liner and when wiping. It is very worrying so get the anxiety, you just don't want to see anything from getting a BFP. @@Ginmonkey84 hope the scan shows a healthy bean in there!

@UnicornsandRainbows1 amazing scan! Great pictures. You must be so pleased.

@Beaglemum93 Sorry you're getting anxious again. I am not sure the anxiety will ever go given what you and all of us here have been through. We'll get temporary relief after a positive scan but until they're safely in our arms at home we won't relax, then the worrying of parenthood will start and be forever.

@moonpeace thanks, I kept falling asleep today. Still feel nauseous but not as bad as this morning and still tired. I feel like I can sleep for England at the moment. I'm not looking forward to tube travel this week if I can face leaving the house. I can't cope IB the great when pregnant, last year I felt like I was going to pass out in the heat with my first pregnancy. It cannot be good for baby. Feel so bad though for being off work as others have to fill in for me and feel like I'm letting people down. Good results for your tests, you must be super relieved.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I'm with you being of sick today with exhaustion and nausea. I couldn't leave house or get on tube today. I'm dreading the tube if I feel up to leaving house tomorrow and rest of the week. A lot of people ignore the badge on the tube, especially when everyone is struggling in the heat. I am going to try travel in quieter periods if my meetings don't finish late. I hope you get some sleep tonight.

@Russkispy sorry you've had bleeding, that would really freak me out. Can you book in a private scan for reassurance? Don't wait, get yourself seen. Hopefully it is just implantation but best to get checked out. Keeping fingers crossed for you.

@Bluebelltulip thanks. I know I will have to tell her after the scan at the weekend. Food is just annoying at the moment isn't it. I just don't like it and normally I'm a real foodie.

Just been to the toilet and blood came out. I wiped and it's more of pink colour, I think. Fresh blood? So put the pad back on again. Feeling no pain or cramps or discomfort. See what the night brings. It's just never straight forward 

@InDreamland yeah it’s the most soul destroying thing to see I hate this stage. Thankfully no spotting at all since yesterday hope it’s stays away.

@Russkispy I really hope it’s eases and goes away for you. It really isn’t ever straight forward no-one ever prepares you for this rollercoaster. I and sending positive thoughts your way. x

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue the doppler I have is the Angel Sounds foetal doppler. I've found a heartbeat every time I've used it and I started using it at 10 weeks. However a lot of midwives say it can be difficult to find a heartbeat at 16 weeks, I guess it just depends on where the baby is sitting. It gives me some reassurance but less than the scans.

@Russkispy how are you this morning? Hope you haven't had more bleeding since last night. Thinking of you.

@Ginmonkey84 I really am hating this right now.

Tube commuters how on earth are you coping? I am so exhausted and felt shaky before I even left the house. Now on tube feeling incredibly sorry for myself.

@Russkispy I hope everything is ok xxx

I swapped my work days around ages ago so I'm home with DS today in the garden, it's so hot but we're both making use of his paddling pool. I have my scan at 3pm - in the midday heat, not looking forwards to putting proper clothes on 😂

@russkispy hope everything is okay and you're getting your scan soon. Must be very frightening. I saw a slight pink hue in my knickers and I'm panicking!

Fingers crossed that everything is okay. X