The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread #2 "The Penguin Huddle " 🐧🐧🐧

[InDreamland]

Hello Ladies

Starting a new penguin huddle thread as the first one is getting very full. This is for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

Getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

Let's start the roll call:

Me:
No living children, 3rd pregnancy, currently 8+3. Had early scan at 7 weeks that showed baby measuring right for 7w with a heartbeat. Got another early viability scan booked in for this Tuesday at 8+6. Really scared I've lost this one again.
2 previous pregnancies ended in mmc at 12+3 (baby stopped growing at 5 weeks) in July 2018 and mc (CP but hate that term) in November 2018. Before then had been TTC for 5 years so our journey has been 6 years since starting to TTC.

@KnitKitty @Yukka @rubyroot @Bluebelltulip @MyHeartisBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Amanda81 @boboelephant @Newbie21

Who have I missed?

Thanks @DuvetCaterpillar, @Rubyroot and @coconutlatte44**. Yes, I think the morning sickness getting a lot better is probably a good sign that the placenta has taken over some of the work now. I think being on holiday meant I was relaxed and resting a lot too, which I think helps. I felt a bit queasy on the journey home (after a short night's sleep) and the next day gagged in the middle of the supermarket... Been feeling a bit more iffy since being at home so I think it's partly psychological.
I also seem to have a tiny bit of heart-burn this afternoon, which is new.

I think I'm crazy ladies... During the journey home (a long car drive and ferry ride) and a couple of times since, I've felt like I might possibly feel some first 'flutterings'... I can't really describe what I was feeling, but it was when I was in a certain position and because I was thinking about my belly... Felt sort of like very gently rocking your knuckle across your skin but from the inside. I guess it could just be wind or something, but I'm wondering if it's the very first sensations of movement. I know it's SUPER early to feel anything though; but I started showing at 9 weeks too... I think my womb shape/positioning might be having something to do with these early symptoms.
On the other hand my boobs don't seem to be aware that I'm pregnant yet. They've not really grown (maybe slightly) and no pain apart from the very occasional twinge. Perhaps because of having had high prolactin levels before getting pregnant my boobs were already in the pregnancy preparation mode and so won't change much?

@rubyroot I've learnt that bodies aren't predictable in how they react to things like cysts (I've had a few different cysts of different varieties)... even if your doctors say they shouldn't cause pain, that doesn't stop them from being painful. I would suggest yoga for pain relief. It really helped with my ovary cyst pains. If you think about it, if you bite your cheek and it's slightly irritated/swollen, if affects how your whole mouth feels; your tongue can feel it. So if your ovary is slightly irritated from this cyst it might be rubbing on other organs and making you more aware of its presence.
Sorry you're having tooth problems too. That really sucks.

@coconutlatte44 the OAP bus tour sounds perfect. Enjoy!

@Indreamland there's much more chance of everything being okay once you've seen a heartbeat and once you've got your harmony results you'll feel much better. There's also a lot they can see on the ten week scan, bloody hell you're nearly ten weeks that's gone fast (probably not for you, I realise).

Maybe share your news when you're showing. You'll have to do it otherwise people will guess at some point!

@InDreamland Sorry you're struggling hun. Firstly, you need to talk to your DH about how you're feeling about telling people. There's no right or wrong time to tell people about being pregnant, but be guided by how you feel about it.
Secondly; seeing the heart-beat and good growth is SO encouraging and likelihood of MC is greatly reduced now. But I totally understand it making you even more nervous about losing it. Get some positive mantras going. Write them down and every time your negative thoughts are becoming over-whelming, read the mantras over and over to let some positive seep in.
As for being alone this evening... Is there any way you can re-frame this as lovely alone time? I'm an introverted extrovert so I love alone time... OH is out twice a week normally so I treat myself to a nice dinner (I cook things he doesn't like, or occasionally treat myself to a take-away) and watch a film or a series he's not into... Indulge your guilty pleasures! Maybe do some maternity yoga (there are vids on Youtube) and some meditation to some relaxing music? Also, it's a great excuse for an extra early night's sleep...Wrap yourself up in bed with a nice tea and read a book or watch something.
Having the bleeding when DH was away was an unfortunate coincidence; it doesn't mean it will happen again.

@KnitKitty glad you had a good holiday and good luck for your scan. I'm going to France the first week in September and hopefully my sickness will be completely gone as we are leaving home at 3am! I felt the odd movement in all 3 pregnancies from that point so it is possible.

@rubyroot waiting seems sensible if it doesn't cause any issues.

@coconutlatte44 that holiday sounds great. It's amazing how much energy baby growing uses.

@InDreamland it's understandable you are anxious about being alone but it was a coincidence try and make the most of you time. I'd take one step at a time, I couldn't even think about telling people until after my 12 week scan but DH was more keen, still apprehensive about telling but most close friends and family now know.

@DuvetCaterpillar I don't put names on here but she was my little star, she showed me her personality even though she never took a breath. My DH says she was stubborn like me, even when she was very poorly she was kicking away strongly the doctor's were surprised, it was as if she was trying to insist she was fine when she really wasn't.

I'm getting a lot of stretching pains tonight can not get comfortable.

Hi everyone! Just catching up on thread
Congrats @Yukka she's beautiful.
@InDreamland how many weeks are you now? Glad to see all is progressing well!! I'm sure your only a few days or so behind me.
I'm 11 weeks tomorrow. Private scan on Tuesday and dating scan the following Tuesday!! Very anxious to say the least as I now have next to no symptoms just feel abit light headed when stand up. Hoping it's because I'm close to the second trimester.

@rubyroot I definitely don't feel like it's gone fast. Time since the BFP had dragged so badly. I am so worried I now won't make it to next weekend and we've all read on MN about the number of ladies who've seen heartbeats at 9 weeks then at their 12 week scan her devastating and shocking news. I am doing a rubbish job of being positive.

@KnitKitty No experience but reckon with baby growing toy must be able to feel something at 12 weeks.

Posted too soon. Sorry.

@KnitKitty I was told it feels like popping or fluttering so that could be it for you. I know they say about stats of seeing heartbeat increases chances but there's too many out there who've had losses after seeing heartbeat. I'm so scared of being one of the stats. I'm in bed early after making myself dinner but didn't enjoy it.

@Bluebelltulip the stretching pains sound positive. I'm also worried about telling my best friend. She's infertile, as I understand it she has something like a 5% chance of every having her own child and that IVF would be their only chance but it's unlikely she'll ever have kids. She knows all about my 5 years of unexplained infertility and the 2 pregnancies last year. She cried when I got pregnant the first time. After mg second loss she told me her situation is way worse than hers because at least I can get pregnant. I'm going to have to tell her soon as we have a spa weekend booked in 3 weeks time ........... if this baby sticks I'm not going to be able to do most of what we planned to do there as I won't be able to use a lot of the facilities. If I tell her then lose the baby anyway I'll feel bad but I feel bad anyway for being pregnant again. I don't think she'll take it well. I am in such a panic about how she'll feel but also telling and then having another mc. I just feel like it'll jinx it but also ruin her spa weekend.

@nzs2019 by LMP I'm 9+4 but scan on Tuesday put me a day ahead. Fx for your scan on Tuesday.

@InDreamland I don't think MN is representative of your average pregnancy? My first pregnancy was very straightforward and as a result I only actually joined MN for the month bus because a friend told me to. Think of all the hundreds of thousands of women who do get their BFP, see a heartbeat at 8 weeks and go on to have an easy and healthy pregnancy and beyond. Comparatively, I rejoined MN after my miscarriage, because in google searches, the miscarriage threads are the top of the searches. There is solidarity in tragedy and misery and as a result I think there is a magnified view of miscarriage on the forum - it's still a taboo subject and this is one of very few places you can come to find company in utter heartbreak. So you see a forum full of people who have had missed miscarriages but comparable to the pregnancies who don't have missed miscarriages - the odds are on your side.

At least, that is what I've told myself and that is what I'm choosing to try to believe this week. I have my 8 week scan on Tuesday and I'm on the verge of tears just thinking about it. Please let this be my third time lucky. 🤞🏼

@InDreamland I'm in a very similar situation with a friend, she's just been referred to RMC and we're at a wedding together at the end Aug. In your shoes I would wait until your 10 week scan and then tell her. I know how you feel about jinxing things but honestly you telling your friend won't affect the outcome of your baby, I promise.

I've decided to tell mine via message one early evening, because that's how I would like to be told - in the comfort of my own home but not face to face or on the phone so I don't have to try to hide a reaction. She's my friend I know she will be pleased for me but also heartbroken, I imagine yours will feel similar. We've both been on the other side so at least we know what not to do!! X

@Frillyfarmer I hope it's 3rd time lucky for both of us. I have had both a mmc and regular early mc, it's so difficult to believe in this baby after the journey I've had over the past 6 years. I don't think I'll stop worrying until baby is safe and well in my arms. Keeping fx for you on Tuesday 🤞

@InDreamland I think this one is your rainbow, I really do. X

Thanks @Frillyfarmer it's so hard isn't it. I don't want to upset my friend as I love her to bits and actually desperately want her to have a miracle baby because I can see her being an amazing mum, life is so cruel and unfair. I will definitely wait until the scan next weekend in case I lose this one too. Thanks for the advice on text, I will do that as that's what I was thinking too so glad you're thinking along the same lines.

Thank you @rubyroot x

@InDreamland I absolutely understand we’re you are coming from in regards to telling your friend. But I can assure you once she gets over the initial disappointment that it’s not her (I spent years being the only one not getting pregnant and feeling this) she will be delighted for you. It is so hard but I agree with @Frillyfarmer tell her after your 10 week scan. No one used to tell me, even my own sister through fear of upsetting me even though everyone else knew and I didn’t. I found that worse than the quick cry I would have had and then pulling myself together. It will be okay and she will be fine just give her the space to deal with it as she needs too. Possibly a phone call or text would be better when you know she’s at home. x

Im struggling to keep my positive hat on today, I’m absolutely falling off the wagon. Have had cramps on and off since Friday and last night it was so sharp on my right hand side it woke me up. I’m putting that down to an ovarian cyst. Couple that with the tan coloured cm over the past few days I’m freaking out. But trying to convince myself it’s just leftover old blood from the miscarriage coming away.... it’s not working to well. I think I’m just making plausible things up in my head as I go along rather than think the worst.

I can’t remember how sore the cramps are in a normal pregnancy? I know I cramped with the twins but it’s so hard to remember what’s normal. I think I need to go and listen to my calm app tonight x

@Ginmonkey84 I also know the feeling of bd'ing the one left behind and not getting pregnant, our first pregnancy took 5 years and a lot of heartache. It killed e seeing everyone else around us getting pregnant easily and having their babies. All the comments on us not having babies etc. Etc.. followed by 2 losses last year. I have also not taken pregnancy announcements well. She was the one person who understood the 5 years not being able to get pregnant but now I have, 3 times in the past year. No live baby to show for them but still ........ it's so hard. Is normal to not be positive all the time. Fx the brown cm is just old blood and nothing to worry about.

@dreamland I’m sorry I didn’t know you had struggled to conceive prior. Infertility really is an awful thing. And even harder when you know you have to tell her knowing how it feels. It’s a really hard position to be in x

@Yukka massive congratulations!!!! She is gorgeous. Well done! How are you feeling now?

@milkjetmum I’m so sorry for everything you’ve had to go through recently. Sending you hugs xxx.

@Amanda81 how’s the holiday going? Were you able to deal with the anxiety without having scans? Thinking of you! When’s the next milestone?

@rubyroot were they able to rule out ecoptic yet? Do you have a scan coming up?

@InDreamland hope you are doing a bit better today. I totally understand you not wanting to go to Japan whilst heavily pregnant, even though it’s beautiful there. I also thought about cancelling a planned trip on August as it would be around the 12 week scan and not sure what will happen. I’m on a mini vacation in the UK now though and I think it has helped me take my mind of things and endure the waiting until the first scan next week. But it’s also not super fun being on vacation whilst pregnant - just feel sick and tired and it is a backpacking/camping trip so that’s been a bit rough. Also, the point of vacation is WINE. So I’ve been drinking lots of lemonade and hoping beyond hope that all is well in there.

I’m 6w4d today, so still early. Finally told DH and he was not as excited as I had hoped, I think it’s just worry about another mc or mmc, as it hit me quite hard last time. He doesn’t want to get too attached to the possibility. Still, it makes me sad that the previous mmc has also ruined this experience for him too. Also, I think the ms might be starting, but I’m not sure if that’s just wishful thinking. Can anyone describe what it feels like? I didn’t have it at all in my last pregnancy. Just really hoping it’s a good sign for my scan on Monday - I’m so scared! Hope everyone else is well!! Xxx

@Ginmonkey84 forgot to add that I hope it’s just old blood and that you’re ok. How many weeks are you now?

@sadtoday21 I’m so sorry you didn’t get the reaction from your DH as you had hoped. Hopefully after a few weeks he will become more excited. It’s the same for us you become so cautious about allowing yourself to feel anything. But secretly deep down you want to celebrate a little together and it does make you a little sad when the reaction isn’t what you expected. It really does sadly taint further pregnancies conceiving after miscarriage everyone is so tentative. Sorry I’ve no advice on the MS I just have an empty hungry nausea feeling. With the twins I had hyperemesis so not much help I’m afraid. I’m keeping everything crossed for you for your scan next Monday I’m sure everything will be great. X

I’m 6+2 today so in my vulnerable stage were I am constantly knicker checking. Thankfully very little brown cm today has returned to a more creamy colour with a slight tan tinge and the cramps have subsided for now. I’ve my midwife appointment on Thursday morning and going to contact the EPAU this morning to book my scan for next week. I will try and push to have it more towards the end of next week to give me time to get past the point I miscarried at. 10 days....... 10 long days, it will drag in I’m sure!

Oh goodness ladies I feel so nauseous today. Forced down a yoghurt that I was okay with yesterday and ..........not good. Taste buds seem to change every day and today I feel awful. Have had to call in sick today because I couldn't even do my makeup from feeling so rough. I'm just so tired despite sleeping over most of the weekend.

@Ginmonkey84 it is tough, I just feel like after 6 years of heartbreak things are so messy now. I wish I could say it'll be worth it but I cannot believe this baby will actually come home with us in February happy and healthy. Hope you got your scan booked in.

@sadtoday21 thanks, I'm definitely no better today. Anxiety high and feel physically ill. I really don't want to go on holiday but not enjoy it, especially as it won't be cheap. Where is your hol in August? Sorry your DH didn't react as you hoped, they do find it hard too after mc, mine is certainly very cautious about getting excited but he is hopeful. I think mc hits them harder than they like to show. Fx for your scan on Monday!

Thank you for all the well wishes. I'm glad I'm not the only one who can't think of boys names.

@Frillyfarmer I know a few people who have ended up reusing animal names. I thought I was having a girl as my pregnancy with DS2 was really different from DS1 and I was sick a lot so you might find yourself going though those old horse names again! Luckily for me most of my pets have been chickens and so are all girls.

@frillyfarmer and @indreamland I had a real bloat and looked pregnant up until about 12weeks. I now have less of a bump until the evening when I look big again. Hopefully yours will go down a bit too especially if you are trying not to let people know until later on.

@rubyroot that does sound like progress at your scan and thats a good sign. I had the IONA test which is the same as the harmony but is the one offered in my hospital. If I went back in time I would probably have the harmony privately at 10weeks and still go for the NHS test as it has flagged up the issue for me with PAAP-A which at least I can take steps to improve.

I think I might have mentioned before that I had loads of pain and cramps on one side. I thought I might have an ectopic because of it but haven't experienced it in my 2 other successful pregnancies so think it might just be dependant on where the cyst is and how it behaves.

@Newbie21 I've now had 3 boys pregnancies and they have all been completely different so I don't believe you get different pregnancies for different sex babies. The people that think you do probably would have had different pregnancies anyway if that make sense.

@milkjetmum I'm sorry to hear what you are going through and I hope it is over as quickly and painlessly as possible. My first MC dragged on and the emotional strain was terrible but my second was quick and much easier to deal with.

@DuvetCaterpillar and @Ginmonkey84 that's really nice to hear about being one of 3 of the same sex. I'm really hoping that my 3 are close and I know quite a few 3boys families who are lovely.

@coconutlatte44 enjoy your holiday. Where in Ireland are you going?

@indreamland sorry to hear you are feeling down. I think its really normal to be up and down during pregnancy esp after a MC. I was funny about coincidences and wouldn't go to a certain town that I went to when my MC started. I think the unpredictable nature of MC means that even usually rational people clutch at coincidences and signs to help make sense of that has happened. I hope you reach a point when you can feel happier but everything so far looks really hopeful and I really think you are going to get a happy outcome to this.

@sadtoday21 the excitement will come.
I had to tell my boyfriend in the end, he just said well I knew something was going on, which I knew. Yes scan and the gestational sac has got bigger. So just waiting fur scan at 6 weeks 3 days (I'm guessing,) see if yolk sac and fetal pole has turned up I guess.

Sorry to hear about the worry with spotting @Ginmonkey84, @coconutlatte and @Indreamland both had spotting didn't they? And babes still fine.

Saying that I've got more cm than usual over the last couple of days which I know is a perce tky fine symptom of pregnancy, but I'm still worrying. Taking comfort in the fact my boobs are still hurting

Hi @rubyroot, @Ginmonkey84 - yes I did have spotting, pinkish cm at 6 weeks and then around 4 days of considerable dark brown spotting and cm around 7-8 weeks. All ok as of 12 week scan. Of course that doesn't mean you won't worry but just do remember it can be ok. I had some cramps too, mostly on my right side- which an ultrasound tech later said she thought was something leftover from previous cycle as egg was from left ovary rather than right.

@theAntsareMyFriends Thanks, the tour is all around Ireland, we started in Dublin, then headed to Cork and now on the way to Killarney. It's been good so far, I am struggling with swinging wildly between being starving when it's not meal times and then sometimes not being able to eat properly when it is!! I've run out of snacks ages ago so hoping to top up at next supermarket we pass - not a lot of free time to wander ourselves rhoufhZ

• though, lol.