The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread

[KnitKitty]

Hello,

Starting a new penguin huddle for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

As I said in the old TTC thread, getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

My stats:
TTC since Dec 2017
Age: 31
TTC no.1
1 MMC and 3 early losses between 4-5 weeks (or, CPs, but I hate that term) all happened last year within the space of 10 months.
Currently 6+1 with 5th pregnancy

@InDreamland @moonpeace @Bluebelltulip @hayleyfx @Laney79 Please add others I may have forgotten!

@InDreamland your right pregnancy after loss is really hard. I feel like it's really took a toll on my mental health at times. All this worry for potentially what could end up being a happy outcome

I'm awake at 4 in the morning here eating salt and vinegar pringles as I was that hungry anyone else had cravings or aversions? I'm really wanting fruit as well but juicy fruit like grapes and watermelon.

I have just had the worst night - today I'm 5+3 which is when I lost the last one. I had a nightmare last night that I was bleeding and woke up from it when my toddler fell out of his bed and the monitor woke me. I was such a wreck of emotions I couldn't get back to sleep, and today I'm meant to be packing for holibobs!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thanks you've made me feel better :)

@tinatsarina yes juicy fruit was a thing for me too, makes sure your drinking lots of water also. I went off veg and midwife said not to worry if eating lots of fruit you can get the same nutrients.

@Frillyfarmer doesn't sound pleasant, it's horrible when they feel so real aswell, but holiday soon!

Quiet day for me today, didn't sleep well and think I did too much yesterday, lots of aches and pains. DH finishing at 1pm so we're going to the beach for a bit x

@InDreamland I'm so pleased to hear that. I really hope you can enjoy it at least for a bit. I had pain after my last scan as I think they press quite hard and it took ages to get the NT measurement so I think its normal to have aches after scans.

@nzs2019 great news about the heartbeat. If you have a heartbeat your chances of MC are now very low.

@Frillyfarmer that sounds tough. I had terrible dreams in the early week of waking up in a pool of blood. My last MC was fairly dramatic and I think dreams have a way of reliving the trauma that you try to ignore when you are awake. Vivid dreams are a pregnancy symptom too so you may get a few more but hopefully they will get less upsetting. I now have frustrating dreams instead like last night when I had to transport two bookcases but couldn't fit them in the car. Woke up feeling cross but not traumatised so at least that's an improvement.

I hope your holiday goes well and you can have a bit of time to relax.

@Yukka it must feel great to know you are on the home stretch. I'm sure lots of people are giving you this advice but do try to relax if you can and sit down, put your feet up and sleep as you won't get much of a chance to do these things for the next 18years!

I'm feeling a bit stressed today as I got a missed call from the hospital yesterday. They said they would call within the week if my chromosome test was high risk so really worried it could be that. Alternatively it could be my DS's consultant so hoping it is that and not the other. Wish I hadn't missed the call as I'm going to worry about it all day and all weekend if I miss the call today. I was also planning on telling people this weekend but won't with this hanging over me.

@tinatsarina I was going to agree with Yukka about the juicy fruit. I've eaten so many strawberries and raspberries and really looking forward to plum season. I've also gone off almost all veg so at least I feel I'm getting vitamins. My MW said eat what you can, when you can and take vitamins throughout. The baby will take what it needs and hopefully by doing that you will get what you need too.

If you are not eating iron rich food its worth checking if you need an iron supplement as I got anaemic during my last pregnancy and was nearly unable to have a homebirth because of it.

Sorry about your nightmare @Frillyfarmer I've had lots about bleeding/miscarrying too and they always feel so real :(
Hope your toddler is ok!

@TheAntsareMyFriends hopefully they'll phone back soon and it's your DS's consultant. If it's important surely they should ring back pretty quickly.

@Frillyfarmer I had those dreams to. Had an awful one last night about my dog but did have MC ones at the very start. Hopefully you can sleep well tonight.

Thanks everyone. I really didn't expect it but I'm feeling positive now.

In regards to telling managers I messed up badly🤦🏻‍♀️ I told my manager very early on just because I wanted all my risk assessments set in stone and I hadnt even told my mum yet! Silly me as my manager sees my mum often and said to her congratulations nanny as a joke. She didn't find it funny to say the least 🤢

Hope everyone is well today it's nice weather here

Baby keeps making me sick the minute I feel hungry!!😂 I'm constantly eating food now because I darent let myself get hungry as I end up throwing up🤮 I'm not a breakfast eater but now I'm forced to eat breakfast lol!!

@nzs2019 I said my mum would be first to know but had to tell work. I'm the same with sickness everytime I'm hungry though I'm not throwing up which is a bonus.

Oh @Frillyfarmer what a horrible dream! Try not to let it play on your mind and take heart from the fact that today you are now further along.

I am glad I did the Harmony test @InDreamland as it was another worry crossed over, earlier than the nhs test would have been. Obviously still a long way to but I think it was worth it.

I hope you hear back soon @theAntsareMyFriends

Glad you are feeling positive @nzs2019!

Of you can't indulge in salt and vinegar Pringle at 4am when you're pregnant @tinatsarina when can you?!

Regarding fruit, I craved fruit with my DD pregnancy. I ate punnets and punnets of strawberries and just couldnt get enough sweet juicy fruit. This time around I am having to force myself to eat fruit and veg as it turns my stomach! All I want is plain dry toast or - meat! Burgers, sausages and what I wouldn't give for a rare steak!! Not sure if these cravings are related to it being a boy or if that's just an old wives tale but they are definitely different this time around! Feeling super nauseous again today at what should be 14 weeks. My mum said in her second pregnancy she felt sick until 18 weeks, I really hope this doesn't go on that long! 🤢

I've had some dreams like that @FrillyFarmer it's horrible.

I had my 12 week scan today and I've moved forward nearly a week so I'm now 13+1 and due 9th January. Saw the consultant after who checked I was already referred to fetal medicine and has done the referral for a fetal echo and extra scan. I feel relieved but it was very emotional especially waiting where we spent so much time while DD2 was poorly.

@Bluebelltulip that must be hard being there again but at least your a week closer to seeing this baby

@tinatsarina I had a craving yesterday for salt and vinegar twists. Something about salt and vinegar in pregnancy. Juicy fruit is good too. I had one of those Del Monte smoothie ice lollies today, raspberry flavour, oh yum!!!!!

@Frillyfarmer that's an awful dream. Hope you can forget it or tell yourself it's not real and just your anxiety. Hope you can enjoy a lovely holiday.

@Yukka how was the beach? Wish I had one near me.

@theAntsareMyFriends did you speak to the hospital? Hope things are ok.

@nzs2019 I'd be really annoyed about your boss. Anything you tell her in her capacity as your manager is confidential and she should not be just dropping things like that to anyone not even family. You did not ness up, your manager did and was bang out of order.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I am scared of having the test then losing baby anyway. I'm so frightened of jinxing this baby. Still can't quite believe there was a heartbeat on Wednesday.

@Bluebelltulip you're so strong going there again. Lovely news though that you're a week further ahead now.

Food wise I could only eat half my dinner last night, I just didn't like it and I normally really like that meal. Today I just didn't know what I wanted to eat. Ended up having bacon flavour crisps, then homemade roasted tomato, pepper and onion soup, and fish and chips for dinner. Oh and the smoothie ice lolly. Still feeling un-pregnant though. Keep prodding my boobs hoping I'd feel something but nothing. Not many twinges lower down today either.

I've got a real bad craving for fried eggs on toast.. can I eat them? I've tried google but not giving me good answers

They're fine as long as they are lion code eggs @nzs2019

Morning ladies, good news on your scan @Bluebelltulip but sorry to hear it brought back painful memories.

I've been on the road since 3am, and it seems after hoping for some symptoms, nausea has finally hit me properly this morning. I'm feeling rubbish but genuinely happy about it, something reassuring about morning sickness after MC! I was quite sick with DS and existed on ginger sweets - hopefully can find somewhere down here selling them 😂

Morning ladies hope you all slept well and have nice plans for the weekend :)

@Bluebelltulip great news on the scan and good growth from baby there :)

@InDreamland We didn't do the harmony test, we decided to see what nhs results where and do it then if we needed rather than amniocentesis. My results where fine (even at 40 I was miles away from the predicted risk factor). However in my antenatal group a lady had nhs test and came back really high risk, 1/30 I think for downs, she was so so devastated , then had to wait 2 weeks for private harmony test which came back fine... I've read a lot about nhs tests being overly high risk results from bloods only. The heartache for her during that time was awful.

@Frillyfarmer Glad you're feeling sick :) 😂 yeah ginger biscuits ginger tea and ginger drinks helped me.

@theAntsareMyFriends I would have thought they'd try again quite soon or leave a message for you to call them back if it were anything around your results but not sure obviously.

@nzs2019 same for you keep a packet of biscuits on you at all times just nibbling on one will keep sickness at bay.

Was lush at the beach yesterday, took baby in the sea, it was so nice. Practiced my breathing whilst walking in feeling how fresh it was!

DH is off this weekend so we have a last full weekend together. Anyone doing anything nice? X

@Yukka so far my weekend is a lie in and a cup of tea not to bad.

@InDreamland I had salt and vinegar pringles for the first time in ages and they were lovely lol

@nzs2019 lion code eggs are fine.

Morning all!

Having a party at my house for my mum's birthday today so been crazy busy getting everything ready. DD has a new trampoline so luckily she's been happily bouncing away while we crack on!

@Frillyfarmer I have discovered Gin Gins this pregnancy and they have been a lifesaver for sickness. They are ginger hard boiled sweets. You can get them from Amazon or Holland & Barrat.

I understand that @InDreamland. My rational was that I wanted the accuracy of the test compared to the NHS ones and also I wanted to know quickly. My view was the longer this pregnancy goes on the more attached I get and I couldn't have waited until after the 12 week scan to find out if something was wrong. (Although I appreciate that there is still a long way to go and obviously the 20 week scan is just as important) The worry about jinxing stuff is always there, I'm going to have to tell more people today and that worries me. But as someone said earlier in this thread, you never hear of ladies loosing a pregnancy because they jinxed it. We just have to try and keep the faith.

Have you had any news @theAntsareMyFriends?

How was the beach @Yukka? I am so jealous of you living so close to the sea! I hope you've still got your positive pants on and are feeling g good today 

How are you @Bluebelltulip? Can you transfer to a different hospital if you are finding it too traumatic? I am sure they would understand.

Sorry to everyone I have missed! I hope you all have lovely Saturdays and the blobs and bumps keep thriving xxxx

Thank you everyone. @Yukka I've had a lie in even though DD woke up at 5.30 DH took over getting her back to sleep so I could go back to sleep. PIL are here this weekend will probably go out somewhere today but not sure where yet. @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue there are 2 hospitals in this city and we had treatment at the one but found out she was poorly and found out she died and gave birth at the other so both have bad memories at both. I've chosen the treatment hospital as it's the specialist centre and has fetal cardiologists etc.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue My 12 week scan is on Friday. So nervous 😬

@InDreamland and @KnitKitty thank you! To everyone else here as well, thanks for all the support when I do pop in 😁

11+2 today, still pretty sick (some days the cyclizine works, other days it doesn’t) almost took myself to hospital the other day I was being sick so much. Managed to get some fluids down though. Dating scan is in 6 days and I’m so worried. Hope everyone is doing okay x

@nzs2019 hope you enjoyed your fried egg on toast. I find the NHS site really helpful for advice on what I can and can't eat. I keep checking it.

@Frillyfarmer wow that's early! Yay for sickness! Haha on any other thread people would think we're super mean wishing sickness and nausea on others.

@Yukka glad you had a nice time on the beach and having some quality time with DH.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue enjoy the party! I would like to know I guess but it would also be a question of what would I do with the info if it came back with concerns about baby. I just couldn't bring myself to terminate so would be more for preparing myself I guess. I'm so muddled at the moment. I totally understand the jinxing thing, always at the back of the mind though. I wanna go to sleep and wake up in 33 weeks time and handed a baby.

@Bluebelltulip so lovely DH could make sure you got extra sleep this morning. Stay strong. You are amazing being able to cope with going to the hospital. I saw a job come up at the hospital our EPU is at and I just couldn't apply, the thought of being near that hospital for me is just a big no. The maternity unit is there but the midwife appointments are at a different hospital thank goodness. Scans for 12 weeks etc. though are at the maternity unit. I said to DH after the second loss I never want to go back there to EPU ever again. So I think you're so strong.

@hayleyfx keeping fx for you on Friday. With all that sickness I'm sure baby will be really healthy.

So told my mum today and straight away she went into the whole I shouldn't be going to the gym etc etc. Like it's all my fault I lost the last 2. So I put her straight and told her it's DHs sperm and nothing I did or didn't do. So angry. My mother only ever says the wrong thing.

@InDreamland sorry your mum wasn't more supportive of you. I've had to tell myself a few times this pregnancy that the last loss wasn't because of something I did or didn't do either. I found it really hard I was worrying about a drink I had had before I found out and had to have a word with myself.

Hi everyone, have been checking up on you all while on holiday, just not posting myself. So pleased to see so many positive scans!!

I have managed to not let my holiday be taken over by worry - as I've gotten farther from my bleeding (from about 9-9.5 weeks) and had no more negative signs I've felt more confident letting myself hope. By last dating scan I should be 11 weeks tomorrow. My sickness has been gone for a while but still feel other symptoms so have managed not to panic too much about that.

I'm back in the UK Monday and 12 week scan is next Friday so will only have a few days to get through. I'm still going to be very anxious about the scan and part of me keeps imagining getting there and being told there has been no growth since last scan. But another part of me can also imagine a healthy 12 week old embryo, so I'm going to try to focus on that.

Hope you're all having a lovely weekend.

@Mistymeow Hi hun! Nice to see you drop in.

@MyHeartIsBrokenButIHaveSomeGlue RE the TMI question about sex. I've been too scared to do it since BFP and OH is on board with not doing. I just feel more comfortable not having anything prodding around up there. Haha!

@FrillyFarmer Stopping POAS is so hard when it's your only proof that you're pregnant in the early stages. I swore I wouldn't POAS once I got my BFP, but I did so every 3-4 days for the first two weeks because it was the only thing that brought me some comfort when the line was still there. I did manage to stop after 2 weeks because I realised that the not feeling pregnant and panic about it was solely in my head and I think I just came out of a bit of denial eventually. I also then also had a week to wait until my first scan, so I would really recommend getting a 7 week scan for reassurance.
I'm so sorry you had that nightmare. It's all your anxieties coming out in your sleep. Hopefully holibobs will help relax you and you can catch up on some rest.
And yey for nausea! Woo!! Haha!

@Zznorth It is hard to keep up, isn't it? I'm spending most of my spare time either zoned out or asleep.

@VenusStarr Good luck with TTW. I don't want to get your hopes up, but the month of my BFP everything just felt right and exciting. When we DTD it was almost like I knew it was going to work. Now, it could be that we'd not been trying for 7 months and I was just excited to get back on the horse again, but I really did have this innate knowledge that it was going to happen, and it did. So I have my fingers crossed for you. And even if it's not this month; I think it's great that you're feeling positive. Hold onto that feeling if you can.

@moonpeace I've had dreams before where there's a hidden part of the house or something I discover that I didn't know was there. When I wake up I always feel disappointed that it's not real! Haha
I'm so glad your scan went well! Feeling cautious after what you've been through is to be expected. I think cautious rather than pessimistic is a step in the right direction. Hopefully more positivity will creep in as the weeks go on.

@nzs2019 Excellent news about the scan! And a lovely picture! Congrats!
That's really bad form of your manager. She was really out of line to say congratulations to your mum! What a silly woman.

@Bluebelltulip How are you doing today hun? Sounds like you've been having an extra tough time with the grief lately. Hugs xxx
I'm glad your scan went well.

@Newbie21 I'm sorry work is stressful at the moment. I'm not sure what to say really other than that you're protected by law when pregnant, so they can't discriminate against you for this reason. I hope you keep your job. And I think you've done the right thing by telling them. xx

@Amanda81 Lovely scan picture!

@Laney79 Glad to hear you're doing well. Stay strong! xx

@InDreamland Sorry this is probably too late to be useful, but I had some mild period-type cramping after my internal scans. It's normal. x
And oooh! That's how I was the week before my morning sickness started kicking in a bit. I just completely went off the thought of eating some foods (they didn't make me feel sick, I just couldn't eat them). The following weeks I felt mildly nauseated... I wasn't sure if I was imagining it or not, and then it kicked in properly the week after.

@Yukka Well done on staying focused on the positive energy you've managed to create around this whole situation.
Sounds like you're as prepared as you can be, which is fantastic.
Ohh! And Braxton hicks is a good sign. Body is preparing...
I wish I could pop to a beach. I live in Derbyshire so you can't really get much further from the sea. Haha! I will be able to go on a beach the week after next though! Really looking forward to my holiday!

@tinatsarina I've been really enjoying salt and vinegar crisps lately. In fact I was feeling sick at the thought of eating lunch the other day, opened a packet and sniffed it and the nausea went away immediately and I was able to eat.

@hayleyfx sorry you're suffering so much love. Don't hesitate to go to hospital if you have another day like that because they might need to hydrate you properly with a drip. I've been finding it hard to stay hydrated enough and I've only been throwing up a handful of times in a week. Look after yourself and don't be a soldier!
Best of luck with the scan! Let us know how it goes!

@InDreamland I'm glad you stuck up for yourself to your mum. No, you didn't cause the MCs, and yes, working out when you're pregnant is safe if your body is used to it and you make some adjustments, which it sounds like you have done. Ignore her negativity; it's her way of very badly expressing her concern on your behalf because she loves you and she doesn't want you to suffer, but she went about it in a clumsy way and you should absolutely put her right.

@coconutlatte44 I'm glad you've managed to enjoy your holiday and find some peace within yourself. How you're feeling about the dating scan is completely normal. Just keep holding on to that spark of hope, and as Yukka says, put your positive pants on.

Well ladies, I caved and bought some maternity trousers/jeans/shorts... I've just been getting so uncomfy and I know the 'bump' is probably mostly bloat, but it's still a bump and it ain't going anywhere. I thought I might as well be comfortable. And my goodness!!!! I've never tried maternity clothes on before, but it's a revolution! I am so happy with my little shopping spree. Hopefully I will need them for a good long while.
Yesterday I'd put a dress on and so I didn't have much support down there. I felt so heavy and podged. Also at one point I experienced a really sharp pain 'down below' for a few minutes, and started to worry before remembering someone on here mentioning it starting to happen towards the end of 1st trimester when the ligaments are loosening and it really calmed my nerves. You guys are really awesome! It went away again anyway, and I was able to enjoy the rest of my day.
After I wrote last time about my sickness having subsided it came back worse the next day. . I seem to get one bad day followed by a few good days and then a bad day again. I've noticed it's definitely worse when I haven't slept as well though.

I hope you're all enjoying your weekend. Sending hugs to all xx