The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread

[KnitKitty]

Hello,

Starting a new penguin huddle for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

As I said in the old TTC thread, getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

My stats:
TTC since Dec 2017
Age: 31
TTC no.1
1 MMC and 3 early losses between 4-5 weeks (or, CPs, but I hate that term) all happened last year within the space of 10 months.
Currently 6+1 with 5th pregnancy

@InDreamland @moonpeace @Bluebelltulip @hayleyfx @Laney79 Please add others I may have forgotten!

@nzs2019 if you’re feeling really anxious then it can be worth a chat with your gp to see if they will help. Often they don’t because risk of mc a second time is so much lower than first and they would rather assume you’re in the category that succeeds this time round. How far aren’t you now? Hope you had a good hol x

@nzs2019 if you speak to your GP about anxiety they may be able to refer you. You can also check groupon as I know they do deals for private scans, although I have never used these.

I have bitten the bullet and got a Baby On Board badge yesterday. I feel really nervous wearing it. I remember getting one really early last year then miscarrying and just feeling like everyone knew, which is ridiculous because really, how many Londoners even pay attention on the tube?! But I'm trying to put my worries aside, as having a seat is lovely, especially in this heat!

On another note, and sorry if this is TMI or too personal, how are your sex lives looking right now?! Mine is non-existent. I know logically that nothing bad can come from DTD but I still feel so anxious about it, especially the thought of bleeding after, even though I know that can be normal. Been saying to DH it's just until 12 weeks but still can't shake the worry! Am I crazy?!

Thank you ladies! It's still sinking in and anxiety is still there but good to know that there is a baby with a heartbeat in there measuring just as it should. 3rd pregnancy 1st heartbeat so it is a really new experience for me. I will look to get another scan as I know what I'm like with the anxiety. Goodness I miss the bubble of my first pregnancy when whilst there was a little worry I was at least getting excited and making plans etc. This time it really is just one day at a time and 24 knicker watch continues.

My hayfever is dreadful today even with my usually very good nasal spray. Feeling very sorry for myself.

@KnitKitty all your tiredness is a good sign. Glad to hear things still going well. Ah yes the vivid dreams, I got some crazy ones in pregnancy #1. Along with extreme tiredness and the most achey boobs ever. So far with this one, nowt. Enjoy the dreams, they can be entertaining and some just weird.

@tinatsarina symptoms come and go but I get the anxiety around them, think we are all similar in getting worried if something changes. Just to reassure yourself do get an early scan if you can.

@Newbie21 I think you're about 1.5 weeks ahead of me then. How are you doing in the meantime before the next scan? 2 weeks! Hope you have lots to distract you.

@VenusStarr hope to see you posting a BFP here very very soon! Where are you cycle wise now? In TWW?

@nzs2019 definitely try your GP. Or could you just rock up at EPU and say you're super anxious?

Thanks @Mistymeow, lovely to see you delurking, hopefully you'll be here with a BFP very soon! I think @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue suggested that same clinic too? Thank you, I'll look into it.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue glad you got the badge. I have mine in my handbag but I hate wearing it so it is not pinned on, staying firmly in the bag unless I feel desperate. I'm managing the tube travel at the moment by leaving the office early so I miss the rush hour. I get a seat for most of my journey in the morning and yesterday someone offered me a seat on the 2 stop journey I do when I change so basically I look fat!!!!!! I mean at this stage there is no bump, just bloating. I was so grateful though.

Oh and sex life is non existent.........

My tests on ICs faded out before my last mc at 5+3 so I'm driving myself mad with still POAS! I've almost depleted my stash now and I won't be buying more but Jesus it's just out of control. I don't know whether I'm being really naive feeling reassured by the strong lines after my fade outs last time.

Definitely want an early scan but I think I'm going to organise for after I come back from holiday now.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue ours has been rubbish this week because I'm just completely wiped out tired.

With my first, I got some ravaging sex hormones in my second trimester and almost broke my poor DH 😂 swings and roundabouts!

@InDreamland try Sterimar nasal spray, it’s pregnancy safe and was a god send for me. You’ll need to start making sure what you put in your body is pregnancy safe from now on..

For everyone - you will generally get sinus issues as you progress and Sterimar is great. Boots etc...

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue We haven’t dtd since we conceived. Mostly my dh has just been like no, it’s taken so much to get here, doesn’t want to even possibly think that we could cause a problem if we did. I agree with you if I had bleeding afterwards it could send me to a bad place so we agreed no.

Morning everyone,

Sorry I've not posted much and just been a bit of a lurker. Work has been crazy lately and I'm so exhausted but I've been trying to keep up and read what's happening for everyone before bed!

@Kintan and @FirstTimeMama91so sorry to hear about both of your losses. There was a part of me thinking wouldn't it be amazing if everyone on this group had their rainbows but I know that's unrealistic with all of our histories. Hope that you're both coping okay and have all the support that you need. Miscarriages are bullshit. Thinking of you both lots xxx

@theAntsareMyFriends as someone with a birthday almost on your due date I think it's a pretty awesome time to be born. Everyone knows that capricorns are badass and we just end up tough and independent because we're used to people flaking on our birthdays because they have no money after Christmas and New Year. Joint xmas and bday presents can be a bonus though when you want something expensive. And not many of my friends got to go ice skating on their birthdays...

@Amanda81 I've never got to 14w myself but surely a reduction in symptoms at this point is completely normal? Totally understand your anxiety though, hope your midwife finds a way to help reassure you.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue lovely scan photo! I'm definitely in the camp of not believing in the ability to jinx things. You buy your maternity clothes and be comfy.

@InDreamland congratulations on the great scan! Our dates are very close together so I'm really pleased for you. Have you seen a heartbeat on a scan before?

@Yukka I have to admit that your scan pictures are my favourite. I think it's lovely to have something funny attached to a moment that can be so anxiety inducing. Fx you don't get frogs legs, an alien or just an arm this month too. Can't believe how soon you're going to meet your little one. How exciting.

Yes @InDreamland. I have used the Fetal Medicine Centre for a Harmony package. It's not cheap - £400 for a scan at ten weeks, bloods and then a nuchal scan at 12/13 weeks. But I think they do just scans for around £100. At the scan on Tuesday she spent half an hour doing measurements and talking me through stuff. It was fantastic and I've booked to go back at 16 weeks. She said it will be 45-1hr!

Thanks for sharing all the gory details of your sex lives! It makes me feel better that I am being so cautious. I'm sure it will change - I remember also being crazed at the end of the second trimester @Frillyfarmer! And we also DTD at lot at the end when I was overdue! For now though I feel less of a freak

I've been quite poorly lately so finding it hard to separate symptoms from that which feels like a worry. I have a reassurance scan tomorrow at 9am when I should be 7w3d. I didn't get to see a heartbeat on a scan with my two losses before so I only have experience of bad scans. Don't know whether to plan something to do afterwards if it is bad news? I know it might be hard to think of something to do in the moment. Do you guys do this?

Also on telling people, we've told some friends out of necessity because I can't go mountain biking with them at the moment and it was getting weird. I don't really mind telling people early, I'm happy to talk about my losses so if that happens it'll be okay. We haven't told our families yet though as we wanted to give them some hope rather than just worry for us, I think if we have a good scan tomorrow we'll tell them then.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue ours is rare atm mainly due to nausea, when I did feel like it a few weeks ago DH got a bit excited and ended up dropping me. Normal for me to not want it in the first trimester usually picks up a bit after.

Sorry @Bluebelltulip but that made me laugh out loud! 😂 You poor thing! But certainly sounds more adventurous than we are being right now so fair play to you!

Thank you @KnitKitty and @InDreamland. I am feeling a lot more optimistic in general and just lighter. I am in a good place mentally and for the first time in a long time feeling a sense of hope. I think our holiday and some self care has pressed a reset button in me.

I'm in my tww, I will know sometime next week 🤞 my cycle after the hsg was only 22 days, which would be Monday. But I'm normally 25 days, so have a plan to test a week on Saturday if af doesn't arrive.

I can't explain it but I have a fizzling feeling of excitement. Whether that means anything or not, time will tell. But, for now, I'm enjoying this feeling.

Thanks for being so lovely 💜

Thanks for the advice I'll probably ring my GP then. To be honest I feel like by the time they refer me and I get a date I'll be almost ready for my 12 week. All is well so far. I'm 8+1 today. I had a miscarriage very early in May and a miscarriage at 7+5 in jan So for me The anxiety has gone just a little bit as I've passed them dates.. but I last had a scan at 5+5 I really don't know how they can make me wait untill 12😫 I guess I may have to find the money and get a private. I'm also anxious if I go back to epu I will be jinxing myself!! I need to get a grip of myself.😂

Hi everyone I hope you don't mind me just having a bit of a moan on here I feel I need to write it somewhere. This week has bought a lot of memories forward about DD2. Today I feel so angry that she isn't here even though it's no one's fault. Why did she have to die? I miss her more than words can say she was lovely and loved to hear her sister laugh. If DD2 kicked when I was cuddling DD1, DD1 would tell her off but she also loved cuddling my bump and blowing raspberries to her sister. I'm so scared that I'm going to lose this baby too, I should be panicking about a small age gap between 2 and 3 not whether DC3 will get here or not. Sorry for the rant.

@Amanda81 I can't see your post re symptoms but if they've reduced at 14w this is generally good. This placenta is fully feeding the baby now so the hormones back off. Most people say 12 w but I was 14 too in fact I had sa surge if hormones and symptoms at the end which finally lifted. 2nd trimester is the best part, energy levels back up, less tired, less nausea etc etc. Is that where you are up to? X

@Bluebelltulip sorry you're feeling it more today. Your story of DD1 and DD2 sounds lovely, I can picture what you describe. I can't imagine the heartache you feel and can only say that it's perfectly ok to rant and be angry, because it's not fair and your bound to feel nervous about this baby too. I think you're doing amazingly well given everything you've been through xx

@InDreamland for a day and a half after the scan I was pretty good but I then had a nightmare that I had an MC which clearly hasn't helped!!!! I'm trying to stay calm. I know there is nothing I can do about anything at this stage so have to hope for the best. We have a lot going on - decorators doing the entire house and our nanny resigned and new nanny starting so this week is transition week so focusing on that and making sure my son is doing ok as he has his nanny 3 days a week so is very attached so this is a huge upheaval.

One huge issue I have at the moment is work - my employer is in the news at the moment with a large scale restructuring Turing and talk of huge redundancies. My department isn't a high risk team so in all likelihood I'll be ok but the scale of the job loss is massive so all departments will be effected to an extent. I'm therefore considering telling my boss today about being pregnant to ensure I get the maximum employment protection I can get - it's more difficult for them to make me redundant if they know I'm pregnant. The announcement of the scale is meant the Monday but they won't have made decisions as to who at this stage - that will likely start next week so it's better for me that they know I'm pregnant before they consider. Obviously the big fear is - I have another MC, lose my employment protection so then I'm in for the chop cos they know I'm trying to have a baby (although they knew about 2 of the 3 MCs last year anyway so maybe that doesn't make a difference). I can get another job but my concern is Mat Leave and pay - my package is fantastic here and I wouldn't be entitled to anything not even statutory if I get the axe and need to get a new job in the next month or so! This is a stress I could do without!

Hey @Yukka thanks for responding on the symptoms front. Yeah I'm 14+6 today and just feel normal. It's really pleasing to hear from others that this is normal. I did have a scan on Tuesday afternoon which the sonographer showed me that her kidneys are now functioning which suggests that she is starting to swallow and wee. We also saw the four chambers of the heart. The sonographer was fab, if she hadn't of pointed these out to me, I wouldn't have had a clue. In the scan photo there is a black mass in her belly which is apparently her stomach forming.

I know it should be okay to feel normal, but I almost want to have all the symptoms still to make me feel pregnant. Did your second trimester continue with no symptoms all the way through?

Oh and @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue - our sex life is a little challenging! I worry about causing bleeding. I've had a few attempts at making love, but then end up worrying afterwards. DH has been understanding, but he keeps saying it won't cause any harm. Perhaps it won't, but I feel like my mental state has enough to deal with at the moment, and the thought of seeing blood scares me. I think I may get better with this once I feel her move.

And here is the scan photo

Thank you @Yukka.

@Newbie21 I hope things work out at work that's an added worry you don't need right now.

Lovely scan @Amanda81

Ok so I told my boss. She was very understanding which has relaxed me abit.
I think my partner is getting frustrated with my worrying. He thinks because there's no bleeding I should be enjoying being pregnant. Which he is right but I can't help but worry.