The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread

[KnitKitty]

Hello,

Starting a new penguin huddle for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

As I said in the old TTC thread, getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

My stats:
TTC since Dec 2017
Age: 31
TTC no.1
1 MMC and 3 early losses between 4-5 weeks (or, CPs, but I hate that term) all happened last year within the space of 10 months.
Currently 6+1 with 5th pregnancy

@InDreamland @moonpeace @Bluebelltulip @hayleyfx @Laney79 Please add others I may have forgotten!

Thank you all I really appreciate your words and support ❤️ I'm glad everything is going well for you guys, and congrats on the scan @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue such happy news :)

I'm just waiting for my period to return after the erpc, then I'll be back on the ttc rollercoaster! x

@kintan I'm sorry to hear you had a MMC. I hope you can be back on here very soon.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue what a lovely scan picture. You are one day ahead of me. I hope that you can have a bit of time to enjoy your pregnancy even if the worry will creep back in eventually. I always find it amazing how much they look like actual babies when you get to this stage. You can even see the features on your little boys face - such a cutie giving you a wave!

I've got more of a bump this time. My clothes still fit but I might put away some of my tighter tops so its not so obvious as not planning on telling many people. Only my DP knows at the moment. I only have maternity jeans anyway as most of my clothes are either stretchy or are skirts which I just wear above the bump.

When is everyone planning on telling people? I need to tell my parents but my mum made it fairly clear she didn't think I should be having a third child after my last MC so not sure about her reaction and I prob won't tell work until 20weeks. Might tell a few close friends but feel we should tell parents first. I don't know why but I hate telling people so always dread it and procrastinate.

I'm not sure when I'm telling others. I've always told my mum fairly early on (after the 1st mc it just kind of made sense for support), but after my mc in April where she made it clear that she's think I shouldn't be having another so soon after DC1 and essentially questioned if DD wasn't enough for me and whether the mc happened because it's too soon (nothing like having the blame pinned on me every single time by different people), yeah I just don't know. I need to make it to the dating scan but I just don't want their judgements.

Sorry that turned into a bit of a rant!

@theAntsareMyFriends I also didn't tag you in it. Good job, me.

@UnicornsandRainbows1 snap with the unsupportive mother! My mum suggested that the MC was my bodies way of telling me not to have a third child!!! I think her comments may have come from fear as my last MC was slightly dramatic, shock as I hadn't even told her I was PG and surprise as she thinks 2 is the ideal number and can't understand why anyone would think differently but I know what you mean about not needing their judgement at the moment. Its a shame as my dad would be thrilled and I feel guilty if I tell other people first.

Lovely scan photo @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue. It's amazing how soon they grow!

I've not really looked at the other thread that you've mentioned, and won't hunt it out. However. I am on another thread from TTC after MMC, and they have all been so very supportive and have said they like the updates. However, I have been super cautious about what I say as I don't want to upset anybody...I think after loss you just know how much to say. Sorry to those who have had recent negative posts...such a bummer and not what MN is all about (from my experience).

I'm having a tough couple of days. After my last scan at 13+3 I started feeling really positive and believing in this pregnancy. Yet a couple of days ago the anxiety started to creep back in and this morning I wasn't able t control the negative thoughts. It's just horrid! Do you guys have any techniques on how best to manage anxiety? I'm with the MW tomorrow for an early 16 week appointment (as I will be on hols when I am 16 weeks), and am thinking about mentioning it to her. In usual everyday life I don't suffer with anxiety, so I feel completely out of my depth. I think I know what's triggering it, which is reduction in symptoms. But I keep telling myself that this is perfectly normal at 14+4. But I won't listen to myself 😤 😤

Isn't funny how mums can be? I can only imagine it's cos their worried, but how complicated the mother/ daughter relationship can be.

Great great great news on the scan @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue so lovely to see. I never got a profile picture like that, baby was too wriggly each time... in fact a must dig out the frogs legs one we got to show you, one of the sonographers was just bloody useless!

Any news from @FirstTimeMama91 ..?

@Kintan equally so sorry you went through Mmc this time. Hopefully your cycles go back to normal quickly and you can feel ready to try again xx

@Kintan I'm so sorry you've had a mmc recently. Really hoping you'll be joining us again with another BFP soon.

@FirstTimeMama91 how are you doing? Thinking of you x

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I love your scan photo. Oh what I'd give for one of those of my own. 2 pregnancies and nothing. Tomorrow likely to be the same, a 3rd empty space or unviable baby. Less than 3 weeks for your next scan?

We've not told any family yet either. My boss knows, one supportive colleague who has boundaries knows, my gym trainers know because they need to and the acupuncturist knows. I don't wanna tell family because after the first one then second one they just didn't really give me the support I needed or basically said the wrong thing. So I got angry (and still am) over the injustice of a total evil spawn of satan cousin who gets everything she wants and doesn't care who she hurts in the process (massive backstory but basically a nasty piece of work who has upset most of the extended family in some way and deliberately got pregnant to blackmail her parents into getting something she wanted). She has been a total cow to me and my sister openly in front of extended family, yet she gets pregnant easily and has her baby, yet I get unexplained infertility for years followed by 2 mc's. I lost it and said to my parents and sis what I thought and felt which was basically it's unfair and she doesn't deserve her baby and they sided with her! Told me not to focus on that. Tell me how I couldn't focus on that. Then I'm also told by my mother to just get over it, move on and try again. No compassion at all for my situation and what I'd lost. I haven't just lost 2 babies but all my hopes, dreams and plans. 2 babies much loved and wanted, unlike the cow of a cousin who only had one to use as blackmail.

Sorry for the rant but I'm so not over it and don't think I'll ever be able to come to terms with the injustice.

So in short .......not told family and not sure if/when I ever will. Can lose this one quietly and just not tell them I lost a third one because I don't think they will give me the support I need or will just say stuff that upsets me.

TBH DH and ladies on MN as well as acupuncturist and gym trainers are the ones I'm getting any emotional support on for this one. I fear tomorrow will be another dark day.

Well @InDreamland I'll shine a light for you and tonight will light a candle for your scan tomorrow. I have positive vibes that you'll see a little kidney bean shaped mini indreamland in there nice and snug xx

Here are my photos... usually you ask is it a girl or a boy ... I'll be happy so long as it's not a frog, an alien or just a lonesome arm floating around in my womb!!!

Jeez! But we did laugh a lot when we took these pics home

Not sure if pics loaded I'll try one at a time

@Yukka @InDreamland bad news girls. Another MC 💔😓 that's 2 for me now. I just don't understand. Doctor said I have great odds, I'm young and healthy, ovaries looked good. Just one of those things...

Thanks yous so much for all of your support. This group is amazing and I wish each and every one of you the best of luck with healthy pregnancies xxx

@InDreamland I have got all my fingers crossed for you.

Been thinking about dna fragmentation and sperm myself as we were going through tests shortly before I got pregnant and then we stopped the tests as I no longer needed them.

I wonder if it’s possible for the best sperm to win the race? I hope that’s happened in your case. You’ll be in my thoughts tomorrow x

@Yukka lovely scan pics @FirstTimeMama91 sorry to hear about your bad news.

Thank you @Yukka. I want to believe this could be different but I also need to protect my heart and sanity and remain realistic about our chances. The doctors we've seen have all pretty much said we're likely to either not conceive naturally again or if we do it'll end up in mc again. One said after 6 years he'd have expected success by now.

I se what you mean by those scan pics. Wow!
They're different!

@FirstTimeMama91 I'm so so sorry. Horrible sad news. I hope you have lots of support around you and are being looked after. You will have your rainbow one day soon. Sending you lots of virtual hugs

@rubyroot thank you. The last 2 times it was damaged sperm that won the race to the egg so really believe it's history repeating itself. Definitely look into the DNA fragmentation test if you can.

@InDreamland thanks hun. Hopefully I'll be back in this thread soon x

I’m considering it. Geneticist after my tmfr told me it was definitely my eggs, but I’m starting to think that they always blame the woman and her eggs.

My partners sperm had 2% normal morphology and I think it is supposed to be at least 15%. I think morphology can be linked to dna fragmentation. We never had any more tests tho as I got pregnant- my only successful one.

I presumed that had I continued that would be next year, didn’t realise they didn’t do it on nhs. How much did it cost?

Not next year- dna fragmentation test would be the next test.

@FirstTimeMama91 I’m so very sorry x

@FirstTimeMama91 I hope you are back here very soon x

@rubyroot from memory it was £500. Are you in/around London/SE?

@FirstTimeMama91 oh Hun I'm so so sorry. It's really shit. I hope you have some support this week, be kind to yourself.

The doctor is probably right, I know we've said it before but most women will have a healthy baby the next time they are pregnant after loss. Keep hopeful xx

Thanks ladies. Take care of yourselves and hopefully I'll be back with you all soon xxx

Oh @FirstTimeMama91 I'm so so sorry. I was really rooting for you, we all were. Have you got support at home tonight? Do whatever you need to do in the coming days to feel better and by all means know that you can still offload here if you need to. Lots of love and virtual hugs xxx

@InDreamland what time is your scan tomorrow? I will also be thinking of you xxxx

@Yukka I love those scan pics! Have one like that front facing one of my DD and she's definitely not an alien!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue yes plenty of support at home from dh and family thank you 💕 gonna just rest. I'm positive that I'll be back soon. Take care xxx