The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread

[KnitKitty]

Hello,

Starting a new penguin huddle for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

As I said in the old TTC thread, getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

My stats:
TTC since Dec 2017
Age: 31
TTC no.1
1 MMC and 3 early losses between 4-5 weeks (or, CPs, but I hate that term) all happened last year within the space of 10 months.
Currently 6+1 with 5th pregnancy

@InDreamland @moonpeace @Bluebelltulip @hayleyfx @Laney79 Please add others I may have forgotten!

Sorry I've kind of disappeared, just been trying to get my head in order a bit! Had my booking in appt yesterday and have a scan tomorrow. Super worried as usual. I should be 8+6 then going off of our last scan a couple of weeks ago but fuck I don't know

If it's okay it's the 2nd longest we've got with a pregnancy which sounds strange as it doesn't seem like much at all. I don't even know what I'm getting at. I'm trying to be hopeful and think of the stats, but really as it all know they mean nothing and I'm just panicking and snappy. I haven't been much fun to live with; my poor DH.

Thanks for the advice RE travel insurance. I think I do get mine through the bank, thinking about it!

@Newbie21 Sounds like the cramping was your bowel (it can feel exactly like period pain). And diarrhoea is quite common in pregnancy... it could even be that you're hormones caused it. In fact I had very lose bowel for half a day before my morning sickness started...
Funny; at my GP surgery they won't even see you for a booking in appointment until you're 9/10 weeks so it doesn't seem late to me... Maybe the wait time for scans isn't as long in my area and that's why?

@InDreamland I'm really pleased you're getting an early scan. I think it should provide you with some reassurance (even if temporary). No, you 'shouldn't' be feeling something hun... Everyone is different and every pregnancy is different. I felt soooo much more pregnant with the ones I lost than with this one, and it's in there, doing its own thing and thriving... Take what you read about symptoms on the internet with a ginormous pot of a salt because everyone is so different you can't compare yourself with others as to how you 'should' be feeling right now. And even if you are going to get symptoms, you're still very early for them right now. A lot of women don't start with morning sickness until they're 7 or 8 weeks... and a lot never get it at all. Mine started very mildly for about a week and then completely disappeared for about 5 days...

@coconutlatte44 How are you feeling now?

@tinatsarina maybe you're having a girl this time, causing worse sickness?

@Frillyfarmer that's so frustrating about your midwife ignoring your calculations! I wonder if you'd told her your normal (long) cycle length she would have altered it? What a numpty. Well, stick to what you know in your head and just nod and smile until they realise you're right. It's maybe not a bad thing that you're likely to get an extra scan...

@Unicorns&Rainbows Aww hun, I'm sorry you're feeling so emotional. Hugs.

As for me... I had my follow-up scan at EPU today. Baby is still doing well!!! It's 24cm: measuring 9+1 (according to LMP I'm 8+6 today). So textbook growth since the last scan. Heartbeat was visible and it gave us a wiggle, although I missed those (OH saw it) because I was in a bit of a state of blind relief at being told it was doing well. It's grown little arm and leg buds.
I'm now 3 weeks further along than I got with my longest pregnancy last year and feeling much more optimistic... It's scary feeling hopeful, but dammit I want to be really happy and enjoy this pregnancy, so I'm allowing myself to be happy.

@Newbie21 just 3 days to go. Hope you can be well distracted until Monday.

@UnicornsandRainbows1 keeping fx for your scan tomorrow and it can give you some reassurance. It normal to feel panicky when you've had previous losses but I am hopeful for you that all will be well with this pregnancy.

@KnitKitty lovely scan photo. Your baby is so cute! I want one! Fantastic news that all is textbook so far.

Has anyone else seen comments on other threads about people in early pregnancy buying big ticket items like prams/travel systems? Amazes me how confident they are. No way will I be buying anything until if a live baby actually arrives, apart from last minute essentials if I get to 35 weeks.

@KnitKitty Amazing! So glad you're getting close to your dating scan now and that your OH got to see bubs wriggling about. How lovely!

@InDreamland I sure hope so. I'm just thinking that if there's still a heartbeat that's around 3 weeks 'til the dating scan, and I think I remember reading that getting past 8 weeks means that risk is reduced a lot but you never can tell hey.

I haven't see that! That sounds so terrifying for some weird reason. What I wouldn't give to feel so confident and kind of blasé about it

@KnitKitty, what a beautiful scan! I'm feeling much better today thanks, I think I was just totally shattered yesterday and I was cramping all day in the ridiculous heat (31 degrees here) - I wasn't able to forget about my anxieties at all because my body kept reminding me. I think I do best when I am wrapped up in other stuff. I've taken it super easy today and had the laziest day ever which I think I needed.

Today's the second day in a row without any spotting and since the spotting began last Saturday I would imagine that if I was mc-ing chances are I would have had more symptoms by now. I know it could be a mmc but they're also quite a bit rarer so am trying to convince myself odds are on my side.

@UnicornsandRainbows1 Good luck with your scan tomorrow, hopefully it will give you some reassurance even if only for a short while - I felt reassured for about a week after my last one before it wore off!

@Knitkitty good news about the scan. @Indreamland I'm actually quite happy that I still have all the essentials from DD1 and hadn't bought much for DD2 (only had to return the double pram) so I won't need to get anything, I think if I needed to I would really struggle.

I've been on holiday this week which has been nice and not been sick since Sunday .

@KnitKitty funnily enough I'm a multiple and my sister has a girl a year younger than my son. She had bad sickness in the early weeks with her and we do always joke that's how we would tell if either had another one. If we get sick it's a girl if not a boy at this moment though I just want a baby.

@InDreamland they're all crazy. Even with my son we didn't get the big items until near the end. My granny told us it's a bad omen to bring them into the house early on. Don't know if it's an old wives tale from where I'm from though.

@Bluebelltulip glad you had a nice time off. I can't wait until my next holiday from work.

Thanks. I think my main concern is wasting people's time by getting extra ultrasounds for the sake of it - but it is a bonus, I need to think of it that way.

@InDreamland I haven't seen the thread you're talking about so I don't know how early is early. We bought car seat, nursery things and pram etc a couple of weeks after our 20 week scan - when you haven't experienced loss of any kind before, it's honestly just a blind euphoric state. I was blessed to have a relatively straightforward pregnancy and there was a definite "relax" after the 20 week scan. If I get that far with this one I'd hope to a lesser degree I would feel those reassurances at each milestone. It's easy to think yourself into a pit of despair but we need to be positive to get us all through this!

Good morning all...how is everyone doing?

Sorry for going a bit silent really, work has been busy due to the need to get a lot done before going on holiday. It's great to see all the positive steps forward that everyone is having with their pregnancies (scans etc). I reached 14 weeks yesterday and I am starting to get quite a solid belly, but don't look pregnant yet just look like I've eating a big meal 😂😂

I have my 16 week appointment next week (I will be 14+5). Does anybody know what happens at these appointments?

I hope everyone is doing well and are able to keep the anxiety at bay.

Hi @Amanda81 glad you are well :)

16w is a straightforward appointment. They will check urine for proteins and sugars and I think urine infections, your blood pressure and they will listen to baby's heartbeat with a Doppler, it's like a hand held microphone, they'll also measure baby's heart beats per minute.

The only thing Is if they know your 14.5 (I presume so) sometimes the wont listen for heartbeat as it can be too early, they might ask you to go back.

And you'll have a chat about any questions or concerns. I found it helpful to make a little list every time I went in even if just small queries.

@KnitKitty really great scan pic, super chuffed for you :) and yes you are allowed to feel happy! You have a lovely wriggly thriving baby in there! Did you get 12w scan booked in too?

@UnicornsandRainbows1 yes risk reduced to 20% after heartbeat at 8weeks. Good luck :)

@InDreamland on the antenatal thread I'm on most people waited till 20w and just bought one or too little bits to make it 'real'. I myself, at 18w bought the baby suits that I would bring baby home in. It felt so good having something in the house that I could touch, I think it helped me stay positive, weirdly. How nice that those little suits are now washed and packed in the hospital bag. Bad omens can only exist in a world where good ones do too, this was my good one 😊

@InDreamland I don't read any of the other pregnancy threads. It does amaze me how confident people can be about their pregnancies... But then, if you've not experienced loss, why not? I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing... Obviously if things don't work out for them it might be a sad reminder to have around, but hopefully they'd be able to use the things they buy eventually anyway. You might even say it's better to spread the cost of things out over a longer period of time. It's hard not to feel a bit resentful towards people who are completely full of optimism though, isn't it?But I try to just be happy for them and hope they don't experience loss.

@coconutlatte44 I think being tired can definitely cause some cramping, so hopefully that's all it was. Just keep your feet up, rest and drink lots of water in this heat! I'm glad the spotting seems to have stopped.

@Bluebelltulip Yey for not being sick! I don't tend to be sick at the weekend, I think the extra sleep is what does it, so I'm glad your holiday is giving you a break. Hopefully the sickness has stopped altogether now.

@Amanda81 How exciting that you're starting to show!

@Yukka Thanks! I have my midwife appointment on Monday (another milestone reached) and I'll get the 12 week scan booked in then I think. EPU said they don't need to see me again, but said they'd keep my notes for 2 weeks and if I can't get in for my 12 week scan on time they will be able to do another scan there, which was really nice and reassuring. Not sure what to expect from the midwife appointment! Just hoping it's someone nice! Trying to wrack my brains of anything I need to ask them.
Will I have to make any decisions about if I want certain tests? OH can't go with me so I'd like to be able to ask his opinion before deciding...
How are you doing Yukka? Managing to walk a bit still? Is the pregnancy belt/brace thing helping?

Stay hydrated today ladies! Keep cool!!

@KnitKitty I'm doing fine thank you :), the support belt has helped when I'm wearing dresses as there's zero support ( which I've needed this week!). In Mat jeans and shorts there is in built support so it's not too bad. Chiropractor yesterday said I'm in the best shape I could possibly be for 36w. Felt really pleased with that! Keeping active is really key, and start early is my advice, go swimming, do a bit of yoga or whatever you can do that you enjoy that's safe and low impact.

Im going sea swimming on Monday so if you have the attitude to do it you can! I was also advised to think of being pregnant as training for the birth itself, and its just really good for you and baby to do things 'together'. It's never too early to do that if you're emotionally ready to 'commit'. Go for it :)

If this is your booking appointment then it's like the Spanish Inquisition! It will take about an hour, they'll do urine, bp, weight, bloods and co2 breath test. Then loads of questions about your medical background, your oh's and sometimes that leads to other specific questions. Like if you have a direct family member with diabetes, they will pre authorise you for a gestational diabetes test at 28wks.

Yes you'll be asked to provide consent, both for you (like if you needed a blood transfusion) and for your trisomy tests - downs etc and for baby when it's born - simple healthchecks that take place immediately at birth.

Also if your not sure about any of your own vaccinations then mention it - they double checked my chicken pox immunity as mum couldn't remember, and turned out I've never had it. How we managed that with 3 sisters who all did I've no idea....

You'll get your big file to take away with lots of information inside to read, and that comes with you for every future appointment and they will add notes each time with up to date info.

Think that's everything I can remember really? Exciting!!

Just got back and all is good. Measuring 8+5 and bubs was having a mini wiggle which was pretty cute 😊

What beautiful scan photos @KnitKitty @UnicornsandRainbows1 so happy for you both, lovely when you get to 8-9 weeks and they actually look like proper little babies! 🥰

I’m 10+2, counting down to my 12 week scan. Sickness medication has helped a bit, some days I only vomit once or twice now and manage to keep majority of food down. Then I still have days (like today) where I’m still sick as a dog! It’s all worth it though 😁

Hope everyone is doing well. Still a bit nervous to post about my pregnancy until after my 12 week scan so taken a bit of a step back! Terrified all over again of this baby having a NTD like my son did. The next scan is the scariest one yet. Trying to be hopeful!

Hi guys. Sorry for dropping off - our house had been chicken pox hell! Think DD has turned a corner today though, thank god!

@InDreamland I am not on any of those threads either. It makes me angry that people are so blasé, but I recognise that is my own bitterness. I would rather stay here where I can moan safely!

@Amanda81 I am definitely showing. Wearing a maxi dress today and actually shocked at how pregnant I look! Apparently it's all quicker the second time around but I swear I didn't look this big until 18 weeks last time!

Congratulations on the scans @KnitKitty and @UnicornsandRainbows1! Lovely pics!

When is your 12 week scan @hayleyfx? Good that the medication is working too.

@Yukka I just love your pregnancy attitude! I would love to be more active but I am struggling after work and looking after DD. I just feel so tired this time around!

@Frillyfarmer take all the ultrasounds you can get! I have another on Tuesday as part of the Harmony package I booked with the Fetal Medicine centre. I'm really nervous about it - find scans so nerve wracking now. Still, I will probably book another private one at 16 weeks too just to tide me over to 20 weeks.

I have been feeling loads better this week which is just as well as looking after DD with chicken pox has been really hard. However today I feel sick again and almost threw up, think it must be the heat. Call me crazy but I have also been questioning if I have felt movement. It's those little fluttery "pops"... but I'm sure it's too early at 12+6 so it's probably just gas!

I hope everyone I have missed is ok! I promise to be more responsive once this house gets back to normal!

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I dunno I've heard of people getting flutters around 13 weeks and beyond with 2nd+ regnancies so I don't think it's unheard of or crazy. Maybe you'll know for sure soon :) Glad your DD is starting to recover

Fantastic scans @KnitKitty and @UnicornsandRainbows1

I'm back home from holiday which is actually lovely. I'm exhausted after a day travelling. Have a busy day tomorrow which will keep me occupied before scan on Monday. I hope people are able to enjoy a bit of the weather and it doesn't make any of you feel more sick 🤢

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I hope your DD is better soon. I felt some movements before my 12 week scan with DD2, I thought I was going mad but it was confirmed on the scan. I've felt slight things this time too and I'm somewhere between 11+3 and 12+1.

I'm not on any of the site dates threads but do read them occasionally because I'm nosy. Plus there's that when to buy pam thread. People are in their first trimester, not even double digit weeks and buying prams. I remember someone on the due January this year thread that I was on before my first mc who also bought a whole travel system during first trimester. I am rather jealous that they are so confident and excited yet I'm fretting all the time and worried about jinxing and tempting fate and a repeat of history. Lucky them!

@coconutlatte44 glad you haven't had any more spotting. That's a relief. I read that mmc's only happen in a very small % of pregnancies which I don't believe but I've read it in a few places so maybe it is true and I'm in that minority with mc#1.

@Bluebelltulip glad you didn't have more sickness.

@tinatsarina how are you today? I'm wondering, cos I've heard about the bad omen thing too, when is it safe to bring stuff into the house I wonder.

@Frillyfarmer you'll definitely not be wasting anyone's time. It's good to reassurance and looking after your baby.

@Amanda81 lovely to hear that your pregnancy is progressing well.

@Yukka you're so positive, were you this positive from early on in trimester 1?

@KnitKitty the booking appointment is supposed to be around an hour, mine lasted longer in pregnancy #1. Lots of questions about medical history both you and DH as well as immediate family. Then if you have any concerns or questions. You're even asked to start thinking about your birth plan.

@UnicornsansRainbows1 lovely scan photo. So glad all is well.

@hayleyfx I'm very confident that this bub will be a healthy strong one for you. You're so close now to 12 weeks! Keep positive, even though it is normal to be worried.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue glad DD is getting better, must be so hard for you. Make sure you stay hydrated in this heat.

I had another acupuncture session today. I airways feel better after, just need the effects to last. So worried I'll not even make it to the scan on Wednesday evening. DH is away for work Monday night so that's cue for problems to start. He went away on a lad's weekend last year and that weekend was when bleeding started during pregnancy #1. He was asked to go on another lad's weekend this year but he doesn't want to go this time round after what happened last year. I told him we might lose this one before then anyway. I am being realistic about our chances but then I keep reading that only 1% of women have 3 mc's in a row. I can't just forget about his sperm results though.

Welcome home @Newbie21 hope you get some rest from travelling.

@InDreamland I'm good bit of nausea and sore boobs and I'm exhausted today though not sure if it's from working all week or pregnancy. How are you getting on? My dad's side of the family say to buy the pram n all at 20 weeks and keep as much stuff in someone else's house. You only bring it to your house in the last month or two incase you go early and may need it before 40 weeks.

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue it will be harder for you with DD but even a walk to /around the park will keep you moving as that hormones kick in. Glad the chicken pox is ending, my sisters x2 just had it and had to cancel their holiday... rubbish!

I've heard with second dc you can feel it sooner because you know what it feels like :)

@InDreamland yes from about 6w with this one. Because quite simply, whatever is the worst that can happen, I've already been through, right?

We all have, we've had heartbreak and we survived. We'll survive again and keep trying if we have to. But there's no point in putting all that emotional baggage on this pregnancy/baby as it definitely won't help. It's not healthy for either of us, so I decided not to. Acupuncture helped as it taught me to connect and relax which I then carried on, making sure each morning and evening in bed I had 10 mins to think about the growing baby in a positive way.

Sometimes if I had to go to London with work I'd say it it loud "hey baby I'm taking you to London today and we're going to do this". Or anytime DH would ask how's today been, I'd say "great, me and baby did this..". Didn't take long till DH automatically asked about us separately 'how are you' then 'how is baby today?'

I knew that being this way certainly wasn't going to make it worse, and what if my acupuncturist was right... what if all that negative thinking and using my brain muscle could take away from what baby needs?

No what ifs here. Both feet in 200%. I still have to get through a high risk birth, there are still issues to face, but I'll go into it with everything I have. I guess that's what being a mum is all about, and despite your anxiety, you are already a mum to that little bean x

Think about that stat... now I know it doesn't work this way, but I'm gonna say it... only 1% of women have x3, that's 1 in a 100. We don't have anywhere near 100 women on this thread, but you do have me, I had 3. Perhaps I'm the 1% for this group and you're good to go.... there are a thousand ways to look at information and see positive or negative in it. I wholly appreciate your DH health too though and understand it's hard - same for me with APS - there was never a guarantee this baby would survive and I still have to birth it living and breathing to know for sure. But I'll do it with 200% contribution from me! X

@Newbie21 glad you enjoyed the holiday :)