The Graduates of TTC after pregnancy loss thread

[KnitKitty]

Hello,

Starting a new penguin huddle for those of us who've graduated from the conception boards.

As I said in the old TTC thread, getting a BFP after pregnancy loss is not necessarily a happy time so this is a safe place to vent, worry and share news (good, hopefully, or bad).

I hope you are all here for the long-haul. But you are welcome no matter how briefly.
Others who are pregnant after loss but who weren't on the original thread are of course welcome too.

My stats:
TTC since Dec 2017
Age: 31
TTC no.1
1 MMC and 3 early losses between 4-5 weeks (or, CPs, but I hate that term) all happened last year within the space of 10 months.
Currently 6+1 with 5th pregnancy

@InDreamland @moonpeace @Bluebelltulip @hayleyfx @Laney79 Please add others I may have forgotten!

@InDreamland I really feel for you! I’m praying that the brown might mean old and implantation too. A scan at EPU is essential here I think. How far off 6 weeks are you?

@InDreamland big hugs. All you can do at this precise moment in time is wait, and that sucks massively. We shall do all your positive thinking and hoping for you. I totally understand why you're assuming the worst, but we will keep our fingers crossed for you.
Contact EPU if you can (and you want to). Stay strong lovely. Xxxx

Thank you all for the welcomes

@theAntsareMyFriends I had a UTI at the start of this pregnancy, was picked up in week 5 a few days after the early transvaginal scan (they're common after those). Theres a totally pregnancy safe antibiotic they give you for a week, I felt better the day I started them (I had cramping too, which almost instantly stopped). It does make your wee BRIGHT neon yellow though, almost collapsed the first time I saw it 😂😂 took weeks to go back to normal!!

@KnitKitty If you're near a morrisons, a juice drink by sunpride, pineapple and guanabana w ginger is meant to help! Personally fresh orange juice with ice is my go to, but it does make me a bit heartburny.

@InDreamland sorry to hear the stress tonight, hope it clears up by morning

I've been majorly sick today. Went for dinner for my Dad's birthday and could barely eat. I cant wait to go back to my usual inhaling of anything that isn't glued down. I wrote a complaint to the hospital last night, they replied today and I "should get a response within 35 days" 🙄🙄 hopefully will help some women in future though!

@Newbie21 @MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue @Melpops36 @KnitKitty thanks ladies. I'm 5 weeks, LMP 15th May so 5 weeks tomorrow but I think cos of my slightly shorter than average cycle NHS calculator puts me at 5 weeks already. I haven't had much more since, more dark yellow but nothing much. I hate this. EPU can't do anything. @KnitKitty is right that it's a waiting game. Mc cannot be stopped. It's just not convenient at the moment, work is really busy, I have a diary full of meetings which I have to be at. I am so desperate to have a baby and a family and give DH what he wants so much and it just isn't happening. I know I'll wake up tomorrow and I'll have bled loads. Typical just after I get a blazing positive on an IC with late afternoon wee after drinking plenty all day. This pregnancy after losses really is just stressful - the constant anxiety I'll start bleeding heavily at the worst moment whilst I'm out and about or at work.

Sorry not to post yesterday, when i came home from the scan I was exhausted and fell straight into bed and slept for 5 hours. I then woke up with a headache which got worse when I looked at my screens. All good went well and I have a EDD of 27th Dec. Still don't think I can let go of the anxiety, but a little bit of hope crept in last night.

Congratulations @Amanda81 hopefully as your pregnancy progresses you will be able to relax more.

I've not had anymore bleeding since I wiped the brown blood last night. Nothing on pad this morning or when I wiped after wee so far. I'm going to be on edge all day.

Beautiful scan photo @Amanda81!!!

I wish I could sleep for five hours... I am bone crushingly tired this week. The nausea seems to have subsided slighted but the tiredness is something else. Really struggling at work.

How are things this morning in @InDreamland? I'm thinking of you lovely xxx

@InDreamland might be worth contacting your epu and asking about progesterone? See this from Tommy's-new research which suggests it can help in some cases...

https://www.tommys.org/sites/default/files/PRISM%20Infographicv44_1.pdf

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue I've not had any more since last night. Nothing on pad this morning or when I wiped. Anxiety though is through the roof.

@Laney79 do you think they just prescribe if I ask? I had normal levels when I was tested so they might not give it to me as they'd already ruled that out along with clotting when I had a load of bloods done.

This really sucks.

The waiting and not knowing is torture @InDreamland. One minute you're feeling positive and the next wracked with anxiety. It's just crap and I'm sorry you're having to go through this. The good thing is there has been no more. I have read a lot about implantation bleeding (especially after my pregnancy with DD where I bled constantly!) and apparently 5-6 weeks is when it is most likely. Things are bedding in and stretching. I'm really hoping this is a good sign and there is no more! Keep chatting on here, it's what we are here for! xxx

@MyHeartIsBrokeButIHaveSomeGlue thank you. How does everyone else here cope with all this? I know you're all (except one) further along but how have you been keeping it together? I thought IB was only when it implants before AF, think I need to find out more.

@InDreamland sorry to hear you are having all this stress. It good to hear you've had no more bleeding and that it was brown which is old blood. I can understand how this just send you from beginning to feel a little positive to anxious again.

The only way I deal with my anxiety is to be like an ostrich and put my head in the sand. Its not a great coping mechanism and has led me to not seek support or medical help when I should have done but its the way that works for me.

I have to be really strict with myself to not think things like 'by September I'll be showing' or 'by Christmas I'll be nearly there' as it just makes it more painful when these dates roll by and I'm not. I hate not getting excited but I think it helps me if and when it goes wrong.

@Amanda81 that's a beautiful scan photo and I hope that you can start to feel a little more excited about it all.

@Mirana that's really useful information. I did have two internal scans although they were weeks ago but maybe could be connected. Bright yellow wee sounds quite entertaining thought so thanks for the warning if I need to take them!

I've had no more bleeding but I've got quite a lot of cramps that come and go. I was warned that I could get cramps and a bit of bleeding with the hematoma so it could be that too. I don't think I will stop feeling worried about it but hopefully I can put it behind me for now.

@InDreamland honestly I have no idea how I'm coping but I feel that way about how I've coped since DDs death. In the early days I took things an hour at a time and now a day at a time. Like @theAntsaremyFriends I can't look forward yet and don't think I will for a long time yet. I'm dreading getting to the point where it's obvious to others that I'm pregnant as I can not talk about it to people I'm not close to yet, my body however has other ideas and I already have a small bump.

@InDreamland so sorry to hear you've had some bleeding, that sinking feeling when you see it is the worst. But great that there's nothing more so far, I'm sure everyone has their fingers crossed for you. Great shout @Laney79 re the Tommy's progesterone trial – if you print out the page on the link and take it with you to GP or EPU they should prescribe progesterone based on that. There are contact details at the bottom of the second page if they want more details too.

I would say to anyone in this club to check out the Tommy's website for their trial recruitment. I've taken part in an endometrial scratch one and the staff at the Birmingham Women's Hospital are just fantastic, they treat you like a celeb for having had a shit time (cup of tea when you arrive) and have offered me as many scans as I want in this pregnancy. The only annoying thing is that Birmingham is a 2 hour drive for me!

And lovely scan photo @Amanda81!

I woke up yesterday with a bit of a weird rash by my eye and my eyelid was very swollen. Went to the pharmacist after work and they were worried that it might be shingles so told me to go to the walk in centre – went there and the nurses weren't 100% sure so told me to go to the GP this morning. Looks a bit worse today :-/ have my appointment later this morning. Has anyone else had shingles in pregnancy or other skin conditions mistaken for it?? Feel like I really don't need something else to worry about!

@InDreamland glad you’ve had nothing overnight that’s a good sign. Your not having any pain no? Can you remind me this is your third pregnancy in 5 yrs?

I’m not sure they would give progesterone if you were tested, but it could be worth a phone appt with your GP to explain what’s going on and your anxiety levels. They may at least refer you to EPU for a scan when you reach 6w that can be booked then you have a milestone to focus on.

You mentioned it was very very brown so it could be from IB - it’s old either way, could have just taken its time to get down.

In terms of coping, I’m a very logical person and my acupuncturist explained to me the impact of over working my mind through anxiety when pregnant. She talks around how the spleen has a complex job of deciding where your hormones go and where blood (energy) is dispersed depending on which parts of your body need it most. Her explanation is that if your using you brain muscle all the time to manage emotions, thoughts and feelings then our bodies will protect our ‘selves’ first and send what we need to manage the extra work of our brains. This means we’re not focusing on what the baby needs. If we can stay calm, and at ease, then we can allow our body to focus on what baby needs and our spleen can send all the ‘energy’ to our uterus.

When she describes Chinese medicine in a medical way (she was a midwife for 25yrs) it made total sense. From that point I made a conscious effort to believe this pregnancy would work if I gave into it, meaning, quit the worrying and let my body just ‘be’ pregnant. Started yoga and swimming as they calm me, and breathing exercises, and I enjoy it, still doing today.

It sounds a bit airy fairy I know, and I work in IT I don’t do airy fairy. But it is that which has kept me calm throughout all of this, and forced me to focus on finding peace with the past and giving this one every I have.

Ive faced into a pregnancy with a condition that has only 20% success rate if the treatment isn’t right. How else can you cope if not through a little faith, self belief, owning the pregnancy and not giving in to the urge to run away and hide. Be strong for your little one, as you are it’s only true advocate in the whole world.

Sorry that far too deep for this time of day :) xx

Had my scan today, baby is measuring ahead at 8+6, good heartbeat and wriggling about! Even saw little individual fingers, was amazing 🥰

@InDreamland sending love, hope everything is okay x

@KnitKitty honestly the only thing that helps the sickness is food! If I get some food in my stomach then I feel much better for a couple hours. Every morning I’m so sick and when I get too hungry. I’m eating stuff like toast, pasta, yoghurts and apple is really helping me. Eating very slowly too helps!

So I'm 4 weeks today. Made it past my cp stage. Going to try and relax don't think I'll contact go till 5 weeks just incase. Still afraid of jinxing it.

Congrats @hayleyfx! How far ahead/how far along did you think you were?

Hello Ladies! Thanks for creating the thread. It's a really great opportunity to hang out here and vibe together! I'm 36. I'm conceiving through an IVF program later in August in Kyiv. So, yeah! Anyway! I've PCOS; can't have a normal number of eggs due to it. Had two MCs in the last 2 years. Also, had a failed attempt! But, still putting all my strength to keep going! Wishes needed! Best of luck and love for all the above ladies, who are in the same boat as mine.

Hey @InDreamland - I had some brown spotting that lasted for 24 hrs, it was mainly present when I wiped and got this at 9 weeks. Bleeding can be related to your cervix after dtd, and can result in brown blood coming away up to 72 hours after the event. Needless to say I haven't let DH near me since! Which I know is ridiculous, but I don't want to see any blood again. Could yours be something similar? The only way I have got through this is by letting myself feel anxious, and saying it's okay to be anxious. Also, knowing that should I receive bad news I now know the process of dealing with it, which helps me. Oh and of course...scans have helped loads.

Lovely scan @hayleyfx

Love your post @Yukka - it makes so much sense!

Amazing @hayleyfx what a fantastic scan. Is your next scan the 12 weeks scan or do you plan to have another in between.

@theAntsareMyFriends that's how I'm trying to manage this. If I try to not get excited or my hopes up then I get less hurt when it all goes the way the last 2 did. That said, reading @Yukka post I can see the sense in giving this one a chance, I just need to learn how to deal with the self preservation issue. Hopefully you don't get any more bleeding as your pregnancy progresses and the haematoma goes.

@Bluebelltulip hopefully the nearer you get to 40 weeks the more confident you'll feel but I can only imagine what you must be feeling after what you've been through. Any way you can disguise your bump a little longer with clever clothing?

@Zznorth how did it go at the GP? hope the rash is nothing serious.

@Yukka this is #3 in 12 months. Took 5 years to get very first BFP last year in May. So we are 6 years since starting our TTC journey. I've not had any pain really, just odd pulling or pressure sensation. Have to admit the brown bleeding when I wiped was straight after a gym class but I was taking it very easy.

@hayleyfx what a great scan photo and lovely to hear you're further along than you thought.

@tinatsarina little steps, one day at a time. Good you've gone past the milestone of your CP. What's the next one you're aiming for? Fx this little bean is super sticky.

@Amanda81 thanks for sharing your experience too. DH and I haven't DTD since I got 2 lines on a HPT. no way am I risking it!

@tinatsarina glad you have got past that milestone, little steps x

@Hayleyfx great news on your scan.

@InDreamland have you had any more bleeding since, I hope you don't have any more random bleeding it must be so frustrating and confusing. I have some outfits that disguise it fairly well but saving them for my holiday next week so only got more noticeable ones for the next few days.