Is my ex lying about being pregnant?

[Rev97]

Hi all,

I have come here as you have far more knowledge and experience over these matters than me. I know the only way to know for sure is to wait, but I was wondering what your opinions are on this matter as this is now making me seriously unwell.

My ex partner and I broke up approx. 2 months ago. She had been messaging a LOT and it was verging on harassment so I asked her to stop and eventually blocked her on WhatsApp. She then immediately reverted to text message and so I blocked her on there too, but for some reason this didn’t work and messages continued to come through, although I did not reply.

I then got a message saying “my pregnancy test wasn’t negative”. A strange choice of words I thought, but I couldn’t ignore this so began to message again.

She said she had been for her pre-depo pregnancy test 24 hours previously (I know she does always have pre depo tests) and that 2 tests from the same urine sample had been positive and that she had been told to book an appointment with her GP for a blood test. On her first appointment for the blood test she said that she got too distressed, couldn’t have the test and that the GP prescribed her a benzo and booked another appointment a week later. I asked if she could just do another home urine test but she refused and said that there was no point. She went to the second doctors appointment a week afterwards and messaged a week after that saying that the results were positive. I had reasons to question her truthfulness and asked for proof of the results. She said that she had received the results over the phone, but would get a copy of the results from the GP and send them me. This was 3 weeks ago…she claims that she has chased them on 3 occasions but that they still haven’t sent them. She also has online access to results through SystmOnline but says that all the results on there have gone.

She then said that she has been to a meeting to discuss termination of pregnancy but I am 99% sure this is not true as she stated that she had an appointment at a time when the clinic is not open. She also said at this meeting that she was sent for a scan straight away and was made to listen to the heartbeat????

She then continued to send me vile messages (over 20+ daily) and so I contacted the Police regarding harassment although I have not made a formal complaint at this time. I told her to make no further contact with me (and will make a formal complaint if she does) until she proves pregnancy.

Then…less than 24 hours after saying prove pregnancy or no contact, the results from the doctor that she has waited 3 weeks for, are conveniently delivered to her. She said she insists on redacting all personal information apart from her name and confirmation of pregnancy. I agree; but add that if I discover that this document is not authentic/forged/amended then I will go to the police immediately and will pursue with the formal complaint of harassment. She tells me I am going to receive nothing now as I’m threatening her.

Do we think she is lying? This has been going on for so long now and it’s making me so, so ill. Any advice would be so gratefully received.

PS…
We did have intercourse 1 month prior to breaking up (early-mid Feb), but she is on the depo and I also put protection on before climax.

She's cancelled it apparently.

Keep the block. Don't engage with her. If she harasses your family, then you can speak to the police about harassment.

You are so much better off without her, even if a baby was to magically appear (it won't).

I'm so sorry OP this is the oldest trick in the book.

Women who do this make an absolute mockery of women who struggle to conceive, women who have a miscarriage, women who have traumatic terminations etc

I think you'll have to be brutal when it comes to next steps - this will need to be a no contact situation at some point.

It might be worth booking an appointment with your GP to tell them about the damage to your mental health the situation is causing.

Of course they would never be able to conclusively confirm information about an individual but I would bring along the supposed timeline with you and ask them if it is possible someone with those dates and treatments could be pregnant. They may refuse to answer but they might put your mind at rest eg a GP would not recommend prescribing benzos to a patient etc.

Again absolutely not specifically about her, but ask them for a walk through of the timeline and some advice on whether it could or could not be true, as the damage to your mental health is getting worse.

Poor you, for what it's worth you sound lovely and responsible. Don't dance to her tune.

On a slightly diverted note..... To the people who are ill-informed about termination: you can have a termination "on the NHS" until the legal limit this can be provided through your doctor or through a charity such as Marie Stopes.

With regard to the comment about medical termination at 20 weeks.... At 20 weeks it is a surgical termination with general anaesthetic. This is the case from around 16 weeks (give or take, from memory). Prior to this point you can opt for a GA.

Finally, should anybody who stumbles across this in future be concerned... It is not difficult to have a termination later in pregnancy - there are no more "hoops to jump through" than earlier in pregnancy although be prepared to have to travel for your appointment.

OP. a three week wait is unusual at that stage - for example, I contacted an organisation on Tuesday (day 1) and told them how far along I POSSIBLY was. On Tuesday the following week (day 7) I had my appt. On Friday (day 10) I had a termination. I turned out to be 19 weeks at this point. A lady in at the same time as me had her appt on weds and procedure on Fri at 23 weeks - if necessary there is no wait.

A lot of what she was saying seemed a lie but was almost impossible to prove...
it was her saying that her termination was at her local hospital (she will be 20 weeks pregnant by this point and they refer out of county after 14 weeks) when she finally exposed herself.

I've had a termination.

They turn the screen away and sound is turned off. She wouldn't have been forced to look at anything.

Sounds like she’s lying. Why redact her personal information from the pregnancy test. The personal information would prove it’s her test.

Do you have the image of the results?? You can do a reverse google image search and find out if she’s lifted it from the internet.

She sounds unstable. I think she’s lying. But I’ve told you enough so that you can confirm she’s falsified records. She’s probably trying to get money out of you for the termination. Or to elicit sympathy or because she’s bat shit crazy.

As many of you predicted, the 'miscarriage' has occurred.

Rev97 I'm very sorry you've had to go through the emotional turmoil of this. Take comfort in the fact that you won't be tied to the craziness for the rest of your life through raising a child and you can cut contact completely now

What a disgusting vile woman.

I'm so sorry OP.

A miscarriage at this point would be full blown labour. Babies have lived with 23wks ish.. but you didn't need to know that to know she's full of shit.

You can at least get your no contact now

I didn't think the heartbeat could be heard so early on. And when going for a termination, they wouldn't put the heartbeat on as there is no need. If the heart can be seen beating, that's suffice. I'm dubious too.
If I had been told I wAs pregnant and I was being accused of lying, I'd go straight to do a hpt. I hate being accused of lying ( lived with one )
Besides, if she's terminating, why does she need to keep contacting you?
Just ignore her.

They don’t “make” you look at a heartbeat or even the scan during the termination this is purely patients choice.

Something that no one has considered is she may not be talking about a pregnancy drop but a depo injection for bipolar disorder. I’m not sure whether you have to take a pregnancy test for this but I know that as an ex care worker I had to escort my client to have theirs.

But yes the lack of willingness to prove her case does sound like she was lying. Proving pregnancy to you could have been as simple as sharing a video of her taking the test through I message or WhatsApp. Or a picture of her maternity notes book which all women have when pregnant.

Well at least that is the end of it now and you can drawn a line in the sand. At this stage the hospital would likely offer an in hospital funeral with coffin ECT. It would nearly be a still birth instead of miscarriage.

It is so horrible for all of the women who do actually go through this horrible situation. Shame on her.

Good luck with your future.

So...6 months after the emotional hell of this thread and I cannot get over this girl. Despite everything that happened I still love her so, so dearly. I was fine for a couple of months (probably relieved that the pregnancy saga was over) but now I physically can't get her out of my head. EVERYTHING reminds me of her. I've tried to move on, but all it does is remind me of our times together. Despite her many, many negatives, no-one has ever come close to her positives and I don't think I'll ever feel those again. It absolutely breaks my heart. I miss her so, so much :'-(

OP, I know exactly what you mean. There is a person I haven't got over yet and I probably never will. It gets easier and less painful with time, but it's a slow process and hasn't got painless yet.

On the other hand, I know it was and is not sustainable. I've learnt with experience that things are supposed to be easy with the right person, at least before cohabiting/finances/children get in the way.

There is a book which really helped me at the time, called "it's called a breakup because it's broken". It's lighthearted and funny, worth a read in my opinion.

Send me a personal message if you'd like to chat. Wish you all the best

Sounds like it was a relationship where the highs were amazing but the lows were horrendous. I've had one of those. The highs weren't worth the lows, in my view they never are.

Sometimes you only really move on when you meet someone else - it's hard when you're alone not to idealise the good bits of your ex. I'm not suggesting you jump into a relationship, but have you tried dating, or a new hobby, or just meeting different people? You need to draw a line under that part of your life so that you do have things which don't remind you of her all the time.

There were good reasons why you broke up I'm sure, and she gave you a ton of reasons to stay apart with the fake pregnancy. Don't let the crazy back in to your life, it'll be exhausting and not worth it.

You poor thing 😔 she sounds like she was a little addictive, in terms of everything that happened.

However, you need to remember that she emotionally manipulated you and put you through hell - that is not the sort of life partner you want / need. You will get over her, just be prepared to take the time and heal.

Thank you for your kind words. I even forgive her for the pregnancy thing as I understand that she probably only did it to win us back and then it maybe got out of control and spiralled.

Like I said, I just miss her like crazy and it's hurting more and more which I just don't understand. The thought of anyone else looking into her eyes and calling her theirs is destroying me.