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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Is my ex lying about being pregnant?

169 replies

Rev97 · 17/05/2019 15:39

Hi all,

I have come here as you have far more knowledge and experience over these matters than me. I know the only way to know for sure is to wait, but I was wondering what your opinions are on this matter as this is now making me seriously unwell.

My ex partner and I broke up approx. 2 months ago. She had been messaging a LOT and it was verging on harassment so I asked her to stop and eventually blocked her on WhatsApp. She then immediately reverted to text message and so I blocked her on there too, but for some reason this didn’t work and messages continued to come through, although I did not reply.

I then got a message saying “my pregnancy test wasn’t negative”. A strange choice of words I thought, but I couldn’t ignore this so began to message again.

She said she had been for her pre-depo pregnancy test 24 hours previously (I know she does always have pre depo tests) and that 2 tests from the same urine sample had been positive and that she had been told to book an appointment with her GP for a blood test. On her first appointment for the blood test she said that she got too distressed, couldn’t have the test and that the GP prescribed her a benzo and booked another appointment a week later. I asked if she could just do another home urine test but she refused and said that there was no point. She went to the second doctors appointment a week afterwards and messaged a week after that saying that the results were positive. I had reasons to question her truthfulness and asked for proof of the results. She said that she had received the results over the phone, but would get a copy of the results from the GP and send them me. This was 3 weeks ago…she claims that she has chased them on 3 occasions but that they still haven’t sent them. She also has online access to results through SystmOnline but says that all the results on there have gone.

She then said that she has been to a meeting to discuss termination of pregnancy but I am 99% sure this is not true as she stated that she had an appointment at a time when the clinic is not open. She also said at this meeting that she was sent for a scan straight away and was made to listen to the heartbeat????

She then continued to send me vile messages (over 20+ daily) and so I contacted the Police regarding harassment although I have not made a formal complaint at this time. I told her to make no further contact with me (and will make a formal complaint if she does) until she proves pregnancy.

Then…less than 24 hours after saying prove pregnancy or no contact, the results from the doctor that she has waited 3 weeks for, are conveniently delivered to her. She said she insists on redacting all personal information apart from her name and confirmation of pregnancy. I agree; but add that if I discover that this document is not authentic/forged/amended then I will go to the police immediately and will pursue with the formal complaint of harassment. She tells me I am going to receive nothing now as I’m threatening her.

Do we think she is lying? This has been going on for so long now and it’s making me so, so ill. Any advice would be so gratefully received.

PS…
We did have intercourse 1 month prior to breaking up (early-mid Feb), but she is on the depo and I also put protection on before climax.

OP posts:
Darkstar4855 · 18/05/2019 17:12

If you last had intercourse in early/mid Feb then she must be at least 15 weeks by now.

I would cut off all contact for now and leave her to it. Ignore her as much as possible and shut down any contact with “we’ll discuss it when the baby is born” and no more.

If she is lying/playing games she will lose interest and give up. If not it will soon become apparent if she has a baby!

Original poster
Rev97 · 19/05/2019 11:04

Yes, I'd love a friend to talk to about it, but due to the set up of things, that's not possible this time :-(

Without any concrete proof it's just going to have to be a tortorous wait. But I read your comments several times a day to help reassure me that it's unlikely she's pregnant.

Thank you all, again.

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 19/05/2019 11:13

She's no more pregnant than I am.

What a crock of shit.

Next thing there will be the inevitable "miscarriage".

I would 100% continue with the formal complaint. Especially if she works for the NHS and has forged documents with the intent to defraud. That's something that they won't take lightly.

And it's the only defense you have against her tbh. Cos then at least you'll be able to defend yourself by just saying to people "the police had to get involved in the end. It was very upsetting and sad and I really can't say more about it, but I hope she's getting the help she needs"

Original poster
Rev97 · 19/05/2019 11:42

And that's what makes me question if it is true. Would the risk her job by showing something like that to the Police? Although chances are that it was never her intention to show them and she just wanted the crime reference for another purpose/knew I would never give it her anyway.

Urghhh...I'm in such a mess :-(

OP posts:
TheCatInTheSquare · 19/05/2019 11:49

She sounds obsessive and manipulative, so good chance she's lying about the pregnancy but also a good chance she was on zero birth control.

If she does turn out to be pregnant I'd ask for a DNA test.

Kaddm · 19/05/2019 11:52

It’s extremely unlikely but I think your best option is to quietly keep a log of all messages and harassment and then wait to see if a baby is born. At that stage, get a DNA test done. I wouldn’t message her again other than to say: please do not contact me again unless you give birth to a baby that you believe to be mine and at this stage, we can obtain a DNA test and I will take responsibility. Any other contact will be considered harassment.

Comps83 · 19/05/2019 11:53

I think from what you said she would risk her job and probably hasn’t really taken that into consideration. How old is she? She sounds v immature .

ElspethFlashman · 19/05/2019 12:27

Well she is basically rolling one big fat pair of dice this whole time. So yeah I definitely think she'd risk you doing nothing about it.

And definitely believe she could style it out if questioned. This is someone who is gambling like they're in Las Vegas ALREADY. So yeah I think it's a calculated risk she's willing to take.

Marty93 · 19/05/2019 15:15

I'm Sorry you are having such a terrible time OP. Your ex sounds like a bit of a nightmare, and an awful person if she is willing to fake a pregnancy.

I am currently 6 weeks pregnant and my GP couldn't have been less bothered about it if they tried. I was told to self refer to a midwife for a start... my GP didn't even want to confirm the pregnancy which I believe is the norm these days with the shortage of doctors and the obvious strain on the NHS.

The best advice I would give is, as hard as it is, carry on as you are with the no contact, make sure you continue to contact the police if she is harassing you.

It honestly wouldn't surprise me if she ends up saying she has miscarried - if the pregnancy is fake then there is no way she could keep it up and she would either have to 1) "miscarry" or 2) come clean and tell the truth that she wasn't actually pregnant.

She sounds like a total loon, and I'm sorry you are caught up in it all.

Marty93 · 19/05/2019 15:16

Oh and I was also on the drop for 7 years and NEVER had a pre-depo pregnancy test - also UK based :)

Mooey89 · 19/05/2019 15:28

She won’t be pregnant OP.
It’s the oldest trick in the book, I’m sorry.

fedup21 · 19/05/2019 15:33

Sounds like bullshit time but why would you not want to share the crime reference?

blackcat86 · 19/05/2019 15:38

It all sounds very dubious. I have a 9 month old and similarly the GP really wasnt bothered about me being pregnant. She did refer me to a consultant based on some risk factors (asthma etc) but aside from that said I could have self referred straight to the midwife. She also didnt repeat a pregnancy test based on me stating I had a clear blue BFP. I would think 2 tests done by the nurse would be considered more than sufficient. A pregnancy test and a blood test were done by the midwife during a booking visit at 8 weeks but they also test both for a host of other things. I don't know if it would work differently if I had been seeking a termination but it still all seems very odd.

Original poster
Rev97 · 19/05/2019 16:04

Thanks again all.

I didn't want to share crime ref as she would be the offender in the harrassment case to which it is linked. It didn't seem a wise idea, but maybe I messed up?

OP posts:
blackcat86 · 19/05/2019 16:16

I probably wouldn't share it either unless you've nc

Original poster
Rev97 · 19/05/2019 16:22

Ps...re: the pre depo dest, she is on the depo as a condition of being on some other medication and so I do believe that element to be true. She's been saying that for years in her defence.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rev97 · 19/05/2019 16:25

She also said that the community mental health care team would no longer see her as she was pregnant, but that the perinatal mental health team wouldn't see her either as she was planning on terminating the pregnancy.

No idea if either of those ring true?

OP posts:
RancidOldHag · 20/05/2019 07:31

No, it doesn't ring true.

Have you any idea which the 'you must not get pregnant' medication she is on. The only one I can think of (other than cancer meds) is roaccutane. And for that you do need to satisfy the prescribing doctor that you are not pregnant, which might mean regular PG tests in line with the roaccutane prescribing cycle (not the contraceptive one)

I find it highly unlikely that her mental health team would stop seeing her, even if she was also referred to a pregnancy specialist (she is unlikely to be referred for for perinatal services in the first trimester; they are for the period around the birth, so mid/late pregnancy and onwards). Though different regions organise their services differently , so it might be different where she lives.

It sounds as if you're unshaven remained in touch with her. Did she get around blocking, or did younchange your mind?

maria2bela · 20/05/2019 08:00

I would sweet talk her hen ask her to set up an appointment at her GP for you both to go and talk about pregnancy plans etc

stucknoue · 20/05/2019 08:09

Ask to go with her for her booking in appointment and scan! She is definitely lying about being made to listen for a heartbeat- they scan if you don't know when you got pregnant but you don't see the screen or hear, it's not Alabama! unless she went to a pregnancy "advice " clinic aka pro life clinic which masquerade as choices but actually are run by evangelical churches

madcatladyforever · 20/05/2019 08:20

It sounds incredibly unlikely to me. I very much doubt it.

Redred2429 · 20/05/2019 08:29

I would speak to a lawyer and see if they can draft her a letter requesting evidence of the pregnancy so that you don't at this stage have to deal with her directly it sounds like it is really hard on you and this might help not having to deal with her mind games directly

Original poster
Rev97 · 20/05/2019 09:22

There is no contact at present, no. She refused to send me the results and I refused to give her my crime reference.

I'm just remembering things that were discussed.

No communication helps in one way but in another way, although I was being constantly verbally abused, it helped because she'd say something else that didn't ring true.

OP posts:
Whatwillhappentomorrow · 20/05/2019 09:41

She most certainly would have had her 12 week scan and yet she made no mention of it. Only doctors letters and pregnancy tests.

She would likely be starting to look a little bit pregnant by now too. They date the pregnancy from the first day of the last period.

She is most likely lying. You will know for sure in the next few weeks. Good luck and well done for getting out of this toxic relationship.

Original poster
Rev97 · 20/05/2019 09:46

When the 'blood tests were confirmed' she said that she would be referred to the midwife and for a scan.

No further mention had been made about this, but I wasn't sure that if she was going to continue with a termination that these stages were then not continued with?

OP posts:
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