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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

Is my ex lying about being pregnant?

169 replies

Rev97 · 17/05/2019 15:39

Hi all,

I have come here as you have far more knowledge and experience over these matters than me. I know the only way to know for sure is to wait, but I was wondering what your opinions are on this matter as this is now making me seriously unwell.

My ex partner and I broke up approx. 2 months ago. She had been messaging a LOT and it was verging on harassment so I asked her to stop and eventually blocked her on WhatsApp. She then immediately reverted to text message and so I blocked her on there too, but for some reason this didn’t work and messages continued to come through, although I did not reply.

I then got a message saying “my pregnancy test wasn’t negative”. A strange choice of words I thought, but I couldn’t ignore this so began to message again.

She said she had been for her pre-depo pregnancy test 24 hours previously (I know she does always have pre depo tests) and that 2 tests from the same urine sample had been positive and that she had been told to book an appointment with her GP for a blood test. On her first appointment for the blood test she said that she got too distressed, couldn’t have the test and that the GP prescribed her a benzo and booked another appointment a week later. I asked if she could just do another home urine test but she refused and said that there was no point. She went to the second doctors appointment a week afterwards and messaged a week after that saying that the results were positive. I had reasons to question her truthfulness and asked for proof of the results. She said that she had received the results over the phone, but would get a copy of the results from the GP and send them me. This was 3 weeks ago…she claims that she has chased them on 3 occasions but that they still haven’t sent them. She also has online access to results through SystmOnline but says that all the results on there have gone.

She then said that she has been to a meeting to discuss termination of pregnancy but I am 99% sure this is not true as she stated that she had an appointment at a time when the clinic is not open. She also said at this meeting that she was sent for a scan straight away and was made to listen to the heartbeat????

She then continued to send me vile messages (over 20+ daily) and so I contacted the Police regarding harassment although I have not made a formal complaint at this time. I told her to make no further contact with me (and will make a formal complaint if she does) until she proves pregnancy.

Then…less than 24 hours after saying prove pregnancy or no contact, the results from the doctor that she has waited 3 weeks for, are conveniently delivered to her. She said she insists on redacting all personal information apart from her name and confirmation of pregnancy. I agree; but add that if I discover that this document is not authentic/forged/amended then I will go to the police immediately and will pursue with the formal complaint of harassment. She tells me I am going to receive nothing now as I’m threatening her.

Do we think she is lying? This has been going on for so long now and it’s making me so, so ill. Any advice would be so gratefully received.

PS…
We did have intercourse 1 month prior to breaking up (early-mid Feb), but she is on the depo and I also put protection on before climax.

OP posts:
DockerDre · 26/05/2019 17:16

Does she want you to go with her?

What are you responding to her that's keeping her engaged?

Yukka · 26/05/2019 17:19

I’m with everyone else it does sound false given she was on depo alone, it shuts down your ovaries, your follicles don’t mature each month in order to release any eggs...plus you used a condom, plus she would be 15w today and still not able to prove it.

If I wanted to advise you to do the ‘right thing’, given she has scheduled the termination, ask if she needs anything and has what she needs. But I’d be worried she’d only use this to see you and/or claim to change her mind later. Perhaps just email her back and wish her well with everything...?

Note, if she did claim to miscarry at any point from now, it wouldn’t be a quiet affair at home @15weeks. She’d need hospital pain relief, and the hospital would need the remains for testing to find out what went wrong. Mcs after 12w are much much less common.

Ravingstarfish · 26/05/2019 17:20

Hi, in my experience doctors won’t do a blood test or urine test, you’re expected to do a home test and make an appointment with a midwife.
The midwife will work out dates based on last period and last intercourses and when you’re around 12 weeks by date you go for a scan and listen to the heartbeat.
I decided to have a termination and it happened within a few days, obviously the sooner it’s done the better. I wasn’t allowed to see the scan and definitely wasn’t able to listen to the heartbeat although it’s generally too early to hear anyway.
My termination was a tablet and 24 hours later a suppository and afterwards I went home. A friend had a termination a few weeks ago and was sent home with the tablets.
It sounds like she’s lying and dragging it out, hoping you’ll reach out to hold her hand or get back together etc
If I were you I’d try and ignore her but expect to hear that she couldn’t go through with it or she miscarried etc

Original poster
Rev97 · 26/05/2019 17:20

I didn't say saying anything to her. She just emailed saying the date. She said she needs me to drop her off and pick her up because of anaesthetic but doesn't want me to go in with her.

3 weeks seems a long time to wait I thought...and a letter? Would they send a letter?

OP posts:
DockerDre · 26/05/2019 17:23

15 to 18 weeks termination seems quite late.
The anaesthetic thing would be real.
Has she anyone else who could bring her and be with her?

PrayingandHoping · 26/05/2019 17:24

18 weeks since intercourse puts her at around 20 weeks pregnant. I'm surprised if she vocalised she wanted a termination from
the start they would make her wait that long. That will be traumatic to go through, she's near the point they won't allow termination due to viability.

QueenBeex · 26/05/2019 17:25

All seems to be a long wait when she could literally pick up a cheap pregnancy test, do it the same day and send you over a photo. The long wait for the proof just seems abit ridiculous when she could prove it literally the day you asked her to.

QueenBeex · 26/05/2019 17:27

If you go drop her off, don't drive away completely straight away. Park up somewhere to make sure the moment she thinks you've gone she doesn't come straight back out then go back to the building just before you're due to collect her.

DockerDre · 26/05/2019 17:28

Well if he's threatening her with harassment and such, if I was pregnant, I'd be telling him to fuck off too.

It's hard to know.

Have you actually met her recently? If there is a baby, what will you do? If she aborts baby, has baby, what will you do?

Again, I'm assuming there is a baby.

binglybongly · 26/05/2019 17:29

it just gets more and more far fetched.......

terminations are a very quick turnaround from 1st point contact with hcp to actual termination. 3 weeks come on!!

she is a liar.

binglybongly · 26/05/2019 17:30

her getting any contact out of you is her way of keeping any communication going to be honest.

DockerDre · 26/05/2019 17:30

It could all be made up, but I can't imagine anyone dragging this on for so long, forging NHS letters etc.

If it isn't made up, well, I feel sorry for her.

Ravingstarfish · 26/05/2019 17:31

Dockerdre why would you refuse to do a pregnancy test or provide evidence but be happy to text 20+ times a day and ask for lifts to the hospital etc

DockerDre · 26/05/2019 17:32

Probably because I'd be very angry.

DockerDre · 26/05/2019 17:33

It's surely easier to send a fake positive pregnancy test than a fake NHS letter.

QueenBeex · 26/05/2019 17:33

I have no idea about the termination wait, i am currently pregnant though and find the whole situation about not doing a test and waiting 3 weeks for proof from the doctor very odd.

What a horrible situation to be in. How do you feel about her getting a termination if she really is pregnant with your child? Obviously you can't do nothing about it, but that doesn't mean you can't have emotions about it.

DockerDre · 26/05/2019 17:35

Well presumably she's at least 4 months now so will be showing. He can see for himself that she's pregnant. Maybe she was hoping to get back together or something. I have no idea!

Yukka · 26/05/2019 17:35

Note the care pathway for termination isn’t the same as pregnancy at all, she won’t have seen a midwife etc especially if she said she wanted termination from the start. She would have been referred to the clinic and had one dr appointment there and possibly one counselling session, then they book you in. Trying to trace the timeline I’m not sure whether she asked for termination from day one, it would have happened by now if she did.

Let’s assume it’s true, and everything took longer than normal, are you willing to drive her? She’s supposed to have someone be with her for 24hrs afterwards due to the meds...but do you feel you could drive her and take her back afterwards?

binglybongly · 26/05/2019 17:36

termination waits are in days!

binglybongly · 26/05/2019 17:38

she sounds most unwell and manipulative. OP if I were you and knew her hcp/ surgery/gp details I`d be actually telling them everything now. She sounds unwell and needs help.

Then block/ report to police. Its past "funny".

binglybongly · 26/05/2019 17:40

do you know her family OP? I`d be telling them whats going on. she needs help! (she is ill).

DockerDre · 26/05/2019 17:41

Has she family/friends to support her through the break-up and possibly fictional pregnancy, or real pregnancy or are you all she's got?

sirmione16 · 26/05/2019 17:46

I agree with a pp in that if she was indeed pregnant, she'd be waving it in your face and potentially using it to manipulate you. She'd have shown you indefinite proof, multiple times over.

I'd say it's false. Tough to know what to do from there though, whether you wish her best and cut contact.. but I understand if there's any tiny chance it could be true then you'd want to stay. Really difficult situation, but then, she knows it is and that's why she's doing it

Original poster
Rev97 · 26/05/2019 17:47

We live 6 hours apart. I don't know her family and she says she can't tell them because she'll be kicked out.

Her hospital trust do say that they only do abortions up to 14 weeks though before they have to refer out of county. But her appointment is at her local hospital.

OP posts:
Whatwillhappentomorrow · 26/05/2019 17:57

Well if I were you I would make contact with her family and explain the situation very nicely.

Suggest that you don't think this is real and why, come across as being concerned for her welfare for lying about all of this.

She needs confronting about this situation by the people close to her who aren't involved in the situation. If not she will never learn and will continue to be this manipulative.