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Original poster

Fight with DP

179 replies

GoingtobeLonely · 18/07/2007 11:51

Have been posting on here for a while but have changed my name because i am ashamed, last night my DP and i had a huge arguement in the middle of our road, in which he spat in my face, threw me to the floor and chucked me in the bushes several times, broke my necklace, smacked me around the face, shouted a lot and went to kick me, he rufuses accept that he has done anything wrong and just excused himseld by saying that i have made the last month of his life hell, i have been quite hormonal as i am 5 months pregnant, he kept asking if i am going to give him the last month of his life back, he then went on to say that it wasnt his baby and told me to have an abortion and that he wasnt going to do 'more than he has to' this upsets me because its our child that will be loosing out more than me, we will live together seperately and im also worried that he will bring people back to the house with him

i dont know what i am expecting by posting this on here, just hoping for a bit of advice and support i suppose! i feel so

OP posts:
harman · 19/07/2007 14:30

Message withdrawn

RGPargy · 19/07/2007 14:32

I actually gave you a virtual hug so you DID get some from some of us!!

And i agree, we have given you our time and energy and have tried to help you. People have been absolutely wonderful with the helplines and advice they have offered and all you can do is say that "no one's been nice to me". That makes you sound about 12, which would justify your responses, tbh!

harman · 19/07/2007 14:33

Message withdrawn

Original poster
GoingtobeLonely · 19/07/2007 14:34

Well im not going to waste my time tryignto convince you im not lying, if you dont belive me then im sorry i wasted you time in reading this, i wont be able to post on here again after today anyway because we dont have the internet at home

OP posts:
Fireflyfairy2 · 19/07/2007 14:35

So, work is letting you stay to the end of the day?

BarbieLovesKen · 19/07/2007 14:35

Harman, I agree - Ive been here a while now and have never called "troll" yet but.. have just stumbled across this thread a few minutes ago, read all the OP's posts and don't buy one ounce of it. As you have said, surely nobody could be that stupid?
I know I sound mean but in this case I really cant help it.

Meeely2 · 19/07/2007 14:35

good luck telling DP, perhaps you should write down the numbers mentioned below before you leave just in case he doesnt take it very well and you need somewhere to go.

RGPargy · 19/07/2007 14:37

@RUMBLED

Original poster
GoingtobeLonely · 19/07/2007 14:40

yes

OP posts:
Original poster
GoingtobeLonely · 19/07/2007 14:41

that was to 'are they letting you finish the day'

OP posts:
BecklePhoenixBird · 19/07/2007 14:42

I don't think anyone is trying to make you defend your corner, your DP is totally in the wrong for hitting you, whatever the reason and you are making excuses for him. I really feel for you being in this situation and pg and agree that spitting on you in the street shows he has no respect for you but in my eyes that is just another reason not to stay with him. You said he his you in the stomach before you knew you were pg so I don't think it is your pg that has changed him. You do not deserve to be hit by anyone and it is damaging for the child to be brought up in a violent home whether the violence be mental or physical.

With regard to finances and house etc, firstly you could be entitled to some MAT pay from the government or from your temp agency (if you have one). If not there will be plenty more you will be, get down to your local citizens advice if you can. How long have you been living with DP? Doesn't matter if the house is in his name, if you have been living there more than 6 months and are pregnant I don't think he can kick you out if you have nowhere else to go, I also think you can have him removed from the property if you have good reason (which you do).

Good luck x

Original poster
GoingtobeLonely · 19/07/2007 14:45

meely i will write the numbers down, i might speak to my doctor too because i have an appt mon anyway, i think i need help

OP posts:
Meeely2 · 19/07/2007 14:47

well done, excellent first step

hoolagirl · 19/07/2007 14:52

And remember you do deserve better no matter what your past.

Original poster
GoingtobeLonely · 19/07/2007 14:59

ive been in such a state today, i've cried at nearly every post (well the first ones) and i just didnt want to stop crying when they fired me (shameless, i know)
i do thank you for you advice and kind words, but i really wouldnt be able to cope on my own, not yet
i know that lots of you are sceptical that this is a real poster and im almost tempted to show you my id that i usally use because i wont be able to use this afterwards anyway but my DP know my normal name on here. and plus if i could get on and i needed advice it would be nice if you would still give it to me!

OP posts:
hoolagirl · 19/07/2007 15:11

I think you can get free access to the internet at your local library.

batters · 19/07/2007 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
GoingtobeLonely · 19/07/2007 15:16

yeah, i can, up to two hours a day, hadnt thought of that, will use that, hopefully will find more work quickly, then hopefully will be able to use at work

OP posts:
Original poster
GoingtobeLonely · 19/07/2007 15:25

tbh i just thought that i was overreacting by being upset and it was just something i have to get on with!

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 19/07/2007 17:03

You were emotionally scarred years ago and you have now met someone else who is also damaged.

You play the classic victim role whilst he is the classic bully/controller/abuser. Many such victims ignore all offers of help and advice seeking comfort in the form of virtual cuddles instead which serve you no purpose.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 19/07/2007 17:05

I would also add that unless you take responsibility for your own life and until you unhook yourself from your role in this drama - not exactly the same thing as leaving - you will never know who you are or what you are capable of, and that would be a great shame.

divastrop · 19/07/2007 17:23

if you are a real person then you are using alot of 'typical' battered woman lines.i know,i have been there,and i used to say all the same things.

i was going to type a long,supportive post but i'm not going to bother if you are a troll.

zookeeper · 19/07/2007 17:25

Goingtobelonely,if you do decide to stay with him at least get some good legal advice from a specialist family lawyer so that you know your rights if things blow up again - you will qualify for free legal advice.
If the tenancy is in his name you can get him out - a solicitor's letter threatening court action normallydoes the trick anyway without the need for court action.

If you are working look into tax credits and what you would be entitled to. Take advice on your current job position - I don't know anything about employmentlaw but most employers would be very reluctant to sack a pregnant employee.

ime as a family lawyer domestic violence victims only seek help after many years of abuse, mainly because their self esteem has been reduced to the extent that they feel that they are in some way to blame.

It's really not helpful to berate the OP for her perceived lack of action - try walking in hre shoes before judging.

Whatever you decide to do goingtobelonely remember that there is a lot of help available - but you need to reach out and grab it, if not for yourself but for your baby.

zookeeper · 19/07/2007 17:26

I don't care if she's a troll or not tbh - it's worth the risk if we can help her

PurpleLostPrincess · 19/07/2007 17:33

I personally don't think this is a troll but that's just my opinion...

GTBL - I do hope you manage to find yourself under all that is going on. Only you can remove yourself from this situation and realise how co-dependent you and that monster are. I was in an abusive relationship for 8 years and it took me 6 months from realising that I didn't deserve it to actually doing something about it. My friends and family told me for years to get out of the relationship but I didn't listen, I had all the same excuses as you. I had to put the kids first and my DS still remembers some of the stuff that went on before daddy went.

7 years on and the kids see their dad regularly, we are much better parents to them apart. It wasn't easy but I honestly think he is a better person now. I found my true self (I was afraid to be me around him!) in the end, and have remarried a wonderful man who knows how to love me and wouldn't dare lift a finger at me. Looking back and knowing what I know now, I never loved my first husband, I was just caught up in a net. I now know what love is and I am so grateful that I managed to get out of the relationship - not just for me but for everybody involved.

You've been offered all the support numbers etc. so there's not much more I can say really...