Having a girl but disappointed

[Neverbroken]

Whilst I’m grateful for a healthy baby I really wanted a boy a first. I have since I was a child.

I haven’t been rude to you on this thread OP. No need for all of that at all.
It’s quite clear that you are a rather indulged and childish person and that’s why you’re upset over the order of your boys and girls.
Good luck with coming to terms with your disappointment.

Ffs.

This is one of the reasons that I didn’t find out the sex when pregnant. I really wanted a boy and thought I was carrying a boy. I really didn’t want a girl. I expected a 7.5 lb boy, natural birth and baby to be on time or a bit late. I ended up with a 9lb1 girl who was 17 days late whom I had a difficult birth with

Her sex was totally irrelevant once she was here. She’s better than I could have ever imagined or planned. Ive had difficult feelings but that was not because she’s a girl.

What I’m saying is that once she’s hear you’ll feel bad for ever being disappointed.

It’s amazing you can tell what kind of person I am overall from a few vague posts on mumsnet astounding. There are more reasons aside from the one I mentioned about wanting a boy from childhood which I will not share with the likes of you. Thank God you have finally excused yourself from my post.

@Idontwannagobackwah I think that’s what will happen too. It does take me time to get used to things sometimes I don’t adapt well to change which is why it was probably better I found out now.

Give her up for adoption... plenty of people are absolutely desperate for a baby and don’t mind what sex they get that will happily have her.

Oh god get a life the people that are telling op to give her baby up for adoption. She feels a bit of disappointment upon finding out the gender, as some people do and then suddenly ohh there are so many people that can't have kids, give your baby up for adoption. It is literally nothing to do with the op or anyone else that feels disappointment if some people can't have kids. Implying someone doesn't deserve to be a parent because other people are infertile for whatever reason is mad and quite bitter sounding

The most important is that your baby is healthy.
There's a million of desperate people who would love to have a child, but can't or lost their child.
Don't be ungrateful and appreciate the fact that you do have that luck to have healthy baby- no matter what gender it is really- it really isn't that granted.

I think having a strong preference either way is not that unusual. But if it's so strong that you're going to psychologically struggle if you get the 'wrong' sex then why risk what is a 50/50 chance! At the very least get counselling before trying for a baby to explore how you'll cope if it's 'wrong'.

The lack of self awareness is staggering.

One again I will reiterate my last pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage for @josephinehass because you know I do not understand loss. Since she didnt take the time to read I am grateful for my baby being helpful at the moment and that I’ve made it past 12 weeks.

I’d like to also reiterate I was expressing my initial feeling, all new things in life take getting used to. Being pregnant in itself takes getting used to. Have I said I am going to love my baby any less? We don’t know what will happen with this baby in the future hopefully she makes it into the world healthy and fine. The fact that because I’ve posted this people think I’m taking my pregnancy for granted is a joke. @whenwillitstop1 I just ignore them at this point. Judgemental useless unhelpful people.

@Neverbroken, with all due respect your are the one who started publicly that you were disappointed because you are having a girl. Of course you are going to get a wide range of replies and these kind of posts will touch a nerve with some people but I suspect you knew that.

I really think you should hide this thread and move forward now that you've got your head around everything, your replies seem very stressed and bordering on hysterical.

Not good for you or your daughter.

This makes me so sad.

You know how many people would kill for a daughter?

Also this baby has literally no idea of its sex and already it's being judged! You were a girl too right?! To think of what we have to go through.

No, I admit that I didn't take the time to read all of your replies- but that's what catch my nerve is that you already talking about unborn human being with disappointment- that's what's ungrateful and immature.

@FannyFeatures when I see posts on mumsnet that I don’t agree with I don’t go on the post to attack the poster like some people have on this post. Everything I saw about babies after my miscarriage touched a nerve yes did I then have the right to go and tell other people how to feel about their pregnancies? Was it suddenly their fault I’d miscarried? No. We’ve been laid in bed quite relaxed all day on my day off and I’ll tell you now my daughter will learn to stand up for herself just like I am. I didn’t post this on a miscarriage/pregnancy loss board nor an infertility board I posted it on a pregnancy board so it’s definitely in the right place. People have literally come to seek the post out and have a rant. I don’t have a magic wand to change their situations I wish I did but I don’t.

Exactly without full understanding there is no point commenting, did you read the part where I said that was initially how I felt? Did you read the posts of other women who have had multiple miscarriages too but couldn’t help feeling the same when they got the same news but then they got over it? No of course you didn’t @josephinehass. Once again I am rolling my eyes.

I think lots of people have their heart set on a sex, it's perfectly normal.

I couldn't help laughing at all the post of pity for your unborn child, so ridiculous.

I think as soon as she arrives, you initially wanting a son will be completely forgotten about.

Congrats and hope all goes well.

This thread has become a disaster. I almost feel like I should have popcorn.

OP you have had a terrible time with abuse and loss. It's understandable your emotions are everywhere. But sex disappointment is such a huge controversial topic here that this reaction isn't unexpected.

I wish you well, but perhaps there may be sex disappointment forums you can post in?

I didn’t want a girl as I have a terrible relationship with my mother. I can’t stand her. I was worried that my daughter would hate me like I hate my mum. I’m sure the op has her own reasons for having a preference. This disappointment will go. I assume it’s lessened already?

@tigger001 honestly! Thank you xx

@Cosmogirl86 you know what I didn’t know. I’ve not been on any gender posts before on MN I must admit, now I know it is controversial even though I’m still struggling to see why but after all the stick I’ve gotten today this post is staying right where it is.

@idontwannagobackwah I loved my mom but she wasn’t around much (working full time I guess) I grew up a lot with my grandparents. When I did spend time with my mom she had this awful man who would treat her horribly. One of the few clear memories I have of her is seeing her sitting on the floor in tears after a very loud heated argument between the two of them and him storming out. That’s part of where my name comes from because she looked broken to me, a broken woman. I promised myself I never want to be like that, so I keep going no matter what. Then she died and growing up I would have given anything to have that woman back broken or not. After she died I moved in with my grandma & aunty (my granddad had died the year before my mom). I spent a lot of my childhood feeling alone and like I was burdening people, really sad not really understood.

Definitely it’s once again turning into excitement. Things take time to get used to for someone like me, I don’t feel wrong for that. I also know I’ve never been the best at explaining how I feel so when people try to make me feel bad for trying to even explain it it irritates me a lot.

Do not worry. Once baby arrives you will absolutely fall in love.

I was soooo confused when I was pregnant I couldn’t feel attached and so wasn’t having all sorts of random thoughts. Some were negative. Some I’m horrified to share.. prenatal anxiety and depression is a thing. And sometimes raising girls with the current misogyny can look overwhelming.

Until baby arrived and I realised there wasn’t nothing more perfect more loveable and reality painted itself into a beautiful shade.

@Neverbroken I was the same when I found out DS3 was another boy, you're allowed to feel this way. I wouldn't change him for the world now and you will feel the same.

@IABUQueen “ was soooo confused when I was pregnant I couldn’t feel attached and so wasn’t having all sorts of random thoughts. Some were negative. Some I’m horrified to share.. prenatal anxiety and depression is a thing.” I can so relate to this! In a sense I haven’t let myself get too attached because of previous miscarriage when I went for my first reassurance scan I was scared to look at the screen even after that I couldn’t relax because in the last pregnancy I got scan early but then lost heartbeat at around 9 weeks. So this time it was like okay just get to 12 weeks and even after I’ve seen her jiggling around, sucking her thumb I’m still sh*tting myself. Now people have brought up the 20 week scan I’m worried about that too. My 20 wk scan isn’t until 20 June where I’ll be more like 22 weeks so I’ll probably end up paying for that one private aswell as now people have said it the wait will be too much for me. It’s really hard to enjoy any of it.

@shesaidnofuckthat you know I’m sure I will. I’m going to do everything I can to make her know she is loved ❤️

That might be it OP :). I had previous miscarriages too, and it definately shaped my feelings during pregnancy. I was preparing myself for the worst, which translates to many negative thoughts and detachment from baby.

But once baby was born, my god, reality hit that pregnancy worked out... and my god the fish of love was overwhelming.

Believe me what you feel during pregnancy won’t be the same as what you feel towards the baby once reality hits. Right now you are relying on your imagination, your previous experiences as a child and so on.

When baby comes, that vulnerable thing just puts some magic into you.. that little princess will paint a whole new reality of what it’s like to be a mother of a girl.

I must admit I never wanted a girl. I was too scared because I didn’t know how it’s like to raise a girl. Until I got pregnant with a girl and lost the pregnancy. I was so very upset I decided I so badly loved that child. I realised the challenges I faced as being raised as an only daughter painted how I wished for a boy instead..

Then I decided I’m gonna think of it another way. That little girl is my empowerment. She is my little angel who is going to be the change I want to see in this world. I will make her feel cherished and loved for who she is, and now what society wants her to be. I will make her confident with who she is and what she achieves, and not with how she looks and so on..

Then I realised, my perception of why I initially didn’t want a girl was because I was assuming I was going to fail her along with society.. but when I dug up some passion I realised this doesn’t need to be true. I will parent my girl as a human being just like how I would a boy. I would celebrate her, her achievement... and we will have so many things to do together.

So yeh, what you are feeling is so normal OP. You aren’t horrible. You will love her. And she will love you. But you can help dig deep and challenge your expectations of parenting a girl and see where it’s coming from and tackle it.

@neverbroken OP, if I were you I'd leave this thread full of absolute idiots.

People commenting that you should give your baby up for adoption or that being disappointed makes you ungrateful don't have a shred of empathy nor any ability to think like rational adults.

It's like saying if you're upset after a hard day you're a terrible person because there are people who have cancer!! There will always be something worse off than you, but that does NOT invalidate your feelings and the attitude that it does is probably the reason we have so many mental issues in this.

It is completely normal to have some disappointment and it won't affect how much you love your baby!! God, people are idiots. Anyway, best of luck to you and ignore the bitter posters