Having a girl but disappointed

[Neverbroken]

Whilst I’m grateful for a healthy baby I really wanted a boy a first. I have since I was a child.

I have 3 girls!

And my comments to those who said "Oh what a shame - another girl" when the third arrived are not repeatable, even on Mumsnet!

Marthasginyard v poor form.

Sex disappointment is a recognised thing, OP so you aren’t alone in feeling that way.

I'd normally agree....

I can sympathise - my friend had a girl just after I became pregnant and I spent the first few months cooing over her and dreaming about a little girl of my own. When I found it out we are having a boy a little part of me was disappointed. But I got used to the idea, and the day he arrived I didn't care at all, I was just happy he was here. Now I can't imagine otherwise - I adore my little guy! It'll be the same for you and your little girl. 😊

Don't worry OP a lot of people feel this way. I had a miscarriage last year and had been certain the baby would have been a girl had it continued. This pregnancy I was certain I was having a boy but found out she's a girl - I still felt a bit disappointed when I saw a lovely little boys outfit and realised I wouldn't be buying it. It's a really normal way to react if it's something you've wanted for a long time or was certain would happen. Unfortunately there are people who like to make others feel bad no matter what so just ignore them. In a few weeks time you'll find yourself loving buying little dresses and tights 🙂

I think given the already traumatic start to your pregnancy, several instances of fears over losing the baby, vanishing twin and your relationship breakdown and abuse suffered (the sitting on your back incident..etc) that when the baby arrives you'll just be so overwhelmed with joy and love for a positive after such a negative journey that you won't given two hoots what's between it's legs!

You've seemingly been through an awful lot OP. Are you recovering support and help in real life and through your GP ?

@ellieboolou well I haven’t had my 20 week scan yet so I should say baby is healthy as far as I know.

@kittycat1 I have also had a miscarriage before I can still express how I feel

@marthasginyard Don’t guess. Don’t understand what my ex has to do with the gender of my baby? I’d hoped for a boy and set my heart on a boy found it out it was a girl. Yes a little disappointing but I’m sure I will get over it, it is still fresh. I think you’ll find you wanted “you’re” not your.

Thank you @Laurg found out yesterday & I can’t wrap my head around it. Haven’t even gotten used to being pregnant yet everything is happening so fast.

Why do you want a boy so much?

@petrarabbit yeah did want boy then girl, thank you for those comprehension skills x

I think I didn’t make it better for myself by only looking at boys outfits 🤦🏽‍♀️

@trixiefranklin it has been probably the craziest time of my life to date. My GP hasn’t been much help. I have a therapy appointment coming up which one of the mental health midwives is supposed to attend, I’m scared about it. I hate being bombarded with questions because I don’t like to open up. I communicate much better in writing. I really want to enjoy this pregnancy but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t struggling to.

Are you Indian and submitting to a culture where girls are worthless?

I get that - lots of people find it easier to write things down than to say it out loud - maybe before your therapy appt make a list of things you want to talk about and how each makes you feel / is effecting you or your pregnancy and if you can't talk about it you could just show them and listen.

You’re getting a lot less sympathy than you would have if you’d been having a boy and wanting a girl. That’s the way these threads usually go, peppered with self indulgent wank and drivel like “grieving the daughter you won’t have.”

YABU as are the others who post and those who empathise with such nonsense. It’s all just down to ingrained gender stereotypes.

Congratulations on your baby

Hi OP. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Gender disappointment is actually a very recognised issue. Not that the morons on here would make you think that.

Please be kind to yourself. You may be more susceptible to PND due to this.

It's OK to be sad and it's OK to feel upset. Think about how you want to work through this. If you google gender disappointment you will get so much information.

It's really common now and the main thing is that you will be OK.
If you do feel your sadness gets to much please speak to your midwife. Do not bottle up or try to ignore anything.

This is why it's a good idea to find out early so you can get used to it.

I was with an abusive partner. I found out I was expecting a boy and was really upset. I didn't want a mini him. It took me time to get used to it and by the time he was here, he was the most amazing beautiful gorgeous thing I'd ever seen. Gender didn't matter then. He was my baby.

Someone I knew who wanted a girl, didn't find out. On delivery day it was a boy and she did not cope well at all. Best to find out and get used to it.

I have 2 boys and a girl. They're all awesome.

Congratulations, and good luck with pregnancy and birth x

@boomsk it’s literally just what I always pictured for myself. I also pictured being married before I had kids that’s not happening either. Sometimes you just have a picture of how you wanted things to go is all.

@bummyknocker last time I checked I wasn’t Indian although my grandmother on my dads side does have some Indian in her I think.

It’s a good thing I’m not looking for sumpathy and just wanted to let out how I feel.
Where does stereotyping come into it? @youbumder

@contraceptionismyfriend I will get over it it’s just fresh that’s all. I always get my hopes up for what I want is my problem but have also learnt to accept that life doesn’t always go how you want so I know given time it will be okay just for now I am shocked.

@gluteustothemaximus that’s the crazy part I was going to leave it as a surprise. It’s by chance I even got a gender scan I just want for an early reassurance to check baby was okay after a lot happening with me a few weeks ago and they said you’re measuring 16 weeks (they’re always a couple of days ahead there I should have been like 15+4) we’re going to upgrade you to a gender scan they asked do I want to know and said no at first but then asked them To write it in an envelope for me in case I changed my mind.

I competently understand Op. I left my 20 weeks scan and went to the toilets and cried when I found out I was having my daughter.
We had a son and I really wanted another perfect little boy.

She's now 2 and sleeping next to me managing to take up most of the bed. She is wild and has been an absolute bloody nightmare for most of the past year. But I can honestly say I wouldn't change her for the world.

Hasn't stopped me praying that this baby I'm carrying is a boy though. But this time I know that I will be OK regardless.

I understand. I'd never have admitted it to anyone, but I sort of wanted to have a boy first. I had expected to have two children and thought one of each would be great, but I had always thought that a younger brother would be annoying so it seemed better to have the boy first.

As it turned out, I had a girl and couldn't carry another pregnancy to term, so no siblings. I have lost count of how many times I have felt thankful for the fact that my dc is a girl, and I can't imagine why I ever thought that I wanted a boy. I'm also grateful for the unexpected benefits of having an only child.

People will tell you it's wrong to have a preference, but you can't help what you feel. The reality, though, is that you will probably love the baby that you have, regardless of their gender. It just won't matter. We don't always get what we think we want, but sometimes what we get turns out to be so much better. It's funny how life turns out sometimes.

@gluteustothemaximus That's really interesting what you say about finding out the sex in advance. I had thought that you would usually be so excited to meet your baby that you wouldn't have time to be disappointed at the birth. I was going to ask if it might not be better to not find out the sex if you have a strong preference but it seems that it's good to acknowledge the sadness and then move on?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/infertility

Get a grip.

Just don’t ever tell your DD this as that will make her feel crap.

My mother had the same. I wish she'd never told me though.

Posters bashing the op for this aren't going to help. It's pointless. I was desperate for a boy. I couldn't tell you why but I just could not picture myself with a daughter. I felt absolutely shitty for feeling that way and I knew it was irrational but I couldn't help it - that's how I felt. Even after I suffered three miscarriages.

That's why I chose to find out the sex. I thought if it was a girl and I knew in advance I could come to terms with it.

As it happens, he was a boy. I haven't tried for a second yet because I still feel I want another boy.

I cannot explain why I feel like this, genuinely.

Well I’m not going to speak for you OP but a lot of these posts are people wanting girls so they can buy pretty pink clothes/go for spa days with their daughters and like dancing but not football. Stereotypical, no?

I can't tell you why I wanted a boy YouBumder but it was nothing to do with football.