Having a girl but disappointed

[Neverbroken]

Whilst I’m grateful for a healthy baby I really wanted a boy a first. I have since I was a child.

So we can help how we feel?

Someone better get down to be PNd bird and tell them to cheer up and stop being so miserable. After all at least they've got babies. There's people who can't have babies

You have a right to feel how you feel and it’s not unusual to have a preference but I agree with those saying you have to be grateful

Some people cannot have children or have suffered heartbreaking losses. My baby girl died the day before she was due and I gave birth to her knowing she was already dead. My pregnancy was otherwise perfect and healthy as far as I knew.

I’m not saying this to make you feel bad but to maybe put things into perspective. It might help you appreciate your baby and be happier

I appreciate what I have so much more now and it’s a shame it took such a loss to make me feel that way, if that makes sense

I honestly did have an idea that I’d like two children, a boy and a girl (not necessarily in that order but I am one of two and have a brother) but now I don’t know what the future holds but I’d just be so happy to have my baby girl back

I hope that makes sense OP

@foxmuffin how did they give it away?

You guys must have missed the part where I said I didn’t help myself by only looking for boys clothes. There are many reasons I didn’t want a girl and never once did I say I wouldn’t challenge my feelings or accept her I just posted my initial shock and fresh reaction, you guys have taken it so far it’s disgusting. Bashing me in the process which I find amusing. You only know me from the very little vague snippets I post, concoct the type of person I am in your head treating me based off that concoction of foolishness.

@joystir59 my child will not be being adopted. I will love my baby all the same as many others have said by the time she gets here the disappointment will have gone.

@SMaCM Thank you, it was just my initial feeling that I let out but that is so cute that you kept checking. I reread the paper a couple of times too!

@1990carey they can honestly do one. The fact that there are people on here that have had multiple miscarriages that felt the same as me helps me realise it is natural and I will get over it. To be quite honest I think I am over it I’ve stopped saying baby and the same Evening was calling the baby her it was just taking a little to sink in. One thing I do know is the people on mumsnet can be very supportive but they can also be very judgemental, rude and harsh when they’re ready so as you said I ignore those ones especially when they’re doing nothing to help or understand your situation. Sometimes I give them a bit of cheek back too depends how I feel. I know I will feel amazing once she gets here. I actually wish I could fast forward to that part, seems like forever waiting!

I’ve had a missed miscarriage that’s how my last pregnancy ended so no need to pop over there. I spent a lot of time on those boards two years ago thank you. @itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted

@Neverbroken

Sonographer referred to the baby as he. We had to go back a second time and reiterated we didn’t want to know. That sonographer didn’t give anything away. She was brill.

What is this silly little tag team going on on my post? ... I have to wonder.

Alice RR

So sorry

This is so common. I would step away from the thread. Lots of Mums admit to wanting one or the other. It’s natural. From the moment you find out you’re pregnant you start mentally visualising your baby. It doesn’t make you a bad person and won’t make you any less of a mother to your baby.

This is where sex socialisation begins. In the womb. Or even earlier.

When you think about it OP, what difference does it actually make? In terms of babies, there is no difference between males and females except the way you treat them. And this sets them on a gendered pathway, labelling and boxing them in.

Have a girl and dress her in blue if you want. Let her play with trucks, mud and footballs if that's what she wants to do. Let her explore the whole world, not just her limited 'half' of it. You will have a happy, well rounded child and you won't care a jot what sex they are.

@contraceptionismyfriend Right this is exactly my point I’m not saying it will last for the next 24 weeks but for right now that’s how I feel and I have a right to my feelings. Between @marthasginyard, @pictish and someone else telling me to give my baby up for adoption honestly am sitting here rolling my eyes.

@aliceRR I completely understand where you’re coming from and I am really sorry for your loss ❤️ My last pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage this pregnancy was also a vanishing twin so can you understand that I’m grateful that my baby has a heart beat, I’m grateful that atleast one baby grew in there, I got to see it sucking its thumb on the scan or that I made it past 12 weeks?
What is annoying me Is the people latching onto only the negatives points in my post. In fact I remember coming from the scan after thinking I’d had another missed miscarriage and posting how happy I was no one replied. But I express a tiny bit of initial disappointment and people have jumped on it, literally attacked it’s crazy. Worst part is people telling me to give my baby up for adoption a permanent solution to a temporary feeling I do not think so. It is the initial shock I am posting about that is all. Yes there are some people that can’t have children if I could change that for them I would. That is not to assume that everything is going to continue to go well with this pregnancy however I have the right to pose about what is happening in this moment that’s simple as.

@Fairenuff it was honestly just my initial reaction. Really I just want her to get here now it won’t make a difference she will wear and play with what she wants and be her own person most definitely.

OP I understand where you are coming from and I honestly meant what I said in a positive way. My pregnancy was the happiest time in my life and the last few months have been the hardest time BUT my life is actually so enriched by the genuine love, care and support I have. It was probably already there but this has obviously meant people have made efforts to show they are there for me and also I just feel how fragile life is and appreciate everything more and was kind of trying to maybe make your experience more positive by thinking that way.

It sounds like you have been through a lot and I wish you all the best with your pregnancy. I didn’t see the posts about adoption but obviously you need to do what feels right for you and it seems to me now this post was just a way to share your initial disappointment that you were not having a boy.

Gender disappointment is a real thing. Don’t feel bad about it but you do need to deal with it.

Sat 04 May 19 23:36:25
“Thank you @Laurg found out yesterday & I can’t wrap my head around it.“

Sorry that’s in response to,

“Direct me to where I once said I can’t wrap my head around it? .... I’ll wait @pictish.”

The waiting is over. There you go.

Conversely, I didn’t say you should give your baby up for adoption as you suggest I did in your previous post. You can check back. I’ll wait.

You have quite the imagination.

I understand OP.

I was devastated when I found out DS3 was a DS at 16 weeks. He was going to be my last baby and I desperately wanted a girl although I already had one (who was desperate for a sister) and had lost DD2 at birth which explains why.

The fact that I'd buried my 2nd daughter didn't make me feel grateful that I was having another child.

A lot of the pregnancy felt pretty pointless until the last few weeks although I took all the vits, didn't drink, etc.

You are entitled to your feelings,they are real, we can't control them, only try to understand them. Obviously if they continue after you have him, you should seek help. I was worried that mine would and he would pick up on it but thankfully it was adoration at first sight, those feelings were quickly forgotten and are incomprehensible now!

@pictish when did I say you directly told me to give up my baby for adoption? Go and fact check that since you have nothing better to do than upset pregnant women for expressing how they feel. In that moment I couldn’t wrap my head around it as I was convinced my baby was a boy. Why in the hell you think I owe you, some random clearly trolling miserable person an explanation as to how i feel is beyond me. That’s why you and Marthasginyard get along so well misery loves flippin company. I wasn’t literally waiting you sad person but Since you like to search through comments go and find the one where I said you directly told me to give up my baby for adoption then find the comment of the person who actually did. That’s your next mission ... 1,2,3 ... GO and don’t actually return.

@QueenOfTheEighthKingdom I’m sure everybody in life has had news they weren’t expecting and had to take time to get used to it. The way these lot have gone on on here is downright silly I tell you. I’m sure after she’s here I won’t feel like that and I can allow myself to dream about what I want for my own life as anybody else is entitled to do. According to certain people I shouldn’t be allowed to dream. My mind shouldn’t be allowed to wander and think of the future. I should live in misery and depression like that hasn’t been these story of my life, that’s not what I want for myself. Sad sad people.

And do not take my comments out of context. I cannot wrap my head around everything it is all happening fast.

Thank you @Laurg found out yesterday & I can’t wrap my head around it. Haven’t even gotten used to being pregnant yet everything is happening so fast.

@letssplashmummy I think you are right about the control part.

I don't think you're daft OP. I also don't think you'll feel this way forever.
I wanted a DS since I was a child as I had a name I loved and wanted to use but no equivalent girl's name.
I was told I was having a girl and I remember thinking all sorts of things about how I now had the challenge of finding a name and the fear of having to raise a girl in a family like mine, which are very sexist.
I actually refused to tell anyone what we'd been told as I had such a strong feeling that it was wrong.
Ultimately I was right and I have DS with the name I dreamed of but I don't think that delegitimises the feelings anyone has if they have a vision in their head and are disappointed (initially) when the reality doesn't match.
However I'm sure once you get used to the idea, pick out a name and a few outfits, you'll wonder how you could ever have wished your girl was any different.