Having a girl but disappointed

[Neverbroken]

Whilst I’m grateful for a healthy baby I really wanted a boy a first. I have since I was a child.

My first was a boy. I had no preference but I was certain I was carrying a boy. He was. Second time I was certain I was carrying a girl. I wasn’t bothered but thought one of each might be nice. He was another boy. As soon as I saw him I realised I hadn’t wanted a girl. I hadn’t wanted a boy either. What I wanted was this baby I now had in my arms.

Your little girl will be the best thing that ever happened to you I am sure xx

I had strongest feeling I’d have a boy. I wasn’t worried and didn’t have a preference either way. I’ve got a beautiful dd. I find these threads a bit strange, it’s interesting though that this is the first I’ve read where the op wanted a boy.

I think the reason I find them strange is because he or she is a little person, seems really horrid to be disappointed before they’re even born. My dd was a happy accident, these planned babies almost have it worse.
Having to be the correct gender for a first time parent who isn’t valuing what really matters...🤷🏼‍♀️ That they have a healthy baby.

I understand gender disappointment is a thing and I don’t mean to offend, I just cant get my head around it. We aren’t here to be what our parents want in gender or personality. Also your boy or girl might decide they want to be a different sex entirely.

Op, you aren't responsible for other people's problems and what they are going through doesn't mean you don't get to have feelings. Ignore the people that are basically saying you can't feel sad because others have it worse.

Also your boy or girl might decide they want to be a different sex entirely

You can't change sex.

Sex disappointment is irrational, it's pointless saying you can't get your head round it. It's like telling someone with ocd that their rituals are meaningless. Knowing it's irrational doesn't solve the issue.

Sorry I should have said gender

I wasn’t trying to solve the issue, I’ve noticed it comes up again and again and you read threads of people desperate to conceive, I just wonder if people are just sticking to the same threads or boards and not reading overall active threads. Like if you read a post about someone whose babies stillborn, how can you be bothered about gender...

I’m allowed an opinion, and I felt like 2:28 was a good enough time to have it.

I completely get it, OP. Growing up, I always wanted a big brother so I wanted a boy first. Luckily I got my wish as since having him I've had girl, girl, girl, girl!

I do, however, distinctly remember being in hospital with my firstborn and thinking "Why was I so bothered about him being a boy? They all shit, sleep and cry!"

I’m beginning to think people have children for the least important reasons after reading this. We have kids to make us happy? Dear me life is hard!

I totally understand, this is exactly why we didn't find out the gender. Me and DH always imagined we'd have a son but now we couldn't imagine her being anyone else. When she was born all we thought about was her being healthy (and hopefully happy) hopefully you get used the idea and once you have her in you're arms you'll forget you ever felt like this 😍

'Don’t understand what my ex has to do with the gender of my baby?'

Well, biologically.... quite a bit, but unlike you, I don't wish to be pedantic.

I was on the thread where he sat on your stomach hoping you would miscarry....and the one where in a previous pregnancy you believed he poisoned you and you did actually miscarry.

Thought you'd just be relieved perhaps.

It’s probably more normal than people let on to sometimes. Can’t speak form experience as I was just wanting baby to be healthy I’ve never been into gender preferences etc when it comes to it as all babies are so innocent I can’t stand people putting their opinions on something so innocent and helpless. Society is really screwed up. But in our culture people prefer boys and it pisses me off to no end as girls are seen as a sob story and negative. Still have a very long way to go don’t we.

Dear oh dear. Poor kid.

You feel what you feel and there is nothing wrong with that.

I had a DD first and now I’m pregnant with my second (DS). I had 2 mc last year and even at 25 weeks pregnant I still feel I’m going to lose him at any moment. I don’t care what sex the baby is, I just pray he arrived safe and healthy.

I promise you when you see you lovely DD for the first time, nothing else matters.

I always wanted a boy, got pregnant and had a boy, he's going to be a only child and although I love him so much I am sad I will never have matching clothes or girls outfits and makeup and girly gossip! Think of the positive, they always say a girl's for life and a husband is until he gets a wife!

I had the same feelings when I was pregnant with my DD, I already had a son and wanted 2 little boys. I think it may have come from the relationship I have with my own DM.
Anyway up until about 6 months after she was born I never really connected with her, she’s now 10 and like my best friend, I love having a daughter she’s so caring and loving.
Take some time to get used to the idea and you will get there

I was so disappointed to find out I was having a boy. I cried and lost interest in pregnancy briefly. When he was born I couldn’t imagine him any other way. He is perfect. I’m sure you’ll feel the same.

Ehhh...it’s a bit daft to have nurtured this ‘boy first’ fantasy to the point of expectation, when you are well aware it can go either way.

Because really...it’s not that you don’t want a boy, it’s that you wanted both genders in a certain order, which is another level of daydream.
Come on now.

I am sad I will never have matching clothes or girls outfits and makeup and girly gossip

I don't have any of those things with my DM. We enjoy hiking and camping and eating in restaurants together, but she enjoys the exact same things with my brother.

Women do still have good relationships with their adult sons! My mother and brother are very close, as are my husband and MIL.

Trying to picture or idealise what the baby will be like is a recipe for disappointment. You need to change the outlook, you can't predict or control so many things about them from sex to hair colour to introvert/extrovert to academic ability to hobbies.... you just enjoy whatever they are, it's lovely.

It sounds like you are trying to get some control over a difficult time but you are attaching this impulse to the wrong things. Forget the life going to plan, nobodies does, and there is something reassuring about growing up and realising this. Congratulations on your healthy baby girl.

I sort of get how you got to imagine your new baby.
When I was pregnant I kept imagining my new baby as a boy. Call it mother's intuition or just a random fluke of the brain.
The difference is that I realised immediately it was silly and that it could cause problems, so I forced myself to think of the future child as a girl instead.
It turns out it was a boy. Again, intutition or fluke. Who knows?

The point is that you can't control your fellings as they emerge, but I do think you can nurture them or counterbalance them.

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way, but you did allow yourself to get involved in a fantasy world for you that could laid the ground for disappointment.

What you can do NOW, is to encourage good feelings and good fantasies of having a girl instead of delving in the loss of your fantasy. It was only just that, a fantasy.

It's like mourning someone dear. You can allow yourself to keep that person constantly in your mind or you can move on and look to the future.

Take some time to notice little girls around you, focus on the good points of being a girl, start imagining yourself with that girl.
Hopefully, your feelings will change.

If necessary have some counselling. Just don't allow your child to ever feel she wasn't wanted.

Just don’t ever tell your DD this as that will make her feel crap.

Why?

I'm the daughter of a woman who was certain she was having/ and really wanted a son. Back in them days they couldn't find out what they were having.
When I was born, my mother says she was so upset I was a girl and was really down about it. Gave it a few days to register (don't worry, I was still fed and looked after) and 26 years later, she says she wouldn't change me for the world and so glad she was wrong.

Don't worry OP, give it a few days maybe even weeks but you'll get used to the idea. All the very best for the upcoming birth and welcoming of your beautiful little girl 💕

"Matching clothes"!!!!! I have heard everything now! Why would you even want to do that? Your child is not a fashion accessory!

@Mumofone1593, I have a daughter and don't have any of that stuff so it may not have happened anyway. Please try not to be sad about what you don't have.

Mine is 6 and lives in jeans or joggers and hoodies and refuses to even try on a dress, she's delighted she can dangle upside down from a tree in the playground at school wearing her shorts without showing her knickers or getting tangled up in flowy gingham material as that's what happens to her friends apparently. And she also refuses to wear her beautiful bright green raincoat if I'm wearing my khaki military jacket because "we can't look the same!"

Hello I was told at 26 I couldn't have children naturally but I did manage at 29 to fall pregnant on my own and I really wanted a boy dreamt of having a boy I was certain I was having a boy. I couldn't find out sex at my scans baby didn't participate in the end I had a girl sounds terrible but I felt that gender disappointment once she was here and I did struggle with my bond. But I did bond and looked after her and breastfed her till she was 18 months. In the end it didn't matter she wasn't a boy. You will bond I promise you and really don't feel bad about your thoughts and feelings now your only human hun xx I myself have had infertility secondary infertility and recurrent misscarriage but I would never judge anyone on their thoughts and feelings as there is no right or wrong way to feel pregnancy is emotional and tough it's basically a roller-coaster give your self time it will come xxx good luck

@decormad38 I wouldn’t!
@youbumder oh right I get you now.