Having a girl but disappointed

[Neverbroken]

Whilst I’m grateful for a healthy baby I really wanted a boy a first. I have since I was a child.

Some disappointment is normal. But as pp have said when the baby is in your arms the last thing you'll care about is what's between their legs.

Plus, she might not necessarily be a "girl". Could identify as a boy - you never know! And if you'd had a boy, it may not have been their gender.

Best of luck with your pregnancy :)

Yes I am relieved my baby is okay thanks very much. I wrote I am grateful for a healthy baby. Nobody here was talking about my ex. I know you were on the thread I recognise your username but he has nothing to do with this post at all so why bring him up is my point? You think I need you to remind me of what I went through? @marthasginyard

@tobebythesea I completely get that. My last pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage so that repeating is something you never really stop worrying about.

@pictish my lord let me daydream for a second. Reality has slapped me out of it you happy now?

Thank you for understanding @lunablue765 ❤️

If you knew you really wanted a boy you shouldn't have found out before the birth.

@tinekittie2 you’re very right! Baby will be loved regardless I just always have ways I want things to go.

I am looking forward to that moment where I get to hold my baby for the first time ❤️ But as other posters have said I do still have my 20 week scan to worry about although looking at the date they’ve given me I’ll be 22 weeks by then I’m sure. Is this something I need to mention?

If you knew you really wanted a boy you shouldn't have found out before the birth.

No you are wrong. IME if you have a preference it's better to find out. That way you get over it before baby is born.

I wouldn't dare gender any child of the noughties! They choose for themselves.

OP

I thought after what you had been through miscarrying....and being terrified you'd indeed lost this pregnancy....that you'd just be happy your dc was ok.

Yes I read you are 'relieved' etc but just not what you would have 'chosen'.

I experienced being slightly deflated at an early scan being told my dc was likely a boy.

When I had to give birth to him at just under 19 weeks I can't even describe the guilt I felt. Really made me realise it's just not important at all.

But you haven’t daydreamed ‘for a second’ - you’ve built your vision up over a protracted period (since you were a child). It seems obtuse to say it but we’re all aware we don’t get to choose the sex. Even children know that.
To say you had your heart set on a boy and you can’t wrap your head around having a girl simply because it’s in the wrong order seems...you know...pfffft. I’m finding it hard to sympathise with you. I understand gender disappointment but this isn’t the same.
You set yourself up for this by pinning your hopes on a daydream. Suggest you shake yourself out and bash on. And I do mean that kindly.

I wouldn't dare gender any child of the noughties! They choose for themselves.

^ This is either a very amusing piss take of the current bollocks

OR (if you're being serious)

Just Bollocks.

Quite

To add, I didn’t know but felt the sonographer gave it away. Turns out she did!! That was so annoying as we desperately wanted a surprise.

@Serin

Exactly, I mean who’s to say they even identify as human? My DSS regularly pretends to be a lion so we just embrace it and feed him raw meat

People will tell you it's wrong to have a preference, but you can't help what you feel

Of course you can help what you feel. The entirety of civilization is built on "helping what you feel". You can reason with yourself, you can challenge your own ideas, you can seek out ways to get some bloody perspective. You can dismantle the silly rigid sex stereotypes you're carrying.

I can't help how I feel, dragon, because I really don't know why I wanted a boy. I could not explain it. I even had counselling to try and unpick it.

It’s not about a preference...OP wants a girl too, but only after a boy.

'It’s not about a preference...OP wants a girl too, but only after a boy.'

Exactly

I had images of my son and what we would do as he grew. I had a name picked out and everything. When DD was born I kept checking to see if they were right about her being a girl.

We had an absolutely awesome time while she was growing up and she is now my best friend as an adult.

Please don't worry about it. It just doesn't fit the images you have created in your head yet.

Please dont let all the nasty comments upset you, u can completely understand the disappoint because you had a picture in your head. The moment we find out were pregnant we have a picture in our head oh how it will be. And it in no way means you will be a bad mum or let your child down or what ever other people are making you out to be. You will be a fab mum and you will be totally I love with your baby once it arrives. Congratulations!

Pop on over to the infertility or miscarriage boards perhaps then you will feel much luckier

You can reason with yourself, you can challenge your own ideas, you can seek out ways to get some bloody perspective

SoHotADragonRetired
What blasphemous thinking ! Surely you meant 'aw hun. Be kind to yourself ' 'No one can help themselves about anything' (not forgetting- 'have a spa day and all will be well ')

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted I had a miscarriage (on honeymoon of all places) and was absolutely heartbroken but I still understand how the OP feels. In fact in my subsequent pregnancy after the miscarriage, I felt so ill with HG that I had fantasies of terminating the pregnancy. No one can predict how they will feel or act once they're actually pregnant and hormones are all over the place.

Hand your baby daughter over for adoption OP. No girl deserves to be brought up by a disappointed mother.

Well let me express my slight deflation in peace thank you @marthasginyard just because I’ve been open about how I feel that doesn’t make me wrong. I’ve expressed a good few times I am very happy my baby is healthy and alive. You seem determined to make me live in my past experience of the assault and my missed miscarriage but you have failed. I know what I went through unfortunately so do you and you keep on mentioning it. For my own mental state I will not dwell on it. Don’t use your loss as an excuse, I’ve also experienced the loss of a baby it has not changed my natural human feeling and I cannot see into the future so who knows what will happen. But I can speak for NOW & how I feel about what is happening NOW.

Direct me to where I once said I can’t wrap my head around it? .... I’ll wait @pictish. I was hoping for a boy. End of. Why are you going back and forth with me about the gender of my own baby? We all have dreams as children of how we want our life to go. Yes I realise life doesn’t work out how you want which is why I can most definitely wrap my head around it. I haven’t had a fairytale life so I can wrap my head around not getting my own way. Don’t find it hard to sympathise with me when I didn’t ask you to sympathise at all so don’t go out of your way to try but since you have no understanding of what I am feeling and are offering nothing why do you keep talking? Why do you feel you must come here and be disrespectful do yourself a favour and be quiet. Let me speak to people who understand, you bash on with your day go and annoy some other people on their posts. I mean that kindly.

'Don’t use your loss as an excuse'

My loss is no excuse and certainly wasn't meant to be one.

Good luck with your future dc you never know you may be in luck and they may have got the sex wrong, you could end up with your DS first after all, hopefully followed by the DD you next desire.

Sincerely All the best Op

Pictish a poster I have held in high regard for many, many years giving excellent advice on many boards here.

Her posting is always extremely well intended I find.

It really is.