Due December 2019

[Boogie20]

Hi!!

This week I have taken 4 pregnancy tests, all positive. I’m afraid to get too excited because it is so early. I’ll be 5 weeks tomorrow. I have no other signs of pregnancy so it doesn’t feel real yet. Anyone else in the same boat?

First pregnancy, so many questions but I can’t ask friends or family yet.

@Dec19baby I’m same, struggling to manage without an afternoon nap on my days off, and I’m even earlier on than you. Think it gets better after the first trimester

@Dec19baby yep I'm exhausted! My 4 month old is making sure I get 0% rest 😂 he's stopped napping in the day time so it's full on until 7:30pm when he has splash splash and bed soon after.... don't know how I'm gonna survive with 2 😜

I'm just absolutely shattered. It's really the only symptom I have. At work now trying not to doze off at my desk.

Getting the early scan done tonight, I should be right about 6 weeks depending on when this baby stuck. I wish DH were on board with all of this (still struggling to cope with the idea of going from 2 to 3) so I feel very isolated and have no one to talk to.

For those of you who are working, when are you choosing to tell work?

@gwenneh Hi! I'm exactly 6 weeks tomorrow so we have pretty much same due date! It's my first pregnancy and I'm also falling asleep at my desk... I want to say to my manager at 12 weeks (unless I get bad morning sickness before). I'm not planning to tell the rest of the office until week 14-16. I feel a little bit nauseous today (I think, I don't even know how are you supposed to feel when you're nauseous )! Good luck with your scan, let us know how it goes!

I'm not telling my manager until the first scan. I do work in probably a high risk area in the hospital, but unless something comes up which requires me to tell someone, I'm not saying until we know everything is okay initially. It's absolutely killing me though, as I'm struggling during the day with tiredness.
I think my husband won't really get it until we have the scan. There's no obvious bump yet, and symptoms haven't been completely awful, like vomiting, so don't think it's fully settled in yet with him lol he's just freaking out it's happening so soon I think!
I'm sorry you feel so alone @gwenneh. I'm sure he just needs time to get used to the idea, maybe he's worried about how you'll cope with an extra mouth to feed initially?

@Dec19baby I don’t think he’s as worried about the mouth to feed as much as the exhaustion, and dividing time between all three DC. Plus we just moved into a 3 bedroom house, so he doesn’t see how we are all going to fit. Never mind we lived in much smaller places in London and that my mum is an absolute genius for arranging things. Financially we’ll be fine, it’s the least worry right now.

I wish I could talk to her but it’s too soon to discuss it with anyone.

I think, emotionally and mentally, you need to be able to talk to someone. Most people tell their parents, but it could be a friend even. 12 weeks is a long time of worry to not tell anyone.
And at least you are financially fine then. That is our main concern, as it probably is for a lot of people. It's a big weight not to have that worry at all, so that's something good for you.

I didn’t tell my family yet as I am not sure how they will react, because this pregnancy wasn’t expected and I know they will be worried about me (they don’t live in the UK). But I told some of my friends because I needed to talk about it, the ones they have already a baby and they have a better idea about how the situation will be for us. My OH’s parents know already and I think they took the news in a good way. I am waiting for the 12 weeks scan and if everything goes well, I will feel stronger to tell my family by then.

@IHD83 exactly; I have no idea how my family will react. You would think that being 39 I'd be past worrying about that kind of thing, but here I am.

Of the three close friends I tell absolutely everything to, one is infertile and going through a divorce, one had a miscarriage recently, and one desperately wants a third baby but is being fiscally responsible and not having one -- I worry about their feelings so I haven't said anything.

I also don't feel right saying anything while DH is over there still wishing we weren't having another baby at all.

I think you're thinking of others too much, and not thinking of yourself. It's still early days so your husband sounds like he just needs more time. Doesn't mean you should suffer alone and not have anyone to talk to. And no matter how bad your friends situation is I'm sure they wouldn't want you to be alone either. They'll know how this feels I'm sure. Just hoping you don't feel too alone that's all. I can't imagine not having anyone to talk to =(

For those of you who are working, when are you choosing to tell work?

I told my boss straight away so I could take advantage of our generous maternity policy :) free time off for all appointments or any pregnancy related sickness. I’m 7-8 weeks and have so far had two full days off for scans (the scan itself in the morning and then the afternoon unexpectedly both times as I was left in too much pain from the scan to be able to work). They’re super supportive and if you’re too sick or nauseous to work they don’t count it against you on your sick record, just tell you to go rest and come back whenever you’re ready. Couldn’t access any of that if they didn’t know it was pregnancy related.

Had my second scan yesterday everyone! Measuring right on track at 7-8 weeks and we saw the heartbeat flashing strongly on the screen at the perfect speed! My OH came this time and I couldn’t believe in the space of two weeks it went from only seeing the yolk and sac to seeing the baby with a heartbeat. Just looked like a little smudge really but I could kinda see arm paddles. Never seen anything so gorgeous in our lives. It was really funny, afterwards I got this weird sense I’d invaded the baby’s privacy by going in and having a look 😂 but it looked so snug and busy in there making a little home and growing so fast. I’m delighted, know we’re not out of the woods yet (is anyone really until they hold their baby?) but chances of miscarriage having seen a healthy heartbeat at seven weeks drop down to one in twenty. So I think I can finally start to relax and enjoy this journey and it blows my mind every time I stop and realise there are now two hearts beating inside of me, not one. I felt such a rush of love for this tiny grey smudge I cried so much I almost accidentally pushed the vaginal wand out laughing at myself 😂

Oh lucky you with such a great maternity policy! And I’m so happy your scan went beautifully.

I’m in the US so maternity policy is a joke; however, the company I work for is pretty progressive so I might be able to negotiate more than six weeks of unpaid leave. Kicking myself for not having unplanned baby #3 while still in the UK! (Not really.)

I know if I tell my manager now (I’m the CEO’s direct report) I would get the time off for appointments but somehow I can’t bring myself to do it and so have been planning things in my lunch break or after work.

Had my early scan and bloods done yesterday and I’m not sure if I’ll be sticking around here or not. Being in the US, my consultant OB doesn’t do scans so I was sent to the local radiology group. The ultrasound tech was very nice but by law they aren’t allowed to say or interpret anything they see,so there was a lot of clicking and silence. She did, at one point, try to measure a heartbeat so I keep thinking surely she wouldn’t have tried for that if there was nothing to measure? But I won’t know definitively if I have a viable pregnancy until my doctor gets the report and confirms it. I did peek at the screen and basically saw what is clearly my uterus, measured and empty...so I don’t know.

So like I said earlier, yes, lots of scans, but right now doing nothing for my nerves.And to top it off I have a huge bruise where the lab drew bloods yesterday, too.

Six weeks of maternity leave in US...that’s insane. Last year I had bad anemia from the birth because I lost a lot of blood, and which last more than 6 weeks, so I could still feel weak. Plus a lot of stitches down there...
I wouldn’t be able to go back to work honestly. I am Spanish and in Spain we have by law 4 months of maternity leave, which I think is too little anyway.
Hope the scan results are good 🤞

It's shameful how little maternity leave is here. The state I am in is supposed to be "quite progressive" in legislating a mandatory 12 weeks, but that only applies to companies of 50 or more.

Which we are not.

I did wind up telling my manager today, partially because she is delightful as both a mentor and friend and partially because no matter which way the scan results go work needs to know so I can have my protected time off. And I feel better for having told someone and not quite so alone now.

DH suggested moving back to Ireland. Clearly the man is still in shock.

@gwenneh My OH said the same when we found out about this pregnancy, move either to Spain or Denmark (he is Danish). It is basically because we planned at least a year or two in the flat we are living now, which is 2 bed flat. With two babies now and how life cost is in London, we have a lot of doubts. He is the only one working atm, as I am in maternity leave and won’t be able to go back to work at least for another year or so... nurseries are quite expensive, we thought about finding a childminder for our older boy for the first months after having the new baby, if we decide to stay in UK. So I know what you mean. I think the best is thinking where the life would be easier/more stable. If you both have jobs where you are now and you can afford living there, maybe is the most sensible way, but also considering where you would be happier. In our case, we still don’t know and we will talk about it once I pass the 12 weeks 😉

So had a early scan today as had some light bleeding and cramps. Got to see the tiny heart beating away - 9 weeks today and so happy it is all going well.

I have just found out I am being made redundant, well at "risk of redundancy" which has thrown a massive spanner in the works as had a really good maternity package here - not told work and don't really know what to do if I can't get it reversed or another role in the company. Technically I would be unemployable at 9 weeks pregnant or 12 by the time the consultation period is over.

I am totally lost and have no idea what to do. All I know is I have a healthy baby growing away which is keeping thing in perspective!

Not been able to tell anyone as we are waiting for the 12 week scan so can't even get support from friends and family. All just feels overwhelming at the moment x

I stupidity did another pregnancy test this morning (done one before since the initial positive test) and the test line was fainter than it was before. This has just made me worry now (most likely unnecessarily!) =( Husband says I should just stop doing them, and that I'm just stressing over nothing. It's just coz I have a few left over, thought might as well use them, they'll reassure me over this long wait
Really think I will look into an early scan in a few weeks when I'm 9-10 weeks.. just can't wait another month for the NHS scan!

Oh no, @smitch82! That's a stressful situation. Can you speak to someone about being eligible for maternity allowance if you're made redundant? It might at least get you through somewhat.

@IHD83 DH was like this when DS1 was born and it resulted in us wasting a large part of his inheritance on an unsuitable property. It's his "fight-or-flight" kicking in. We've lived in Ireland before but there's no way I'd go back. For one, I disliked living there (was very cold and very rainy and we were very isolated). Two, I'd have to give up my job just as my career has grown some legs (and I'd lose both financially and professionally.) Three, we've bought a house in the US and we're settled but with little equity to move with and four, we have ZERO help there (because his family is basically NC.) No way I'd move away from my family, who are going to be falling all over themselves to help us and who the DC adore, to a cold rainy rock where I have no help and would have to re-establish myself and our family. I heard him out and then told him all of this, and he knows I'm right. He just felt he had to say it.

@Dec19baby BREATHE. They're qualitative, not quantitative. They have different amounts of dye in every batch. Early scans can be great but definitely ditch the tests if they ping your anxiety!

I so know you're right. I'm a scientist and do this for a living, but since becoming pregnant my common sense and knowledge have just went out the window when it comes to myself

@gwenneh It is then quite obvious the choice is where you are now, I guess your husband needs bit of time to assume the news. And something really important is living near family, which I really miss because we are alone here. So I agree with you on all those points. I would try not to overthink too much and enjoy this journey as much as you can. I’m sure once your family knows, they will be happy with the new baby and they will be a great help ☺️. I wish I had things clear about our live! 🤣

@smitch82 a bit tricky situation... maybe you could tell your job, so they can re-consider options, but at the same time, I am not sure if that’s the best idea. It might be good to check your maternity allowance as said before.

@IHD83 @gwenneh I am going to speak to citizens advice and see what they say. I don't want to say anything as it could be detrimental to my case. Currently lost as to why my role is going to seeking advice as it of the redundancy is lawful or not.

@December2018 How is it going? Did you have already appointment with the midwife or have you had an early scan?

@IHD83 hey there 😊
I'm still waiting for my booking in appointment I should get a letter this week at some point, I'm gonna book a scan for around 9-10 weeks I'm 8 weeks tomorrow
How are you??

I must say the maternity notes app (my midwife uses it rather than paper notes) has been amazing. On the same day of my booking appointment with the midwife it sent me the scan date and time 21st may! Which is exciting! Then it put all my blood test results on within two days too which was all fine!

Not having to wait for long periods for that information is an absolute god send!