Catching up with those from TTC thread- 3

[EltzBee]

A new thread as we're approaching the end of the last one!
@sunshine1987 @SullyWifey @mrsof20118 @GemmaJen @RanchoRelaxo @Delilah7 @Crossfitgirl @EltzBee @AngeloMysterioso @ChaosMoon sorry if I've missed people please feel free to tag people I've missed so far!

@Fivebyfive2 I totally get it. I did the same. ❤️

It's so lovely seeing it in words @Fivebyfive2. Definitely call your GP when they open on Tuesday morning to get the ball rolling, and explain as well so they know for sure. Glad you're positive and letting yourself be excited 😊

Yeah got tomorrow off for the bank holiday. I definitely have more energy than I did first trimester!

Can't believe I'm 23 weeks now, somehow it being May now makes August seem like it's not far off!

@Fivebyfive2 it’s so nice to see it in words isn’t it!

@Cookie0508 @EltzBee I’m falling asleep fine then around 3am I wake up, wide awake and can’t get back to sleep, it’s so frustrating

I started making a list of all the things I need for the baby, and now I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed by it all.

Thanks @Fivebyfive2 yes I do have tomorrow off, I'm so glad! xx

@stormtrooperjulian that's literally me! I usually start to pass out by 9.30pm then I'm up at 3am. So frustrating! I've not even looked at lists yet, my friends keep telling me I don't need much at first. I'm still holding off buying things yet, we've only got the travel system and a few clothes so far.

@Delilah7 I'm the same, I just want animal prints and if it's a girl I'll order flower garland ones, if it's a boy just the plain ones. That's about it!

@Crossfitgirl it's not a bad way to be though! I'm just bland and have a set image of what I like haha. I plan outfits then have to find clothes that exists and are something like what I imagined. It's annoying 😂

@BostonFern oh I'm glad you get me! I'm so annoying I do everyone's head in but I like to know where I am! Life gets so hectic I hate not knowing where I am one day to the next. So happy everything was good for you!

@stormtrooperjulian It annoys my OH daily 😂

@thumper59 you're safer doing a safari type theme but I love animals so I'm forcing my child too 😂😂😂😂

@Delilah7 oh same! Our child will be forced too. Especially dogs as they'll be all over baby from it being born 😂

Morning ladies. Been to for an hour or two and can't get back to sleep 😴

Got annoyed at a friend who messaged me last night, they were recommending a book about baby sleep and then started going on about breastfeeding. I said thanks but we're formula feeding and they decided to lecture me and ask if I'd really thought about it etc. I managed to keep me patience and just say it is the best choice for us and I respect other people's choice to do differently.

But really pissed me off. It's my baby, my body, my physical and mental health and my choice how I feed them!

@EltzBee god that sounds awful! I'm sure I'm going to get the same - I'm planning on bottle feeding. My entire family (bar my brother's children) have been bottle fed and we're all just fine!

@MrsR16 it made me really angry. It's totally our choice! We have got a perfect prep machine ready and bottles (MAM to try at first), and both very happy with our decision. Like you said plenty of us have been bottle fed and turned out more than fine 😊

Picked up my step sisters old rocking chair on Saturday, and bought some paint to repaint it and fabric to create a nice seat and back cushion for it in the nursery. Just need to find some foam large enough now!

@EltzBee I've got perfect prep too and Tommee Tippee bottles to try first. At the end of the day whatever's best for you will be best for baby. Hate it when people force their opinions on stuff like that! Xx

@Delilah7 I think we have 2 tommee tippee bottles as well that came with goody bag things, and we got a starter set of the MAM ones at baby show. I've heard such good things about the perfect prep 😊 I'm tempted to carry it upstairs each night before bed 🤣

@EltzBee, that would really pee me off too!! If people want to, and get on OK with, breath feeding, awesome. If people want to bottle feed, awesome as well! Fed is best 🙂 I haven't thought too much about what I'd do, at the moment just the 12 week scan seems like some mythical, far off place! But I'm sure nearer the time, people will give their oh so valuable opinions 😜 I heard a friend being lectured about not bottle feeding, because 'breast feeding makes a better bond'... I piped in to say I was fed through a tube in an incubator and my mum and I are like this 🤞'

@EltzBee my brother and SIL kept their perfect prep in the nursery!

Exactly! I was bottle fed and my mum and I have always been really close too. Personality makes far more difference lol.

Fed is definitely best 😊

@BostonFern that's quite a good idea! Ours is red which will actually look okay with an the foxes 🦊 in the nursery so could do that...!

@EltzBee I don't know why breast vs bottle gets people in quite such a tizzy. It is an entirely personal choice and not something to be guilt tripping and upsetting already emotional women about. I've read around the subject and looked at the research and come to my conclusion that I believe breast milk is the best option and I will try this as my first feeding choice however if it doesn't work out then formula is still going to meet my baby's nutritional needs and life will go on. I think women should be given more support to breast feed but I feel strongly against any woman being forced or pressured to do something with her body she doesn't want to do. Right now the absolute nutritionally best thing for my baby would be for me to be eating lots of fruit, veg and oily fish. In reality, I'm eating a diet of crumpets and crisps 😂 I'm doing the best job I can and my baby is fine and so far nobody has seen it as their duty to try to force broccoli down my throat. Yet we try to force woman to feed their babies in the ways we decide best without taking into account the circumstances that have led them to make their choices. It should be 'Great, you've chosen to breast feed, here's all the help, encouragement and support you need to make this work' and 'Great, you've chosen to bottle feed, I'm so pleased we live in a society where women can make autonomous decisions about their own bodies and have safe feeding alternatives'. Instead breast feeding mothers are left struggling and in pain and bottle feeding mothers are left feeling like they are depriving their babies. Why for once can women not just get behind each other and realise everyone is just trying to do the best job they can. As women I think we get enough of a raw enough deal as it is without turning on each other. Rant over

Oh totally, it's almost as though some women think because they went through it others should have to 🤣, Although here there is actually loads of support for breast feeding mother's and it's rammed down your throat from the booking in appointment onwards! Us bottle feeders are just ignored and the midwives etc won't talk about it which I think is so wrong, it's a perfectly good way for mum and dad to feed a baby!

@trashkitten10 well said!! Completely agree with you. I'm hoping to breastfeed initially then express and combi feed so DH can do some of the feeding, and if we struggle and I need a break, or I simply get to the point my nipples are too sore or I want to be away from the baby for more than a few hours, we will go to formula. DH is totally behind whatever I want to do. And everyone else should respect your choices too!
@eltzbee I have to agree, all the advice from everyone was welcome at first, but now I've kinda done my own research and decided on ways we might try things. Now I feel like every time I speak to anyone that's had a child ever always knows the best way, and even when I say we're doing it one way, they will say oh have you thought about this, because we found this was a problem...

We will figure out our own way once baby is here ffs!

Then there's the people that keep sending me links to and tagging me in unnecessary baby items that we might be interested in, like hummy toys, Sleepyheads, moses baskets...
Its like
We don't need a hummy. We have Spotify. We don't need to spend a hundred pounds on a toy that plays a few tunes that goes through hundreds of batteries when we can literally just get an Alexa, which OK is not as fluffy or cute but at least has multi uses!
Yes, we are aware that if you have a next to me crib it may mean the baby gets used to sleeping next to you and could possibly be harder to move to own room in future... But WE HAVE A SNUZPOD BECAUSE THATS WHAT WE DECIDED TO DO!!
I don't care that the swaddle blanket I just picked up to look at means my baby's arms will be constrained and the baby may lose her only way of communicating... Because if it helps her sleep and settle then ill bloody well use it!!

Your baby might love its Sleepyhead but ours is staying in the carry cot downstairs, and therefore I will only spend the astronomical £140 they are if the baby throws herself out of her carrycot and demands to me that I get her a Sleepyhead.

🙄🙄🙄🙄

@Crossfitgirl Oh gosh that is EXACTLY it! It's like...seriously, I don't want all these opinions and nonsense, I'll ask if/when I need to it! I'm not sure if they think they're being helpful, but it comes across to patronising and exhausting when it's not asked for. Sending me a random message telling me I need a book about 'gentle sleep training' isn't useful - our priority will be 'have the baby sleep', and if we struggle, we'll find our own way to get a routine.

We're totally the same and going to use the pram carry cot downstairs, someone else said I 'had to have' one of those sleepyhead things and I was just like...uh, why. It's an insane amount of money.

It sounds awful but some of these people raise their kids in a totally different way to how we would want to raise ours, so I don't even find their advise helpful at all...but I wouldn't dare say to them that they're doing it 'wrong' if it works for them!!

We're also currently avoiding a couple and their two children (nearly 4 and 1) who we used to be close to, as they seem to have gone to some weird extreme parenting thing with everything being what the baby/child wants all the time, both kids still sleep in their room, the nearly 4 year old not toilet trained, completely vegan, no discipline (because telling a child off for doing wrong is apparently bad for them...), not sending the oldest to school when he's meant to start this year (home school instead..) and my biggest objection and the reason we're staying away and won't be having them near the baby, is they refuse to vaccinate their children. I was in the GP on Friday and they had big signs up saying their was a measles outbreak in a neighbouring county so it's a risk. No idea what to say when they ask to see us next - I've managed to blame pregnancy sickness then exhaustion up to now!

I'm already super protective of my little Bean!

Sorry for the rant!!

In other news - I have obviously reached a new level of crazy because I'm googling what the differences are between Ollie the Owl and Ewan the Sheep.....

Oh but @eltzbee, you NEED the Sleepyhead! Haha. I'm totally with you on all of that. I do think people are genuinely trying to be helpful though, I guess motherhood is so hard that people want to prepare you and share what they've learnt. I'm going to make a mental note though, that if I ever give advice to anyone pregnant, I will ask if they want it first.

And sorry if anyone on here is against vaccines, but I personally think not vaccinating your kids is criminal. Why would you not protect them from easily preventable diseases, that could be fatal in worst cases to them or others they spread it to?? I can't think of a single reason not to vaccinate other than being uneducated tbh, the benefits are very clear and risks non existent. Not sure what to do on that one, I imagine you can't say it's because of the vaccines, nor can you comment on their parenting without it getting nasty! Are they quite keen on getting together or could you slowly have less and less contact and avoid seeing them?

Sounds harsh but I'm also recently trying to phase out a "friend", for completely different reasons but still valid and something I couldn't ever really tell her. We were close to the point she was a bridesmaid at my wedding, however I've come to realise the friendship is very one sided. She is quite self centred, will only do things on her terms, cancels on me last minute all the time, and to be honest she has a lot of mental health problems that are very draining to support her with and she ends up taking a lot of her mental health out on me. When I see her, I don't enjoy it she just causes me stress, and I have to walk on eggshells. I don't want someone like that in my life anymore and getting pregnant made me realise I could really do without people like that! Especially on top of all the stress I had with work. She doesn't really support me in the same way, she would listen if I had a problem but then would relate it to one of her own problems and talk about that.

If it helps, I am trying to gradually cut contact by responding to messages, but not responding to the parts when she asks if I'm free or when we can meet up, I feel absolutely terrible but I don't want to upset her by falling out or anything, I just don't want to see her and I'm hoping she may just give up and see other friends that are willing to make the effort. Then at least if I bump into her it's still amicable if that makes sense.

I must sound like a right cow, but I'm actually starting to find that I only want to surround myself with supportive, true friends who are good for us and our child, and unfortunately those that are having a negative impact - I won't be making time for.

@Crossfitgirl Oh yes I really must buy the super expensive thing they'll only use for a couple months LOL :)

I'm totally with you - I cannot comprehend how anyone can not vaccinate (medical reasons aside), when it's used around the world and is safe. I find it absolutely bizarre that people can take such a risk and I agree in my opinion childhood vaccinations like measles should be compulsory. It's scary to see the rates of outbreaks that have increased across the UK, Europe and US past few years from people not vaccinating...terrifying.

DH and I don't really know what to say to them - they've suggested meeting up a few times but I've just blamed being too tired/sick. I don't want our baby near them until our little one is safely vaccinated. I totally get that there are people out there who aren't vaccinated, but that's very different to going to someones house or them coming here or sitting at a table and having babies/toddlers play together in close contact.
They don't seem to consider how it affects anyone else - they had chicken pox recently (active spots on their oldest, youngest not showing but did get them a few days later, so both kids were contagious!) and they took them during half term week with chicken pox to a local petting farm and and cafe, and then to a play park, with lots of other people around obviously (including pregnant ladies and young babies). I couldn't comprehend it - anyone else I know has kept their contagious kids away so as not to risk giving it to anyone else (unless of course they want it lol) and the complications for pregnant people or babies can be shingles. Grrr (sorry to rant, you can tell they really piss me of lately, right!!!).

You don't sound bad at all, I think it's very fair to say that at this point in your life you don't have time for someone who is take-take-take and doesn't give you any support or provide a good presence in your life! Friendships do change as we all get older - and as our lives change with getting married or starting families. It sounds like you're being pretty reasonable - you're still maintaining a polite level of communication and not cutting all ties, like you said at least if you bump in to them, it won't be so awkward. Anyway - you have to put yourself first, physically and mentally, they're both super important :)

In other news - our Mothercare furniture delivery is going to be next Thursday, and I think that's everything apart from the wardrobe which will be a couple of weeks or so behind as on pre-order. EEEK! Feeling even more real now.

Hey ladies, just saying hi, still in hospital unfortunately but hoping to get home over the next couple of days or so. Had a blood test which showed HCG at the expected level so hoping that means all is well for now. Honestly in all the pain and post-op exhaustion I keep forgetting I'm even pregnant, this whole ordeal has unsurprisingly dulled my excitement for the time being. Getting an early scan booked in for around 6/7 weeks so that will give some answers on how things are going. How is everyone doing?

@EltzBee nice work on managing to keep your patience with your lecturing friend. I have minimal patience for people trying to lecture me, I'm a reasonably intelligent person and can do my own research on any topic that interests me, if I haven’t asked for your thoughts then I don’t want to hear your lecture!

@Crossfitgirl totally with you on the vaccination thing, I just don’t understand why people wouldn’t take every opportunity to protect their child from serious but preventable illness. I thought anti-vaxxers were more an American thing than UK though.

@Tropicana1 sorry to hear you’re still in hospital, I hope you’re not in too much pain and get to go home soon.

Only 2 days til I go on holiday, can’t wait!

@stormtrooperjulian exactly that was pretty much my thought process :)

On the 'anti-vax' thing, I think Public Health England announced there are currently over half a million children in the UK who should have been vaccinated, and haven't been, so sadly it's a big thing in the UK as well :(

@Tropicana1 hope you're feeling well soon and able to go home, it can't be much fun being stuck in hospital. Keeping everything crossed for you and that your little bean keeps on being a stubborn and tough cookie!