Should you expect your in laws to help with buying baby stuff?

[Peonyblush1]

Hi all, I’m 31 weeks today and still have a lot of the big stuff to buy for baby we’re kind of waiting for the baby shower to see what other friends and family will be getting us.

My mum and I have done most of shopping we’ve bought all the clothes and small bits and she’s buying my pushchair which is Expensive!

My in-laws have just bought two blankets and a few slogan vests.
I still have the cot, bouncer, car seat base etc to buy ..
We can afford these of course but I feel like they’re not bothering at all, it’s their first grandchild and they have a lot of money (but they’re tight) lol.

I just don’t think it’s fair that my mum is buying one of the most expensive items and they’re not bothering at all or asking us if we need anything :/
I always mention to my MIL that I still need to buy this and that but she still doesn’t seem to ask or anything ..

I don’t know if I’m expecting too much but I just thought they’d be more helpful because they always help other family members and strangers but not their own children .. bizarre?

I’m not having a baby shower to receive gifts

That's exactly what baby showers are for! YABVU, and yes, you are a CF!

“It is normal for Grandparents to offer to help towards a new baby.”

Not in my world. Apart from a toy or outfit when born, the grandparents aren’t expected to pay for anyone else’s family.

Hosting your own baby shower is grabby AF.

I'm in the States and I've never heard of anyone hosting their own shower. If they did they'd probably become a social pariah and nobody would even show up!

The whole concept is to receive gifts.

I don't think I've seen a more spoilt and grabby thread on Mumsnet I'm the 15 years I've been on here.

People aren't misunderstanding you @Peonyblush1 , they disagree.

We didn't get anything from either set of grandparents. We don't care and are just glad we have their love. Not being untitled, spoilt brats and all.

I’m just LOL’in at all these comments!
Everyone here I know have hosted their own baby showers just like they would with any kind of party. I don’t think I can ask anyone to host it for me ?
I’m not spoilt at all actually I just said it would be nice if they offered to buy one of the stuff we needed because its the thought that counts.
It’s not necessarily the fact they have to get something it’s seems more like they aren’t as bothered or excited.
I think both families should be as equally as interested it’s both their grandchild.
I know a lot of people do know where I’m coming from

I hated it when someone I know had a baby shower and sent out a list of all the things they wanted people to buy for them. They came across as a real CF!
Now we are expecting our first we have brought everything ourselves and every time someone has asked what we still need have been very clear to say nothing!
I know my ds has planned me a surprise baby shower (a friend told me) but am not expecting any gifts from it having repeatedly told my ds we brought everything already. If they decide to get gifts we will be grateful and thank them immensely but I would never expect it.
The contribution from my parents so far is they built the pushchair we ordered to their house for us so we didn’t have to keep it at ours (superstitious I know!).

You’re not supposed to ask anyone to host your baby shower either, generally they offer.

Your going all out for a baby shower but now feel you can't afford the main items you need to buy? Clearly you need to sort out your priorities.

Maybe you IL aren’t so excited about you being the DGC mother and that’s why they’re not desperate to buy gifts...

Op 99.9% of the replies have disagreed with you which thinks volumes.
The majority have commented that it is cf behaviour and grabby and you have carried on commenting back that people just don't understand.
Actually they do, fully. And disagree with you wholeheartedly.

Don't post asking a question if you can't handle the answer. And also stick to one story if you are going to post as you have given two completely different stories about waiting for people to buy you big items and having lots left to buy, and having already bought everything.

If you don't like being told you're wrong, don't post it on the internet asking for the opinion of others

I’ve only ever been to baby showers which have been arranged by friends of the mum to be with her input just being who would you like there; but each to their own. YABU to expect them to be buying things, it isn’t an indication of how excited they are for the baby either. It’s lovely of your mum to pay for the pushchair, but that was (presumably) her choice, just as buying small bits and bobs is the choice of your in laws. Buying an isofix base for example would be an odd gift in honesty.

I wasn’t sure who hosted the baby shower as it’s something we haven’t done very much so I’m doing it all by myself obviously my sister is helping with some of the planning.

Everyone here I know have hosted their own baby showers just like they would with any kind of party. I don’t think I can ask anyone to host it for me?

So which is it? Is the baby shower something you haven’t done much of and don’t know about it or has everyone had one and done it a certain way?

You don’t ask someone to host a baby shower. They offer and if they don’t, then they don’t have one and if they do then you make it very clear you don’t want one because they are grabby!

“I know a lot of people do know where I’m coming from”

Yes they do. And it’s rather a grabby place.

You dont ask someone to host your shower. This again is grabby as fuck. Someone offers. If you asked someone that would be beyond self entitled. Again hosting your own is not something I have ever come across. Although baby showers arent really the done thing in my circles so not been to many.

Can somebody please explain to me what “Grabby” means I’ve never heard of this word before 😫 it’s killing me!
Like I said we don’t do baby showers much here so I don’t know how it works if I didn’t do it I don’t think I would’ve had one.
Everyone I know has done it this way.

Grabby

Expecting others to fund your lifestyle choices then throwing a strop when they see you as grabby so don't spend their hard earned money on somebody who thinks having a child entitles them to free stuff.

HTH

Howling.
‘Am I being unreasonable?’
‘Yes’ (everyone)
‘But I’m not because....’
‘You really are’
‘But you don’t understand....’

You asked if you were being unreasonable in expecting it - but then go on to say that it’s entirely normal. So why ask the question?

You sound spoilt and entitled. Your earlier posts contradict the later ones.

Why are you having a baby shower?

@Gazelda I thought the same maybe when baby makes a safe arrival they will ask if you need anything or buy a gift.
My ILs just got a lovely outfit for mine and a Teddy 🐻 However they did so much for us roast dinners babysitting priceless.
My parents were a lot more generous brought the pram etc but know they plan to treat my DB future children the same. Strange to say real grandchildren come from DDs know people think like this though!
Yes very strange to arrange your own shower isn't it normally done by sister mum or closest friend as a surpise!? Thank god my mum and mates know I would have hated it.

Spoilt? I wish :(
I’m having a baby shower to have fun and a good time with my close friends/girls and make memories, eat plenty of cake and foods, play games and take plenty of photos!
It’s something I would probably only have once.

But you’ve said earlier that you were waiting for your shower to see what you were given. You’re contradicting yourself constantly!

This is bonkers.

Also ‘make memories’ 🤢

@Peonyblush1
Hi all, I’m 31 weeks today and still have a lot of the big stuff to buy for baby we’re kind of waiting for the baby shower to see what other friends and family will be getting us.
This