Pregnancy after m/c (part 7), true hand-holding and support along the road...

[Uki]

Thought I'd start this in honour of Purple's effort so far, hope you don't mind Purple I liked this title best.

Welcome to our shiny new thread

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Hi all. I too am trying to catch up after long weekend. There are so many posts on here I just can't keep up!
Basilbrush, so sorry to hear your news and that unfortunate cooincidence being in France again. There are some of us on here that have had two or more mc's, myself included so we are here for you if we can help.
As for me, I had my 10 week scan on Fri. Everything is going well and as it should be and DH and I almost felt excited for a minute. The scan even looked a bit like a baby this time! Then I remembered my mc's at 10 and 12 weeks and felt sh*t again. Despite the good news at each scan I just cannot get past the thought that I am not going to make it to my nuchal scan in 10 days. We will just have to wait and see.
I read both the research links posted recently on here about recurrent miscarriage /asprin etc. Very interesting. Thanks for the links. 1 point that I found surprising was of those women in the study that have had two or more mc's there was no statistical difference between those that were childless and those that already had a child. Therefore, the fact that all medical professionals have said to me 'we would worry more if you did not already have a child' and 'you can obviously do it, so don't worry' is absolute crap.

Karma regarding early scans, I have had loads and in my view they are a mixed blessing. I felt compelled to have them as I have had missed mc's and I just wanted to know as soon as possible this time if this baby dies. However, they are are not always reassuring. Detection of hearbeats are often seen as proof that your baby will survive. However, whilst it is a really good sign and increases your chances, it can give you false hope. As has happened with basilbrush, with a previous pg I had a heartbeat on an early scan and the baby died anyway. I had been completely convinced that that heartbeat mean't my baby would survive and when my missed mc happened several weeks later I was completely unprepared.
However, I agree that they are milestones and in that respect it had really helped because it has broken up the waiting time until the nuchal (this should be 11-13 weeks by the way). I also agree that if you can wait until 8 weeks that would be best. The detection of a heartbeat at 8 weeks is a really good sign and much better statistically than if it is seen earlier and the statistics improve as the weeks roll by after that.
I had a scan at 6 weeks which left me in a state as there was an empty sac and the dates were wrong. It was not worth having and I wish I had not bothered as it made me more worried. the 8 and 10 week scans were more reassuring.
Sorry for such a long answer! I hope it helps you in some way. Only you can decide what is best for you to get you through these difficult weeks. Above all keep busy busy busy is my advice.
After the nuchal, did you more advanced pg ladies relax?
Hello to everyone else.

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Completely agree that it gets easier as the milestones zip by - although don't think worry goes away altogether - well hasn't for me. What I found myself doing is building up one such milestone - then when I get to it and all is ok I kind of move the goalposts a bit and fixate on something else coming up.

For me, the cvs was the be all and end all in finding out viability of my pg - when those results came in fine, it should have been my cue to relax a little but instead I started fretting about stuff that could still crop up at 20 wk scan. Now I'm worried about growth probs / IUGR / premature birth. Athough I can put these worries into context, and I'm certainly nowhere near as fraught as I was, I don't think I can ever be totally chilled and carefree with my pg. It makes me a lttle bit sad, but then I just think hey ho - at least I am pg and getting a baby at the end of it is the main thing - not enjoying my pg - if that makes any sense.

Anyway - all fine with me. Actually, worrying about IUGR this time round is a bit of a joke cos I'm huge (though it could be fluid and pies though - arrgghhhh. See I'm a nightmare!)

Best of luck for yr nuchal scan, Taichi. And sending good vibes to Winkygirl for her scans also. Glad you are feeling a bit better knowing they are coming up.

Glad yr scan went well my1st. Hoping you have a really dull, unventful pg now!

Hi all. Goodness, it's been busy in here today!
Well, I went to EPU this morning and got myself in a right state while waiting for an hour and a half. But I had a scan with a lovely doctor, got the news I wanted (everything in the right place, and looks exactly right for dates(although currently just sac and yolk, etc)) and also found something out about the abdominal pains I've been having! Basically, from what he said and from what I read on the report he gace me, when I had ERPC in Jan I had an "incomplete miscarriage" and there is some sort of debris/lesions/scar tissue on my left ovary. He reckons the pg may well sort it out but has told me he will happily investigate further if I'm still having trouble after the pg. It's more of a relief than I realised to know what it is!
As far as this pg goes, he also said I have some sort of clot in my uterus which used to be considered a sign of higher mc liklehood, but recent studies have shown this to be rubbish! So he reckons everything looks fine and there is no need for me to be any more concerned than any other mum-to-be. He even gave me a scan picture of my gestational sac!
So I now plan to wait 3-4 weeks and have a private scan just to keep me going.....
I can't wait to join Mrsmc and Winky in their maternity trews (not actually in THEIRS, you understand......... )

Thank you so much winky and 1ststar .

Taichimum you are echoing exactly what's been going round and round in my head. I feel really sad that I can't let myself go and enjoy this pg without feeling fearful. DH's bestfriend and wife are expecting their 2nd DC anytime now. She went through both pgs in such a blissfully happy state, even though I'm happy that it all went well for her, I can't help but feel a bit . I so wish that I can feel the same.

I also agree with your view regarding early scans. I only had mine at 6 wks because I had a lot spotting from the time I tested BFP and felt pain/cramps near my left ovary. Was worried that it might be ectopic but thankfully it's not. Although I understand that seeing a heartbeat doesn't necessarily mean that the little beanie is all ok, I was glad to have seen the little one. It's a shame that DH was away overseas today but we plan to do a private scan at 8.5wks. I want to give DH a chance to see the little one so that he can establish a connection. Because we didn't have a scan with the 1st baby, he felt a bit removed from it all when I m/c'd.

Best wishes for the scan on Fri.

I like your idea of moving the goalposts a bit at a time ejb. I will try that and keep myself occupied to reduce the stress level. Glad that all is going well x

feedmenow think we've met before in TTC after m/c board. Congratulations on your BFP! It seems that we might not be too far apart. Interesting about your abdominal pain, the dr didn't discuss that with me after my scan. I had a natural m/c, but that doesn't mean that it's complete though. I hope the pain will go away now, if not I'll see the gp about it again.

Hi All

I'm so glad that this thread is so busy, as it means we all have so much support from eachother wherever we are down the pg road, but it does make it hard for full-time workers like me to catch up properly, so please forgive me!!

Welcome to all the new girls - I hope all is going well for you.

Congratulations to all the successful scans. I'm with the are early scans useful or not. I've had 2 mc, before this pg and think I would have worried myself stupid if I hadn't had a scan at 7 weeks, just to say everything was ok, but I was still terrified at my dating scan at 14 weeks, as anything could have happened in the meantime. Shame we can't all have scans every week! But you will all get through it, take each day at a time and revel in the feeling crap!! (if you don't feel too awful!)

All okish here - had my 30 week consultant appointment today. All the normal checks were fine, low BP, strong heart beat and uring clear. But my fundus height is measuring at 28 cm, when it should be between 30-31, so I've been booked for a growth scan in 4 weeks. Blood tests came back saying I'm anemic again, so I'm back on the iron tablets (have to say I blame the mess after my missed mc last year, as I was bleeding for nearly 10 weeks, so have probably been borderline anemic for over a year!). Finally, I've got mild symptoms that my cholestasis has come back, so I've had a blood test to check Liver function and bile acid levels, so fingers-crossed it is just normal pregnancy itching on my hands and feet - got to stay positive!!. You kind of feel if you've got this far after 2 mc, that you want an easy pg, but there always seems to be something else to worry about! And to top it all off, i'm still knicker checking!!! I doubt that will ever stop now (at least I hope I stop after I've given birth - can you imagine if we really have to set up a self-help group for those of us, who have become addicted to knicker-checking while pg!!

Anyway, I'm waffling - take care all.
xxx

my1stbaby - Glad you got to see your little beanie on the early scan, and good luck for the 8 week one.

Feedmenow - really pleased that your scan went well and that you got some reassurance from the doc re the cramps you've been getting.

Taichimum - great news about the scan, keeping everything crossed for you. Thanks for the advice about early scans. Not decided yet but hopefully seeing GP tomorrow to discuss.

Firststar - thanks for the advice re nuchal scan and for the warm welcome

MrsMcJnr - really nice hearing from you again. Can't believe how far gone you are now!! Seems like only yesterday you announced your BFP (bet it doesn't to you though)

Fingers crossed for everyone, especially those in the early stages (sorry, really struggling to remember everyone and their circumstances.) The advice from those who have been through this has really helped, especially because at this stage I don't want to talk about it to anyone in real life, apart from dh.

Fettleandminifettle - just had a good giggle re the knicker watching. Do you think it really could be addictive?!!

Not sure Karma, but it's certainly quite comforting (if all is clear!)

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when are you due first star?

I am sick of knicker checking i am even trying to avoid going to the loo in case its all gone wrong

Morning all! Too tired to post to everyone today. Am holding off taking my iron supplements to see if I can improve my iron levels through diet alone and ds woke up (I think with a nightmare) last night. I have been having sharp pains quite low down in my abdomen when I walk - any ideas whether it might be SPD or braxton hicks? Didn't have either of them with ds.

Firststar - how are you feeling? Fed up, I suspect, if you're anything like I was with ds!!

Hi Mumpbump. Sorry to hear about your sharp pains. Probably just one of these things but I would get checked out for peace of mind. And 'sharp' doesn't sound too good. Could it be gas? Let us know how you fare.

Hi All

I'm a bit like mumpbump and a little too tired and uncomfortble to post to all.

But Big Hello to all

Hope new ladies are coping as well as they can, and not climbing the walls/knicker checker worrying too much.

weekly appointment at Ob. tomorrow. also going to look at a house for sale, not sure why as we are very happy here, it just seems too good not to look at, Hopefully we don't like it IYKWIM

Wow! You ladies have been chatty

Milf ? can honestly say I didn?t have many symptoms at your stage either, mine hit about 9 weeks and I wished I?d enjoyed the queasy free days more, the value of hindsight hey! Try not to worry hon, I know that is easier said than done

Hey Jules PMSL we were at a wedding in Feb when I was trying to hide being pg and DH got wasted on the double drinking! Sorry to hear you are so sick hon, hope it doesn?t last long. Good that you are signed off and can focus on you. Hope the scan went well today I bought some lovely mat clothes yesterday, smart going out ones, couldn?t resist, the shop, Formes had 50% off

Winkygirl comfort is fab isn?t it? it was quiet scary how big I looked by 10pm last night! All the colleagues who didn?t know before will now. Some were amazed that I?d managed to hide it until yesterday ? guess I was just squashing it into my suits ? very uncomfy Great that you have those scans booked, things to aim towards!

Glimmer ? how was your break hon?

Firsty ? still bouncing? I have been taking the aspirin along with my vits for about 5 months now so I should have got into the habit now scary how the brain disintegrates?! Good idea re the bump band, some of my stuff just falls off!

Neighbour has just turned up (I?m working from home) absolutely choked with flu for sympathy as his wife is away and he?s had to come home from work ? I was NOT impressed, I gave him all the meds I had at a distance and told him that I was sorry but I really didn?t want to catch it and he?d better go home to bed ? call me unreasonable but how selfish is he!!?? He knows I am pregnant!

Ejb ? hey hon what is IUGR hon? I do see where you are coming from with the worrying. It is sad though not to enjoy it and I am always telling myself that. My BF is a classic example, she had a nuchal and got amazing results

Crossed with you Uki take care of yourself hon x

Glimmer - I think you're right as I have been eating beans to help with the iron levels!!

MrsMcJnr - I just bought this for my sister's fiance. The husband of one of my friends had it and it looks very man-friendly...

Haynes baby manual

Uki - are you over your flu now? I hope you are taking it easy. Remember that the third trimester is as draining (if not more so) as the first trimester...

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Thanks Mumpbump that book looks just up DH?s street!

Firsty ? wow that must feel weird saying that you are due tomorrow I know you are fed up hon hope it happens for you really soon!

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Have been managing to feel positive about having this baby and telling myself that all will be ok.

For the first time today i dont think it will survive.

My Dad is in hospital and has just been diagonised with cancer, will find out today or tomorrow how bad it is. But even it is good he will face 6 months of chemotherapy.

I feel so stressed out about it and my nearly 2 year old dd has been picking up on how i am feeling and has played me up all day and done nothing but whine and cry.

I feel so stressed that it cant be a good environment to grow a baby in.

I keep deep breathing and trying to calm down but i still feel ready to snap.

Also the baby i lost would have been due 2 weeks tomorrow and that isn't helping

Hi Griffin! I don't think I said welcome to the thread earlier. It must be very hard to cope with being in the worrying early stages of pg with all of this going on and the due date of your m/c looming... My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer a few months back so I can imagine how upset and stressed you must feel at the moment. It took me about a week of intermittently bursting into tears to get my head around that. Fortunately, she seems to be okay. You must keep in mind that cancer is not always the death sentence which I think we all expect it to be. In fact, my mum had breast cancer leading to a mastectomy about 5 years ago and dh's ex was diagnosed with lymph cancer about 3 years ago and they seem to be okay.

All you can do is try to keep calm and keep telling yourself that it will be okay, which you're already doing... Do you have any family or friends nearby that could take dd for an hour or so to give you a bit of time by yourself? Or can you at least stick her in a car and go for a drive to get out of the house? Ds normally falls asleep in the car still at almost 18 months so it would give you a bit of a break, even if not ideal.

In any event, I am sending lots of positive vibes your way and hoping that you will get through today okay, and then tomorrow, and then the day after... Do let us know what they say tomorrow... Thinking of you...