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Original poster

Is the newborn phase really that bad?!

173 replies

RoyalGalas · 27/09/2018 17:24

Hello everyone

Not sure where to post this, but hopefully this is ok!

I'm 21 weeks pregnant with my first baby. It's been a bit of a rollercoaster so far, especially to start with. Happily, I'm starting to settle in and enjoy it all now.

The problem is, everywhere I turn there are articles, threads, colleagues, my dentist (!), describing the experience of having a newborn baby (or just having children in general) as some endless nightmare. I'm told that baby will scream constantly, they'll never sleep, I'll never sleep, my relationship will be ruined, I'll never have sex again, I'll never pee alone again - the list goes on and on.

It can't be that bad, surely? The horror stories have got to me so much that in my tired and hormonal moments (so basically every evening from 9pm onwards), I start feeling like our baby is a time bomb, which then makes me feel guilty, and the cycle continues. Honestly, at times I feel completely terrified.

So this is a desperate plea for some nice, positive stories of your experiences with your new babies. I know it's going to be really hard, I'm not expecting it to be easy, but I need some reassurance!

Thanks in advance, from this scared newbie Blush

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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delphguelph · 27/09/2018 20:31

mothers are superhuman!

Yes ma'am

FinallyFree123456789 · 27/09/2018 20:34

No lol - I love the newborn ... the toddlers however is when I went to give them away Grin (joking obvs - I love my dd!)

CoolGirlsNeverGetAngry · 27/09/2018 20:34

Yeah, it is hard. Totally worth it.
I did comment that I didn’t know how some couples have a baby to fix a relationship as it pretty much ruined ours once the bubble burst. We actively hated each other for a while and I threatened to leave him so I’d get some sleep. We’re fine now though...

Imapudding · 27/09/2018 20:39

I think the newborn stage is fine. Ignore people they are just being dicks. x

Mwnci123 · 27/09/2018 20:39

It's cheesy as fuck but, honestly, from the start I loved my daughter like
I'd never loved anyone before. She's my true north, and brought me so much joy from the moment she was born. For balance, I have less fun now than I did pre children, also a lot less sleep (you kind of get used to it
to a point), and the no peeing in private thing is true and one of the main positives of going back to work.

CarlGrimesMissingEye · 27/09/2018 20:42

The first 6 months of life with my firstborn were the hardest thing I've ever had to get through. It was a huge change to life and she was a baby who would NOT be parted from me. She was on my 24/7. It was relentless. After that, and as she's grown, it's all changed and is so different. It's so much fun.

Her brother, my second (last), was infinitely easier. If I'd had his babyhood with her I wouldn't have understood the fuss.

Remember, whether for good or bad, 'this too shall pass'. Children are ever changing and nothing stays the same for long.

cptartapp · 27/09/2018 20:42

Depends how much wider family help you have. We had none, so I went back to work for a break. The odd hours respite here and there might have made all the difference.

Tigger001 · 27/09/2018 20:43

I was not maternal at all, never even held another baby really. My 1st baby came along, he had colic, but do you know what, it wasn't that bad. In fact not bad at all. It was just completely different, my life had now changed forever. It was hard in many aspects, physically due to reduced sleep, emotionally due to getting your head around the responsibility you now have, but enough love to explode your heart.

Definite rule to stick to that may be said a million times for you to roll your eyes at but ......sleep when the baby does, don't worry about the house. You and baby are the only priority, you both only need sleep, food and drink to start.
If you do get in a situation when you struggle there is so much help out there , but don't even think about that.
Hopefully you will be like me, expecting all the things you mention, (imagining never sleeping, always knackered , screaming baby all the time and my relationship with hubby completely changing, ) and then it loads better and easier and just simply love being a mum and wouldn't change it for the world ( most of the time 🙂)
Please don't dread it, try and enjoy the pregnancy, get excited by the fact you are going to have your baby and think you are going to be a brilliant mum. Enjoy it !!!!!

DeadButDelicious · 27/09/2018 20:52

At the time, I thought it was pretty bad, night feeds and colic and never being able to put her down without her wailing like an actual banshee were not fun. But with the benefit of hindsight and probably some rose tinted spectacles I now think they were truly the glory daysGrin. She slept through from 16 weeks, once the colic went she was a very pleasant baby, I could put her down somewhere and there she would stay.

BlueBug45 · 27/09/2018 21:07

I'm told that baby will scream constantly,
If your baby has a condition like reflux or colic then yes. Otherwise they will be quiet at some point.

they'll never sleep,
Mine is asleep now, farting and sighing.

I'll never sleep,
If you are used to 7-8 hours unbroken sleep when you like then you will feel really sleep deprived. If you have ever done a job with horrendous hours/shifts or had conditions where you suffered extreme tiredness, you won't feel so bad.

my relationship will be ruined,
Depends on yours and your OH's attitude.

I'll never have sex again,
Most people aren't only children so clearly that isn't true.

I'll never pee alone again
Unfortunately that's what happens when you have to solely take care of young children.

ThorsMistress · 27/09/2018 21:07

I’m currently sat staring at DS2 who is 8 days old today and he’s a dream!

I won’t lie, I’m tired and struggling to keep my emotions in check due to lack of sleep but he’s worth it. He sleeps loads during the day and when he does wake up he feeds and then straight back to sleep.

You’ll be fine

alwayslearning789 · 27/09/2018 21:14

To be honest OP, for me it was so traumatic that the memory has been erased from my mind and I shudder to remember the details of the newborn stage.

However as in my case, hopefully like childbirth you will soon forget the hardest bits and enjoy the absolute pleasure your bundle of joy brings.

Each experience is different, so do try and focus on the positives as much as possible, every stage brings its own challenges and pleasures.

Ooforfoxsakeridesagain · 27/09/2018 21:19

You will feel as though you have been run over by a truck.

Babymoon is the way forward.

Yika · 27/09/2018 21:25

Loved having a newborn. I had an easy baby who slept a lot (she still does age 8), fed well and didn't cry much. Just loved cuddling her all the time and making endless photo albums of her. Loved being on maternity leave and not going to work !! Plus, she couldn't get into trouble because she couldn't walk.

After the first couple of months I would cosleep after the first waking in the night because I couldn't cope with broken nights. At 6 months she slept through.

You just don't know what kind of baby you will get. Could be easy, could be not. Enjoy!

Holymosquito · 27/09/2018 21:31

I loved the new born stage! Even with an EMCS a week in Scubu and a baby who had reflux. I still managed to enjoy loads of gorgous new born snuggles and loads of lovely walks with the pram. Dd was EBF which meant getting out and about was easy.

gothefcktosleep · 27/09/2018 21:33

Depends what baby you get.

2isabella2 · 27/09/2018 21:34

It wasn't nearly as hard as I was expecting either time. With my first I loved it as I napped during the day, watched tv while feeding and spent ages cuddling her. Second time was harder as I had a young toddler to entertain too and couldn't sleep as much. I was lucky that mine didn't just cry for ages and could always be settled by feeding/cuddling so even if they wouldn't sleep, at least they weren't crying.

It's amazing. I'd love the newborn stage again but can't cope with 3 children!

LisaSimpsonsbff · 27/09/2018 21:45

If you are used to 7-8 hours unbroken sleep when you like then you will feel really sleep deprived. If you have ever done a job with horrendous hours/shifts or had conditions where you suffered extreme tiredness, you won't feel so bad.

I'm not sure that's necessarily true. I thought I'd be ok with the lack of sleep because I fairly regularly work until 1/2am and then get back up at 6 when things are really busy with work, but actually I really really struggled with the lack of sleep until a couple of weeks ago, when DS started doing longer stretches at night. Little sleep and really broken sleep aren't the same thing, and I seem to be good at one but not the other. I also have friends who are doctors who thought a newborn would be a breeze after the junior doctor years, but it wasn't (for them).

Again, for me the sleep thing was made much worse by the inactivity - once I could get out and about more I coped a little better, but getting very little sleep and then sitting around all day made me feel like a zombie. It didn't help that I had DS at the height of the summer heatwave, either.

Scifi101 · 27/09/2018 23:01

My two were easiest when they were babies.

First child only woke up once a night and soon slept through.

They are both awful teenagers now though......

beingsunny · 27/09/2018 23:04

Nope, it's my favourite part Smile

RedFin · 27/09/2018 23:07

Newborn phase was lovely. I don't think I was sleep deprived, our baby doesn't cry really so it was very relaxed. We Co sleep, breast feed. Follow baby's lead

Pebblesandfriends · 27/09/2018 23:09

Yes, it's torture but they are so incredible and that bit only lasts a short while that you will be happily do it again several years later!

Diana01 · 27/09/2018 23:20

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sourpatchkid · 27/09/2018 23:27

I think it's the surprise that makes it hard - like "oh my god where has my life gone!" But it gets better. Mine was better within 6 weeks and even if the hardest times having DS was the most magical heart lifting thing I've ever done. It's worth it.

LBNM19 · 27/09/2018 23:48

I find being pregnant so much harder than having a newborn. I'm having baby number 4 and I'm exsusted at least when he arrives my partner will actually help and the night feeds don't last forever.