Anyone out there who thinks they DON'T want to breastfeed....?

[ballanj]

Clue is in the thread title really!

I'm interested to learn of any expecting mums (old hands and first timers) who were very much of the view that they didn't want to breastfeed, for whatever reasons.

I'm just under 12 weeks, so some way off for me and I may feel differently about it as the months progress, but right now I'm very much thinking 'no'. I know a lot of mums say 'breast is best' but for some reason, no idea as to why, it just doesn't appeal to me as being the option I'd choose. Does this make me a terrible person?! Maybe it's because I don't want to feel like a milking cow and being on demand and wanting my partner and other family members to share in the feeding. Are there any other mums that just express in order to bottle feed? I'd be really interested to know what everyone else really thinks. And please, no judgment or 'this way is the right way' as everyone is different and I'm still trying to find my own way on this and gauge what I really feel! Thanks x

didn't enjoy it or feel any deeper connection than using a bottle. Different baby, different mother, different experience.

I didn’t say deeper connection. I said PHYSICAL connection.

This is why we can’t talk about this subject properly. People are highly emotional and misread willfully.

A baby attached to your breast is an undeniable physical connection. Whether you liked it or not. Can’t believe this is even debatable.

@BlueBug45 I just felt bad as though I "should" have been able to do it. I live in the US so I don't have to sterilize bottles. I'm not sure why it's required in the UK as I can't imagine the water is any dirtier.

I don't think I would ever want to whip a boob out whilst have eating meal in a restaurant.

Most breastfeeders aren't in the habit of 'whipping their boobs out'. This is such a horrible, demeaning, inflammatory thing to say.

I breastfed both DC for around a year apiece, and not once did I whip my boob out, because I'm not an attention-seeking dickhead. And I have no more desire to flaunt my naked breasts than the next person.

I breastfed my DC in public - as in unavoidable from time-to-time - and certainly once it was established, you wouldn't have even known I was feeding.

The vast majority of breastfeeders just get on with it, because breastfeeding is as routine and mundane as bottle feeding.

But carry on with your 'whipping boobs out' rhetoric, if it really makes you feel better about your choices.

And in all honesty OP - you must know that breastfeeding rates are so woefully low, that most women feel as you do.

If you genuinely didn't - please be reassured. Most women bottle feed. Many, many, many women choose to do this from the off. You're just one of millions.

A little bit off the subject, but getting the right temperature was never an issue for me - I had my first in France, second due in Spain, have never had a baby in the UK. I prepared formula with bottled water at room temperature - in France they didn't at all understand the idea of getting the formula milk to a certain temperature. Apparently babies don't give a shit about that - they're not on the breast, it's not the same milk so they only expect it to be warm if that's how you present it to them. It seemed to be true as my daughter ended up getting it both ways depending upon my mood and level of confusion (!) and it didn't seem to make any difference to her at all. If I have to formula feed number two I will prepare at room temperature again.

I own a perfect prep machine, so making bottles is easy!

eeanne, don't be stupid. It's nothing like the difference between hugging your partner and hugging a toy. It's more like the difference between hugging your partner while drinking quality home made filter coffee and hugging your partner while drinking Nescafe.

Or do you like to imagine that people who formula feed leave their children to roll around on the floor with a bottle and a robot, never picking them up?

Only on MN could someone daring to suggest that BF has benefits FF doesn't, be compared to an anti-vaxxer.

OP, do whatever you want.

I felt the same way as you OP when I was pregnant with my first. I would say keep an open mind though as you won't really know how you feel until baby is born. I decided I would give it a go with no pressure to continue if I really hated it. I ended up feeding my DC1 for 8 months, DC2 for 15 months and still going with DC3 who is now 2 (trying to wean though as I have had enough!)

It's more like the difference between hugging your partner while drinking quality home made filter coffee and hugging your partner while drinking Nescafe.

If you had the choice, which would you rather? I know what I'd prefer.

Or do you like to imagine that people who formula feed leave their children to roll around on the floor with a bottle and a robot, never picking them up?

Don't be absurd. I haven't said that FF parents don't hold their children or love their children. But if you want to pretend that having your infant physically latched onto your body, is not a stronger physical connection than holding a baby feeding a bottle - which again reminder I've done both because I had to work and my babies took bottles regularly - then fine, keep pretending.

OP I genuinely respect your view that you just don't want to try it, without taking extra steps to denigrate BF to justify yourself. Good for you. As for other posters here, it's a bit silly in all honesty.

I was sure all through my 3rd pregnancy that I wasn’t going to BF. Then when I was in hospital the night before my c-section I realised I actually didn’t know how to bottle feed a newborn. Do they have just 1oz? How often? Same bottles? I was in that completely overwhelmed stage of just not able to make any major decisions especially about things like which formula to use and how much, and how to store it and administer in hospital, so in the end I did BF him and actually did longer with him than the other 2 (I did 12 weeks) and I think probably because I didn’t put any pressure on myself whatsoever to continue.

Just reading through the comments and it's depressing to see this thread becoming the same old BF v FF debate which helps no one. I would say do whatever feels right for you OP but make sure your decision is an informed one. I know lots of people like to say "fed is best" and I can see where they are coming from but I personally prefer "informed is best".

@colditz I have seen many times people just give a bottle of formula to their baby whilst it's still in a pushchair/car seat/carrycot though. They wouldn't even watch if baby was ok, but continued eating/shopping/chatting. A BF baby has to be taken out of wherever is placed and latched on and even though the mum may be eating she offers the proximity and physical contact/comfort that the nuns I have seen haven't been able to do as they left baby pretty much feed itself. So eeane's analogy and point is absolutely right.

Don't be absurd. I haven't said that FF parents don't hold their children or love their children. But if you want to pretend that having your infant physically latched onto your body, is not a stronger physical connection than holding a baby feeding a bottle - which again reminder I've done both because I had to work and my babies took bottles regularly - then fine, keep pretending.*

I've done both as well and this isnt strictly true. Breastfeeding was physically painful for me and so I didn't feel closer to my dc when doing it. Dont assume everyone feels like you.

Physical connection... We have all had a physical connection with our children, because they came out of us (one way or another), FF or BF. Before that we grew them in our bellies for 9 months.
I find the comments about bonding slightly offensive too. It's like FF mums are inevitably less bonded with their children. Imagine if we said those things about vaginal v c-section births. All hell would break loose.

@blairwaldorfsheadband was that for me? If yes, I didn't assume anything, so no need for that comment. I simply stated the obvious: that with FF is a parent wanted, they can feed completely detached if they fancied. With BF this simply isn't possible, as the parent has to latch baby on. I am really sorry breastfeeding was physically painful for you and you didn't feel closer to your DC when doing it.

It was to the person who claimed it always creates a physical connection. Formula feeders also hold their babies.

Mine was a NICU baby and I used to do skin to skin loads because it helped him and calmed him.

This thread is becoming really nasty.

Parents who FF their babies, love, care and bond with them just as much as those that BF.

How you feed your baby is up to you, and no one should be judged because of it.

The MOTHER has to latch baby on, surely.

Where does that leave the father (or other mother) in this bonding thing, then?
Mind you, I'm not saying father or OMs are less bonded, but taking tbat logic, they certainly do.

As to home-made filter coffee v Nescafe, some people would actually prefer the latter. It's still genuine coffee. Though I don't like either, only being allowed to prefer the former is downright snobbery.

Have a look at the current research on chemotherapy and how breast milk can deliver anti cancer particulars to a newborn that they want to replicate in adult chemotherapy. Why would you voluntarily deny your child the best possible start to life? It’s very different if you can’t.

they certainly are

It can help create a physical connection, but of course just like you found it sometimes doesn't. I am sorry your baby was in NICU, mine was too. Thing like that can often be a barrier to breastfeeding as well as the pain you said you experienced. With my first, I tried breastfeeding and she was so refluxy that for the first 3 months of her life I had to pump and feed her as had to mix different things in her milk. We did try her on formula but that made her vomit more and doctors told us that milk is a natural antacid and she did better on BF. After the first 3 months she then was able to feed from the breast. I don't know if this was all because of the NICU stint, how small she was and the health issues. It was hard work, but I was determined and saw it as my job since I was on maternity leave to try it and do my best. It was what I really wanted after much research and growing up in very pro breastfeeding cultures and seeing it all around me as not only the norm, but a child's right. I remember the nurses trying her on formula in NICU and her vomiting so profusely and then they were trying to feed her again,it was horrendous. I also have genuine oversupply issues and had loads of excess milk I donated to neonatal units, wet nursed friends's kids and donated milk to other mums through Human Milk for Human babies. What I am trying to say, is that everyone has to do whatever they want, but I was in my way able to support other mums that wanted breast milk and couldn't offer it to their babies.But again I come from another culture where breastfeeding is the norm and we really raise kids together.

I agree with @Picklesandpies posts on this thread.

I personally wouldn't feel good not at least giving it a good go - I'm prepared for it to hurt and to be difficult in those first weeks but I just kind of see it as one of those times where you put your child first and as the first chance I have to give them the best start possible. If I can't manage it after doing the best I can then I will FF without shame, but to not even try doesn't sit right with me. But that's just me - I don't really care what others do, although I do confess to feeling a bit sad that some women find the idea gross or equate it to something sexual or are basing their decisions off reading horror stories on Mumsnet. People don't tend to post to say 'I did this and it worked fine': they post because they want support or empathy when things going wrong.

I'm going to give it ago this time with dd but with ds I just couldn't it use to bring me to tears. I think there's an actual condition whenever I started breastfeeding I felt sad soon as I stopped I was fine. It was the strangest thing but I had to stop.

@kikibo to answer your question: the father can give baby a bottle of expressed milk, change nappies, take baby for a walk, give cuddles,give a baby massage, read a book, give a bath...so as you can see he can do many things. We are mammals and as per our nature we breastfeed, that is what all mammals do. Of course fathers are very important, but their role is different to that of a mum.