Anyone out there who thinks they DON'T want to breastfeed....?

[ballanj]

Clue is in the thread title really!

I'm interested to learn of any expecting mums (old hands and first timers) who were very much of the view that they didn't want to breastfeed, for whatever reasons.

I'm just under 12 weeks, so some way off for me and I may feel differently about it as the months progress, but right now I'm very much thinking 'no'. I know a lot of mums say 'breast is best' but for some reason, no idea as to why, it just doesn't appeal to me as being the option I'd choose. Does this make me a terrible person?! Maybe it's because I don't want to feel like a milking cow and being on demand and wanting my partner and other family members to share in the feeding. Are there any other mums that just express in order to bottle feed? I'd be really interested to know what everyone else really thinks. And please, no judgment or 'this way is the right way' as everyone is different and I'm still trying to find my own way on this and gauge what I really feel! Thanks x

I am genuinely shocked by the amount of people who claim that there is no difference between BM and FM, and that they tried for a week and couldn't make it work.

FF is definitely better than the alternative of a non fed baby. But, come on... the known benefits of BF are not simply made up! And whilst you might not be able to see physically the difference, the immunity passed over is just not given with FF.

OP, these threads always end up as a bunfight with 'them vs us'. It shouldn't be like that. We should be supporting more women in their knowledge about BF, helping them to establish their milk supply (it doesn't magically appear, it has to be worked at and it can take weeks), and the realities of BF (it makes your toes curl for a small amount of time, but that's it) and helping them to decide what is best for them and their baby.

But, at the end of the day, whether you decide to
BF/FF/BF and supplement, it's completely up to you. Your body, your baby, your decision.

@BlairWaldorfsHeadband

What utter rubbish.

Some of these posts are ridiculous. Everyone can make their own mind up - it really is fed is best at the end of the day.

I never had any intention of bf. As I’m married to a doctor I had access to all the information I could have ever read on the subject. I, in conjunction with my DH, made the decision to ff. It was the right decision for us. Our DT’s thrived and DH and I both had the opportunity to feed them. THe comments about the special bond when bf are insulting.

OP - make your own decision - make it the right one for you, your DC and family. Do not listen to the negative messages about your decision. No parent is going to make a decision as to how to feed their DC’s which isn’t giving the best start in life.

Its not rubbish. The benefits of breastfeeding are mild and short term. The main benefit is the antibodies. Other than that, theres little between them.

I did both. For me, bottles were easier although I wish breastfeeding had been as less washing and steralising would've been useful!

I bf but wasn’t averse to ff. I am not sentimental about bf, but it was easier than ff. it didn’t make me feel all gooey/ in love ... and it didn’t disgust me either. It was just functional. You can enjoy cuddles equally as well with ff.

The main benefit is that the milk is ready to go whenever & wherever it’s needed. It is therefore convenient and free, also the perfect temperature. That and the (undisputable) lifelong health benefits at the population level, are the biggest pros over ff.

The cons are you have to stay close to your baby for the first few months. But I actually went away for 3 nights at 6 months having expressed breast milk. She did miss me (cried more) but I don’t regret it- my DH coped and I had a great weekend. She doesn’t remember it. I know a lot of bf friends who wouldn’t do that - but it doesn’t mean you can’t do it with a supportive partner.

The other cons of bf are potential infections/ mastitis (I didn’t experience this) and the pain (for many women) of getting it established.

I plan to do it again, but will ff if I can’t get it established by week 2.

If you don't want to do it then fair enough but I think it's worth looking into why, and also you will feel more like a milking cow with a pump than you will just feeding the baby!

@BlairWaldorfsHeadband it is complete rubbish. If you want to ff, fine but don't spread rubbish.

Here's the first thing the NHS says. One of many documents that you can find quickly and easily.

And sibling studies have discounted most of those.

If you want to advocate for breastfeeding, thats great, but don't exaggerate

www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953614000549?via%3Dihub

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.medicaldaily.com/breastfed-babies-no-more-intelligent-those-fed-formula-benefits-breast-milk-414313%3famp=1

Breast is not best. Fed is not best. Informed is best. Fed is the bare minimum we can do for our child. I hate all this fed is best/ breast is best rubbish. Breastfeeding is the biological norm, it’s taken the human race thousands of years of evolution to perfect breastmilk. We know it’s no where close to formula. The vitamins and minerals have been replicated but the majority of the components of breastmilk simply cannot be provided through formula milk. It’s a personal decision OP and after doing your research, if you still want to formula feed then at least your doing it having made an informed decision.

@BlairWaldorfsHeadband

Those 'studies' are ambiguous and questionable. The titles alone indicate that.

We will have to disagree...

I’m sure everyone makes an informed decision as whether to bf or ff - it’s not something you randomly decide on.

I tried to breastfeed both of them but it didn't work out after 24 hours with DS1 and after 12 days with DS2. Lasted longer the second time thanks to lactation consultants, but there's no magic solution to a serious lack of milk or extreme pain despite no tongue tie and a supposedly good latch. DS 2 is three weeks and doing well. I felt bad about giving up but it was just too painful for too little result. I think breastfeeding is one of those things that's much easier for some people than others and if you're not one of the lucky ones it really isn't necessarily true that if you just keep going all of your problems will magically resolve themselves at 2 weeks / 6 weeks / 3 months etc. It's a shame but breastfeeding isn't practical for some of us.

Also, it may not be as cheap as some people suggest: once you add up the cost of all the various things I bought in even a short time breastfeeding it's not such a bargain. It may be possible for some people who find it easy to do to avoid spending money, but I needed hydrocolloid pads, breast pads, nipple shields, a pump, bras, lansinoh, supplements etc. If I'd carried on, I would have had to buy clothes suitable for breastfeeding out and about as I haven't really got anything suitable. With formula you just need bottles and powder.

@Terramirabilis why do you feel bad? When your child is 4 no-one is going to know how you fed them as you live in a developed country with a decent quality water supply and a welfare state with a universal health care system. The vast majority of the research studies are done on a small number of people in developing countries where none of these things can be guaranteed.

Oh you also need a steriliser if you use formula. Though if you used all the stuff you did for breast feeding you have one already.

Breast milk is perfect for babies. Formula is the next best thing. Do what works for you. Breastfeeding worked for me, on demand, anytime, anywhere, but there are tricky moments (for me: hospitalised with mastitis, DS1 hospitalised with jaundice).

Why are those studies ambiguous?

Just the information on the NHS website would be enough for me to at least try breastfeeding. I've attached screenshots of a bit of it.

OP, really do your research, if you don't breastfeed initially I believe it's very hard to begin after a few weeks/months of formula so there's sometimes no going back on your decision.

@BlairWaldorfsHeadband because they don't agree with that poster's doctrine. it is like arguing with an anti-vaxxer e.g. a waste of time.

People don't seem to understand that the information on NHS websites is written to be as simplistic as possible and can be partially correct.

I had a condition were the information on the NHS website was only partially right. I queried it and was told it wasn't actually aimed at people with the chronic form of the condition. They then modified the guidance but it still was incorrect.

I choose to formula feed from birth mainly because I know at least 10 friends and family members who attempted to breast feed and had an awful time- infections, babies not latching, not gaining weight, pain, bleeding nipples, eventually giving up after a few weeks and then feeling like a failure. I heard the same thing over and over and it just really put me off.
Only 2 people I know managed it successfully (after about 6 initial difficult wks) but both of their kids seem to be sick just as often as anyone else's so it wasn't enough to persuade me.
Obviously that's just my own experience over the last 8 or 9 years but that was my biggest influence

It really irritates me when people imply that Breastfed babies have a special bond that other feeding methods can’t create

OK let me give you a choice between hugging your partner and hugging a toy. Both can provide comfort but you wouldn’t say they’re the same. Babies are humans also, why would they be different?

Like I said, my children had many bottles because I live in a country with rubbish maternity leave. I wouldn’t claim we have a stronger bond for life, but in the period of breastfeeding yes - we had a physical connection that was very special and cannot be compared to giving a bottle at all.

I’m very sorry if that causes some difficult feelings for you. I wasn’t able to deliver my children naturally so I can empathize with those feelings. I still accept that in most cases normal delivery is safer than c-sections. So why is it so hard to accept BF has advantages that formula cannot match?

It annoys me when people say they made an effort with it, persevered etc, as if formula users just didn't make an effort at all.

As a pp says, mummy martyring. Uber patronising.

If I said I make the effort and only feed my five year old hummus and organic veg, rather than something out of a packet, I'd be shot down.

Like I said, my children had many bottles because I live in a country with rubbish maternity leave. I wouldn’t claim we have a stronger bond for life, but in the period of breastfeeding yes - we had a physical connection that was very special and cannot be compared to giving a bottle at all.

^^
Totally disagree. I breastfed for six weeks and didn't enjoy it or feel any deeper connection than using a bottle. Different baby, different mother, different experience.

I breastfed both of mine and will do the same with this baby. To me, a life as a parent does mean putting your needs after that of your child a lot of the time (that's to say that's always easy or even right in every instance) but I do find it hard to imagine not even trying it to see how I found it - at least to give the colostrum. Breastfeeding for me was easy first time and much harder the second time (baby had severe reflux and in the end I had to supplement with formula as she wasn't gaining weight.) Bottles were a pain compared to just popping her on the breast. Everyone should do what they feel comfortable with but how will you know if you don't even try? Best of luck whatever you do though.

That should say 'that's not to say'!

It annoys me when people say they made an effort with it, persevered etc, as if formula users just didn't make an effort at all.

^

I agree and disagree! Agree that it is an effort in the sense that you have all the faff or preparing, sterilising, getting the right temperature etc but disagree in the sense that, you cannot possibly compare that to the perseverance you need to feed through mastitis, thrush, sore nipples, learning to not be self conscious if that's an issue for you etc

No ones saying you don't feed your baby at all but the efforts are completely different and I do think one is more demanding than the other if there is a need to 'persevere'.