Anyone out there who thinks they DON'T want to breastfeed....?

[ballanj]

Clue is in the thread title really!

I'm interested to learn of any expecting mums (old hands and first timers) who were very much of the view that they didn't want to breastfeed, for whatever reasons.

I'm just under 12 weeks, so some way off for me and I may feel differently about it as the months progress, but right now I'm very much thinking 'no'. I know a lot of mums say 'breast is best' but for some reason, no idea as to why, it just doesn't appeal to me as being the option I'd choose. Does this make me a terrible person?! Maybe it's because I don't want to feel like a milking cow and being on demand and wanting my partner and other family members to share in the feeding. Are there any other mums that just express in order to bottle feed? I'd be really interested to know what everyone else really thinks. And please, no judgment or 'this way is the right way' as everyone is different and I'm still trying to find my own way on this and gauge what I really feel! Thanks x

I agree being on nicu/picu can hinder breastfeeding but doesn’t make it impossible. I breast fed mine exclusively after a week on picu on life support and her first month in hospital. It was bloody difficult for me but like others said I saw it as the best thing for her and her right. I thought it even more important after being in hospital

Same here @redteapot67, but fully empathise with others that couldn't. I wonder if things would be different for them with more support.

I was determined I would breastfeed DC1 as far as I was concerned there was no other option. Similar to @Honeybee79 I became very sick myself so I was unable to look after myself for a few days never mind a newborn so DD was formula fed as breastfeeding wasn't an initial option. I was on tons of meds etc afterwards so I just stuck to formula as I didn't want to add stress over feeding into an already stressful situation. I didn't even entertain the notion of breastfeeding DC2 as I had toddler DC1 and I felt formula was easier.

It would be good if we had more support for all types of feeding. Then mums could make informed decisions. Especially as our instincts about some things will come from incorrect information in many cases, which we don’t always realise.

That’s why formula feeding isn’t allowed to be promoted - because the companies who make formula aren’t doing it out for of the goodness of their heart. They’re doing it because they want our money. So with that ulterior motive, you can never quite trust what they say.

We need independent, trustworthy feeding support for mothers. Part of the mental angst I had as a new mother was about how I fed my babies and the lack of objective information. You just never know what the source of many things are when you read on google!

immigrantsong that does sound very difficult. In my case my son had a feeding tube and then struggled to latch which I think contributed to the problem. Pumping was agonising for me, worse than breastfeeding. I did it for a few weeks as I wanted him to get the antibodies but afyer that I wasnt bothered.

We had prescription formula as he was allergic to the normal one.

I'm very open to either feeding method as I honestly think whats best in each childs case depends on the individual.

Yes pumping is the worst ever! How is your little one now? I still get flashbacks of the horrid NICU days.

Hes three now! You wouldn't know he had such a difficult start, he's very happy and well. Hes autistic but thats nothing to do with the NICU.

Me too. We got seperated for a day because the hospital he was born at didnt have a NICU and I had had a cesarean, so they moved him but not me. This time ive chosen a hospital that has a NICU just in case

Hope yours is doing well

Have a look at the current research on chemotherapy and how breast milk can deliver anti cancer particulars to a newborn that they want to replicate in adult chemotherapy

I try not to get wound up on MN but this has really narked me. Implying FF are voluntarily putting their children at greater risk of cancer is really low (and not borne out by any selection adjusted evidence I’ve seen).

Haven’t read the whole thread. You may feel differently when your baby is in you’re arms so don’t write anything off completely before giving birth. If you feel the same way after birth then crack on with FF. it’s funny how both types of feeding can provoke such strong reactions of not wanting to. Like you feel very ‘no’ about breastfeeding I feel like that about bottle feeding (my own baby, no judging others). I couldn’t bear the idea of sticking a bottle in a newborns mouth. It wouldn’t feel right to me.

I thinks it’s mostly down to what we see growing up. I was always surrounded by breastfeeding relatives and never saw a newborn in the family with a bottle. We’re more influenced by our families than anything I think.

Aw that's amazing! Well done! Mine is 5 now and baby 10 months. I wish you all the best for the new addition and please give things another go. Pm me anytime and fingers crossed there will be no need at all for anything like NICU this time.

Thank you! Its a twin pregnancy so I'm expecting some SCBU but hopeful that we can avoid the blue baby scenario we had before! I'm hoping bf will be better if we don't get seperated too.

Glad yours are doing well!

With my first I decided that I would try to bf for the first few days so he would get colostrum and I found it very easy and not that painful so carried on for about 4 weeks. The only reason I stopped was I couldn't handle the night feeds alone and sleeplessness. With my second she was in the special care unit being tube fed so I expressed milk for him. She's now 5 weeks and im still expressing (actually using the pump right now) so she can be bottle fed. This way I'm getting the best of both worlds. Breast milk and shared workload

I expressed to tube feed for 8 weeks was having to do it a lot an only possible i think as baby was in nicu so was well looked after.

Also expressing is grim the I would happily feed a baby and talk to say my dad or mil but expressing the whole nip is on view was lonely and isolating at an already shit time.

This time I'm pretty ambivalent about it. Will probs end up bottle feeding as it seems to lead to better sleepers and bigger gaps between feeds and I have a disabled child to look after who is already here.

It's early days but Swedish researchers have actually identified what they believe to be anti cancer properties in breast milk. Disclaimer: I am not posting this to annoy FF or to imply FF are deliberately leaving their babies more susceptible to cancer but to inform anyone who may be interested. I think this is really exciting research. Breast milk really is amazing and there's so much we still don't know about it.

www.med.lu.se/english/department_of_laboratory_medicine/mig/research_groups/the_svanborg_group/the_hamlet_project

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/breast-milk-cancer-sweden-university-of-lund-a7735351.html%3famp

@cousinit That is interesting and is not throwing shade at FF I don’t think - it’s stating research. It was the “why wouldn’t you give your child the best start” comment after talking about anti-cancer properties of breast milk that I thought was uncalled for and goady.

Yes, I can see that and agree with you. I think we need to choose our words carefully when discussing infant feeding as it is such an emotive subject and no two mums are going to have had the same experience.

I had two very different baby's therefore very different experiences.
As a first time mum BF was a traumatic journey (twas 17 years ago so hopefully much has changed) and support was at best non existent. I fed for 8 very unhappy weeks. With much guilt I switched to FF. But what I did carry through was the bond with feeding. I FF fed her very close to me, had constant eye contact and made our bottle time as intimate as I could. That was really important to me, one thing I hate seeing with BF babies is bottle propped or mums disinterested once the teat is in babies mouth.
Second DD I was prepared with bottles and all the paraphernalia ready to FF with no guilt and was delighted to find that DD2 was an absolute dream to BF and did so for a year until she (very sadly on my part) self weaned.
Point being made very clumsily but you can FF with love and bonding if baby has your full attention. It's almost trying to take the best of both.
Feeding can be an intimate, bonding experience either way.
Good luck OP on the start of the most exciting and terryfing adventure of your life!

Killed myself over trying to b.feed my first. Second one went straight to formula and it was a dream!

Same here except I half heartedly tried for ...ahem... 3 days with my second.

If I have the time and energy when I have the third I might try again. Or I might not. But that sense of it has to be done this way about breastfeeding with my first is dead as a dodo now.

I try not to get wound up on MN but this has really narked me. Implying FF are voluntarily putting their children at greater risk of cancer is really low

Does this mean people shouldn’t point out the benefits of breastfeeding

Why not?

This is why we need to stop making it BF vs FF. people get very defensive when evidence about one or the other is pointed out. Defensiveness usually comes from the sense of being attacked or guilt. Why is that?

breastfeeding benefits are exaggerated. Benefits can be explained away by socioeconomic factors. Sad for people who crucified themselves to do it, but true.

@believeitornot

As you’ll see if you’ve read the thread, I have no issue with someone pointing out the benefits of breastfeeding (for my part, I believe there are benefits but they are not as significant as some would make out). I have an issue with the later comment in that post to the effect of “why wouldn’t you give your child the best start in life” in the context of cancer.

I think the tone of the discussion is important, and avoiding judgmental comments is important as otherwise people will get defensive and become entrenched. You’ll also see if you’ve read the thread my positon is we should support mothers in whatever their feeding choices so I in fact agree it shouldn’t be BF v FF.

After bf-ing my first two for about a year each, we decided we would formula feed our third (now 5 months). Many very good reasons for this mainly to do with my health. And now I feel cheated no one told me with the other kids how much easier ff would be. All three are thriving and the asthmatic one with eczema was ebf...

Re: incoming milk, there is meds to suppress this. I did the colostrum feed with number 3 and then took medication. I never had the famous melon stage this time round. I'll admit that shifting the baby weight is harder without breast feeding but everything else is easier.

Re: smelly poos. All my babies poo stinks. More so after weaning but bloody unpleasant either way. Esp as mine have a sideline in spray pooing as soon as the nappy comes off...

namechangednow who would bother exaggerating them and to what end? It’s a non marketable product. People are given non biased information by the WHO and NHS to make an informed choice.

Re: bonding. In my opinion type of feeding has no impact on bonding. But I also strongly feel that making yourself gaze into the baby's eyes the whole time, might be putting the bar too high. My boys (youngest and oldest) were quite challenging as young babies. So frankly the only break from continuous attention/rocking/walking/singing was when they were fed. I'd use to time to check the news on my phone and the weather forecast (v important if you have the baby-type that will only sleep whilst being moved in a sling).

Re: whipping out a boob. I did this. All the bloody time (mine were difficult to latch properly). And when it wasn't necessary any longer my daughter would whip it out for me. She still tries. She's just over 2 and weaned herself when I was pregnant with number 3. But somehow she thinks my boobs are her property. Which I suppose is fair enough as she was the last user...