Anyone out there who thinks they DON'T want to breastfeed....?

[ballanj]

Clue is in the thread title really!

I'm interested to learn of any expecting mums (old hands and first timers) who were very much of the view that they didn't want to breastfeed, for whatever reasons.

I'm just under 12 weeks, so some way off for me and I may feel differently about it as the months progress, but right now I'm very much thinking 'no'. I know a lot of mums say 'breast is best' but for some reason, no idea as to why, it just doesn't appeal to me as being the option I'd choose. Does this make me a terrible person?! Maybe it's because I don't want to feel like a milking cow and being on demand and wanting my partner and other family members to share in the feeding. Are there any other mums that just express in order to bottle feed? I'd be really interested to know what everyone else really thinks. And please, no judgment or 'this way is the right way' as everyone is different and I'm still trying to find my own way on this and gauge what I really feel! Thanks x

These treads always seem to turn into BF vs FF debates! 🙄

I don't think they are any other topics, that attract so much criticism than parents choices in raising their children. So many people feel it's their right to verbalise their objections to other parents decisions.

From how you have your baby, if you have pain relief during labour, how you feed your baby, how you dress your baby, the list goes on and on. New mums feel under so much pressure to "get it right" when they're probably already doing an amazing job already.

And why should it matter to you, if the OP decides to FF! That's her choice, not mine or yours!

@ohdeardeardear I wish you'd have been my HV when I had my first

Regardless of the health benefits, here’s a few other things that until you’ve had your baby, you don’t really know.

Firstly, bf is more than just food. It’s how nature designed babies to be soothed. If the baby is fractious, irritable, in pain (jabs/teething etc), frightened...a boob fixes all that. It gives you an instant way of calming your baby. If you ff, you need dummies, rocking, pacing up and down, finding other ways to soothe them.

Secondly, for the “I want DP to do some of the work” posts - so did I! My DH did the baths, nappies, took baby for a walk in the pram so I could sleep, the cooking, the housework...all I had to do was sit around and feed. It was lovely.

And once it’s established, it’s easier than ff. Yes, you’re up in the night cluster feeding - but I have fond memories now of settling down with my babies from midnight with a box set whilst they just fed and fed. All I did was swap them from boob to boob occasionally. If you FF, apart from the hassle of obviously making up the bottles and doing all the washing up and sterilising, you’ve got to watch the baby carefully while they feed to make sure they’re not gulping and choking themselves, and to watch for if they’ve had enough before the bottle is empty. With BF, the baby just gets on with it. You’re giving them a lovely cuddle and you can watch telly or read. Yes, it’s tiring, but that doesn’t last forever (and both of mine were sleeping for 6 hours straight overnight from a month old, so it’s not true that all bf babies are terrible sleepers) but for me, I’d rather that than having to do more housework!

Also, I found bf very freeing. Yes, you take the baby out with you, but once you’re out you know you can stay out as long as you need and your baby will be fed. You don’t need to worry about how to store bottles on a hot day at the beach, or what if the traffic is bad on the way home.

And I went back to work after DD full time when she was 8 months, and carried on bf until she was 2. I actually found that incredibly helpful because I felt so guilty about leaving her, that having that special connection to her really eased my return to work. My boobs adapted fine and there were no issues.

Keep an open mind. I knew I wanted to bf but thought I’d do it for six months. I got to six months and it was so easy, it made no sense to me to start paying for something I was doing for free.

@toomuchhappyland, I formula fed two DC and never used a dummy, had to pace up and down or constantly soothe either of them. They were both very content babies though to be fair. But, you are making assumptions about FF, fair enough give a balanced view but you can't just say 'if you FF then this happens....'

@toomuchhappyland clearly you've never FF, as your comments are absolute nonsense.

myotherbag er, yes I have ff actually otherwise I wouldn’t know about the faff aspects of it! I’ve done both and bf was much easier!

If OP had asked if anyone had decided to BF before they gave birth and lots of people had come on to say “ dont make your mind up yet, wait until the baby is born you might want to ff” there would ( quite rightly) be up roar so how about answering the question or not commenting at all instead of trying to push an agenda - which is what some posters are doing
If you decided to BF then great but that’s NOT what OP is asking and many comments on here are giving her a flavour of the negative and patronising attitudes she may well get if she decided to FF from the start. Hopefully she will make an informed decision ( which she could change at any point) and not worry about what anyone else thinks

@toomuchhapoyland what utter biased tripe....

I FF never had a dummy, didn't pace. The bottle washing and sterilising wasn't a faff neither was making bottles up. Washing them took 5 minutes, sterilising 3minutes in the microwave! Imagine I wrote a post as below you'd be in uproar.

BF is clearly for the absolute lazy People who want to sit on their arses all day watching Netflix. They can't be bothered with housework and think they are far superior human beings for being able to lactate. They sit down and eat all day moaning about how hard life is. They say they are bonding but are actually sat there with bleeding nipples full of thrush crying their eyes out, but it's ok because being a martyr makes you a better mum.

The above is all absolute bollocks and not the truth..so I suggest people making crap up about FF perhaps think twice before they post ....

Well said @WhatWouldCoachBombayDo 👏🏼

Wow, judgemental much?! Look, people do what they want with their own babies. As I said above, I’ve done both. I did have to use dummies/pace/rock/found sterilising a faff with FF. Bf in comparison was far easier. If you found it easy, brilliant. It just annoys me when on these threads the “ease”of FF is always seen as a huge advantage when for me, it was the opposite.

@toomuchhappyland, yes your post was judgemental I'm glad you could self reflect, when someone wrote in a similar style to you.

It wasn't written from a personal perspective it was saying you "should consider the following" like it was fact.

But glad you realised how judgemental you were in your FF is a faff post. So kudos.

OK WhatWould, I have no interest in engaging with your goadiness and attempts to patronise so I’m out and turning off notifications. Best of luck OP, whatever you decide.

Ok, bye 👋

@WhatWouldCoachBombayDo. Post of the year award.....

Blimey what a thread! For what it's worth, OP if you don't want to bf, then of course you don't have to. You're not weird, you shouldn't feel guilty and it's nobody's business but yours. I'm sure you'll be a great mother.

There are some odd 'facts' on this thread, so in case my experience is of any use to you I will add it. I bf DD from birth, never had any difficulty with it, or any pain - at all. I know some people say they found all the pain and toil worth it, but I'm not the only person I know who's baby just took to it. I bloody loved it, but know people who couldn't make it work and switched to ff, or who ff from the start, and we all bonded with our babies just fine, and they're all now happy healthy kids.

Some pros for me were that it was, cheap and super convenient - there was no faff. DH is from another country and it meant that when we travelled, I could bf dd on take off and landing to stop her ears popping, and to soothe her. It also meant we could spend all day on the beach with having to worry about formula. I just bf on the lounger. God I sound so lazy!

Cons were that I couldn't really go out for the evening - not a problem for me as I didn't really want to, but regaining that is understandably important for some people. I hated expressing - it's the only thing that made me feel like a cow!

Last thing - some people have mentioned what bf does to the shape of your boobs. It's actually pregnancy that does that! And genetics. Bf or ff makes no difference to the final boobage outcome.

So do whatever you want, and enjoy your baby!

OP - just do what feels right for you. When baby is here, you'll know what this is. In the meantime it doesn't hurt to read up on both options and get all the information you need to make your decision (as you are clearly doing). It's an emotive topic (as this thread goes to show) but don't be pushed into a decision you aren't happy with.

IMO there's nothing wrong with not wanting to breastfeed! I breastfed, and I loved it - I think it's a wonderful thing (although it was hard and almost broke me initially) BUT I don't for a minute think that it's OK to tell other mums that they should breastfeed. I just think mums (parents!) should be provided with all the information to make an informed choice and then supported in that choice.

I hate "fed is best" and "breast is best" equally. IMO "informed and supported" is best - parents should be supported to make the choice that is right for their families and then supported in implementing that choice. Unfortunately the support bit is sorely lacking, both in terms and breastfeeding and in terms of supporting parents who choose to bottle feed (I'm talking of both NHS support and support from peers!).

If we all stopped judging each other the world would be a much nicer place.

I haven’t read the full thread but I’m an expecting mum (36 weeks pregnant with DC2) who thinks I don’t want to breastfeed. I will consider breastfeeding colostrum for the first few days but switching straight to formula at the first sign of trouble. I’m also packing a starter pack of formula in my hospital bag. To be honest I know my heart isn’t in it.

I live in an area with very high breastfeeding rates, and was put under a huge amount of pressure to continue breastfeeding DS1 in the early weeks (including a lot of pressure from DH which lead to 24/7 arguments and tears) and I found it absolute torture. I had all the initial issues (feeding 24/7, couldn’t get the latch correct, conflicting advice from HCPs, sore/cracked nipples etc, etc.), and DS just didn’t seem to be getting enough milk. He lost too much weight initially, couldn’t get back to birth weight, not enough wet nappies etc. I'm not prepared to go through that again, as I don't believe there is enough of a difference (if any), between the outcome of a breastfed vs bottlefed child.

TBH, I wrote earlier about how breastfeeding was a bit of a nightmare at first, and it was for us, but I have to say, once we cracked it, I love it too. I love the bond and I love that it's no bottles/no worrying about overfeeding, and the ability of a boob to soothe is pretty great.

But again, what's right for one person is not right for another. Just felt the need to clarify and say that I don't hate breastfeeding, I actually love it now.

I'll never understand how people can believe that scientists are too stupid to control for class, education, etc. when studying breastfeeding, while simultaneously believing that scientists have actually managed to create a substance that's almost equal to breastmilk. It's baffling.

Why have none of the formula companies taken the WHO to court, pointed out how flawed all of these breastfeeding studies are, and overturned the requirement to state "breast is best" in their adverts? Doesn't that strike anyone as a bit suspicious? They're rich, they could easily afford a court case. They must hate having to pay lip service to breastmilk.

Re: people saying they find breastfeeding disgusting - that's fine, but I guarantee that if anyone posted that they find the thought of a young baby with a bottle in its mouth disgusting, they'd get called a Nazi!

Informed is best.

Do the research, do the reading, and then decide what is right for you and your baby.

I bf both of mine, and intend to bf this one, because for me it was the right thing to do based on the info I had and my emotions around it. Other people take the info, their personal circumstances and emotional position and make a different decision. Make an informed decision and know that, whatever that decision is, it is the right one for your family.

I'll never understand how people can believe that scientists are too stupid to control for class, education, etc. when studying breastfeeding, while simultaneously believing that scientists have actually managed to create a substance that's almost equal to breastmilk. It's baffling.

The studies that DO account for those things find little difference though. Breast milk is slightly better because of the antibodies. But the benefits are exaggerated massively.

But the benefits are exaggerated massively.

By who? And if so, what would their motive be for doing so?

I completely disagree with you and actually think if more people knew about the short term health benefits of BF over FF, there’d be more mixed feeding. In the US it’s much more common to mixed feed or bottle feed with expressed milk. For some reason in the UK “all or nothing” is the mentality.

It really irritates me when people imply that Breastfed babies have a special bond that other feeding methods can't create. I felt I had to try Breastfeeding, I was apprehensive about the out in public aspect but was really only prepared to breastfeed. My daughter didn't latch, my boobs are big and nipples in awkward position for her, we tried hard, with help from a breastfeeding support worked for a week. It was horrendous. Changed to expressing and doing combination then totally FF after another week. Baby finally had a full tummy. Feeding her with a bottle wasn't really a faff but she didn't much like bottles either. She hated being fed by a spoon as well and wanted to do that herself. She is a very robust , well and happy child. She is a good eater and is firmly bonded to us. She isn't a hugely cuddly child and she isn't clingy. This is just her though. Because she is an individual and every child is different and feeding and bonding is different for each. I can't stand the 'we have a special bond because I fed my child from my boobs' no you have a special bond because you love your child. Incidentally in my group of friends most breastfed, sleep patterns, health, everything varies greatly between all the BF and FF children and you cannot possibly tell who was fed what.

Oh and if I am lucky enough to have another baby I intend to bottle feed from the start. I will express colostrum but will be prepared with formula. My anatomy hasn't changed and the next baby may have a better latch but I have confidence in my parenting skills now and know what would be best for us all as a family. I think breastfeeding is wonderful if it works but don't be a martyr. At the end of the day a happy, well fed baby is the goal.

By who? And if so, what would their motive be for doing so?

Women who have breastfed usually, so that they dont feel their hard work was wasted.