Anyone out there who thinks they DON'T want to breastfeed....?

[ballanj]

Clue is in the thread title really!

I'm interested to learn of any expecting mums (old hands and first timers) who were very much of the view that they didn't want to breastfeed, for whatever reasons.

I'm just under 12 weeks, so some way off for me and I may feel differently about it as the months progress, but right now I'm very much thinking 'no'. I know a lot of mums say 'breast is best' but for some reason, no idea as to why, it just doesn't appeal to me as being the option I'd choose. Does this make me a terrible person?! Maybe it's because I don't want to feel like a milking cow and being on demand and wanting my partner and other family members to share in the feeding. Are there any other mums that just express in order to bottle feed? I'd be really interested to know what everyone else really thinks. And please, no judgment or 'this way is the right way' as everyone is different and I'm still trying to find my own way on this and gauge what I really feel! Thanks x

Caspiana - If you were desperate to breastfeed then the judgement is not at all on you. It’s people who just choose not to, without even trying, who probably could that I just can’t understand.

monkey thank you, I will message you :)

Red I don't think any of us judging each other, whatever our feeding choices, is helpful.

It’s true Blair - we’d all be better off judging and pressing the healthcare system to providing better post natal and feeding support for new mothers - however they feed

But if I’m honest (and I’m sorry if this offends) deep down I do judge people who just opt to ff from birth. (As I said before - absolutely doesn’t apply to people who couldn’t or had genuine reasons not to). I judge in the same way I would if I saw a mother giving a one year a McDonald’s or a 2 year old a fizzy drink.
Yes it might not be ‘right’ but I’m being honest. I can’t understand why people wouldn’t try at all. If it doesn’t work or you can’t - yes switch to ff, mix feed whatever and absolutely don’t feel guilty about it.
But surely everyone should at least try?!
I speak as I’d consider myself fairly educated and middle class and I have two friends, both in the same social circle as me and with good degrees and good jobs. Surely they must understand the benefits of breastfeeding?! But both of them didn’t even try - at all. Their babies didn’t even have a drop of colostrum - how they think this was best for their babies I really really don’t understand.

I must admit I dont understand why you wouldn't give the first milk (unless the mother has been assaulted and has trauma) but I still dont feel that it deserves to be judged, because formula isnt a crappy thing to give.

In all fairness, we all judge. Anyone who says they don't is lying. It's usually silent and in our own head, so saying 'don't judge' isn't going to change anyone's feelings on the matter.

I'm with Redteapot - I absolutely (silently, in my own head) judge those that won't even try to give a drop of breastmilk.

It doesn't affect them though, does it?

I'm not saying I never judge anything.I judge people smoking around their kids and calling their kids obscenities.

I dont think formula is in that group though!

Those of you that judge parents who EFF are sad and pathetic!

Why should my choice to EFF by baby effect you in any way? Why don't you just focus on your babies and we'll focus on ours!

It seems like you just do this to make yourselves feel better in some sad way by trying to belittle someone!

I honestly have bigger things to worry about than judging people for how they feed their babies. I do believe that fed is fed.

I have more respect for people who own their decision or circumstances than those who attack others and talk rubbish, in an attempt to justify their decision to themselves.

I do wish we could talk about the pros of BF without being accused of being on a par with anti vaxxers, evangelicals or people who only feed their kids organic hummus.

Maybe its not a big deal to others?

Myotherbag - I guess I feel sorry for your baby.
I think that’s why people feel more involved - it’s not just a personal decision like a tattoo or a piercing or a choice to wear a particular piece of clothing. You are making that choice which affects another human too. Yes they are your baby, but once born they are an independent person.
I do agree I have respect for people that own their decisions. But I will never understand how they’ve made them.
My other bag - my judgment is my head, silent. I wouldn’t ever say anything to you in person or treat you differently because of it.

Thing is though red, our babies are fine.

@redteapot67

Having spent years working as a lawyer involved with cases regarding children in care, I can absolutely promise you that if you want to feel sorry for babies because of decisions their parents take, there are far, far better candidates than those that are formula fed.

'Myotherbag - I guess I feel sorry for your baby. '

What a complete load of tosh

Die - I do know what you’re saying. My oh was bottle fed from birth, is extremely fit, got a good job. I can see what people would think - ff makes no difference whatsoever. But something in my gut says, but it must, how can a synthetic powder made of vitamins and whey match a human tailored, dynamic milk specifically designed for a baby? There’s something like 80 extra substances in breastmilk than formula - most of them live and active something formula could never replicate. If my oh gets Bowel cancer at 70, or diabetes at 60 - no one will ever be able to say whether what he was fed as a baby 60/70 years ago was a factor. It’s just impossible to say whether he’d have got it anyway or how much of an impact (if all) his early years had.
There something in science called the precautionary principle. I live by it - why take the risk and just do the best option you have at the time.

And yes best option can include ff from birth in the event of mental or health problems. But surely breastmilk should still be someThing people who are able to should give.

@redteapot67

'Having spent years working as a lawyer involved with cases regarding children in care, I can absolutely promise you that if you want to feel sorry for babies because of decisions their parents take, there are far, far better candidates than those that are formula fed.'

Quite

Martha - why is my opinion Tosh?
Please have a reasoned debate - I’d love to hear your views. But you’re not doing much for your side of the argument just by calling someone’s opinion ‘tosh’ And then disappearing from the debate.

I’m not quite sure why you are comparing ff babies to babies in care?

@Redteapot67 MY baby is very healthy and the decision wasn't just mine, but my husbands too. We are her parents and although she is an independent person, we are hear to make to the best decision on her behalf until she is of a age she can make it herself and OUR choice for OUR baby was the correct one.

Here*

Redteapot, you don't need to feel sorry for my baby because formula is a perfectly valid alternative to breast milk.

Well because there are children who suffer from actual harm and poor starts in life. Being fed at all (and sadly lots of children aren’t) is a real welfare issue. Being formula fed is not.

A loved and cared for child who is fed formula does not need sympathy. They are doing very well in life compared to many many children, so why do you feel sorry for them?

My other bag - well actually that’s a good point. I think the research shows a partners or husbands influence on bf is the key to whether a new Mum does it or not.
My oh let me choose and supported whatever I did. She’d just come out of my body and I’d been the one giving her the boob or not so it did feel more like I should have a larger say in it. If he’d have been totally against it 1. I’d have questioned why (loads of men hate seeing their partner feed in public this is really sad imo) and 2. I’d have probably accommodated his views by feeding expressed milk for some feeds

Martha - why is my opinion Tosh?
Please have a reasoned debate -

Debating the pro's and cons of how other people choose to feed their Dc is beyond tedious.

'Feeling sorry' for pp baby

If I was considering BF ....your posting would do a tremendous job of actually putting me off.

Martha - if you don’t want to have that debate then why are on this thread?
You weren’t considering breastfeeding and tbh if you were and few comments put you off then you weren’t likely to have stuck it anyway. Bf takes bloody determination and preservance. It’s not easy being the only one up every 4 hours (or less) for weeks.

'Bf takes bloody determination and preservance. It’s not easy being the only one up every 4 hours (or less) for weeks.'

Absolutely Red

I'm truly in awe

And I'll post on whatever thread I choose to