Anyone out there who thinks they DON'T want to breastfeed....?

[ballanj]

Clue is in the thread title really!

I'm interested to learn of any expecting mums (old hands and first timers) who were very much of the view that they didn't want to breastfeed, for whatever reasons.

I'm just under 12 weeks, so some way off for me and I may feel differently about it as the months progress, but right now I'm very much thinking 'no'. I know a lot of mums say 'breast is best' but for some reason, no idea as to why, it just doesn't appeal to me as being the option I'd choose. Does this make me a terrible person?! Maybe it's because I don't want to feel like a milking cow and being on demand and wanting my partner and other family members to share in the feeding. Are there any other mums that just express in order to bottle feed? I'd be really interested to know what everyone else really thinks. And please, no judgment or 'this way is the right way' as everyone is different and I'm still trying to find my own way on this and gauge what I really feel! Thanks x

Thank you for the info, and thank you @immigrantsong, that’s really kind and I totally agree.

Don’t want to derail a thread about a positive choice to FF, but given quite a few who do want to breastfeed stop due to supply issues, perhaps the benefits of mix feeding should be made clearer to such people.

I think @Caspiana you read intent in the words that weren’t there. And actually sometimes there is a genuine question to be asked as to why people make the choices that they do. It’s about understanding the knowledge base and other issues then you can work out the best way forward.
But I do agree that tone is important.

During my time bringing up my four children and in my work with pregnant women and new mums, I have discovered that there are a few misconceptions with regards to establishing breastfeeding.

A) It usually takes weeks to establish supply. Literally. As much as you have to learn what you are doing, your baby also has to learn how to latch. With my third child it took over a month. I had to pump, syringe feed (using my small finger to stroke the roof of the baby's mouth in order to stimulate the sucking reflex) and then spend time with him on the breast. Luckily, as he was my third, I had confidence but I know if I had been a first time new mum, I would have been a nervous wreck!

B) You will roughly spend the first six weeks being a milk machine until your supply begins to settle down.

C) Your toes will curl as the baby latches on for the first few weeks.

D) Breast milk will adapt itself to your babies needs. As a PP said, If your baby is ill, it will adjust itself via the saliva from your baby's mouth, to provide different antibodies. If your baby has an ear or eye infection, you can squirt milk in their eyes/ears to treat. (I usually freeze a few syringes worth to have some in stock). The consistency of the milk changes according to the time of day and environment. It really is magic stuff!

E) most babies will lose weight (up to 10%) in the week after birth. This in perfectly normal. They also have to learn how to nurse, and work at it getting their food. They will scream sometimes even if the nipple is in their mouth because they haven't sensed it. They do learn pretty quickly though!

F) Your milk will come in around day 3. The colostrum produced in the few days is enough! Your baby's stomach is tiny initially and grows accordingly, to match your increasing supply. You do need to put your baby on your breast to stimulate the supply, and they will gain comfort from this as they learn to latch on.

G) BM can be frozen!!! I expressed and froze, allowing me freedom if I needed a break.

The first six weeks are rather an anxious time, in that your life has literally just been turned upside down. You will not sleep much. You are full of hormones. And you have a baby!!! Give yourself the gift of time, to settle into your new role, to get to know your baby and to get to grips with the changes your body is going through as it adapts to its new role.

I didn't know any of this stuff when I was a new mum, for some reason people seem to expect BF to be instantaneous and plentiful. When this isn't the case, and you are feeling very anxious as your baby cries and cries and cries (it's hungry and hasn't figured out to get the food!) it does seem like the obvious answer is to reach for the formula, which will be taken quickly through a bottle and provide instant relief.

Luckily, I received a ton of support after giving birth from friends and also nursing staff, and this is what I try to offer to the new mums that come to me. I would love to become a breastfeeding consultant one day, but that's for when my brood are bigger. I do believe that two of the main reasons BF levels are so incredibly low in the UK are because of the above misconceptions, and that there is virtually no support for new mums.
I can't help feeling that if more pregnant ladies knew realistically what to expect beforehand, then they be more likely to succeed. Trying to grapple with all of this information whilst you have a screaming newborn is very stressful.

And I fully agree with the above comments re: mixed feeding. If it makes the mum feel better, then why not? The baby will still gain all the benefits from BF.

I would just like to say that I have absolutely no judgement against mums who FF. It's your body, your baby and your choice. Your decision affects no one beyond your family and you don't need to justify it to anyone. I am not writing this in an attempt to slight anyone, this is based on my personal thoughts and experiences.

I also always give my new mums a copy of the newborn Ten Commandments. If any of you haven't read it, please google it!

I didnt even breast feed my first 3 at all

I do believe that two of the main reasons BF levels are so incredibly low in the UK are because of the above misconceptions, and that there is virtually no support for new mums.

I don't really buy this. I saw a lactation consultant through the hospital on a regular basis and went to a breastfeeding support group. None of it made my breasts produce enough milk, even 6 months doing everything possible to try and increase supply (I only gave up because my son literally screamed at the sight of my breasts after a 1 week break with bottles instead when I was on holiday and cleaning and sterilising the SNS after every feed just wasn't viable - he was as stressed out by the whole horrible process as me).

The only thing I think might have helped would be a residential hospital/lactation spa (I actually daydreamed about this at the time) I could stay in for several months where I was told exactly what to do and when (so that I didn't have any pressure over the concept I might be doing the "wrong" thing and ruining my baby) and had no other responsibilities but breastfeeding. Something like that might have helped (but maybe I'm physically incapable of making sufficient milk anyway in which case only some drug to grow extra breast tissue is likely to have any effect) but it would only be viable for a first child. Once a second child comes along that's never going to be an option.

@DieAntword I wrote is my opinion based on my experiences, I am not an expert and without being with you at that point, I can't comment on your experience, although it does seem to back up that there is a need for support. After each birth (I had four c-sections), I stayed in hospital for a week, (vaginal births are 5 days) then had very regular checks at home. I am British but didn't give birth in the UK. After comparing my experiences to my friends in the UK, the difference in post natal care is something that I have really noticed.

I really would have hated to be stuck in hospital for a week with a 1 year old at home. Was so glad to come straight home to see my old baby with my new baby.

I stayed in for a week and hated it

If I may say share some more from my experience, so that people can maybe learn some extra info: when I had my first and she ended up going to NICU and we stayed for a week at hospital, my first milk was bloody, actually scrap that it was all pretty much blood coming out of my breasts. None of the midwives knew what the hell that was or if it was safe for the baby to eat. It didn't hurt, it was just blood coming out. I ended up based on instincts making the decision to give her what I had, aka my bloody milk. It was the next day one midwife came back to me with some info about what is known as 'rusty pipes' syndrome that affects very few women, where their milk comes in bloody. It's actually our blood that produces and generates breastmilk. In a 2 or 3 days it's all ok and normal looking. BUT imagine if that put me off. The people around me, including midwives looked disgusted. I just followed my academic head and thought sod it, if it comes out of my boobs it's meant to and she will have it (lighthearted for anyone wanting to have a go!). What I am trying to say, is that even with breastfeeding midwives don't know it all to adequately support women. Hence we need to educate ourselves more on it, as clearly we are all very different and education saves us a lot of worry.

I think its interesting how different we all are. I had leaking as in, running like water, breasts from before I had him and had an abundance of milk. I could pump 5oz bottles one from each breast the day of cesarean.

I now wonder if I had issues with oversupply and that might have contributed to the problem he had latching

Oh wow, that's amazing blairwaldorfsheadband! Did the midwives get to freeze it for you? Did they support you with what sounds like a genuine oversupply issue? Genuinely interested, as I don't think they know how to deal with it. I am 10 months postpartum and still have to use breast pads and they don't have a clue as to why my milk still isn't regulated.

TheMonkeyMummy your post perfectly sums up what breastfeeding was like for me (all three times) in those early weeks. It is tough and professional support is essential to make it through. Support from family is also crucial. Something else I would add is that once you're through those hellish first six weeks, it really does become so much easier. I don't think this is fully explained enough either. It's a shame so many mums go through the hard work of establishing breastfeeding only to give up before they can enjoy it as it gets easier and all the convenience that it can offer.

No. :( He kept bobbing off the boob and they just told me "stick him back on!" but after about 15 seconds he would come off again. I pumped for a few weeks and mix fed him as he just couldn't stay on.

Had I known then what I know now, id have frozen some of it myself.

I am incredibly sad and incredibly angry with that Blair. How ignorant of them so called professionals. This is precisely what I mean that we need more education and support. By freezing all that liquid gold of yours they could have ensured your little one had more of it for longer, especially for a NICU baby. My mind boggles. When I was donating my pumped milk to my local hospital, they told me that it all goes to NICU babies and in most cases it actually saves lives as the majority of the NICU babies they get are premies and without breastmilk their chances of survival are too little. And their mums sometimes don't produce milk, because babies are in NICU and the trauma of no skin to skin and early labour means it can be very hard. That's why milk donations are as important as blood donations as they save lives literally. You sound like a fantastic mum that was terribly let down by the professionals.

The hospitals here are like hotels. Amazing. I loved it and knew that my kids at home were well taken care of

Thank you. I am also quite annoyed about it now as I didn't know much about breastfeeding back then and had been reassured they would show me how to do it, only to find they didn't really help.

This time I've booked classes, but I originally asked my midwife for recommendations and she had no idea of any local bf support which really confused me. The support from the staff isnt very good!

This time I plan on trying to figure out better pumping techniques and hopefully getting skin to skin straight away (with my first he was instantly taken to have medical support). I would also like to donate milk if I end up with loads again, as its a shame to waste it.

@BlairWaldorfsHeadband that does sound like you had too much milk. What a shame. My mum used to donate all of hers, here they won't take mine (or my blood) due to Mad Cow disease, which is a real shame.

And yes @Cousinit once you get through, it's so easy! And it's great, to soothe babies, to help them sleep, it's really good.

It really saddened me at the beginning of the thread where people said they didn't want to be harassed by feeding toddlers etc or that there wasn't benefits to it because that simply isn't true.

The only thing I would add is I am having difficulty weaning my three year old. I fed my first for 6 months (stopped when pregnant), second for 19 months, third for 14 months (stopped when pregnant) and kept going with my third (mainly out of curiosity). I think I have done it too long. If I could redo it, I would stop around 2 years.

@BlairWaldorfsHeadband if you want to pm when the time comes, I would be happy to offer support if I can

@believeitornot

Possibly because I’ve been affected by cancer I’m more sensitive about it but

Have a look at the current research on chemotherapy and how breast milk can deliver anti cancer particulars to a newborn that they want to replicate in adult chemotherapy. Why would you voluntarily deny your child the best possible start to life? It’s very different if you can’t

I think is unnecessarily judgmental and using a very emotive topic to accuse FF mothers of voluntarily not doing their best for their children but if the consensus is it is me being over sensitive then fair enough.

I just think motherhood is so hard that support, not judgment, is needed between mothers, even where people make different decisions to the ones we would (I was desperate to bf).

Why don't we just let everyone make their own decisions? There is plenty of material if you want to read up on the subject to review the pros and cons of bf and ff. Everyone can decide for themselves as to what they accept as positives and negatives.

For me the only opinion that mattered was DH's. We discussed it before and after DT's were born and I then decided that I would ff from day one. I don't regret that decision and it worked well for us, DT's did well and everyone was happy.

I was going to breastfeed dc1. Despite a horrific arrival, NICU stay and a massive breakdown on my part, he got only breastmilk for 3 months. However I hated every single second of it, feeding him made me hate him.

Dc2, I wasn't going to try at all. Under no circumstances were they going near a nipple however I ended up giving it a go, I still hated it and they had a latch issue. Nipple shields helped a lot but by six/seven weeks they still needed them to get on properly. They are now just on formula because sterilising/dealing with the nipple shields meant I might as well just be using bottles.

If there is a dc3, I think I'll be going ff from the start because I just loathe the feeling. I can't stand dh touching my nipples either, there is just something repulsive about it for me. It might have to do with a previous trauma or it might just be inbuilt.

My reason was just dont want too. So didnt.

I can't stand these holier than thou breastfeeding evangelists. Are they going to be knocking on doors with leaflets soon? Seriously, do they believe they can dictate what women should do with their own bodies? Just fuck off, seriously.

What @NameChangedNow said
I can’t believe this thread kicked off like this, poor OP.
Everyone calm down, get a grip and feed your babies however you want to.

Parker - there is a lot of the pros and cons but please remember formula companies have a lot of money and are very powerful. The nhs or charities are the only ones who can promote breastfeeding and they have no money and little resources. Hence - don’t just be led by the formula companies paying for research which surprise surprise says formula doesn’t make that much difference to babies. Just try and bear in mind who pays for these studies isn’t always obvious.