Anyone out there who thinks they DON'T want to breastfeed....?

[ballanj]

Clue is in the thread title really!

I'm interested to learn of any expecting mums (old hands and first timers) who were very much of the view that they didn't want to breastfeed, for whatever reasons.

I'm just under 12 weeks, so some way off for me and I may feel differently about it as the months progress, but right now I'm very much thinking 'no'. I know a lot of mums say 'breast is best' but for some reason, no idea as to why, it just doesn't appeal to me as being the option I'd choose. Does this make me a terrible person?! Maybe it's because I don't want to feel like a milking cow and being on demand and wanting my partner and other family members to share in the feeding. Are there any other mums that just express in order to bottle feed? I'd be really interested to know what everyone else really thinks. And please, no judgment or 'this way is the right way' as everyone is different and I'm still trying to find my own way on this and gauge what I really feel! Thanks x

Not a question aimed at anybody trying to bf, Just those adamant to ff from the start

No other species does that?

No other species gives their sick antibiotics extracted from mould either but hey, we do things differently.

Why is it anyone else’s business?
You don’t understand why someone wouldn’t try? So fucking what. Nothing to do with you!

To me this isn't a reason to not breastfeed at all. How is this a benefit that outweighs baby getting breastmilk?

You have to be kidding right? How is being able to get a full nights sleep and function like a normal human being from the get go a benefit that outweighs some marginal statistical benefits that don’t show up on half the studies they’re so small?

I tried to breastfeed for 6 months with my first, using an SNS, taking domperidome, trying all kinds of pumping protocols, feeding every hour, never made even close to enough milk (was making about 30ml a day at my maximum but usually closer to 15). Got told things like “pumping is no indicator of supply” but of course my baby’s lack of weight gain was right?

Second time it was a lot easier. I realised 24/7 breastfeeding was not fair on my toddler who needed an awake mummy capable of giving him attention and went to mixed feeding on day 3 and exclusive formula within 2 weeks. And it was great. So liberating. So easy. Baby gained weight, was happy, slept, didn’t constantly cry. Toddler got played with and I got to sleep.

So having tried it both ways I can totally understand why people would prefer to just ff.

You have to be kidding right? How is being able to get a full nights sleep and function like a normal human being from the get go a benefit that outweighs some marginal statistical benefits that don’t show up on half the studies they’re so small?

pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2010/11/08/peds.2010-1269?sso=1&sso_redirect_count=1&nfstatus=401&nftoken=00000000-0000-0000-0000-000000000000&nfstatusdescription=ERROR%3a+No+local+token

"Objective: Our purpose was to explore maternal actigraphically measured sleep, subjective sleep reports, and daytime functioning on the basis of current feeding method status during postpartum weeks 2 through 12.

...

Results: We did not find differences between women who were exclusively breastfeeding, exclusively formula feeding, or using a combination of the 2 methods, with respect to the assessed parameters."

But I’m not just talking about exclusive formula feeding but letting the partner take all or many of the night feeds.

DieAnt From what you've just said even the extremely difficult time you had breastfeeding your first child wasn't enough to put you off trying the second time because you said you did it exclusively for two days (or was it three, I've not got your original message up whilst typing this) and mixed fed for two weeks. It's the willingness to just try that I'm talking about, especially for those with no past experience of breastfeeding themselves.

I don't think parents who decide to EFF have to provide a reason as to why we have chosen to do that.

You focus on your children and I'll focus on mine.

I breastfed my first son for about 2 weeks (10 years ago) and went to fomula, this time I’m still breastfeeding my now 4 month old son, however I’m not ashamed to say if I need some time then I buy ready made formula to have a break, my mental health is important to me and it can be really full on. Most of my friends chose not to breastfeed from day one and I would never ever judge them, their babies are all happy and healthy!
Honestly the best thing about breastfeeding for me is that it’s free (we use cloth nappies too so baby costs very little at the moment yay) and there is no preparation, which is a god send because I am damn lazy and always in and out the house!!!

I breastfed for 3 weeks with my first, I found it out extremely difficult. The feeds were every 1.5hrs and for 1.5hrs at a time. It became too much for me and she went into bottle. I’m pregnant with my second now and I don’t think I will be breastfeeding this time based on how much I strugged the first time.

But I’m not just talking about exclusive formula feeding but letting the partner take all or many of the night feeds.

Yes which can also be done by expressing milk. Or by mixed feeding. You can still BF and share night feeds. I don't get why people act like your only options are baby at breast or formula.

1.5 hours between feeds is the biological norm, though. They are stimulating your supply. Hell, I once fed for 24 hours solid, pinned to the sofa (6 week growth spurt).

We've lost sight of what 'normal' feeding looks like, how the biological feedback process works.

The biological norm doesn't mean it's the way someone wants to do it

Getting a full(ish) night's sleep is possible, if you co-sleep.

But blair shouldn't people at least know what normal feeding patterns are, so that they're not put off when baby is constantly feeding?

Why would they not be put off just because its normal? If the issue is they dont like constant feeding, they won't suddenly like it more because its normal.

Yes which can also be done by expressing milk. Or by mixed feeding. You can still BF and share night feeds. I don't get why people act like your only options are baby at breast or formula.

When I was having trouble making milk I was told again and again that the night feeds are the most important. That night was the best time to pump. It was made very clear to me that my supply depended on me not getting to sleep for more than 3hrs max at night. Of course in my case it turned out to be a moot point.

But I do find it laughable that having to feed every 2 hrs is going to be more appealing to people if it’s normal.

And cosleeping doesn’t work for everyone. I can’t even sleep in the same room as my husband because I need space and to wriggle around. Trying to sleep in the same bed as a baby was an exercise in extreme frustration and being awake all night trying to stay still. Let alone trying to feed lying down, that simply doesn’t work with all breast types. My breasts meant it was rugby hold or nothing.

I think you should do what is best for you and your family.

I breastfed for ages with my son and it was very tough, but I am glad I did it, although there were many times I deeply regretted it too. It's a bit of a journey, just like pregnancy.

I think they key to a good night sleep is to not let the child sleep while on the breast and not rely on it for comfort too much. Nobody told me the difference between comfort nursing and actual feeding, so I think it was that that affected sleep and his general reliance on the breast. They will cluster feed and need frequent feeding, but it is possible they may do this on formula too, and the same for not sleeping either! FF babies are known to have more gas than BF babies, which may also lose you sleep!

You can also express milk so your OH can do night feeds. I chose to just cosleep and he just latched on in the night and then rolled over when he was done. No getting out of bed!! You can also BF in a sling, so it doesn't impact on your day too much. You will also get used to BF in public. I just covered myself with a scarf, which was my personal choice.

I would suggest reading up on the benefits of BF, and getting some tips on what has worked for others, and then you can make a decision on what is right for you.

Babies want to breastfeed. That’s enough reason imo to be open to trying if you have never done so before and have no medical reasons preventing you. Stop if it doesn’t work out or suit you, but don’t close your mind to it completely.

I’m not sure if benefits to the mother have been mentioned on the thread as yet.

Someone mentioned mix feeding as an alternative option above. This is a genuine enquiry because I mix fed my baby for a while due to issues with breastfeeding - how much of the benefits (whatever they may be) if breast feeding are lost by mix feeding instead of ebf? I thought I was wasting my time because she wasn’t getting much breast milk, and my health visitor just shrugged when I asked her.

Yes, I didn't want to do it. Never tried, never got any pressure from anyone ever or any comments. Everyone is absolutely fine and I never for one second regret not trying.

I was told by hospital staff that mixed feeding was great and my son would get benefits of breast milk.

My son was poorly though so they may have just been trying to make me feel better. That said he doesn't get many colds or infections!

Caspiana if it is bothering you I’m sure one of the posters on the infant feeding boards would know the answer. In my non-expert opinion I would say you don’t have the “virgin gut” benefit as things other than bm are consumed, but you would have all the other ones - you would still pass antibodies on through your milk, for example.

@caspiana excellent question! The benefits of breastfeeding do NOT get affected when mix fed. As the baby is still getting breastmilk.
I have found this link in hope it may help with your question to show you a quick synopsis of benefits of breastmilk by age:
ashlandhealthrx.com/blog/the-benefits-of-breastfeeding-a-timeline-for-the-ages/
Also do not forget that every time you put the baby on the breat, the baby's saliva 'orders' the type of milk they need for whatever they have going on: more fat if hungry, more antibodies if fighting any illness...hence breastmilk is always tailored fit to meet the exact needs of the baby suckling at the breast. You clearly have had some struggles and have done such an amazing job and you deserve to know this and be reassured. I think at the end of the day, what we all lack so much is a sisterly tribe to support each other through the thick and thin.

Also this:
i.pinimg.com/originals/31/f4/45/31f445bb6c271067f3045b6546f20e2f.jpg

There are tons more if you google depending on what you are looking for.