Anyone out there who thinks they DON'T want to breastfeed....?

[ballanj]

Clue is in the thread title really!

I'm interested to learn of any expecting mums (old hands and first timers) who were very much of the view that they didn't want to breastfeed, for whatever reasons.

I'm just under 12 weeks, so some way off for me and I may feel differently about it as the months progress, but right now I'm very much thinking 'no'. I know a lot of mums say 'breast is best' but for some reason, no idea as to why, it just doesn't appeal to me as being the option I'd choose. Does this make me a terrible person?! Maybe it's because I don't want to feel like a milking cow and being on demand and wanting my partner and other family members to share in the feeding. Are there any other mums that just express in order to bottle feed? I'd be really interested to know what everyone else really thinks. And please, no judgment or 'this way is the right way' as everyone is different and I'm still trying to find my own way on this and gauge what I really feel! Thanks x

And while you're gazing into your second born child's eyes, you're neglecting your firstborn who's wondering why Eye Contact Mummy never looks at him now.

Don't for a second think you can win at this. You are a mother, it's almost synonymous with failure in Western society.

I have to be honest, as a Mum of two who is EBF, breastfeeding is a time I get to gaze loveingly at my iPhone

I found if I gazed lovingly at ds2 he would stop drinking and goo at me

It’s a non marketable product.

But highly politically charged. If BF is required then mothers and only mothers can provide that early child care.

But highly politically charged. If BF is required then mothers and only mothers can provide that early child care.

But that mother does not need to be the baby’s or even, historically, human to provide breast milk.

Is pregnancy politically charged? Only women can do that too.

Cousinit - I think you overreacted. I said that phrase in the context of people who completely refuse or choose not to feed, at all. Most people who ff actually wanted to bf i think but couldn’t or didn’t have enough support. That is a very different circumstance to someone who refuses to even consider bf.

Its perfectly fine to not want to breastfeed

I didn't want to breastfeed, I never tried to do it and I have absolutely no regrets of not doing it, because that was my choice.

Is pregnancy politically charged? Only women can do that too.

Yes?

I shudder at the thought of FF, so I'm not offended by those who shudder at the the thought of BF, but I would question why.

What about FF actually makes you shudder though?

Coco We live in a patriarchal society. That comes with a bunch of assumptions and biases. Also science is not static, it is constantly evolving.

And if you think the NHS and WHO get everything right you are sadly deluded. They change the advice on multiple issues multiple times over the years in response to research etc.

The NHS and WHO may change their guidelines now and again but I'm pretty certain that no scientific study every will result in them saying that formula is better for a babies health than breastmilk

*baby's

I agree I don't think it's better. However I think the difference is marginal when other things are accounted for, and things like maternal mental health have much more significant outcomes. Like people say you really DON'T know who was bf or ff when children are older or adults. I think this whole thing is way overblown.

I asked my DM whether DSis and I were bf or ff? She said one of us was bf and one ff but she can’t remember which!

NameChangeNow I totally agree that maternal mental health is very important.

What I really struggle to understand why anyone would choose to give formula without at least intending to try and give breastmilk. Nothing said so far on this thread has even given me an inkling into why anyone wouldn't try or intend to try. I would really like to but I doubt I'll ever understand.

At an individual level, you can't tell who was BF and who was FF just by looking at them.

But FF is, evolutionarily speaking, still a reasonably recent phenomenon, and there are all sorts of shifts and changes that we can see in humans in recent times (obesity, as an obvious example) that we don't yet fully understand. And that may - or may not - be tied up. We don't fully know yet, that's the point.

The reason this becomes so heated is because there's a pretty innate knowledge in all of us that a product created by humans for humans is going to be better than the alternative.

If formula's just as good and it doesn't make any difference, then the debate just wouldn't exist.

What I really struggle to understand why anyone would choose to give formula without at least intending to try and give breastmilk. Nothing said so far on this thread has even given me an inkling into why anyone wouldn't try or intend to try. I would really like to but I doubt I'll ever understand.

Maybe they’re going back to work quickly and pumping just isn’t appealing to them. Maybe they have past issues relating to their breasts and don’t want to use them for feeding. Maybe as one girl at a bus stop expresses to me they’re anxious about making sure the baby “gets enough” and find the ability to measure formula reassuring. Maybe they want their partner to take on an equal or even primary feeding role.

You can’t imagine any of that stuff?

My mother never wanted to and didn't feed neither my sister or I. She had no interest in it people tried to persuade her but she made her mind up. I bf my 1st to 14m second 4m exclusive due to severe lactose intolerance in my milk causing severe colic. But my god the biggest difference I found was the cost. It cost me so much money to buy formula if the baby decides to throw it all up or you drop it or you run out etc ( all happened to me) was stressful and very expensive. Teats breaking losing bottle lids ( had dr browns to help with gas) I missed just shoving boob in for free. So happy when he grew out of colic and could save money again. Bf was hard at first felt bloody weird but a couple months in was very easy and natural I would try and do initial feeds for all the good colostrum and see how you go

I really struggle to bold if I copy and paste on my phone so apologies if it's unclear...

"Maybe they’re going back to work quickly and pumping just isn’t appealing to them."

Then why not try to give the colostrum? I'm sure they won't be going back to work within an hour or two of giving birth. Then see how things go, no one can say they don't like pumping unless they've tried it.

"Maybe they have past issues relating to their breasts and don’t want to use them for feeding."

If someone has such serious issues that they don't want to use their breasts for their intended purpose then I would totally understand this and I think that that is what formula was developed for. People who really can't breastfeed be that physically or psychologically.

"Maybe as one girl at a bus stop expresses to me they’re anxious about making sure the baby “gets enough” and find the ability to measure formula reassuring."

I don't understand this as a reason. I was anxious about this exact same thing when I was in late pregnancy but I still gave breastfeeding a go. Then after a bit of reading up on it (because I was anxious) I really understood about supply and demand. At least try. ^
^
"Maybe they want their partner to take on an equal or even primary feeding role."

To me this isn't a reason to not breastfeed at all. How is this a benefit that outweighs baby getting breastmilk?

For those who simply don't even want to try, I think it's a cultural thing and as someone said upthread many people are likely to just do what their own parents did. I was almost one of these mums until I thought I would just give it a go. It may seem too much of a faff to many and is even seen as weird or creepy to some people And when new mums are being told that the differences between BM and FM are marginal anyway then that seals the deal. There's still so much to be done in the UK to change attitudes towards breastfeeding and normalise it. It's pretty depressing that the U.K. has one of the worst breastfeeding rates in the world.

I never breastfed DD. From the first feed she was FF.

I had no want or desire to do it and I stuck with it despite the pressure from the midwives on the post natal ward.

Didn't try to

No desire whatsoever

I was BF by my own DM

Only one HCP questioned my choice and that was gently

I also took 18 months Mat leave, MC background and almost 40

Don't mean this to be offensive at all and I think everybody should have the right to choose
But out of interest

Why if you have just grown a baby for 9 months and made every choice you can for what's best for them, would the first thing you would choose to feed them when they were born be milk from a cow? That doesn't even make sense. No other species does that?