Pregnant!!! FWB but BD don't want to be involved

[Brierley86]

Hello,
I am so confused and really don't know what to do! Got pregnant from FWB and he don't want to be involved! After I find out and told him we still had sex! He tried forcing me to terminate but I decided to keep it! Asked him about his medical history and he answered there is neurofibromatosis and his sister has it. I asked him to talk to me about and how to find out while pregnant if baby will have it? He replied to do my own search and he don't want it and will not be involved then said f**k off and blocked me! I google it but still not clear to me of how to find and decided to find his family and ask! Found for of them on Facebook and messaged them of what he told me and me just looking for some answers and nothing else! Next day he text me that he going to police to report me of me harassing him via friends and family!!! I think I have the right to ask about this unpleasant condition! He called me crazy bitch wow that's fine but still very confused! Any advice, please!?

Raise this subject with your midwife as they are best placed to talk to you about screening for it, or even talk to your GP. I would back off from your FWB and their family/friends - give them space and be prepared to do this pregnancy/parenting thing all alone. They might want to know once baby born or they might not, just get yourselves ready for whatever reaction by building your own support network (your family/friends etc). This pregnancy might have been unexpected and not happened at the most ideal of times, but you can still be a great mother x

Did I do the right thing of telling them and asking? I have rights to know about NF condition!

Ps incase you are doing this alone …. write down as much information that you know about him and his family now, if on social media copy any public pictures. The reason I say this is so you have the information to find him again and you have things to show your child about their paternal side when they are older.

He already have one daughter and yes they have facebooks. I will try to copy .

Not sure - bit of a grey area for me but at least they know now so if they want to be involved later, they can be. I imagine it was a bit of a shock. It could have been that your FWB might have cooled down later as he got used to the situation, then told family himself. If he didn't then likely I would have reached out towards end of pregnancy or when baby born to family to let them know. I would have researched condition and talked to midwives before contacting his family/friends, but it is okay that you reacted differently than I would have.

I don't think they will contact me at all! Thinking now if he lied to me about this condition just to force me to terminate!

Hi
My son, myself and his daughter have nerofibromatosis

In its mild state it is certainly not unpleasant but obviously there are some issues and it depends from person to person on the effect/affect
Pm if you want

Hi, I don't know how to pm you ! If you could do? What you mean by his daughter?

It is possible he lied - which is why I wouldn't stress about this and seek the advice of your midwife.

I am so confused, stressed and depressed right now!!!

NF is genetic and can either be a mutation of a gene, or passed on from parents. My brother has NF2. It can be very mild, or it can have quite an impact on someone's life as it has on my brother's life. In my experience midwives and obstetricians tend to be pretty clueless about it. Two pieces of advice for you :

1. This guy sounds like a cretin, keep him at arm's length at least until you've decided what to do.

1. Call the Neuro Foundation. On their website they have a number and you can speak to someone who will be able to give you some good solid advice on the chances of your child having NF.

After you have all the facts, you can start making some decisions. These decisions don't need to involve this guy, unless you want him to be involved. Good luck.

I am not able to have abortion because of my past medical history! Of course I want my child to have father! Thank you for the info.

So did you tell members of your FWB's family that you're pregnant with his child? That overstepped the mark at this stage I think. How on earth would he know what testing can be done to identify risk?

He said his sister has it! He already have one child and must know! Yes I messaged them to ask about this condition!

Was it right what you did? No.
Did he act like a dick? Yes.

But what's done it's done take all the info you have and talk to your midwife and see what they advise.
Leave him and his family alone for now it's not healthy or beneficial for you to keep in contact at the moment.

I am blocked by him! Don't think his family will answer my questions! Looks like they are exactly like him! D**khead sorry. Also I have been advices that I have the legal rights to ask his family about and let them know about! I don't think is wrong to get info about your unborn child!?

But he told you the info: that his sister has a named condition. His family can't tell you how it might affect a baby. They aren't medical professionals. You have the information to tell your midwife.

Look, you're in a shit situation and he's being a dick. But his family haven't done anything wrong and I sort of get why he would be so upset if he hasn't got round to telling them yet. I think you both need some time to cool off and then you can perhaps try to talk through things rationally.

It would have been a bit more thoughtful to at least give him some time first.

To be honest, it doesn't sound like his family will be much use anyway.

The reality is that unless he has NF it's unlikely your child will have it. It's unlikely he has NF without being diagnosed, as his sister's doctors would probably have checked him too. (Speaking from my experience) If he did have NF then it's a 50/50 chance your baby will have it.

Also, they can't test for NF before birth. So, if you can't have/don't want an abortion you are best off gathering all the facts and being prepared - the guys at the Neuro Foundation are brilliant and will be able to help. Though, again, I must stress that it sounds pretty unlikely your child has NF.

If his sister has it at least his family can answer my questions! I am not asking for anything else! I don't think he will ever talk to me in the future and won't give a f**k about my pregnancy and his child! I am not so stressed and depressed and don't know how to deal with!

I am so stressed and depressed sorry

OP, your situation is shit, but you really need to back off the family. They are not duty bound or legally obliged to talk to you about NF. Try and see it from their side. They get a message out of the blue from some girl they haven't met, who says she is pregnant with their dickhead brother's baby. Maybe she doesn't want to discuss the details of her condition with a complete stranger, it is after all, quite personal.

You also need to accept that a mid wife wife and GP should be there for you, and the charity Neuro Foundation, mentioned above.

Do you have someone in real life you can talked to?

Stop bugging his family. If you want to know about the condition then ask your midwife or doctor.

If abortion isn't an option for you then what difference does it make what his family can tell you?

You should back off from his family.