Pregnancy 12 week + post IVF/infertility - general chat and support

[Janefx40]

I thought I would start a thread for those of us pregnant post IVF/infertility. There are lots of pregnancy clubs on Mumsnet but it feels like a slightly different experience having got here the hard way!

I've put 12 weeks + because there is another group for women who have just got their BFPs. That is such an anxious time and definitely needs support.

But I thought this group might pick us up a little further along - over the first panic but still learning about the experience.

Not being exclusive tho - if you think this is the group for you, come along in...

So come and join us if you would like to xxx

@Janefx40, they said at my appointment that if the baby is measuring very big towards the end, they may recommend induction or c section. Although they did say it is very difficult to really tell as they just take the tummy measurement.

I’m sorry you are having a tough time. Although in some ways it should be the happiest time, babies and house moves are also two of the two stressful times in life too. Also don’t underestimate still processing the previous sadness and stress you have had. Have you been able to take some time just the two of you when the focus is not on house or baby stuff? I have found it really makes a difference - even just a wee drive to a pub for lunch, or ideally if you can afford it a wee break. Take care of yourselves and I do hope things start to get better again

jane as swim has said having a baby and moving house are two of the most stressful things. I’m doing them both we are still in the middle of buying our new house because the seller is being difficult. Try and take sometime out for both of you. Your hormonaes will be everywere and you will deffinalty be over thinking things because of this!
You’ve had a lot of heartache in the past and then this big happy bump comes along and you are like wow what’s going on here. Hormones are a bitch. Be kind to yourself!

Xx

@janefx40 as everyone is saying it's a lot of stress at once, feeling like you "should" be happy or enjoying it just adds more pressure. Definitely sounds like a good idea to try and take a little break to just be a couple (even if that's just a lunch) and try and remember why you wanted a house and baby together before the details got in the way. Assuming hormones and tiredness don't help either. Hope things get better.

@Janefx40 agree, baby and the house move is very stressful... it doesn’t help where all the books and articles say that partners will massage you, will be understanding and supportive, will want to be massive part of the pregnancy and somehow they wish they could carry baby ... it’s all rubbush.
Your hormones make you super sensitive and you long for better support and understanding. Your DP is probably as tired and want some peace and quiet away from stress.
All you described (minus the house move) has affected my and DH relationship. It has got a lot better since hormones calmed down and I accepted that men are just not the same as us... and I should probably forget that massage and foot rub 😁 men are good at physical support, not so much at emotional.
You are doing good and try to get some alone time with your DP, and all will be good again 😘

Thanks everyone. I know you are right. These are stressful things.

We had a long talk this morning so maybe things will get better. He is going to try to speak up more when things are bothering him to avoid creating a tense atmosphere all the time. He tends to go silent so I'm just guessing what is wrong. I'm going to try to be more receptive to what he says. Hopefully we'll get there.

@Liverpool19 Sorry your house purchase is being a pain. These things always seem to take longer than expected and I'm not sure why.

Have a good weekend everyone

Xxx

@Janefx40 we are the exact same. Feel like we aren’t on the same page with a lot of things. Hope things settle for you. You are going through lots just now!

Feel dizzy and low today- but think my nesting has started already. I’m gutting every cupboard, drawer... everything!

And hadn’t thought about baby room yet, but family suggesting I should be decorating soon! Put the fear into me. So, came up with a plan for decor this morning. When did/ will you all start baby room? (Sorry if it’s been spoke about in past on thread!) xx

@Janefx40, glad you had a good chat. Communication, or lack of it from DH!, tends to be the cause of any disagreements we have.

@Beherenow32 - first time around we had it finished a month or so before DC1 was due. This time around the baby room has not even been started yet. We’ll try and get it done before the due date but if not, we won’t be too worried as the baby will be in with us for the first few months.

@Beherenow32 I was about as far as you. I calculated that I would be too big for that on last two months, and to get everything just right would take about a month. So we started with kitchen, then bedroom then living room and then baby room. Got the wallpaper (I knew I only needed 2-3 rolls so decided to chose any one I like rather then look at the price). Then ordered a cot bed from Amazon (I wanted sledge with rails all around to let the light through) then we made changing table from Ikea cabinet we’re going to throw. And then I just kept adding little bits here and there.
Today we did some Tesco shopping and they had reduced to clear own brand diapers £0.80 (pk 24 I think) So we bought all 5! Only because I have less then week to go!

@beherenow32 I'm 25 weeks, we have the furniture and paint, have a week off after next week so planning to paint and put the furniture together then. I have one set of reusable nappies and have ordered a couple of packs of biodegradable ones too. Probably have most stuff we need already, looking at bottles and breast pumps. Think although I'm planning to work to 36 weeks and convinced I'm going to have to be induced I'm also really paranoid about delivering early and having nothing sorted. I'm still finding it slightly hard to believe after all this I'm actually going to have a baby!!

Thanks everyone! Our spare room is filled with so much stuff. And need some help sorting that 😵 I’ll try starting with the smaller things.

@emalady you sound very organised! I think now this is starting to feel real, and have let myself buy a couple of things...

@Fox23 thanks for the tips! Baby will be here so soon for you. Nice to have it all ready.

@swimchick1980 I will try and relax too then! Will do a bit at a time
Xx

Hi everyone. With regards to the room. I have gave it no thought until we move into the new house! I have money put aside for furniture and decorating to be done 🤦🏼‍♀️
Yesterday I had just one really swollen foot and is been aching ever since. Swelling has gone today but wow. It was huge!

@beherenow32 it's strange, I think I'm probably moderately organised partially as I'm very paranoid but on the February thread I feel so much less organised than lots of people. I've had a couple of friends deliver at 26-30 weeks so think that's why I'm trying to get sorted early!!

@liverpool19 hope the foot has settled, if it's just one and staying big /swollen you might want to see someone to check it's not a dvt.

emalady it’s fine today thankfully. I was out most of the day yesterday and stood up for long periods so think maybe that had a part in it. Will keep an eye on it though. Also will mention it to my midwife. 35+1 and I am feeling it today 😴😴 x

@Liverpool19 I think your swelling is down to being up and about more than usual. My first swelling happened after my work leaving do... I was so scared as my foot looked like it’s twice the size!
By morning it was gone. But since then swelling has become very normal occurrence. I don’t think I have seen my ankles for the past two weeks 😂

That’s the first time it’s happened fox and I was so shocked because it was just one foot. I keep checking today to see what it’s like but so far all is normal 😂😂 I have my baby shower next week and I am determined to wear my nice (very, very) expensive shoes 😂 x

@Liverpool19 oh! That will be soooo great! You should definitely wear your expensive shoes! You deserve it! (Just put some comfy shoes in the bag as well.... I would have cried out loud if I hadn’t on my leaving do....).
You will look fabulous 👠 !!!!!!

fox my mum and step dad have said the same about the shoes 😂 my step dad nearly had a heart attack yesterday when I showed them both what shoes I was wearing 😂 x

@liverpool19 I'm intrigued! Hope you manage to wear them and are reasonably comfortable, sounds sensible to have some comfy back ups though. I don't think my balance would be good enough for heels at the moment.

emalady shoes and bags are my downfall in life 😂 i would think nothing of spending £500 on shoes then I got pregnant and was like this needs to stop. I need to buy the baby stuff 😂 the baby has a batter wardrobe than me at the minute 😂

@liverpool19 when we moved house I realised how many shoes and bags I had I didn't use, none were very expensive but there were a lot! Sold them to one of the recycling places that buy by the kilo. Had 4 black sacks full! Seem to be doing the same for my daughter, loads of stuff!!

Hope you get to wear your fabulous shoes @Liverpool19. I’m very jealous - I can’t wear heels at all :-(.

@Fox23 - when is your section booked for? I know it’s soon but I couldn’t remember the day.

Hope everyone is doing well. It’s so cold now, I am trying to make sure I have enough warm clothes for the baby (and for me). Fingerless gloves and/or mits for prams are a good tip! Also those blankets you get that fit into the straps of a car seat!

Good thinking @swimchick1980 I definitely need gloves of some kind.

In response to earlier chat we have practically nothing ready for the baby at all!!!

We've been given a fair amount but bought practically nothing and the nursery is set to remain an office until Christmas at least!!!

This baby better not come early! X

swim yeah I have car seat foot muff things. They look so toasty and warm! X

Don’t worry @emalady, you’ll be just fine. Our nursery is also an office.

The car seat things are so handy - I hadn’t realised until DC1 was born that you couldn’t put them in their snowsuits/jackets in their car seats, so being able to wrap them up in the blanket was a godsend!

@swimchick1980 my c section is scheduled for Friday!!! Tomorrow I have final consultation with doctors etc.
wow, two full days and I will be a mom!!!! 🤞🤞🤞
I literally don’t sleep anymore as I just can’t. I feel sick/ nauseous ALL night, and I developed stretch marks- over the last two weeks!!! Really? That’s just cruel.., I thought I’ve got away with it, but nope ... 🙁
Regarding cold weather clothing I have few bits and bobs, but I will just learn as I go, and get what I need if I do... I mean I don’t even know if baby goes in the car seat before or after it’s clipped in.., and snowsuit-didn’t know you can’t have it on in the car seat.... any reason why? I’m soooo unprepared knowledge wise... but I suppose with first babies we all are.
I’m scared 😧, really, few days left only....