Pregnancy 12 week + post IVF/infertility - general chat and support

[Janefx40]

I thought I would start a thread for those of us pregnant post IVF/infertility. There are lots of pregnancy clubs on Mumsnet but it feels like a slightly different experience having got here the hard way!

I've put 12 weeks + because there is another group for women who have just got their BFPs. That is such an anxious time and definitely needs support.

But I thought this group might pick us up a little further along - over the first panic but still learning about the experience.

Not being exclusive tho - if you think this is the group for you, come along in...

So come and join us if you would like to xxx

@Janefx40 my DH told her the date! Then she asked how we know and he then told her about the c section 😠
I don’t blame my DH and my in laws are in their 80s but.. it’s their selfishness that’s so hard to accept. I know they don’t mean bad, but I just can’t ever imagine behaving the way they are. I mean- what happened to manners

@Fox23 - glad I have introduced you to Gavin and Stacey, I love it! Your MIL sounds quite the delight - eek! Hope you don’t let her get to you and that you get to spend the precious time you need. Sounds like you should put her in a room with @Liverpool19’s MIL and give them a couple of dolls to hold until you are both ready. I had actually forgotten that my MIL (who DH is NC with) turned up at the hospital on the day DC1 was born! I was asleep and DH was livid. We hadn’t seen her for 3 years before that day and haven’t seen her since! Needless to say she won’t be told about DC2’s birth this time around.

Re contractions, they are hard to describe - is there a “cut off” point when the c section no longer is viable? My labour first time around was relatively quick but still around 12 hours (6 at home and 6 in hospital). At first I wasn’t sure as was worried they were Braxton Hicks but they do get more frequent and more intense and by the time I went to hospital they were taking my breath away (different to any period cramps or tightening of pregnant tum) - at that point I decided I was going in even if it wasn’t labour! It’s easy to say looking back you know but it really was different to anything else i’ve experienced.

@Bereherenow32 - it really is a mix of emotions, I hope the good ones start to outweigh the bad ones. Take care.

@beanhunter - sorry you were finding it tough. It’s totally understandable given your previous MCs and I think after having a MC pregnancy is never enjoyable and constantly a worry - I often look back with envy at the person I was when I was pregnant with DC1, even though it took a while to get there I hadn’t experienced a MC before that and this pregnancy has felt much different (could also be the IVF experience too). Have you been offered counselling? At my clinic we got a couple of sessions and you could use it any time, so might be worth chatting to a counsellor if you have that option too. I found it gets better once you start to feel the baby move as you have the sensation of the baby move which helps the connection and also gives you some reassurance and allows you to believe it is real. Please do look after yourself and hopefully you will start to feel more engaged and more positive as you progress through the journey

@beanhunter that's completely understandable but if you are very numb and not really happy at all are you depressed, it might be worth speaking to someone and getting some support. I'm feeling a lot more connected to the pregnancy since my antidepressants kicked in. I was feeling pretty blunt and didn't want to risk mood getting a lot worse once the baby arrives.

I don’t think I’m depressed. My mood about other things is ok. I think having been so ill hasn’t helped. And then I panic that it’s because it’s donor and is that why I feel like this?
Clinic was abroad so no counselling available to us now unfortunately. I think I need a bump and movement but I have neither so that’s makkng it even harder.

@beanhunter - how many weeks are you? There are just so many emotions and I do think there is an element of wanting to protect yourself by not getting too excited. As you say, being ill won’t have helped either. The bump and movement will come - if things don’t start to improve when they do or if you still feel like this, it might be worth speaking to your midwife. Try not to panic about it being a reaction to the baby bring donor, it’s more likely to be a protection mechanism after your past losses, which is totally natural. The baby is your baby and you are its mother, regardless of the biology of how it first came into being. Take care

@swimchick 15.

@beanhunter I think my last message was meant for you! Or maybe for you and @Beherenow32 - all the emotions or none of them are fine and normal.

As @swimchick1980 has said, it is more likely to be a defence mechanism but even if it isn't, don't worry. If this is something you have to work through, that's ok. Hopefully you will feel more bonded as you feel more confident in the pregnancy and feel more movement. But if you don't, it will come in time.

Hope you both feel better soon

@swimchick1980 Makes another good point @Fox23 and @Liverpool19 So now we just need to think how to get both MIL in a room together....mmm

@swimchick1980 @fox23 @janefx40 @liverpool19 MIL battle royale 😂

beanhunter maybe speak to your midwife and explain how you are feeling so may be able to offer some guidance. I hope you feel ok soon. Once you start feeling movements it becomes a little bit more real.

We have decided once the baby is born we aren’t going to tell anyone for a few hours. We will just send everyone a picture of him and tell them when they can come.
We haven’t told them I am being induced either so will be hopefully able to keep somethings a secret for a few hours at least!!

@Liverpool19 I agree with you. My DH told them the date, but we will keep time a secret. They asked for an immediate photos to be sent over.... they will just have to wait.
Oh families... this has thought me how not to be when my baby will have a baby 😊 tomorrow my last ultrasound and last mw appointment.
Next week this time I will be at my final consultation!!!! It’s all happening- I’m soooo excited!!!

That’s what everyone has said to us fox they will just have to wait. Oh my god!! It’s so soon!! I’ve brought my leaving work date forward by a week because of the induction. So I have 3 weeks left in work 😳

@Liverpool19 wow! That’s soooo soon!!! How does it feel?

@swimchick1980 love Gavin & Stacey! Can’t believe I missed it when it came out!
Regarding “cutting off point”, there really isn’t one... basically if they can see baby’s head it’s too late. They have to assess if it’s safer to pull back up baby or let baby come out naturally.
I’m all packed and ready... 🤞🤞🤞

@liverpool19 that's really exciting.

Can't wait to see a couple of cute baby pics (please) to remind me why the reflux, anxiety and stress is worth it!!

Have any of you looked at or done any hypnobirthing or mindfulness stuff? Previously found mindfulness helpful and considering a hypnobirthing course to help me relax.

@emalady no...as you know I’m going for elective, but I’m sure other girls will be able to help.
Just got back from mw appointment and baby’s head is 3/5 engaged already!!! It doesn’t mean anything in terms of timescale- could be days or weeks, but it’s strange to hear that confirmation that pregnancy journey is coming to end!

fox it feels really strange!!
emalady I can’t help either sorry.
I have my consultant appointment on the 14th November so will have my date for induction then hopefully!!

@Liverpool19 is 14th November your 36/37 week appointment?

No fox this is just my consultant appointment that my midwife referred me for. I think I’ll probably have a midwife appointment that week though 😂 Im sort of behind with her though as she was off on leave when I was meant to have one tomorrow so it’s next week. X

Wow it's just amazing that we are now talking births. We have come a very long way.

@emalady yes I am doing hypnobirthing. A friend of mine did it years back and I always meant to try. Logically I'm ok with having a day of pain to have my baby but I worry that I won't be able to cope at the time. So I'm hoping hypnobirthing will just make me feel more in control and able to cope.

I start in a couple of weeks. We have 4 sessions with 3 other couples and then we get a download of some recordings.

Just back from ultrasound and baby is almost 8lb. That means by next Friday on her Birthday she should be 8 1/ So happy 😁

*8 1/2 lb

@emalady - hypnobirthing isn’t really my thing but I know others who have done it and found it enormously helpful.

@Fox23, great news! I had a scan today and my baby is measuring BIG! I am having a sweep next week and then one the week after to try and kick start everything. If they don’t work, I’ll discuss induction with the consultant.

@swimchick1980 I think there are few of us (me too) who have babies measuring big... from what I’ve heard - on reality they often are born smaller. Either way, doctors and midwifes know when to worry so I just let them tell what to do. When you say big, how big is the baby?

Agreed! I don’t know exactly what the weight is estimated at just now but at the 90th percentile or so on the chart....eek!

@swimchick1980 well done for making a lovely big healthy baby!

I was measured again today and I'm still quite far above the 100th percentile for fundal size or whatever they call it. I'm huge although they don't seem worried.

I don't know what to do. DP and I really aren't getting on. We just seem to clash on everything. I'm worrying about our relationship and starting to wonder when we last had a prolonged period of being happy. It's either stress and sadness about babies or stress about moving. We butt heads about everything. Surely this should be a good time in our lives - new home, new baby. But we can't seem to get there. X