Pregnancy 12 week + post IVF/infertility - general chat and support

[Janefx40]

I thought I would start a thread for those of us pregnant post IVF/infertility. There are lots of pregnancy clubs on Mumsnet but it feels like a slightly different experience having got here the hard way!

I've put 12 weeks + because there is another group for women who have just got their BFPs. That is such an anxious time and definitely needs support.

But I thought this group might pick us up a little further along - over the first panic but still learning about the experience.

Not being exclusive tho - if you think this is the group for you, come along in...

So come and join us if you would like to xxx

Work already knew as I had to tell them at the start of IVF due to the medication and the job I do is “safety critical” so every single bit of medication I take has to be checked. I told everyone else after my 12 week scan but I was nearly 14 weeks when I had it.

Hi Ladies

I thought I had posted on here yesterday but doesn't seem to have stuck!!

Scan was great. All looks well and she (yes she) was waving around. I'm so relieved. It feels like a massive milestone and like we had some special time with our baby. Mind you I couldn't make out half of the stuff she pointed out. "That's the femur" she'd say. OP was saying "oh wow yes how amazing" and I'd be thinking "where?"!!! But I saw enough.

And yes first nights in the new house were fun. It feels huge. Probably as we have no furniture!! So we are happy.

@Beherenow32 my immediate team at work knew about the IVF and I told others gradually. I was noticeably pregnant from about 10 weeks tho! I have now started to confirm it with the others tho it's no surprise.

@Liverpool19 will you move straight into your house or wait to do it up?

jane fantastic news about your scan and a little girl how lovely. No we won’t be able to move in. I’m having walls knocked down and it needs completely ripping out. Doesn’t have central heating or double glazing either 🙈🙈 so will be staying at my mums until it’s ready to move in! X

@Liverpool19 management at my work know. although they haven’t been fully supportive imo. I had to have a couple shifts off last week...

@Janefx40 awww a little girl! 💗 we are finding out at the end of the month! Wow a bump at 10 weeks... don’t think mine is obvious yet... unless I’m in denial haha

Lovely news on the new houses. So nice to think there will be little babies living there with you too soon xx

beherenow my work is mainly managed by men and they are so, so scared of anything to do with “women’s issues” so I’ve been lucky. Of them were a nightmare at the beginning so I went the union and my rep sorted everything out. Now I am on reduced duties in the office. Normally I am out on trains as I work for the railway. That’s not allowed anymore. 🙄

@Liverpool19 I’m glad that you’re getting support. I’ve joined union too. Just so I know what’s right!
Fell asleep at this afternoon- so hoping I can manage work the rest of the afternoon!

Eaten too much carb rubbish today. Will prob force myself to eat fruit later 🙄🙄

@Beherenow32 I told my two assistants about IVF from the beginning so they can cover me in case of mood swings. Told my boss at 6 weeks and then my parents at 14 and everybody else after. But yes, I was noticeably bigger by week 12.
@Janefx40 wow! Little girl!!!! How amazing!!! Congratulations!
And it’s also great that you have moved already. I think it’s such a great “new begging “ for your new growing family! 💕

We didn’t tell any family we had even started ivf and half of them still don’t know. We didn’t tell family about the baby until after the scan. Needless to say one set of parents weren’t happy I’d kept the secret as apparently she had a right to know? beherenow make sure you stay in the union you never know when you will need their help! I didn’t start to feel ok until about 16 weeks and was massively off food until then. To be honest I’m still the same with food now some days I’ll eat lots some days I’ll have to force myself. I have been mostly healthy though and still managing 30/45 mins 3 times a week in the gym. Going to give myself another 6 weeks or so then probably stop. X

@Liverpool19 hats off to you!!! Gym?! You are my hero! Where do you get energy to exercise?
I have been to gym ONCE in my life... and only because I fancied my fencing coach who was there when I was about 14!!! Lol 😂
I always say I’m built for comfort not exercise BUT I was size 8-10 and now about 100 so I miss feeling fit, looking good and as stupid it sounds I miss looking like a person rather than the “pregnant lady”
But I can’t even get up the stairs without being out of breath nowadays.
Once my baby is here, I’m soooo getting on the fit train, and rejoin weight watchers.

Ha! Well I've been huge all the way through but then that is common apparently with us older ladies.

Gym? Nope. Actually @Fox23 I quite like being that pregnant lady. I always was thin with a naturally flat stomach until I hit 35 when I was still slim but lost the definition. Been feeling aware of that ever since. Now I don't have to worry about the size of my stomach! It is blissful!!!

Lovely to read everyone’s chat.

A girl @Janefx40, how lovely. You’re all making me want to find out now. I have a scan next week but I will try and resist.

I didn’t tell my family about IVF but did tell some friends. I didn’t tell anyone about the pregnanch until around 16 weeks as we had some high risk results in terms of Down’s Syndrome etc but got a harmony test which case back normal. I just wanted to know all the facts before telling anyone. We did end up having to tell my parents just before the harmony scan as needed them to babysit DC1. My Dad hasn’t been well so hadn’t wanted to worry them.

Though they would never say, i’m not sure my parents really agree with IVF and so it didn’t help when we got the results back which were high risk which they of course put down to IVF. With DC1 we didn’t ever manage to get the tests done as DC1 never complied at scans so it could well have been flagged then too. They drop the odd question into conversation, like is it the baby biologically yours and things like that. Not that it would matter in any case as it would still be our child but I think they feel like we are meddling with nature (frankly we had to this time around!).

Gosh, that’s a bit of an essay! I am the size of a house. With DC1 I was super active like you @Liverpool19. This time I am a sloth who gorges on food the whole time 😮. I am definitely more tired and need to eat to avoid feeling faint/sick. Oh well, plenty time to burn it all off!

Had my 20 week scan today. It's a boy!!! Soooooooo pleased. All healthy and lovely and yay. Still have to pinch myself that any of this is happening.

Congrat @hailseitan ! Lovely news

Xxx

I wrote a massive post but it's disappeared!!

Hi ladies! I’ve been a bit quiet, but glad to hear everyone is doing well and all the good news....house purchases, moves, impending mat leave, scans...

Congrats, @jane & @hailseitan. So lovely to hear your babies are both healthy and growing. 😊

I’m feeling good, although my appetite hasn’t really returned. Still don’t understand the dating, so I’m either 21w today or tomorrow! 😂

My 20w scan on Monday went well & baby super active, but more importantly healthy. 🙏

Can’t believe I’m halfway through the 2nd trimester. Hopefully, all continues to go well for you all. 💕

@Janefx40 and congrats to you I see!!

Sorry I have so many messages to catch up every time I log on here!

What day are you due?

xx

@SouthernBella74 congrats to you too. The sonographer told me how to date the pregnancy. I had been a day out before. We are on more or less the same timing. So my egg collection was 26th April (that counts as week 1 day 6 apparently) which makes me 21 weeks tomorrow.

@hailseitan I am due on 18th Jan. you?

@Janefx40 23rd for me!

Had my midwife appointment and unbelievably I forgot how far I am! Baby brain or what!? I couldn’t remember if I’m 31 or 32 weeks! All is good with the baby and on Sunday I’m 8 months 😁
My due date is Nov 4th
@swimchick1980 I’m sure your parents will be super happy once the little bundle of joy in here. And Ivf or not, baby is the greatest gift on the planet 🍼
@SouthernBella74 and @hailseitan great to hear your scans went well! That’s fantastic news!

Congratulations on your scan results @hailseitan and @SouthernBella74. So glad to hear everything is progressing well, it’s such a relief isn’t it.

@Fox23, I always forget, total baby brain too! I’m just behind you - 16 November!

Help! Scuffle forming with family. Am I being a cow?

I was really looking forward to telling DPs sister that she will be welcome in the hospital as soon as the baby is born. They've lost both their parents and she is his closest family. But they live 2 hours away so it's not straight forward.

Before I could do this, she had got in touch to say it's her birthday around the time of the birth and she is planning two weekends away so can she plan in when she (and her husband and kids) are coming down. She's not asking to stay. They would stay somewhere else.

She then picked a weekend which is 1 day after our due date. So I then asked DH to say that although she would be welcome from day 1, we might want to see how we feel about full family visits. But she adores her girls and I think (all goes through DP so hard to be sure) she's now hurt because I haven't welcomed them too from day 1.

It may be that we feel great and happy to have them straight away but it may be that me or the baby are sick or struggling to bond and we want a week to catch our breath. I just don't want to feel like I have to "say no" to someone at that point. That will stress me. I'd rather that they waited to get the green light.

I realise they may not be free. But I just don't think we can be expected to fit around it. I asked DH what he wants but he just shrugs.

So now DH is cross with me. She's annoyed although she hasn't said. And I feel guilty that I'm being difficult with his only family.

Eek @Janefx40, that’s so tough.

As you say, you just don’t know how you’ll feel so it’s hard to know what you’ll feel up to and what you won’t.

Is their weekend more about a weekend away for them with the bonus of seeing you, DP and your DD too or to potentially spend the whole weekend with you? If the latter, I think it is totally fair to say you will just need to wait and see. If the former, it might end up working ok as hopefully they would just pop in for a couple of short visits anyway, though I think they will need to acknowledge that by coming that close to due date you will have to play it by ear and might not be up to much.

I guess if you can just make sure they know you are excited about them being a big part of DD’s life and maybe seek to make other plans in the coming months, they will have plenty time to bond with her.

Hope you get it sorted and it doesn’t end up causing you stress and worry - who said that should all be done with by now??!

jane I’ve been really really strict about this. I’ve told people I will let them know when I want them to come that includes parents 😬 none of us have a clue how we will feel after the birth.
My visiting times in hospital are 3-8 and that. Apart from partners who can come from 11. I know the mother in law will try and turn up but they won’t let her in. so will tell her again that she will have to wait like everyone else.
If your sis in law is upset that you might just want her on her own then she is being very silly. But stand your ground, there’s nothing wrong with that. After all who wants to see someone the second they’ve either gave birth or got home from hospital. Certainly not me 😂 xx

How old are her kids? Hopefully she will remember what it was like and the not knowing how everything will go.....

It is definitely a bit much organising the weekend for ONE DAY after your due date! Surely they could just do it a week or two later and go out themselves for a meal for her birthday.

In short, you are not being a cow! You need to do what is right at the time and you have no way of predicting now what that will be - any pressure being put on you at this stage is unhelpful and extremely unfair.

@Janefx40 I completely understand your worries! I’m sure you will be needing some time just as a family.
Once everything has settled and baby is here, hopefully everyone forgets about the disagreement! Xx

@swimchick1980 thanks yes I need to do that. I think I panicked most and didn't do they whole "it will be lovely to see you" bit.

Oops