Pregnancy 12 week + post IVF/infertility - general chat and support

[Janefx40]

I thought I would start a thread for those of us pregnant post IVF/infertility. There are lots of pregnancy clubs on Mumsnet but it feels like a slightly different experience having got here the hard way!

I've put 12 weeks + because there is another group for women who have just got their BFPs. That is such an anxious time and definitely needs support.

But I thought this group might pick us up a little further along - over the first panic but still learning about the experience.

Not being exclusive tho - if you think this is the group for you, come along in...

So come and join us if you would like to xxx

Thanks ladies! I know I'm right really and the most important thing is to protect those first few days as a family. But I hate conflict...I am a people pleaser!

Xxx

Hi ladies!!! May I join as well?? I'm 12+5 today and had a lovely scan last week with everything looking good. This is my first pregnancy after 4years of TTC and 3 round of IVF (3rd time the charm as they say). I had a lot of medication up until the 12 weeks mark and now only have steroids for few weeks. I see the light at the end of the tunnel!!! I can't wait to feel really out of the IVF protocol I have to admit...
I have a question... Do you feel like sometimes you are bothering people (partner, family, friends) with your worries? I did the Harmony test at 11+6weeks and it didn't work.. Not enough fetal DNA apparently so I have to do it again in a week. I don't need much to be scared that something is wrong so I'm panicking a little bit. (it happens for like 2% of case... I love being the lucky one) I tried to express that concern but got told of a bit by my mum and friend? Or maybe I'm just being over sensitive...

Welcome @Street80 and congratulations on your pregnancy.

There are a lot of stresses in TTC and IVF but for me the wait for the Harmony test results was one of the absolute worst and most stressful. That week was hellish. And no one really understands - they will just say stop worrying/it'll probably be fine. I survived by obsessively reading old threads of people who'd done the test and were waiting (ignoring all the preachy ones) and my making a plan of what I would do if it was positive.

I feel your pain. It is awful. But fingers crossed for you xxx

Thank you @Janefx40!!! It's actually nice to know I'm not the only one trying to find reassurance in old threads... I think I will have the NHS results before the Harmony... If they managed to find some fetal DNA of course. It's just another bump on the road! And you are right when you say no one can really understand. We are not "clean plates" when we got that bfp and our past is an active part in our state of mind. I don't think my friends or family can understand that. They don't understand why can't I just relax now... and enjoy. Boy I wish I could! I'm very envious of the naivety that I see in some women. I keep saying to myself, oh if that scan is good, then I'll relax, oh if that test is good, THEN i can relax.. or maybe the next.
Is any of you with further along pregnancy were able to get over this feeling? And like they say: " just enjoy"?

@Street80 I am the exact same as you. Always counting down to the next scan etc. Then 2 days later looking for reassurance!
I am 13 weeks, 3 days.
My new worry is that my belly seems smaller! (I’ve told a few more people at work- so was even telling them today! Everyone says not to worry...)
I didn’t get harmony test.
Congrats too! Xx

@Beherenow32 Thank you!!! I feel a bit less alone in my daily scares! And congrats to you too!! The "belly monitoring" is also a new "hobby" of mine haha I can't help but try to compare so I understand where you are coming from. Even though I know we can't really tell nor compare as every pregnancy is different, I think the part of my brain that use to be oh so rational left the boat when I got my positive result!
And congrats to you too!!!! :))))

Welcome @Street80 and congratulations! If it helps, I came back “high risk” with NHS tests (but at the lower end of high risk). I got a Harmony test shortly after that and it came back fine - low risk for everything. The worrying never stops but I have definitely found that once you get regular movements you start to feel a bit better (until of course the baby decides to move a bit less one day then the cycle starts again!). Hope you can get the test soon and it comes back ok 🤞

@swimchick1980 Thank you!! It definitely helps yes... Just to know that even though the NHS results don't come back as I hope, it doesn't mean it's bad. I have been a bit scared to receive "that" phone call from them...Just few more days to hold on.
I can't wait to be able to feel the baby! And I can already tell I'll be as worry as you during a "calm" day.. Oh the fun we have in our IVF pregnancy!!! haha

@Street80 welcome! This really feels like support group for us- crazy women. I agree, stressing will never stop! I was 32w yesterday and my little princess has decided that my bladder is THE place to sleep.... so, since yesterday I move been going to toilet about every 20min!!! Really even at night! So today I’m in pain, I’m tired and I had my scan. She is healthy, average 4pound 7ounce !!!! And scan confirmed, her head is on my bladder.
And @Janefx40 - your family situation... be selfish- you need a day or two for your new family to bond or prepare for birth or just have peace and quiet. Its absolutely unbelievable when closest family members are oblivious of manners. As others have said- for me? My birth, my rules!
💕

Thanks @Fox23 I needed my ladies to back me up with this one!

@Street80 although it is true that the worry doesn't go away, I have got a lot less anxious the more scans I've had and the further I've got. In those early weeks, I was utterly overwhelmed by worry, obsessed with everything from the size of my stomach or boobs to my mood. What could it all mean. That has passed for me gradually over time. I don't think I could have survived 9 months at that level of stress!

I started being able to feel my baby last week. I'd felt a few things before but was never sure what I was feeling. It's been nice tho

Love to all the ladies xxx

@Fox23 Oh that must be quite uncomfortable! I already spend so much time in my bathroom at the moment I can't even begin to imagine what you have to go through!! The good thing is that you will have a fun story to tell her later on!!! haha
@Janefx40 I didn't follow everything but I fully agree with Fox that this IS your moment and you are the one deciding how you would like things to go. It's way too important and stressful enough as it is to add that worry with family on the top! I'm sure they will understand.

It's very comforting to know that worries do get easier... :) Thank you!!

And yeah!! for feeling baby!!! That must be magical!!! Congrats!!! X

That’s me announced to everyone at work. They were all lovely. Some people emotional as they knew it had taken us so long 🙈
Couldn’t help myself... had to tell them about my worries of shrinking bump. Haha.
Had a few dizzy spells today tho

@Fox23 glad baby growing nicely. Hope they jiggle away from the bladder!
xx

Afternoon ladies! My little princess has moved off my bladder and I feel like a person again !!!! I’m happy 😃

@Beherenow32 That's fantastic! I'm sure you will find support with your colleagues in the "down times" and it's always a good thing to feel less alone in this crazy journey.
@Fox23 Yeah!!!!

Welcome street80 congratulations!

The worry does ease off as time goes on I found. And the more you feel the baby move it does too. I have a proper wriggler, he likes to stick his bum or back out on my side most days and doesn’t like my laying on a certain side he will kick until I move 😳

Has anyone booked a whooping cough vaccine? I have just booked mine. Kept forgetting and finally remembered today!

Hope everyone is well. X

@Liverpool19 how lovely to have a wriggler. Mine is getting that way too. I'm not sure she's been asleep at all today yet!!

Are we meant to have whooping cough vaccines then?

@Fox23 glad you are more comfy

Xxx

Yeah jane my midwife keeps going on and I keep forgetting. She’s also told me to have a flu jab too. Thought I was done with these injections 😂

Hi girls, I had my vaccine day after my 20 week scan.

@Janefx40 my letter says to get whooping cough vaccine after 16 weeks.
I’m going to phone tomorrow about flu jab. I’m ill just now though, so will need to wait until better.. if I’ll get better! lol x

I asked about the flu jab beherenow apparently they don’t come in until October. X

@Liverpool19 thanks. I phoned our local chemist who is bringing it out next week.. but they only do it privately. Just worry as I had the flu a lot in the past!
Xx

Oh that’s good beherenow one less thing to worry. I’m going to ask my midwife today when I see her. My doctors receptionists arent the best x

Thanks @Liverpool19!! I feel a bit better about that wait. I'm going back for a blood test with Harmony Tuesday and results will be a week after that. I think the NHS will contact me before if they find anything though.

My midwife said to wait for the first GP appointment at 24 weeks for the vaccines (Flu and whooping cough) but I'm planning to contact my medical centre at the beginning of October to double check this.

In other news I'm organising a hen do for my friend as I've been crowned maid of honour and she invited 17 girls... I'm about to lose my mind!!! The weekend is at the end of the month and I'm so so tired at the moment!!! We'll see how it goes!! haha

Hope everyone is doing ok today!! :)

street80 I feel your pain. I’ve had a wedding, christening and two 30th birthdays this year and I really have had enough 😂 I’ve told everyone not to invite me to anything else because I am not going! In between buying a new house and sorting out what we need for it, having a massive recruitment drive in work and staying away these last two weeks have been hard 😂 29 weeks on Saturday and I feel like I’ve hit a wall. X

@Liverpool19 OMG!! I'm just tired thinking of all of this! I warned people as well that I'm not doing anything major after this... Not to be asocial but I'm more in love with my bed than my friends at the moment Maybe it will change when I reach the second trimester... :) Time will tell....

In a very unexpected way... I received a letter from the NHS for my blood test barely 5 day (weekend included!) after they took the blood!!! All LOW RISK!!! NHS vs Harmony: NHS winner!! I still have my appointment next week to redraw some blood for Harmony.. I will go because i paid and I'm stubborn that way... but I'm so so SO relieved!