Fresh Start thread for pregnancy after miscarriage or loss

[BertieBotts]

I've lost count of what number we were on, sorry.

Also there seems to be another BFP after MC thread running, but it has all different people on it so I didn't know if we should crash theirs or just have two running at once...

24 weeks Labmum! That IS amazing, so pleased for you

Feeling alright? Good work on the list! What have you got so far?

I'm 20 weeks this Weds and had my scan last Friday. All perfect! I felt really flat at the time, couldn't say why, and then over the weekend the reality started to sink in and I'm embracing things in my head and going to buy something for it this week. Seeing my consultant Weds and continuing to wean off the cyclo I think. Also found a local hypno class which I think we'll sign up to.

So sorry you're been struggling Miami How does this morning find you?

I still have no movements at all. The swooshing of a week or so ago can't have been anything as I literally haven't had a peep since.

Huge congrats whiteonesugar this is lucky number 6 for me! wishing you well.

When's your scan Vuduvu?

Do you go to a class Paranormalbouquet or practise at home? How's your SPD? So awful not being able to sleep.

NoCatsHere - nearly there!!! Keeping you in my thoughts.

@FoxtrotSkarloey Oh my god hello! 12 weeks, how amazing. You were such a complete gem, thank you. Hope all is going swimmingly for you and your baby xx

Oh no Para, that sucks. Nausea is so exhausting. Does anything help?

How did you decide when to start your leave? I've got to work backwards for project deadlines and need to make a rough plan. If I'm due 13 March is finishing end of Feb about right or mad? They'll be flexible but I need to stick a date on paperwork.

sprinkle ok so you are nice and young at 29, but still I'd definitely be pushing and counting the three in a row. Is your GP sympathetic?

labmum we do appreciate just how mega 24 weeks is! I'm so happy you've reached this milestone, it was a good day for me when i made it that far!

onesugar so happy to see you back, will keep everything crossed this is indeed lucky no7. glad you have a scanned booked and you sound sensible on the positive side of neutral. there is nothing you can do except wait, those two weeks will drag so bad i know, but come on here lots to pass the time if you need to.

para sorry you feel sick again - it's cruel to come back in the third trimester. and nice you have a work countdown too!

anne so happy the 20 week scan went well - i think it does take a while to sink in. i was so scared during mine i didn't really pay attention and convinced there'd be bad news that it took a day or so for me to realise that maybe this time i was actually going to get a baby out of it! I'm sure you'll feel movements soon as well - i was after my 20 week scan before i felt any.

i'm 35+5 and still working (freelance and at home so don't feel bad for me!) i have the urge to nest building, but will have to do some speed nesting after 38 weeks i think as I need to put work first and finish up a deadline first! its my third baby though so i have everything, just a question of digging it out the loft and giving a few bits a little wash!!

Thanks for the welcome everyone. I am trying to think about ANYTHING other than being pregnant but its so hard.

I have known for a week tomorrow and I'm only 4+2. I feel like I should be at least 5 weeks by now...!! The perils of testing so early.

Congrats @labmum on getting to 24 weeks, such a great milestone! And congrats @annelovesgilbert on your scan :) Mine is on Wednesday.

Thanks @paranormalbouquet. For some reason I’m really stressing out about the cervix thing. Just went and had a cry on one of the midwives about it, they must think I’m absolutely ridiculous. Possibly I’ve been reading too much online, think I’m going to come off mumsnet for a while apart from this lovely thread. Xx

Oh and congrats @whiteonesugar on your BFP. Fingers crossed for you!

Thank you @Vuduvu

Sending love and thoughts for Wednesday, and have some this afternoon if you're wobbling x

I'm sorry I can't remember why you're having cervix investigations, have issues been implicated in a past loss? Really sorry, I struggle to keep up with everyone's history. Is it something they tend to check when you have a scan usually or not?

At one of my consultant scans when he was looking at my massive blood clot he said he could see my cervix was a bit open (felt normal to me) and put me on ABs for a week but no one's mentioned it since, not the opening or the length.

It's really good you spoke to a midwife about it, was she able to reassure you?

Hugs x

@AnneLovesGilbert if I could do a cartwheel I would be doing one for you lovely lady. I am so thrilled that your 20 wk scan went well. Don't worry about feelings, I was so worked up before mine with dd that when they said she was fine I didn't believe it at all.
Ours isn't until a week on Thursday 1st November and I am dreading it.
I had a really detailed dream last week about a baby boy and taking him home to meet everyone and him being a cheeky wee imp, so so hopeful that things are good at our scan.
I am struggling massively again today. I may ring my mw for a listen in later in the week, DH is away for work tomorrow and Wednesday and I just can't face any potential drama without him here. I particularly can't walk into triage without him so any checks will just have to be later this week.
I went to pregnancy yoga yesterday and she was really focusing on making room for baby in the poses so now I feel like it's gone for a hide!!!
@whiteonesugar congratulations-
I tested really early this time as well, that first week felt like it was around a month long. Just keep plugging away and you will be surprised how quickly you get to the next week. Distraction is key.
@Vuduvu good luck with your scan. They are checking my cervix as well, but mainly because my obstetrician is wanting to keep an eye on absolutely everything that she can. No concerns with length really. What did the midwife say? Was she comforting at all? It sounds like that measurement is the lower end of normal, but still normal. Worth focusing on that!

Thanks so much @Annelovesgilbert, yes am feeling a bit better after chatting with the midwife, although I suspect that nothing is really going to reassure me 100% until I’m holding a healthy baby. But probably that applies to everyone else on this thread as well! 24 weeks would be a good milestone - counting down 30 days to go :)

My cervix thing is just that I had a LLETZ last year - I think it was quite a big one but I know lots of people have worse done to their cervix and get through pregnancy fine. I’ve not had any losses related to it (but then have never got to this gestation before). So maybe the main issue is anxiety... possibly I will go and see my GP about it.

Thanks again. It’s actually helped to think this all through a I type :)

And thanks @miami81 think we cross-posted. Sorry to hear you’re struggling too. Ringing your midwife/maternity assessment sounds like a good idea when it’s a good time for you - hopefully they will be as lovely and supportive as mine have just been, midwife had a listen with the Doppler as well which was helpful too. Xx

Don't do a cartwheel @Miami81, you've got a beautiful precious baby in there! Thank you xxx

Thanks for saying you get where I was at, I'm trying so hard to stop beating myself up for not feeling how I'm somehow "meant" be to be feeling about things. No one else is putting pressure on me, I'm bugging myself! But I think we both had a delayed reaction and over the weekend started feeling pretty chipper about it all now.

Your dream sounds so lovely, hold onto iy. Do you feel like it's a boy? With DD did you have a sense she was a girl?

Sorry you're having a shit time again today. Big squeeze of a hug for you ((( ))) Sucks DH is going away.

Does it help to revisit your visualisation, you pushing your pram and momming, lying in bed with him in your arms sniffing his head, reading him your favourite kids books, watching him gurgle and smile.

Everyone talks about this one as a boy but only because the kids have given it a boys name...

As you say Vuduvu, nothing's going to make you feel 100% anything but glad chatting helped a bit, give yourself a break (call me a raging hypocrite ) and defo see the doctor if you think your anxiety would benefit from some outside help. We've still got a long old way to go and you want to be in the best shape, including in your head, so absolutely worth accessing any support they can offer xxx

@AnneLovesGilbert yep I knew dd was a girl, no idea how I knew but I just did. I have a strong feeling this one is a boy, but some of that may be a psychological coping mechanism as I don't actually know how I would react if they said it was a girl (I would be fine, obvs but would make the whole pregnancy after loss thing even more confusing).
I was in counselling for the mc's and I kept speaking to her about my underwhelmed reaction to scans. And she said that most people in situations like ours protect themselves. It's a completely natural thing and doesn't stop you bonding with baby when they arrive. I would say you are doing fantastically well and just to take it day by day. I know it's hard when it is what you have been striving, dreaming, praying (if that's your thing) for for so long. But the brain and psyche are amazing things and it sounds like you are already letting it sink in a bit.

@whitenosugar that’s exactly why I held off until my period was a couple of days late this time. The drag is so bad!

You speak so much sense miami and as we’ve all said before, just knowing we’re not alone is priceless. Whatever difficult paths have got us all here it’s the community and unconditional support and understanding that makes the shit days less shit and the weeks which seem too long to cope with bearable.

The scan we were so worried about as we hadn’t got past that point before fell in the middle of the day of our joint biggest project launch at work ever. I barely slept the night before, we worked like headless chickens and hurtled across town to the hospital. The scan was fine and we finally seemed to be on track to get a pregnancy past that difficult point and I didn’t cry. I was calm and relieved and we had a brief hug on the way out.

As we were heading back to the office, we got the email to say the project had launched and it was a success. I completely lost it, bawled, sobbed and snotted everywhere. At the time it seemed stupid to be so happy and relieved about a work thing and not having a healthy baby! But you can’t help what comes up

At this point I’m starting to get on board. I worry about loving the baby in case I don’t get to actually have it but it’s happening sneakily anyway. I haven’t dreamt about it but I’m starting to imagine how it might be part of our family. Worries about the twins are probably helping because it’s a reality we’re planning for. There’s nothing to really worry about with them either but their excitement is giving me stresses about how the reality of a screaming newborn might not meet their expectations of a baby sibling! And then I realise I’m picturing the screaming newborn, where it’ll sleep, what it’ll wear, how the kids will feel. And that’s probably a good thing.

Sorry for rambling on today

@Labmum I know - 20weeks Friday and have my scan in the morning. Ever so slightly pooping my pants....Congratulations on reaching 24wks, such a lovely milestone.

@whiteonesugar congratulations on your bfp. I can't imagine going through what you have but you seem really positive. Keeping everything crossed for you.

@AnneLovesGilbert it sounds like the good news from work was just ripping you over the edge! As said previously we try to protect ourselves and prepare for the worst just in case so it's not surprising it takes a while for good news to sink in.

@iswallowtoothpaste - I use progesterone pessaries from ovulation until just before AF so I have to test earlier cos if I don’t my period won’t come because of the progesterone, I would defo not test early if I didn’t have to do that. My first ever pregnancy I was a week late when I first tested! Seems alien to me now lol

@Hidcat thank you I am trying to stay positive. I have dark moment but try and power through and just prod my boobs to check they are still sore lol

Got 2-3 on a cbd today, 16dpo / 4+2 - I feel this is a great sign so fingers crossed.

Hi all! Popping in to say hi since it's been a while.

I'm now 20+2 and all seems to be going well. I've got my anomaly scan on Wednesday and am super excited but also terrified. I've managed to convince myself that there is something gravely wrong with baby

I've felt some very faint flutters and pops in the last few days which I suspect may be movements, which has been reassuring and lovely to feel ❤

Freaking out this morning. Having a random pain in my lower back on the right hand side, was having it sporadically last night too coupled with mild cramps. I’m a week away from where I was when baby died last time and have my booking in appointment today too but I’m so worried about another MMC.

@Iswallowtoothpaste I have had loads of cramps, pulling pains and everything in between this pregnancy. Hoping you make it through the day ok.

Good luck to everyone having their 20 week scan this week! Got everything crossed for you all. Will any of you be finding out the sex?

@whiteonesugar got everything crossed for you!

@iswallowtoothpaste that anxiety of approaching the stage at which things have gone wrong is familiar to all of us. Just try keep busy so you don't have much time to dwell on things.

@AnneLovesGilbert I'm feeling good thanks, tired but I think that's just normal for being pregnant and having a 2.5year old toddler to run around after. My crazy lady list involves nothing for the baby except for sorting through DSs old clothes. It's all house things like, plastering the living room, new carpets, sofa, finishing off our utility room, emptying the under stairs cupboard so we can make it into a cloakroom and making DS a nice bedroom so we can move him out of the nursery. It frazzles my brain just thinking about it!
I'm finishing work at Christmas (due mid Feb) but all of January I'm using as annual leave with mat leave not officially starting until a week before my due date. Perhaps you could finish a bit earlier by using annual leave? It's nice to have a bit of time to yourself to nest and sleep before baby arrives.

@Labmum that's a lot of jobs. I am desperate to get a cupboard into our hall, we have a severe lack of storage for all that day to day stuff, which I imagine only gets worse with buggy etc. I also need to do some painting but DH won't let me.
I may be finishing up work around the same time. Due mid March, but will be induced at 37 wks so towards to end of Feb.
Given how stressed I am about movements already I think being sensible I will either be signed off or on annual leave sometime after Christmas.
We will have to wait and see. I am refusing to think that far ahead. With our history DH has already asked when he can't travel for work anymore and also when he needs to not be drinking. My answer was 'I have no idea'. We have agreed that he won't be away from December. And realistically we live close to the hospital so we can always get a cab.

Blimey Labmum, you'll be busy! Feeling on top of things despite the brain frazzle and tiredness?

Lucky DS getting a lovely new room He'll love the baby!

Be thinking of you Friday HidCat

I had to test early too whiteonesugar as on cyclogest and fragmin injection from BFP so I was under loads of pressure from my RMC consultant to find out immediately. I was wasting so much money on tests in the we didn't get a BFP (sandwiched between 3 mcs and then another one and a CP) I started temping which gave me an idea of how long the cycle would be and when to actually bother to poas. I found out this time at 3+5 and my god the first couple of weeks dragged like nothing else. I promise it does start to speed up. I didn't believe anyone who told me but it's true. As miami said, keep busy and distracted and if pretending it's not happening helps then do that.

Sorry you're so worried CobaltRose96 Not long now. I'll check in tomorrow and see how you got on. Feeling movements must be so reassuring so focus on that for now. You'll see your baby again tomorrow!

Random pains are so massively stressful Iswallowtoothpaste. Back ache is my panic trigger, more than cramps, and I had quite a bit in the first 2 months and one day cramps and on top and I nearly lost my mind for a bit so I really feel for you. Think how much change your body is going through at the moment, growing and shifting to accommodate your baby growing, I'm sure it's that and nothing sinister.

How are you doing today miami? Taking time off after xmas makes sense. And DH sounds super on the ball and supportive, so pleased.

Does he not want you to paint because of fumes or exertion? My hallway needs a revamp and I'm desperate to tackle it but hadn't thought about it being risky.

@AnneLovesGilbert it's the ceiling that needs painted and he has vetoed on the basis of exertion!!!
I'm alrightish today. Felt bubs move last night and a couple of wee twinges today. I am fascinated by it to be honest. Dd was all tucked in to the top right side of my womb (in my funky heart shaped womb), I never felt her move in the left side.
This time round this little wriggler is all over the place. I think the placenta is anterior and in the right side so that's why I'm not feeling much there. But it is definitely moving in the left side too. I wonder if everything has implanted lower down and that this baby is more spread out as a result.
Anyway I am sure I will find out at the 20 wk scan.
There are a good few of us around the same timings so that's really nice.