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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Telling people I'm pregnant for the 3rd time

80 replies

Zola78 · 21/05/2007 18:10

I am pregnant for the 3rd time and we planned it. My Ds1 is 2.5 and Ds2 is nearly 13 months. It's weird because all of a sudden I feel embarassed to tell people even though WE (DH and I) planned this. I don't know why! I'm educated and we can just about afford it (as much as anyone can afford to be pregnant) yet I feel almost irresponsible. Has anyone else felt like this???

OP posts:

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kate100 · 21/05/2007 18:14

Congratulations!!

Only have too so no advice, but lucky you another baby to bring home.

kate100 · 21/05/2007 18:14

Erm, I meant two

niceglasses · 21/05/2007 18:16

I sort of felt this yes - I have 3. Mine was planned too. When it comes down to it you just have to remember it really has nothing to do with them - not that easy to do, but true. I found my family the worst to tell - they were not that happy, but love her now. Mind you they keep warning me not to have any more.

My life tho. And yours too. Best of luck.

Original poster

Zola78 · 21/05/2007 18:28

Thanks ladies. It's weird how even as an adult the opinions of others count sooo much.

OP posts:

OrmIrian · 21/05/2007 18:31

My number 3 wasn't planned so it felt worse for that reason. And no, I did feel awkward about telling people - I sort of slipped it into the conversation with my mum rather than announcing it with a bottle of champagne. Telling work was the worst. Congratulations were somewhat muted as well - more like comisserations really.

annobal · 21/05/2007 18:31

I found it really difficult as some close friends had a strange reaction when I told them about no2 - I'm 34 weeks with no3 now and still don't think I've told them . I don't think I said anything until it was obvious and at that stage I was about 18-20 weeks

foxybrown · 21/05/2007 18:35

Yes! I felt completely the same. Oddly my mum was quite negative (but she had 3!?).
Telling her, and everyone else, about number 4 was almost fun. All ours were planned too.

Wait until you are visibly pg and strangers will helpfully tell you "you'll have your hands full". Thanks for that.

And if you have number 4, they will recoil in absolute horror.

Three's a lovely number, IME it worked really well. Like my two boys, your oldest are quite close in age, and I found that while the baby was sleeping they'd play together. I never imagined I'd have time to relax with 3 so small!

Original poster

Zola78 · 21/05/2007 19:17

I'm gonna tell my family after I've had my 12 week scan. I'm siking myself up for the occassion.

OP posts:

twelveyeargap · 21/05/2007 19:23

I am only on number 2, but my SIL has just announced her fourth. I'm thrilled for her and said so, but it seems my MIL said something pretty unsupportive to her about it. (Not sure what exactly as MIL was there when SIL was on the phone.)

I'm appalled by the attitude. THey've planned this baby, as have you Zola. THey can afford it, they aren't asking for any help from anyone to manage. I just don't know why people can't be happy for them, particularly their own family!

You stick to your guns and when you're telling people, be sure to say something along the lines of, "We have some FANTASTIC news," so they know exactly where YOU stand at least.

Congratulations.

frazzledazzle · 21/05/2007 19:29

Zola I felt exactly the same as you.
I'm due to give birth to dc3 next week and have 2 sons 3.7 and 19 months,all planned.
I've had the usual comments;
Was it planned ?
Is it/do you want a girl?
You'll be busy!

I know what you mean about somehow feeling irresponsible but hey it was your decision and if you and DH are happy who cares what anyone else thinks you'll be bringing them up.Good luck!

softmusk · 21/05/2007 19:33

i feel like its telling my mum and dad i have sex silly i no

bobsmum · 21/05/2007 19:33

We're kind of wondering about having a no3 atm. So many people round here have 3 or 4 or more so nobody would bat an eyelid.

Interestingly I've been fending off the "Will you have any more?" question far more with 2 children than I ever did with just one.

Congratulations Zola!

I'll hopefully be posting for tips on having 3 next year

alondonmum · 21/05/2007 19:36

That's the weirdest thing, because I'm 12 weeks with the third and was telling myself it'll be great to be able to tell people. But now it's almost that time, I'm feeling oddly apprehensive. Reading your post has helped me articulate my feelings in my head - I do feel odd about it! I'm almost expecting people to make comments... It's daft isn't it?

mum2fo · 21/05/2007 20:40

i am preg with 3rd and I felt exactly the same but couldn't really work out why - I have just 4 and 2.5 year old - and I am amazed at how many people's response has been "was it planned?" which I think is so rude! I did feel really embarrassed telling my neighbour but I know why! - she lives on her own and has never had kids so must be able to hear me shouting at mine all the time, so I always think that she must wonder why I want more when I can't cope with the two I have.
In the end altho' it's difficult not to worry about what others think, you know it's right for you.

LynetteScavo · 21/05/2007 20:47

When I told people I was pg with DS1, they stared at me ,open mouthed.
When I told people I was pg wiht DD2, they said "congratulations"!
When I told people I was pg with DD, they said, "we thought you might be".

Having 15 babies is bordering on the irresponsible....three fabulous.

Rosetip · 21/05/2007 21:20

Yes, I felt really weird telling people this time (my sons are 5 and almost 3) and got a lot of "are you mad" type comments followed throughout the pregnancy by "is it/are you hoping for a girl this time" which have driven me insane and have spoilt it for me quite a lot as I feel under a lot of pressure not to disappoint.

nykate · 21/05/2007 21:42

I'm pg with #3, and I felt weird about telling people too- almost embarrassed/ashamed. DD1 is 3, DD2is 15mos, and this baby was unplanned, but happily anticipated. I think I 1)feel sort of embarrassed that I'm popping out a family so quickly- not a lot of time in between children. However, I'm GLAD they will be close in age, so I don't know why I'd feel embarrassed and 2)As my husband says- two is manageable. Three gets a bit sloppy. I think I just feel self-conscious that 3 is maybe indulgent? It's so crazy, because I think 3 is a great number! Don't know why I'm so self-conscious about it, but I'm 16wks now and feeling less so. Friends/family think we're a bit crazy, but all are happy/supportive. Good luck and enjoy your pregnancy!

jujujbel · 21/05/2007 21:46

We plan to have a third and keep to roughly the same age gap - dd1 is 2.8 and dd2 is 9mths. My hesitation is telling my work! They were fantastic after dd1 - gave me the P/T hours I wanted and even adapted a new role to suit. I have taken more than a year off with dd2 - will be back in Sept. If we have a third, as planned, I will be telling them early next year that I am pg again and it feels like a bit of a piss take. DH tells me I'm mad for feeling this way and should not feel guilty for mat leave etc but can't help feeling this may. FYI - company is big company so not as if I leave a gap when not there.

Original poster

Zola78 · 21/05/2007 22:52

I am really amazed at just how many of you feel or have felt exactly the way I feel now. Thanks for the support. I've got to say all the negativity that was filling my head was making me doubt our decision to have another child. I'm still scared but a little more assured now that others have gone through it and have survived.

Thanks all! Bring on the sleepless nights, the fighting and bickering and most importantly the love!!!!!

OP posts:

meadow6 · 22/05/2007 07:54

I am 39, have an 8, 6 and 20month old-all girls. I have just found out I am 7 weeks pregnant!!!! Not hugely planned but we are quite happy. I am soooo embarrassed about telling people because I made such a thing about 3 being enough. Also I know people will presume we are "trying for a boy" and I would like a pound for every time somebody says words to that effect.

belgo · 22/05/2007 07:57

congratulations meadow! I have two girls, and we are TTC our third baby. I've always told people we want at least three children, but even so, my mother seems very much against the idea. She's told me to wait 10 years before having a third!

belgo · 22/05/2007 07:59

and congratulations Zola!

meadow6 · 22/05/2007 08:07

Thankyou Belgo. Not sure why I feel so embarrassed. I think people will think I'm irresponsible etc etc. But maybe part of my worry is because deep down I initially felt that way myself. I also felt overwhelmed with the concept of 4. ( still do!) I hate the thought that people will presume it was a mistake and be sympathetic towards me. I need to make sure that when I tell people that I don't give that impression. THis is the family I wanted but thought because of my age, first husband leaving that this was a no goer.

belgo · 22/05/2007 08:10

meadow - when telling people you are pregnant, tell them first you have some very good news. That way they know they have to react positively.

meadow6 · 22/05/2007 08:25

Reading this thread has really cheered me up. I was concerned about my feelings- even embarressed to go to doctor! Good to know I'm only human and not to be worried about my emotions and believe you me there are alot of them!!!

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