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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Telling people I'm pregnant for the 3rd time

80 replies

Zola78 · 21/05/2007 18:10

I am pregnant for the 3rd time and we planned it. My Ds1 is 2.5 and Ds2 is nearly 13 months. It's weird because all of a sudden I feel embarassed to tell people even though WE (DH and I) planned this. I don't know why! I'm educated and we can just about afford it (as much as anyone can afford to be pregnant) yet I feel almost irresponsible. Has anyone else felt like this???

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

goingfor3 · 22/05/2007 08:26

Zola78 I'm in the same position as you and feel the same way too! My mum knows because when we were trying she jokingly said it would be nice to have another granchild. Dp's parents are the ones both DP and are are finding it hard to tell, even though it was planned I feel almost embarressed!

PregnantGrrrl · 22/05/2007 10:39

i don't understand the negativity around having more than two. i'm one of 4. The way i see it, if you can love and feed it, whose business is it anyway?!

Congratulations!

Nemo2007 · 22/05/2007 10:43

Zola I was exactly like that!! We had some funny reactions as DD1 was only 4mths when we found out we were pg again and DS was 2.3yrs. PIL reaction was 'OH' then deathly silence which of course prompted me to burst into tears. My mum said I think you should consider the snip. However now DD2 is here she is adored by them all. I had lots of comments about not having a tv, dont we do anything else blah blah blah so just expect that as your age gaps are quite small like mine were. However at the end of the day it is sod all to do with others and DD2 is the one of the three best things that happened to this family!! Both DS and DD1 adore her and she them so it will be lovely

evenhope · 22/05/2007 10:46

We were quite defiant at announcing the 3rd because my parents were of the opinion that people should stop at 2. The 4th we chickened out and pretended was an accident

We waited until 20 weeks to announce number 5, expecting everyone to flip, and they were all thrilled

Nemo2007 · 22/05/2007 10:48

Oh and too add DD2 was planned..and we will be having one more probably although have told DH he cant tell everyone this time

caterpiller · 22/05/2007 12:18

I've got 5 and had comments like:

Are you Catholic??

Do you not have a tv?

They can s#d off. Why do people feel they have the right to comment on the number of children you choose to have?

Original poster

Zola78 · 22/05/2007 13:21

I get alot of comments with the two I have already (18 months between them so I'm prepared for that. It's the judgement that people make. I guess my embarassments stems from something inside me what I sub consciously think about having children close together or even just having more than 2. I can remember before I had children the type of judgements I made about women who had more than 2 and now I'm afraid that those same judgements will be meeted out on me.

OP posts:

karlou · 22/05/2007 13:26

I'm pregnant for the third time too (it as planned). People do seem surprised but more by the age gap than the fact it's our third. My dd's are 8 and 5. They also all seem convinced it's a boy this time although we'd be happy either way.

I'm 17 weeks and showing and do feel a bit self-conscious now so I suppose it is on my mind that some people might be judgemental but I think that's because I worry they think it's because I'm desperate for a boy.

ThomCat · 22/05/2007 13:54

I'm pregnant for the 3rd time and I got a lot of 'no way, blimey, can't believe it, wow, was it planned'. It wasn't exactly planned no but very muich wanted and we're very happy. Doid I feel irresponsible - no, no way, prod, happy, lucky, generally fucking great - YES!

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

maisym · 22/05/2007 13:56

with my 4th I got comments about was it planned!! - someone even asked if I knew about contraception!! with my 5th - only one comment like this. best wishes xxx

muppety · 22/05/2007 15:51

Well I am very of all you having 3.

We have been ttc 3rd for 18 now. Felt v embarressed going to see doc as really feel greedy when some people can't have any but I just would love another. The specialist was lovely though and didn't make me feel silly at all. There is a small gap between ds1 and 2 and I really wanted anotehr small gap but its not to be.

Of course if it ever happens I will be anticipating the trying for a girl comments!

Congratulations to you all and feel proud.

PomsMum · 22/05/2007 15:53

A friend of ours rang me the other day to tell me she was expecting her SEVENTH (yep 7th), and do you know I was as delighted for them as I have been for any other friends first baby.

Anyone having one child, let alone more than one, deserves all the congratulations in the world in my opinion!

DonnyLass · 22/05/2007 16:08

Bugger 'em -- miserable sods.

Your babies, your body, your life.

CONGRATULATIONS

I think it depends on how you 'tell' ...

"Hi ... I'm so thrilled, I'm having a baby"

compared with

"Guess what, I'm having a third baby"

IYNWIM

Spidermama · 22/05/2007 16:12

Congratulations Zola.
I found people start to get unacountably sniffy and opinionated when you go beyond two for some reason. (I have four.)
It's in stark contrast to the warm reception you get for numbers one and two. The cards dry up too, and so does all the help IME.

Sorry to be gloomy. But the good news is it's fantastic fun to have a big gang. There's always something going on. It's tough but it really is living and there's never a dull moment.

apeainapod · 22/05/2007 16:24

Congrats!

Some people are just too selfish to enjoy and congratulate others' happiness.

My first 3 were unplanned and very close in age, and we had comment after negative comment. Now pg with number 4 (actually planned, and still with a short age gap) and people's reations got even worse. I just laughed them off - I think you have to.

Good luck x

catrionasmum · 22/05/2007 16:46

Congratulations- spidermama has described my experience too! 5 years between 2nd and third and nearly everyone thought I had a second marriage and lost count of "haven't you got a telly" with no.4.
more children for me is more fun even though sometimes its chaos and very noisy.
enjoy every minute and ignore everyone who isn't happy for you it's none of anybody elses business if you plan your kids or not what counts is loving them.
Good luck!!

JARM · 22/05/2007 16:48

Congrats!

Im also pg for the 3rd time, and my dad is the only one who is all that chuffed.

Everyone else has been very "cold" towards me, to the extent, my SIL isnt even talking to me.

belgo · 22/05/2007 16:49

Jarm - why is she not talking to you? It seems an extreme reaction.

JARM · 22/05/2007 16:54

thats my SIL for you, she came out with the usual "dont you think you have enough, dont you have a TV" etc and now wont talk to me, DD! showed her the scan pic on friday, she took one look and went, yeah nice

Im a little on the angry side with her to say the least, especially as she adores the girls usually!

frazzledazzle · 22/05/2007 17:01

My FIL always asks how I am but all MIL has said about pregnancy #3 is there you go.
I'm due next week and she hasn't shown an iota of interest.
Her loss I suppose but still v.annoying!

itssunny · 22/05/2007 19:04

JARM -H is not the person you are making her out to be! yes she does adore the girls and i am sure she will number 3 too. she has never said a bad word about you and can't speak highly enough of J & R. She worries about you all a lot especially when the army have been horrible. She has her own worries too and i think you have been very hard on her slagging her of at every opportunity on here. I'm not going to tell her as i don't want her to know what you have said and also i don't want her to know i use mumsnet but for gods sake think of someone else just for once will you - sorry all for highjacking thread

NAB3 · 22/05/2007 19:05

We had one of each and then tried for a third. I thnk people were wondering why we wanted another when we already had a boy and a girl. Er, because we wanted another baby!! Congrats. 3 is hard but worth it.

foxcub · 22/05/2007 19:07

I felt the same too!!

..as though itsd Ok to want 1 or 2 children, but to want 3 is greedy.

I even felt I was "pushing my luck" wanting a third baby.

For some reason I felt embarassed and at the same time defiant when telling people. We had some negative comments but I think its just jealousy - again people thinking we're being greedy to want three beautiful children.

Each beautiful healthy child I have makes me feel a bit luckier and a bit richer!!

seamonster · 22/05/2007 19:07

Congratulations- I know how you feel, I was really embarrassed about telling people about my 4th. But you know what, this is something you both wanted and in our situations its good news whether planned or not.

LilyLoo · 22/05/2007 19:14

Don't you just love mid wives though. I went for my booking apt today am pg with no.3 and she was saying , great , congratulations it's wonderful news and as you are experienced now how about a home birth !
I haven't told anyone else yet esp mil who said SHE is having no more babies now
Sod em all it's my life !

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