Fresh Start thread for pregnancy after miscarriage or loss

[BertieBotts]

Welcome everyone :)

I am feeling much more positive today, how is everyone else?

@flatwhite so sorry you are feeling so anxious. Not sure what to suggest but just to say thinking of you

@pob congratulations on the positive scan. I’m in a very similar place to you. Following 2 miscarriages, had a positive scan at 8wks6 days with this pregnancy, now around 11weeks 3 days and have 12 week scan next week. I have found this stretch very hard, just counting down the days. Most of the time I go along as normal but then every so often have a wobble and feel extremely worried. I have pretty much convinced myself it will be bad news at the scan.

The section wasn't text book but I'm fine with that, I have a healthy little mouse snuggled on my shoulder.

I wasn't aware that anything wasn't as expected apart from baby didn't come straight to me and they'd said cs babies can be mucusy which needs sorting first and the change in surgeons tone, given my partner was still sat next to me I wasn't stressed at all (figured he'd be chucked put of theatre as soon as things looked questionable).

Thinking about things I have a healthy boy and a healthy me, that's exactly what the plan was 😙. Must have been very lucky.

Massive congratulations @zaalitje and @xxmissbrightsidexx what gorgeous babies and so wonderful to hear of their arrival. As you say zaa things don't always go exactly to plan but you have to focus on the positives.

My bundle of joy is now 2months old and still grateful for her every day. I am still following you all on here and thinking of you. Look forward to hearing of more safe arrivals soon and best wishes to all the new joiners.

Congratulations @xxmissbrightsidexx & @zaalitje on your beautiful bundles.
It’s definitely about the positives Zaa. Hope you’re able to rest.

@Pob I struggled massively with DS2 & am now when I get the stretching cramps but I keep repeating what I read in one of the old threads “Today I am pregnant.”

I also read “Over coming low self esteem” & hypnobirthing books which helped incredibly with the anxiety as well as yoga.
The anxiety was still there but it was manageable. However the first 16 weeks for me were incredibly hard.

Hello to the other newbies as well.

This still doesn’t seem real to me & every cramp I keep waiting to see blood. Got a very long 7 weeks until scan, I just hope I get there.

Hi @intelligentputty so lovely you remember me, I remember you too! How are you doing?

Thank you! We are a mixture of excited and scared at the moment. It’s a relief we have got past the point where we had the MC last time though so that helps. That is very re-assuring thank you for letting me know. I really hope mine stops after the 7 week mark too. It would make me feel less anxious.

@xxmissbrightsidexx and @zaalitje beautiful babies. Congratulations to you both. Give so much hope to us newbies on thread. Hope you are enjoying every moment.

I think im 5 weeks today or tomorrow so not much going on just yet. Trying to ignore it if im honest as i guess thats my coping mechanism.

What did everyone do about telling people? At the moment i dont want to but am aware i will likely slip up. I am so frightened of letting people down.

Hello ladies. Sorry have been a bit of the radar. We had a totally manic week 2 weeks ago getting our house on the market and selling it in 3 days and then were on holiday in Italy last week but back to reality now.

Anyway, I have been keeping an eye on you all. Welcome to all the new ladies. I've got my fingers tightly crossed for you. The first 12 weeks really do drag. One dayat a time.

Congratulations on the new arrivals zaa and missbrightside! They are both absolutely gorgeous. Sorry to hear about the bumpy starts for them both but so glad they're doing well.

Sorryto hear you're feeling so anxious flatwhite. Could you ask for a referral to the pregnancy psychologist at your hospital? My friend found this really helpful when she was pregnant.

I've got my 28 week appointment with the midwife today and my first growth scan tomorrow. Fingers crossed for a normal BP and a nicely growing baby. I seem to have expanded quite a lot the past few weeks so hopefully that's a good sign. And if all is well tomorrow I'm feeling like I might actually be able to buy something for this baby.

Oh he’s gorgeous @zaalitje huge congratulations on your little man!!

@Pob13 i don’t think you can to be honest. Having gone through a loss it’s totally normal to feel anxious and not want to get your hopes up.
My husband and I haven’t even discussed this pregnancy really, too scared to get excited. We’re both eating really healthily and doing all the things a pregnant woman should do (have been since last Feb though when we started TTC). Luckily my husband doesn’t drink/smoke/eat any of the things I’m to avoid which makes it so much easier for me! :-D

Hurry up second trimester! I want to relax!

It's like Schrodinger's pregnancy at the moment. Only a scan will tell. Hate this feeling and this waiting.

@Wellthisunexpected I’m feeling the same. I get so nervous at every cramp and everytime I go to the bathroom I brace myself! 3 weeks until scan. These weeks are going to drag so much!

I'm on holiday, I should be relaxed but the sudden breathlessness is making me really anxious. Literally came on overnight. Hoping just baby pushing on diaphragm and not anything more sinister (too scared to google).

Congratulations zaa and missbrightside on your babies. So happy they are both safely here.

pumpkin I remember you from the ttc board. Congratulations on getting to 6 weeks.

pob I don’t think you can or should. I wasn’t positive at all with my OH - I wouldn’t let him talk about it like it was a given all was going to be ok. I’d shut down any conversation quickly that started with “when the baby is here...” I know it wasn’t easy for him but I tried to explain how hard I found it and he did understand. Now I’m past 12 weeks it’s a little easier and I think when I’m past 20 week scan I’ll relax even more.

I think those early weeks are exhausting. You have a heightened sense of every thing. Every twinge, every feeling every damn trip to the toilet could be the end. It’s exhusting to feel like that all day long and no one else except people in the same position will quite understand it. Just try and get through it however works for you.

Where are you on holiday grumpy? It most likely is just the baby and I don't want to panic you but it might be worth getting checked over especially if you had a long journey.

@TheGrumpySquirrel i was thinking the same as @keeponrunning85 its probably best to get checked out.

I'm just kind of trying to distract myself with other things for now. Dp and i booked our wedding for the back end of next year so i want to busy myself planning things for that.

Hello, but if a lurker here. I was on the miscarriage support thread for a while before a name change.

I had a mmc in October. Had a scan at what should have been 10 weeks because I had slight spotting for a few days and no pregnancy symptoms and there was nothing there- they couldn't find anything (though womb lining thick etc) so it obviously happened early.

I'm now 6+6. I have hardly any symptoms. Nausea, but not nearly as bad as my first two pregnancies and I can still brush my teeth, which I couldn't with the first two. I am very tired. I'm pretty sure the lack of symptoms mean the same has happened again. DH who is not a flapper at all and is usually a glass half full person has done some reading and agrees this pregnancy is doomed.

So I'm not sure what to do next. I haven't booked a midwife appointment yet since it seems a waste of everyone's time. But no bleeding yet and probably too early to get a definitive result from the EPU. Do I just wait until bleeding begins and then contact the EPU? What did others do?

@starryeyedsnowgirl book in with the midwife. I know the waiting is awful. If you do start bleeding then go to epau. It could be that this baby is the opposite sex to your other, my friend had awful hyperemesis with her 2 boys, but almost nothing with her girl!

@Wellthisunexpected you think I should book in? Last time when the nurses at the EPU was doing follow up bloods she asked how I didn't know I had miscarried. I said no bleeding and she said but you had no symptoms. I said just as you said- my first two DC were girls and I had assumed it was a boy and she said (and I'll never forget because I cried for days and felt so stupid) "it's amazing what you can convince yourself of when you don't know any better". She then said that sickness for a boy is much worse than for a girl.

I am a real grown up in real life with a professional job and everything. But i can't shift the feeling of stupidity and how I wasted their time and got everyone's hopes up. So I just wasn't sure about booking an appointment I probably won't need. Thanks though. I'll try and do it tomorrow.

They can make you feel really stupid can't they. Shouldn't be allowed.

We're having takeaway tonight as I'm almost throwing up cutting up chicken. Can't tell if it's pregnancy or it's off and DH has no sense of smell but I certainly don't want to eat it now!

Thanks I am only a 3hr flight away so not long haul... and I cannot tell how much of it is anxiety / hayfever (am bit wheezy) but seem a little better tonight. Majorly overdid it yesterday (long bike ride) which I think may have triggered this. If not better tomorrow will go to hospital

Mmm- takeaway. It was probably just pregnancy ickiness, but can't be too careful!

Just catching up on this thread - I've missed lots!

Huge congratulations to both zaa and missbrightside on your babies - so pleased for you both. It's so nice to see such lovely news on this thread

I'm really sorry you're feeling so anxious flatwhite, and definitely think you should see whether there's anyone else you can talk to - you shouldn't have to feel like this alone. Presumably you're on holiday now - do you think the change in routine might be making it worse? I know I feel much more anxious when I have time to stop and think a bit more. Thinking of you and sorry again that you're having such a hard time of it.

Starryeyed I'm astonished the midwife said that to you. I was incredibly anxious about my very mild symptoms in this pregnancy and every medical professional I spoke to told me you can't tell anything from symptoms because they vary so much from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy (and they were right - I'm 33 weeks today). I know I didn't have a previous successful pregnancy to compare with, but I've heard of so many women who were wicker in some pregnancies than others. She was completely wrong, and so insensitive, for making you feel stupid for not knowing.

Came home from work today to two letters.

One is my screening result. Low for Downs, Edwards and Patau Syndromes (Excellent IMO as I'm 41).

The other is my appointment for the obstetric consultant. It's for 14 NOVEMBER. What is the point of having my first consultant appointment in what may be a complex pregnancy (due to previous pre-existing medical conditions) when I'll be 37 weeks? I think I need to speak to my midwife and check that's not an error!

That does seem ridiculous, em, and I'd definitely query it with the midwife.

@thegrumpysquirrel I was going to ask have you overdone it? Also are you taking iron as that can exhaust you as baby can deplete your supplies rapidly. But definitely get checked out.

starryeyed you should definitely book in & ask to be referred to EPU to find out what’s going on.
Every woman & pregnancy is different & you shouldn’t have been spoken to like that.

em definitely check that out as usually you see a consultant around 16 weeks if not by 24 weeks.