Fresh Start thread for pregnancy after miscarriage or loss

[BertieBotts]

Welcome everyone :)

I am feeling much more positive today, how is everyone else?

My bean has turned into a baby! By my dates I'm 9+6, measured this evening at 10+2. It has arms and legs and a nose and - most importantly - a lovely strong heartbeat. The pic is a bit blurry because it just wouldn't keep still (got ants in its pants just like mummy!) but I'm thrilled and relieved. This is the most pregnant I've ever successfully been before.

Wonderful news @emwithme

So pleased for you!

Aww what a lovely picture!
I feel like im definitely pregnant today as I've cried over everything recently.
We went in the wartime tunnels at Dpver castle and the idea of me having to explain the whole concept of war and everything they were talking about in the videos got me bawling. Husband pestered to go in as he'd never been and i assumed it would be a quiet walk around not videos of everything, news reels etc. Too late to leave at that point. Im sobbing now again just typing! Then have the fear its my head and my 12 week scan will show nothing.
This all being well is the last time I'll be pregnant as we feel complete at 2 children, and im not enjoying it one bit so far.

I'm really worried this morning, can't get any movement. Giving it till 6 and hoping he's being lazy before I call Pau.
He was sluggish yesterday but as soon as I lay down there were regular wriggles.

Fingers crossed for me please

Thinking of you zaa and keeping those fingers crossed xx

Thinking of you @zaalitje hopefully he’s just having a lazy morning! Definitely get yourself checked out if you’re not sure though x

Hopefully you've either felt movement or are at AAU now, zaa? Have you been for reduced movement before? I went a couple of weeks ago after a day where he just didn't move and although it turned out he was absolutely fine they kept saying that coming in was absolutely the right thing to do.

zaalitje hope everything is ok, don’t ever worry about going in, always better than not.

emwithme congratulations, what a lovely picture!

I’m on my way to EPU to book a scan, hopefully they’ll agree to it. If not I’ll get a private one but would prefer to have scans in EPU as at least then I can have a plan made if it all goes wrong again. I’m usually very upbeat but find myself pessimistic this time!

On the upside I’ve got a date for my abdominal cerclage (stitch placed through abdominal incision). Will be just under 13 weeks all going well.

@zaa hope all is ok

@emwithme congratulations!

@para good luck with EPU

I had my booking appointment with the midwife yesterday which actually helped me feel a bit better, I think just talking about it helped. Sure the worry will return tomorrow before the scan though!

I eventually got some movement at the point I was going to call pau, then i dosed again. Hope he was just having a long sleep.
I'm just trying the lying on my side trick before I start work today.

I've been in 3 times, each time it's been fine and he's just got himself in a weird position.

I totally understand the anxiety about the 12 week scan, I'm feeling the same as we found out our baby had severe abnormalities then. I have my booking in appointment on Saturday and I'm hoping she might offer is an early scan. Does anyone know if this is likely? I'm reluctant to have a private scan because I don't know how well they deal with bad news.

I'd mostly just like to sleep without the early morning fears getting on top of me.

@Waggily I think it depends on the midwife but this time round my midwife had a referal for us for the next day as I was getting pretty stressed out, and she just offered it no questions asked. But I understand I was lucky with that. I dont think my previous midwives would have done so

I'm sorry to hear of your past experience wag access to early scans seems to differ from trust to trust. There's no harm in asking but bear in mind that a lot of diagnostics have to be done at certain points, so an early scan might not be able to give you the answers you're looking for.

Waggily you should be offered an early scan in your situation. I also prefer to not have private scans in case of bad news; I’d be happy to pay an NHS clinic.

The new EPU are so much better than the first one. They have seen and scanned me already. Healthy heartbeat measuring 7+3 (which is only one day behind where I think I am so happy). The subchorionic haematoma is still there, so explains the on and off spotting and bleeding. Obviously lots of time for it all to go wrong but happy today.

Excellent news @Paranormalbouquet and I'm pleased you've found a more sympathetic EPU!

Thanks @kirinm it could be psychological obviously, my dislike of the other unit. I’m self aware enough to recognise that! But being told to be positive in the middle of my 3rd consecutive miscarriage was obviously unhelpful and a stupid thing to say.

The on-off bleeding may drive me mad though. I was actually really calm this morning and just expecting to hear that miscarriage number 4 had started. I think midwife thought I was mad- I was so calm telling her about the bleeding and my history and then cried when everything was looking good!

Kirin how did you deal with the bleeding psychologically? I’ve got good at ignoring the brown spotting (wearing black underwear helps) but red bleeding is another story.

@Paranormalbouquet I was a mess for the first 18 weeks but red blood of which I had huge amounts frequently would make me incredibly anxious and assume the worst regardless of how many times it had happened before although there were two bleeds where I didn't bother going to get scanned. They were so close to previous scans that I couldn't take more time off work.

Brown blood didn't bother me. I still check if I'm bleeding now but was brave enough to stop carrying / wearing sanitary towels about 2 weeks ago. It's a total head fuck but I've not bled for 6 weeks now maybe and am feeling significantly more relaxed physically and mentally.

13 weeks today. My question is when did everyone tell their employer? It still feels very difficult to talk about openly

Yay @Paranormalbouquet. Hoping everything settles for you

Currently sat waiting for my 16 week midwife appointment. Seems crazy to be here since when I first saw her she was saying she'll see me at this point and I was being all yeah whatever and not very hopeful about that prospect.

snore I told my boss at 15 weeks, but she knew I'd had a miscarriage earlier that year so understood why I still didn't want everyone else to know. I was initially planning not to be public about it until after the 20 week scan but in the end told other people at work at about 18 weeks, I think - definitely before that scan.

I’m trying not to tell anyone as applying for jobs within my own organisation and don’t want word getting out. Especially when it may not last. So far just one good friend knows as I need someone to talk to other than DH (and to try avoid ruining our marriage!).

I doubt I’ll be able to hide it long though. I’m already getting bloated, and was showing at 18 weeks with DD so assume will be earlier this time. My cervical suture is June 15th so definitely won’t say anything before that in case of complications with bad outcome. And as it’s abdominal surgery will have a good reason for bloating and wearing loose clothes.

I told my boss at 16 weeks but only because I'd been admitted to hospital with significant bleeding and I knew I would likely be missing work for a few days. He kept it very quiet and I told other senior bosses at 21w. I'm 23w now and people are slowly realising due to my increasing size.

I told the people that needed to know after my dating scan and some close colleagues who knew about the miscarriage. The vast majority of people have just found out as it has become apparent, so since my 20 week scan really.

I'm glad all was good on the scan today paranormal.

I told my manager as soon as i had bfp but im a health professional so need to explain if i have issues with seeing a certain health condition plus i wont get disciplined for sickness if they know im pregnant.

Told my boss at 6w. Had no choice really, I had to run out of a meeting with her and the FD (or risk throwing up on the desk). They wanted to send me home because I'd been sick but didn't once I explained that I was in no way contagious!