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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

She called me an older mum!

159 replies

Trulyscrumptious12 · 09/02/2018 01:01

So I’ve been trying to get to sleep for the last 2 hours but something has really been bugging me. Me and dh went to our first antenatal class today, I was so excited and did enjoy it but while I was there these 2 girls kept staring at me, as we were leaving they asked me how old I was and I told them (I’m 28, dh is 30) they laughed and told me I’m well to old to be having my first baby and people would think I’m it’s granny when I pick them up from school. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me but it did, it’s all I’ve thought about all evening, yes I would have liked to have had kids earlier but I didn’t meet dh until I was 26 luckily we wanted the same things, we got married after 6 months and 6 months after that I got pregnant. So I guess what I’m asking is: what age do you think is a young mum? What age do you think is an old mum? How old were/are you when you’re having you babies?

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AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 09/02/2018 07:06

Had my first at 28 and was (IIRC) the second or third youngest in my antenatal class. Most of the others were in their 30s.

I expect those two children were trying to make themselves feel better about their not entirely uncomplicated situation, tbh. For me at least, 28 was an ideal age for a first baby.

Flatwhite32 · 09/02/2018 07:09

Omg! I got pregnant at 31 last year but lost the pregnancy at 12 weeks. I'm now 32 and pregnant again and will be nearer 33 if this pregnancy goes to plan! That's hilarious that someone thinks 28 is old!

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 09/02/2018 07:09

Some of you being told you were elderly primigravidae in your late 20s, that must have been quite some time ago? Where I am (not UK, but not dissimilar) the high-risk age thing starts at 35. Tbh i wouldn't be surprised if it went up to 40 in a few years.

Iloveacurry · 09/02/2018 07:10

I was 35 and 37 when I had my two. Most of the ladies in my NCT group were similar ages, a couple were older.

The two girls who spoke to you, please just ignore them and don’t over-think their immature comments.

harrietm87 · 09/02/2018 07:12

I've just turned 31 and baby is due soon. Where I live (London) this is average to young. I don't know anyone who had a baby under 28 and lots who were mid-late 30s.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant · 09/02/2018 07:12

I think you are too nice. I should have said something like “are you sure you are mature enough to raise a child?”

You are not old, in fact, I think that you are in the perfect age. You are young and probably much more settled and in a better position than you were at 17 🙂

schmagetti · 09/02/2018 07:16

I was 29, second youngest in my NHS antenatal group, majority were mid-late 30s.

TheVanguardSix · 09/02/2018 07:17

You're a spring chicken, OP. I was 29 with DC1, 38 with DC2, and 42 with DC3! I AM an old mum.

Don't give them a second thought! Congratulations!

Pythonesque · 09/02/2018 07:20

I had my eldest at 29. I was just working out, I not only several years younger than my mother's but also my grandmother's age at first child.

I've been quite aware of being amongst the younger parents at my children's schools; though in other areas it would have been different. Whereas my mother, who looked younger than she was, always felt out of sync with most of the mothers at our schools when we were growing up.

maddiemookins16mum · 09/02/2018 07:23

The fact they are 17 and 18 says a lot.

Gets coat.

Chienrouge · 09/02/2018 07:24

Eldest at 29 and youngest at 30 (now 33). Im definitely one of the younger mums doing toddler groups, pre school drop offs etc.

BeachOrPool · 09/02/2018 07:25

I'm a Mum at 19/20.

I think below 30 is young -

I find it very odd that even the most immature teenager would say that to you. Sounds odd and just opens up a hole for other people to bite and question them as younger mums

BeachOrPool · 09/02/2018 07:26

The fact they are 17 and 18 says a lot

No, no it doesn't. They're just rude people, regardless of their ages

Argeles · 09/02/2018 07:26

When my Mum was pregnant in the mid eighties in the London suburb I grew up in, her notes stated that she was ‘geriatric.’ She was 33. The midwives kept on referring to her as being ‘older’ all the time. The other Mums and pregnant women all seemed to be younger than her.

My Mum’s best friend was the same age, and pregnant at the same time as her. She lived in a more affluent London suburb and was never referred to as ‘geriatric,’ and all of the others around her seemed to be of similar age or older.

I had my first child at 29. I had married very young by today’s standards, but wanted to acquire a mortgage, and achieve certain things in my career before having children, hence the 6 year delay.

We live in an affluent West London suburb, and I can visibly notice that I am a much younger Mum than most (don’t mean that in a bitchy way). At children’s centres, playgroups etc, the women I’ve spoken with are usually in their early 40’s, and some are in their late 30’s.

In the London suburb in which I grew up, there are still a large number of teen pregnancies, at a time when nationally they are at their lowest level. Also, many girls who were in my year at school started having children in their late teens and early 20’s, and some became mothers whilst still at school.

I couldn’t care less what age I was when I first gave birth, or that I’m pregnant again at 32, but many in the area I live in, and the one I grew up in treat me with suspicion and I’m made to feel like an outsider.

Sumo1 · 09/02/2018 07:29

In the 80s 26 was oldish, but that is because many teens did not have any education beyond 16 - so naturally met their mates in the next couple of years and started families. Also council houses were available in many places so they had an instant home.

Not a set up I would recommend now for the young women in the long run, would they ever have got onto the career ladder?

BalloonSlayer · 09/02/2018 07:30

At 17 and 18 they will have had a lot more negative comments about their maternal age than you will ever have, so I think they were just smarting a bit from those and trying to make themselves feel better.

I was 35 when I had my first. He was a slow talker and when he did eventually say "Mummy" it came out as "Nanny." I cringed as I was already old enough to be his grandmother. But no one ever mistook me for his granny.

The only time that happened was when talking to a lady (while at mum and toddler group with my third DC) who was there with her grandson. In conversation she said something like "Well my grandson" with the emphasis implying that DS2 was my grandson.

I didn't mind - I was 43 by then! But because it was only a voice inflection I couldn't really say "actually he's my son" without looking a bit silly.

bruffin · 09/02/2018 07:31

I was 33 when ds 22 was born and nobody in my nct class was under 30

flumpybear · 09/02/2018 07:33

I was 36 and 40 - not unusual in my area

AnnieAnoniMouse · 09/02/2018 07:33

17 & 18?

Bah. I’d have said that I thought children, having children, wasn’t such a great idea, so I waited until I was an adult with something to offer a baby & wouldn’t feel resentful when I was stuck at home and all my mates were out having a good time .

Little twats.

Spudlet · 09/02/2018 07:35

I was 33. They may have died of shock had they seen me Grin

Look, the only thing you have in common wih this pair is that you were all having a shag at roughly the same time. They are not going to be part of your mum friends group - would you want them to be?! Woild you care deeply about their opinions if you passed them on the highstreet? No? Then shake it off and walk away - leave them to it. You'd be on the younger end of the age range among the mums I know (the mock groans of disgust at one of them bemoaning her impending thirtieth birthday were frankly epic Grin).

TheCatsPaws · 09/02/2018 07:36

I was 20 when I was pregnant. I got the opposite comments, people acted like I was about 14. People also think I’m strange for ttc again at 23...

Someone will always comment OP!

TheCatsPaws · 09/02/2018 07:37

Oh and I’ve been mistaken for my DSs sister when out with him and my mum!

lizzlebizzle33 · 09/02/2018 07:38

Wtf? Stupid cows, ignore them completely!! 32 here with ds1 and 34 with ds2, you're practically a spring chicken 😍

BeachOrPool · 09/02/2018 07:41

17 & 18?

Bah. I’d have said that I thought children, having children, wasn’t such a great idea, so I waited until I was an adult with something to offer a baby & wouldn’t feel resentful when I was stuck at home and all my mates were out having a good time .

Little twats

Nothing little about them. Again, note age related. They're just extremely rude to have said what they did to the OP.

I joined NCT class when pregnant with my DS at 19. I was the youngest by a good 10 years, perhaps more. The ladies there were often quite shocked to discover my true age and didn't take kindly to it, there were a lot of rude questions about my personal finances that I wouldn't dream of bringing up to anyone Shock

But funnily enough, I met one of my best friends there in that group, who happened to be one of the older at 37 Smile

Roomba · 09/02/2018 07:44

Eh? When I was 35 I was one of the younger mums at baby groups. When I had DS1 at 29, I was definitely the youngest there.