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Pregnancy

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Original poster

She called me an older mum!

159 replies

Trulyscrumptious12 · 09/02/2018 01:01

So I’ve been trying to get to sleep for the last 2 hours but something has really been bugging me. Me and dh went to our first antenatal class today, I was so excited and did enjoy it but while I was there these 2 girls kept staring at me, as we were leaving they asked me how old I was and I told them (I’m 28, dh is 30) they laughed and told me I’m well to old to be having my first baby and people would think I’m it’s granny when I pick them up from school. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me but it did, it’s all I’ve thought about all evening, yes I would have liked to have had kids earlier but I didn’t meet dh until I was 26 luckily we wanted the same things, we got married after 6 months and 6 months after that I got pregnant. So I guess what I’m asking is: what age do you think is a young mum? What age do you think is an old mum? How old were/are you when you’re having you babies?

OP posts:

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mamaryllis · 09/02/2018 02:49

I thought you were going to say you saw it on your medical notes. I remember being horrified that I scored an extra risk point as an elderly primagravida at 28

TryAgainAndAgain · 09/02/2018 02:57

That's really, really weird. I doubt they actually thought you were an old Mum. They were probably just trying to wind you up.

YassQueen · 09/02/2018 03:03

This is why quite a lot of people think that teenagers are too immature to be having babies

The people who think that are as daft as the people who think late twenties is old to be having your first baby.

Jux · 09/02/2018 03:09

I was 41 when I had my first, and only, baby. Someone did mistake dh for her grandad once, but she was a very small, young looking 13 year old at the time. He was 57 and she looked 9 or 10 so it was understandable and very very funny!

InionEile · 09/02/2018 03:22

Maybe someone had said something mean to them about being teenaged mothers and they were trying to 'flip the script', as it were.

28 is statistically about average for having your first child in the UK so they are the ones outside the norm, not you! Hit them that with piece of information next time they say anything.

Although they are teenagers so really you're better off to just ignore them being silly.

L0ngg0ne · 09/02/2018 03:44

I'm having my first child at 24, and whilst I don't feel like a 'young mum', I certainly don't feel like the opposite. I guess I confuser an 'older mum' a mum in her late thirties, or forties. Even so, the key word is 'older' (as in, older than average), not 'old' (suggesting that there's s problem with it). The laughter and remark from those girls was plain rude. Perhaps all their friends are teen mums, and that's what they've come to consider the norm. Immature, if you ask me. You, most definitely, aren't an old mum. Even if you were in your forties, I don't see the problem. Pay no attention to such comments and judgements.

L0ngg0ne · 09/02/2018 03:45

I guess I consider*

HP07 · 09/02/2018 04:17

I was 29 when I had my first and at no point did I consider myself to be an older mum. I am now pregnant with my second (at 30). There were a mixture of ages at my first time mums group but actually I was by no means the oldest and the majority of the mums were either around the same age as me or a bit older. You have nothing to worry about.

Gladiola44 · 09/02/2018 04:26

The people who think that are as daft as the people who think late twenties is old to be having your first baby.

diodati · 09/02/2018 04:30

Primigravida at 37 here. Why do you care what those idiots say anyway?

Bringonspring · 09/02/2018 04:33

OP they just don’t sound like very nice people. Sign up to NCT to make yourself feel better as most will be older than you!

Yes I’m SW London too and you’d be the youngest by a long way

FozBoz · 09/02/2018 04:40

Ignore - what a silly thing to say. Of course you're not an older mum.

I had DS at 27 and was, by about 5-10 years, the youngest in my antenatal class.

When he was around two, some kids of around 8 asked if hewas my little brother!

BarbaraofSevillle · 09/02/2018 04:50

I suppose it depends on local demographics. But you're bang on average really.

Late 20s/early 30s is probably 'normal' for graduate women who've been to university, settled down bought/rented somewhere, met the right partner (or not etc) and felt they should get on with it before they approach 35.

The term elderly primigravida is probably outdated now, as better nutrition, longer lifespans, contraception, along with staying in education longer means that women start to have babies later and they're now starting to say that fertilty no longer dramatically drops after 35.

To me, 28 feels quite young, no way did I feel mature enough to be a parent at that age I still don't and I'm 43.

Having said that, the women in my family that have had DCs have started in their late teens/early 20s and most have been grandmothers by 40 - even now, mid 20s DNiece is a mother of 2 already.

Ignore the daft youngs uns at your maternity class, no-one is going to think you're DCs granny (Early 40s DSis does childcare for her grandchildren and is mostly assumed to be their DM, not their DGM and has even been in the slightly surreal situation of being IDd for alcohol while out shopping with baby grandchild).

Groinyo · 09/02/2018 05:25

and told me I’m well to old to be having my first baby and people would think I’m it’s granny

Did this actually happen, or just an excuse to have a pop at young mums?

This is why quite a lot of people think that teenagers are too immature to be having babies.

18, 19 has been a pretty normal age for women to have babies up until very recently. Rudeness has nothing to do with age and I know many young mothers get the same rudeness about their age as older women as evidenced by your post.

Groinyo · 09/02/2018 05:27

I look young for my age usually people guess 22/23 and I always get asked for ID wherever I go

So you're actually implying they thought you were too old at potentially 22?

NC1990 · 09/02/2018 05:35

28 is bang on average to have your first baby I believe, not particularly young but obviously not old either. I had my first last year at 27 and most of the mums at the groups I go to are around my age or slightly older. In my office I am the youngest to have had a baby by a good 3-4 years, and at 32 DH is younger than a lot of the local dads.

I wouldn't let it bother you, sounds like those girls will get a hell of a shock when they realise what having a baby is really like!

Mrstobe90 · 09/02/2018 06:48

They sound like utter bitches!!

I'm 27 and having my first and I still don't feel properly grown up enough to be having children!

If they say anything else, tell them where to go xx

FeloniusGru · 09/02/2018 06:53

What a rude comment!
I’m about to turn 27 and pregnant with first child and although I’m married, financially secure, etc I still feel too young some days!
28 is not at all old to be having your first baby, I would think that’s about average!

Afreshcuppateaplease · 09/02/2018 06:54

Its one of those things that depends on area etc

My eldest is 10. I am 30. Vast majority of his friends parents are 40+ and some i suspect are older than my actual parents.

I have a 4 year old in reception. Probably 75% of the parents in her class are 35+ with a good few over 40

Amatree · 09/02/2018 06:57

That's so strange. I was 32 when I had DS and will be 34 when DC2 is born. Totally average in my area. I was bang in the middle of my nct group age wise.

Strange that teenage mums would think they are the average ones and look at a 28 year old as being an older mum I would ignore them at future classes, they are clearly very immature and you're not likely to strike up a friendship. Concentrate on chatting with more normal parents to be. Congratulations!

Monkeypuzzle32 · 09/02/2018 07:01

They've got a lot to learn about life yet! I'm 20 years older than you and just had a baby, where I live, the midwife said most of her ladies were in their 40's!

duckponds · 09/02/2018 07:01

Haha 28?! That’s a young Mum in the area I live, not one Mum in our antenatal class is under 30!

Cousinit · 09/02/2018 07:02

no, you are a young mum! I had my first at 34 and had my third at 43 (now that definitely is an older mum!)

Burstingwithlife · 09/02/2018 07:02

Oh my days. How rude of those people to even comment. How misguided they are also. I’m 43 and having my 5th. My consultant and midwife told me 43 isn’t even that old by today’s standards. Look it up on the internet. You’re actually in your prime. Rest assured whatever your age you will make a lovely Mum because you’re not rude, offensive or judgmental. My eldest is 20! Ha ha she used to worry my ds aged 2 would be considered as hers and that I was grandma. It’s only happened once and I didn’t mind in the slightest.

GreatFuckability · 09/02/2018 07:04

i was 22 having my first. I really am struggling to believe that even the most ridiculously immature teenage mums would say TO YOUR FACE that you were old at 28.

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