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Pregnancy

She called me an older mum!

159 replies

Trulyscrumptious12 · 09/02/2018 01:01

So I’ve been trying to get to sleep for the last 2 hours but something has really been bugging me. Me and dh went to our first antenatal class today, I was so excited and did enjoy it but while I was there these 2 girls kept staring at me, as we were leaving they asked me how old I was and I told them (I’m 28, dh is 30) they laughed and told me I’m well to old to be having my first baby and people would think I’m it’s granny when I pick them up from school. I know I shouldn’t let it bother me but it did, it’s all I’ve thought about all evening, yes I would have liked to have had kids earlier but I didn’t meet dh until I was 26 luckily we wanted the same things, we got married after 6 months and 6 months after that I got pregnant. So I guess what I’m asking is: what age do you think is a young mum? What age do you think is an old mum? How old were/are you when you’re having you babies?

OP posts:

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UgandanKnuckles · 09/02/2018 07:44

I remember a friend of mine in her early 20s saying she wanted to have a baby before 25 because she didn't want to be an "old mum". I was 25 at this point and affronted.

GnotherGnu · 09/02/2018 07:44

I had my kids at 30, 35 and nearly 38. So far as I could see, I was completely within the normal age range of people in my ante-natal class, in hospital and in mother and baby groups. If these two carry on like this, practise the head tilt and ask them if they're worried about giving up their teenage years to baby care when all their friends will be free and easy.

Roomba · 09/02/2018 07:45

Just remembered a comment about teenage mums I got on the bus once, from an old guy who tutted at us. I was 30!

ClinkyMonkey · 09/02/2018 07:45

I was 41 when I had my first. Don't let them get to you OP. Lovely attitude they'll be passing on to their children when they think it's ok to make rude remarks to someone they don't know.

Enjoy your pregnancy.

MaryShelley1818 · 09/02/2018 07:47

I'm 39 and sat here with my baby DS who is 9wks old and my first baby.
I was far too young in my 20's to even consider children!

Aries456 · 09/02/2018 07:50

It is horrible if you feel you have been 'attacked', especially for no reason. Maybe they were just jealous of you having your partner there with you? I had my first just before my 27th birthday and I was the first in my peer and work group with a baby!! Most of my friends started having babies at 28-29. I would say that is very average! I am sure there are loads of great teenage mum's out there (many of whom probably unfairly get judges at groups!) But I personally think 17/18 is very young for having a baby. Try to be reassured, I know it hard to hear negative (and unfounded!) comments especially when pregnant x

Verbena37 · 09/02/2018 07:52

24 for dd and 27 for DS.
28 isn’t old at all.
Those other mums sound like bullies. Just ignore them.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.

StylishMummy · 09/02/2018 07:56

I was 23 with DC1, despite the fact I was married and a professional, I got some shitty comments about being 'young' and how I shouldn't go out partying too soon after the birth

I was bloody furious and made a point of pulling people up on their comments and did they realise how derogatory their preconceptions of 'young' mothers were.

yaela123 · 09/02/2018 07:56

I had my first at 27, I thought I was about average but then most of DS's friends' mums were older than me by a good 6-8 years.

I then went on to have 5 more. Was 39 when I had my last (twins). I am much more on par with the other mums in their year, and most of them it is their eldest or second child. I think they all think I was very young when I had DS as he is 17 now and DDs are 6.

MissWilmottsGhost · 09/02/2018 07:56

People are weird. They sound like idiots.

I had DD at 39. No one in healthcare described me as elderly primagravida. No one has ever mistaken me for DDs granny although I am old enough to be. I am at the upper end but not the oldest mum at DDs year 1 class pick up, the mums range from early twenties to nearly 50, and we all get along just fine.

It is true that in the poor housing estate I used to live in that having a first child at over 20 was unusual, but tbh I'm quite glad for DDs sake to have moved somewhere a teenage mum is not the norm..

TinyTear · 09/02/2018 07:57

Blimey, I was 38 and 41 when I had mine...

So they will have a 20 year old when I had my first - they can actually be grannies by then!

Halebeke425 · 09/02/2018 07:58

I can't believe someone said that to you! I'm 28 and have recently had my third, at all the baby classes and groups I go to, I'm easily the youngest (excepting the occasional teenager). They sound completely mad.

BuzzKillington · 09/02/2018 08:00

How daft. I thought you were going to say you're 40 ish.

Is it a rough area?

newsparklythings · 09/02/2018 08:01

This is why quite a lot of people think that teenagers are too immature to be having babies

^ this

I was 31, now 36 and considering having another at 37.

On the ward after my DD was born, I was a first-timer, another was in her mid-20s having her third, another my age having her fourth (first had been at 16), and another 45 having her third (her first two were adults, she had a 20-something boyfriend and went on to have another at 46).

It happens when it happens. Having babies is also not the only way to life a life, there are plenty of things those girls may well miss out on by having babies so young.

GemmaLL · 09/02/2018 08:01

Oh dear I'll be 35 in 3 weeks (first baby due 29th July) so I must be ancient! They sound horrible! Ignore them, you're still young!!!!!

Lucymek · 09/02/2018 08:04

I would actually say your quiet young to be a mum. I think it's just a matter of opinions however the Vicky pollards of the world feel the need to rudely share theirs !

Congrats. You will be a fab young mum.

Do not listen to them !

RedialCallHold · 09/02/2018 08:05

We're these nct classes or NHS ones? At my NCT classes 28 would def be on the younger side, most of us (including me) were early -mid 30's with a couple of late 30's-early40's.
If it's not NCT classes you're found might be worth looking into some, they can be expensive but you can contact them and get reduced rates sometimes. I didn't rate the classes that much really but I'm still good freinds with my group years later so well worth it for me. You might find you have more in common with an 'older' group (not I felt/feel old mind ;) )

Bluebirdsky · 09/02/2018 08:11

I am 37 and having my first baby so goodness knows what they would have thought about me!!
Plenty of people have babies later in life these days, 28 isn't even the mean age at delivery in most London hospitals!
Nobody will think you are the babies gran they are being mean and ridiculous.

thislifeofmine · 09/02/2018 08:20

What a pair of rude twats! What part of Essex are you in OP??? Im in rural essex and new mums here definitely err at the rising side of 40!

ReelingLush18 · 09/02/2018 08:21

I am old enough to be the mother of the mother of several of DD's former primary school friends and am easily one of the older mums on the block. However, I do think that motherhood is a great 'leveller' in many ways.

LML83 · 09/02/2018 08:27

I was 26 with first and felt young. 32 with my 2nd and felt normal, most people going to classes were similar age second time.

At the school gate DD is 8, I am 34 and chat to mum's 5 years older or younger. And you can't really tell who is who. One 40 year old friend looks same age or younger than me, only found out when she celebrated big birthday.

TheFirstMrsDV · 09/02/2018 08:28

Wow.
I am amazed that happened to you.
It seems bizarre that anyone would take the trouble to go to ante natal classes (you would need a certain amount of maturity to do that) only to openly say those obviously ridiculous things to a young mother.

It seems so odd.

Poor you.

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AgainPlease · 09/02/2018 08:29

I'm 29 and was the youngest in my NCT group by 3 years!

TheFirstMrsDV · 09/02/2018 08:30

for balance
I live in a 'rough' area.
My ward has the highest level of teen pregnancies in the area.
No teenage mum was anything other than friendly to my face.
I had my last DC at 43.

Buxbaum · 09/02/2018 08:44

Rightly or wrongly, OP, those girls are more likely to encounter prejudice for their ages than you are. Shake it off.

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