Posifrickentive into 2018 - thread 20 for those pregnant after mc

[MsJuniper]

New thread - bringing lots of happiness, support and understanding through Christmas and into the new year!

Hi

I’m new to this forum but I think it probably will suit me better than other threads...probably because like most of you the thought of being pregnant brings on lots of emotions and mixed feelings.

I haven’t had a miscarriage but have suffered a loss.

I’m guessing that most of you are considered high risk which I believe I will be once I’ve plucked the courage to go to the doctors. Thing is I’m so apprehensive about going to the doctors now that the thought of having weekly appointments is stressing me out. I’ve even looked up “freebirth” where women just give birth in the shower by themselves (not that I’d have the guts to do it but I just don’t want to see doctors and hospitals).

DH hasn’t been forceful as I said I would go to the doctors at 10 weeks (God willing I get you ten weeks). He thinks the care and check ups until labour we could have the same as before but then to have the baby delivered in a different hospital....I’m still undecided.

Hope you’re all well tonight x

Hey all, after my freak out two weeks ago I took some time out from this thread. So, to update, IC scan was ok, bub still had a heartbeat although they didn't really do much more than a cursory glance.
I'm now getting myself in a bit of a state about the anomaly scan later this week, sad stories seem to be following me around. I know there'll be tears and grief in the next few days until it's done and there are answers one way or another.

I haven't been able to get referred for pregnancy anxiety counseling, and counselling of any type is not something I feel comfortable pursuing through my GP for fear of them involving SS which I know would just make my anxiety 100x worse.

Your words earlier about belief that you might have a baby at the end of this rung so true to me. I don't think I'll ever be in that place where I have some confidence in a happy ending. That's part of my struggle, I feel like if this was going to work out i would be able to envisage it.

Hand hold please, just till I know one way or another.

Kirin that does sound like how things went with my early losses - I really hope it's not for you. xxx

Bertie - thanks for being honest. I had a few hours of optimism this afternoon but am definitely feeling more realistic tonight. I'll just be glad to know either way tomorrow.

Hand hold for you, zaalitje - it’s really good to see you back. I really hope the anomaly scan is a positive experience for you.

And hand hold for you too, Expecto. It sounds like you’ve had a very traumatic experience, and I hope this thread is somewhere you can get support. Re birth, Have you thought about a doula? I was going to have one when I had DS as I knew it would be very medicalised (IUGR, preterm) and I wanted an experienced person to be an advocate for me. Also, just in case you want to avoid a particular hosp but do need a hospital birth, you can have a baby wherever you wish. My sister had a c section about 200miles from her home because her FIL was a consultant there. Sorry, jumping ahead I know... Good luck with these early weeks. x

@Lifeofpies well you learn something new everyday...never even heard of a doula! Being part of a very large and extended family I think I’m lucky in the sense that I have the emotional support of experienced women around me that will be on hand.

I’m guessing there isn’t a private facility that just deals with delivering babies? Wouldn’t I have to have my antenatal appointments with them too?

I don’t know about that, Expecto, but worth researching? My sis saw community midwives locally but had to travel to the hosp for consultant appointments. So glad you have support around you.

I've got my scan shortly and am scared. I know I've got to prepare myself for bad news. As I'm no longer bleeding does anyone know if I'll be offered an ERPC or will I be told to wait it out?

Anxiety isn't helped by the drop in symptoms since the weekend, boobs no longer sore, minimal heartburn yesterday, no dry retching. That's bad, right?
Also I still haven't felt bub move, and there's so many first timers on here that have been feeling it for weeks already, I'm 20 weeks and nothing . . .

Kirinm here for a handhold.

I hope things work out.

Whilst in some ways (back pain etc) it sounds like my last mc, the gush of blood followed by a couple of days spotting sounds a little like the subchorionic bleed I had at 8ish weeks with this pregnancy. That wasn't a problem or a threat to baby. I didn't have back pain with that but I have had plenty for reasons such as constipation and bloating that I have, at times, mixed-up with period like pains.

Fingers crossed for you sweetie xx

@zaalitje thank you. I haven't bled for two days now which was making me hopeful but my symptoms have really weakened and I'm thinking it is probably the case that my body isn't going to miscarry without some help.

Good luck Kirin- thinking of you

So, we have a little embryo and the flickers of a heartbeat!! I can't believe it.

Fantastic news! Have they any idea what caused the bleeding? How many weeks are you now?

Lovely news @kirin x

I'm only 5w4d so really early. She said nothing much about the bleeding to be honest. It's stopped now (touchwood). Just another 6 weeks to get through.

@kirinm Wonderful news! I'm so pleased for you.

@zaalitje I didn't feel movement until 22 weeks and even then it was sporadic for a long time (still is really!) as I have an anterior placenta. Ask them to confirm placenta position at your anomaly scan as this really will make a difference to how much you feel movement. In terms of symptoms, it's totally normal to lose them at this stage - the placenta has taken over and your body is much more used to being pregnant. Honestly, from around 19-36 weeks my pregnancy was completely symptomless (barring when I could feel movements, obviously). Nothing you've posted gives me cause for concern but I remember feeling exactly the same way going into my anomaly scan so I completely understand how you feel. Hand hold.

Just thought @zaalitje - could you see your midwife and get her to find the heartbeat with the Doppler? That might be reassuring.

Oh kirin, that's wonderful! I'm so glad :)

Symptoms can defo come and go and it's all normal, I think it's rare to have strong consistent ones.

So glad to hear that, Kirin!

I'm glad the last scan went well but sorry you're feeling so anxious, zaa. Do you have specific circumstances that mean you think they'd involve SS? You don't have to answer that, but I just wanted to say that they wouldn't do that solely because you asked for counselling to help with anxiety. I'm having counselling and it didn't cause even a flicker of concern in my midwife, let alone a referral to social services.

Kirin that is really great news, so pleased for you.

Zaa I'm glad your recent IC scan looked good. Even though you're finding this pregnancy really stressful you are getting through it, little by little . You should be really proud of yourself for hanging in there. I really hope the 20 week scan brings no bad news and some extra joy at seeing your baby in so much detail. In my last pregnancy I found it so much easier when I was feeling movement regularly, which wasn't until after 20 weeks. Hopefully that reassurance is just around the corner for you.

Expecto welcome, and I'm so very sorry for your loss . In my area we can choose hospitals, I hope it's the same for you. There's such a valid reason you might choose to be cared for in a different place. Yesterday at my 12w appointment the mw wanted to refer me directly to the antenatal mental health team. She was much more careful with me following the mcs. I hope you also get the sensitive support that you need.

Kirin! Exactly same thing happened to me! Around 6 weeks had some bright red spotting that lasted two days and at literally the same time my symptoms seemed to have gone. Went to A&E and was told I’d probably mc’d. Then had an emergency scan the next day and saw a tiny heartbeat! Sorry I was so late on the bandwagon and only replied now 🙄

Zaalitje...my baby only start kicked around 24 weeks!

GreyClouds...I’ll see my GP in two weeks and hopefully she’ll be able to advise me on options x

I finally have my Mutterpass and second unofficial scan went well too! It actually looks blob shaped now rather than being a single dot. Everything measuring good which is great.

Great news @kirinm!!

My symptoms have pretty much all gone. I've not needed any medication for nausea and sickness today and my boobs feel normal. No bleeding though but I rarely get that. Preparing for the worst on Friday

Thanks for the handholds.

Midwife is only on my area on the same day as anomaly scan (very rural) and no guarantee they'd find HB at this gestation, though she did at my 16 weeks check.

I know I'm placenta previa from IC scan, so it's not that blocking movement.

No prior insolvent with SS, but the knowledge that asking for help would trigger them to have a.look would just make anxiety much worse.

I just wish I felt more pregnant, I just feel like I did lbefore, and that worries me.