Staying posifrickentive- Thread 19 for ladies pg after mc

[Brenna24]

Ready. Steady. Go

hotcookie sorry you got a high risk result, the likelihood is still very slim though, so try not to worry (easy for me to say )
I don’t think I could have an amnio, I think I’d be too scared! Hopefully your mind can be put to rest at the 20 week scan.

I am sorry you are having such a worrying time Hotcookie. As others have said the chances are still slim and I really hope that all is ok. I think you are being sensible waiting for the 20 week scan. Hugs.

Just getting ready for Italian class. Lets see what tonight brings.

Thanks for your thoughts. We are pretty happy with our decision, the low risk cut off is 99.3333% likelihood of a non-affected baby, and our high risk is 99.1666%. Amnio risk is 0.5-1% so 99-99.5% it would be fine, and if we hadn't been through a MC maybe we would have it, but we don't want to risk it. I'll be 2months off 40 (hopefully) at due date, so my basic risk is 1:100 or something anyway.
I'm still prepared for potentially bad news, but if there aren't major physical defects I'm not sure if we would terminate for DS.
Struggling with work though-I have a pretty physical job, involves lots of time on my feet and sudden & non-predictive movements, and with the pain & the cold it's tough. We have one member of staff regularly off sick at the moment as well, so all their work is added to ours, which sucks.
Brenna I hope your class goes well and crazy lady leaves you alone.
emvy thank you for the offer-I may take you up on it in the future.

I think that sounds very sensible and rational hotcookie, take care of yourself at work as that sounds really tough...

I've just returned from my cheeky 16 week private scan that I booked to keep myself sane. It was absolutely the loveliest experience. I could see easily that we are having a boy! On cloud nine tonight, he was so perfect with beautiful chubby cheeks and long legs. He was trying to suck his thumb and was opening and closing his mouth. An absolute miracle, hopefully my anxiety will continue to stay under control. I'm enjoying this feeling while it lasts!

Sorry you had that worrying discussion with your Midwife @cookie, I know everyone has probably already told you but don’t google! My DH had to tell me that every time he left me home alone in the early days of this pregnancy. Thinking of you xx

Love the bump pics @pattern and @Brenna, and so nice you get to share the journey with your niece!

It is 5am and I am laid awake wanting to get up and bake a Nutella banana loaf. What is wrong with me!

I have started maternity leave as of Tuesday :) was supposed to be today but Midwife said I basically looked like shit and she wanted me to finish before my intended date of the 20th. My blood pressure was up, feet swollen and I was in hospital with reduced movement after such a stressful work day on Monday. As soon as I was on the monitor Baby was moving like a rolling Nessy, so much so that their heart rate was in the 170s-180s! It showed I was having little contractions too that I didn’t even know about apart from a vague pressure/breathlessness. They were more worried about my heart rate which was really high because I was so anxious.

I was also really emotional as it was the 11 year anniversary of a friend’s passing and it is always an off day, and a year ago to the day was the first time I left the house after my second MC and I went out with my Mum and sister for lunch and burst out crying at the table because there were 3 women in there with tiny babies. I feel so conscious now of being someone else’s cause of pain who may have just had a loss. Does that sound weird? Like a weird guilt over looking too pregnant.

Any way, feel much better now! I hope everyone else is doing ok after awareness week, it’s a tough one but ultimately it is comforting to see so many people talking about the subject of infant and pregnancy loss x

Pleased you’ve managed to start maternity leave early Haz. Sounds like you need it! You are more than welcome to come round here and bake me a Nutella banana loaf if you like!! I know what you mean about not wanting to cause other people the pain that I know I felt after the MC. It seems to sit between some sort of embarrassment that I’m pregnant and being aware of the fact that just because people look ok with it, they might not be. It’s so bloody hard! I feel like I should just get on with it and be all pregnant and massive, but I can’t help thinking “what if she’s just lost one” or “what if she can’t get pregnant”. I’m my own worst fucking enemy and it’s starting to piss me off a bit, but not sure what I can do about it since I can’t actually erase our experience (despite trying VERY hard!).

I’ve just had the worst nights sleep on the planet. Neither side was comfy, both my shoulders hurt and I can’t lie on my back because I start to feel like I’m being suffocated. Think it took me until 3am to be comfortable but still didn’t sleep through as then needed a wee at 5! Bah. Feeling sorry for myself although weirdly not tired. Which you must remind me of when I’m sleep deprived with a newborn!

Smurf, it's lovely to hear you're so well supported at school. It really makes all the difference, doesn't it?!

itsgoing, congratulations on a wonderful scan and the news that you're having a little boy. It sounds like a perfect experience. I was debating getting a 16 week but then my scan letter came for 20 weeks and it didn't feel too long away. I then actually stopped to think and it's still 5 weeks which feels like a long time. OH isn't up for it though anyway. He wants us to have a "normal" experience, whatever that is. He's so desperate, as I am of course, that this goes right and I think he just wants to do what "everyone else" does, even though loads of people have extra scans for no other reason than wanting to see their baby again. Gah. Never mind. I guess it's not really that long.

Haz, I agree that it sounds like you needed to take early leave. Get those poor swollen feet up and relax! I agree with both you and noparticular that it's difficult feeling like you might be causing others pain. I actually spoke to my counsellor about this and she said that I need to try and stop feeling like I'm responsible for everyone else - some people will have bad experiences, many won't and it's not my responsibility to feel I need to always protect others. Basically, we should be allowed to enjoy these positive experiences when we feel enjoyment in them and try not to dwell too much on others. I think we will always be more sensitive to others feelings though and I think that can only be a good thing.

Glad it’s not just me @pattern, it is such a tough time, physically and emotionally, especially after you’ve had a miscarriage. But you do want to enjoy your pregnancy so much because you know what it took to get there..!

Oh no to the crap night’s sleep, it is so uncomfortable in the last stages! You just ache all over and feel like an actual rock trying to turn over don’t you 😂 And yes the breathlessness is so weird! Are you able to have a sneaky nap at some point today??

I will remind you you said that ha! I am such a rubbish sleeper and a night owl I’m worrying I will have a little one just like me because when I wake up at night baby is usually moving around too 😬🙈

Thank you @emvy I’m sure your counsellor is absolutely right, but yes I agree I think we are probably more inclined to think about others now because we’ve seen the horrible flip side of pregnancy.

My husband was the same about having a “normal” experience this pregnancy and was adamant we wouldn’t have an early scan or anything, but I was such a wreck as we got closer to the point I miscarried last time he relented and we had a private scan that was actually one of the best days ever because for the first time my dates matched and we saw a real live baby on the screen (after I was too hysterical to look at it, obvs 🙄.)

The time between scans is tough because symptoms tend to wane and you don’t have a big bump and you start to think you imagined the whole thing! X

Great news about the scan ItsGoing.

That sounds awful Haz. I am glad you are on mat leave now. Nutella and banana cake sounds fab. I have a couple of bananas I have to use up too. Even with a bump I have felt at times like I am a total fraud and that the next scan is going to show a giant empty bump from a phantom pregnancy. It is mad, isn't it?

Another one here who is quite uncomfortable being very obviously pregnant out in public for the sake of others. I got massive early too, so I will be upsetting people for a long time to come. It is great to go to places like NCT groups etc. which are full of new mums/bumps and I can relax and enjoy it for a while.

Awareness week is the lead up to the anniversary of our first loss (17th October). Got through it and the anniversary well this year though. This baby decided that the 17th of october was the day it would kick me hard enough to be felt from the outside for the first time. That helped.

Hope it's okay to join. I'm due in June (even writing that makes me feel weird), so it's a very early pregnancy and I'm pretty terrified that I'll mc again. I had a mmc in July at 12 weeks and it's the only pregnancy experience I have. I'm trying to stay optimistic but it's very hit and miss right now

Hi Unicorns and welcome. I saw on the other thread you had a BFP. It feels so weird doesn’t it, I wish you some very uneventful and smooth months ahead.

I told some more people this week and immediately felt like that was it, it would all go wrong, or I was never even pregnant at all. Even though I am starting to feel faint movement I keep thinking my bump is too small, I don’t have symptoms any more... so it’s a relief to hear that you are all feeling the same way. Although I wish none of us were of course.

I had a mw appt on Fri and I thought she would listen for the hb or at least feel my tummy which would have been reassuring but nothing. It was a horrible appointment actually, she obviously hadn’t read my notes and even when my history was clearly written on the page in front of her she referred to DS as “your last pregnancy”. I said, no that was my first pregnancy and she said oh right yes, how many pregnancies have you had? The other mw I saw had been so lovely and caring and this one was just not interested. I know it’s part of moving from RMC to general care but I wish she had shown some understanding.

@MsJuniper Thank you. Me too, I'm hoping it's the most boring thing I've ever experienced in my life

Hello all,

Sorry I’ve not been in the thread - I’ve been sometimes reading. I think I’ve both been feeling very relaxed, very tired and very nauseous which has over ruled everything! Given my worry about disappearing symptoms up to week 7/8, it’s been ironic that the last two have been tough! Of course now I worry they’re getting better but I’m over 10 weeks now so I know that’s normal.

Hi unicorn, I saw your bfp on the thread and I’m so glad you’re here. The first few weeks/ months are definitely difficult but taking helps.

I think I’ve missed some congratulations, I’ll try to catch up.

I have a scan on Wednesday as part of the Harmony test. I decided to do it as I know my nhs results will be high given my age. I’m not worried about Downs but it would be good to be informed about the other two. I don’t feel comfortable in a way at the same time I know it will either reassure me at the 12 week scan or help us have a clearer idea.

My booking appointment was really lovely over a week ago now. I really like the MW.

Hi and welcome Unicorn. I too wish you 8 more months of total boredom.

MrsJuniper that is awful. My booking in appointment with my midwife started like that. The first words out of her mouth were "Is this your first?" My notes were on the screen in front of her and she was running 10 minutes early. There was no excuse for that. I was suckerpunched by it and couldn't even answer as I just didn't know where to start. I have quite an uneasy relationship with her even now. It is a shame as I loved the midwife she has taken over from. She is also not a fan of looking for heartbeats etc. Thankfully I am under the consultants at the hospital as I am classed as high risk due to the previous miscarriage, so I on'y need to deal with her for routine bloods etc. If I have any problems or queries I have somewhere more sympathetic to go.

Good luck with the Harmony Ekphrasis

Hi ladies, I'm so sorry to hear about your negative experiences with your mw, that's awful!! Can't yous request another one?? At the end of the day you need to feel comfortable and confident!! I'm lucky with mine I guess as she's the one I had when I lost my son, she told me as soon as I get a home bfp then to call her as she's going to fight for me to have a stitch in!! And that's what you ladies need!!

I'm 7 weeks yesterday still no symptoms but starting to feel more relaxed, just dreading to get to the 14 week point!! Still dying to tell my dd but holding back, can't wait to tell her she will be so excited!!!

Is 7 weeks to soon to fancies for certain food?? Xxx

Sorry I should have read more carefully Mrs J - she sounds awful! The mw with my son was similar. Also seemed like she had no interest in being there. The one I had earlier this year before I mc was lovely but a bit overly chatty and scatty. She forgot to do an extra set of bloods the gp has requested which caused issues later on.

Really struggling with nausea and tiredness and half term with my son! He’s not in the slightest bit tired unlike many of his peers! Argh!

bisset I had extreme aversions and cravings from very early with my ds but more faint nausea this time. I think it’s different for everyone every time.

bisset I had lots of aversions from about 6 weeks. The only sort of craving I really had was for watermelon and that started about the same time too.

IT IS VIABILITY DAY TODAY! 24 weeks and still being kicked.

Congratulations @Brenna24!!! It's a great milestone to get to :)

@Bisset I couldn't get enough of fruit for the whole first trimester, and well into the second, and it definitely started that early. It may have been because I was very constipated, and my body knew what I needed to get the pipes in working order...I laid off the dairy a bit too LOL! My aversions were to coffee and chocolate, so I was a remarkably healthy eater for a long while by complete fluke

Yay @Brenna god I remember that day and feeling so on top of the world! I let myself order something for the baby when we got there. Congratulations.

@WLM I craved peaches for the whole second trimester, it’s only on reflection I realise I was eating 3 a day and also drinking peach squash and sometimes tinned peaches out of the can! So funny the things you want and don’t even realise it’s a craving haha. Oddly enough I have always craved peaches and strawberries when I’m ill, must be the vitamin C?

@Bisset80 first trimester I wanted stodge like mashed potato and beans, I think mine was around the 8-10 week mark so yes I’m sure 7 weeks is normal. Now I’m in the third trimester I just. Want. To. Eat. Everything. 🙈

@Mrsjuniper that is not good that the Midwife didn’t even read your history. That information is really important because they have to factor in your mental health too during pregnancy and any causes of potential stress, anxiety or depression. They are responsible for keeping an eye on your overall health! Like others said, can you ask to see someone else? X