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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Other Half told me he doesn't want me to have an epidural

164 replies

FirstNov2017 · 22/09/2017 12:19

Lets all laugh together...
I don't want an epidural but this is my first child and I have no idea what to expect. I'm aware of the pros and cons and see it as a last resort. After our antenatal class this week my partner said "I don't want you to have an epidural, it's not an option in my eyes". Anyone else had similar comments/demands from partners? My body my choice and my pain threshold!

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user1471441738 · 22/09/2017 14:05

Tell him where to go.

When he's channelling Homer at his most ridiculous he's clearly being r ery silly.

Other Half told me he doesn't want me to have an epidural

Wheresmytaco · 22/09/2017 14:13

^I think we are being a bit harsh, having a baby is a big deal and although the mother is very obviously the voice that counts I do believe the father should be involved, I would sit down with him and ask him his reasoning, he may be under a misunderstanding eg it affects the baby etc. I had pethadine whoch can make babies drowsy and that is something me and DH discussed TOGETHER as it's his baby too.
We had decided before hand that we didn't want an epidural, I was adamant I didn't want one for various reasons (reading a story of a bloke who fainted when he saw the size of the needle and cracked his head and died! To wanting to be able to walk etc during labour and after birth) in each of my 3 labours I was begging for an epidural and DH at first would say it wasn't what I wanted and then by the time he decided to give in it was too late. I am thankful he stuck to his guns as it was what we had decided and I trusted him to be able to make the decision to overrule me if that was what the situation needed.
I think you need to work out what his reasons for being opposed to an epidural are and go from there.^

I hope he was off alcohol, young, on a strict schedule of vitamins and super fit and careful where he sat his laptop before you conceived as those all affect the baby too.

Willow2017 · 22/09/2017 14:15

Brie
That's not acceptable in any situation. Wtf were the midwives doing? It's got nothing to so with anyone else what pain relief you use its you that's going through it not some bystander! It's Not good that your oh 'overuled' you it's not their pain.

WorkingBling · 22/09/2017 14:28

This is bringing back bad memories for me of SIL's DP making similar comments. And irritatingly, trying to rope me into agreeing with him. It took all my will power not to punch him in the face. Particularly galling as I'd had one induction, with epidural, and one emergency C section.

Hearing stories like this terrify me for the woman. But I think that's just because i have such huge issues with BIL and his attitude.

Surferbel · 22/09/2017 14:43

Tell your partner that until he pops a bowling ball out of his behind without pain relief then and only then can he pass comment!! Honestly why do men think they have the right to tell women what to do with their bodies. Tell him to back off!

AnUtterIdiot · 22/09/2017 15:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KatharinaRosalie · 22/09/2017 15:19

Oh yes, i also wanted a drug-free whalesong aromatherapy waterbirth.

And when this all started, I wanted an epidural. And if DH had then objected and reminded me that 'we' don't want one, he would not have lived to tell the tale

Epidurals are amazing. Whatever the woman giving birth says, goes.

notacooldad · 22/09/2017 15:21

Bloody hell!
I'm afraid the only answer would have been 'it's got FA to do with you!'

I'd say it's important to keep all options open and see what happens when it happens. You may need it, you may not. You may beg to get it but it may be too late. Wait and see.

I do hope it was one of those instant reaction comments where he didn't actually think through what he was saying!!

Original poster

FirstNov2017 · 22/09/2017 16:18

He's explained why he doesn't want me to have one and I've explained why I don't want to rule it out. Not sure why he felt he needed to add "not an option in my eyes". The fact that epidural is even an option shows me there is a need for it at times!

OP posts:

Headofthehive55 · 22/09/2017 16:39

And why is that?

averylongtimeago · 22/09/2017 16:46

He is allowed an opinion but not any more.
Your body, your choice.

I will repeat, tell you midwife what he has said and make sure they know to listen to you, not your wanna be Lord and master.

Incidentally, I had an epidural when I had my twins over 30 years ago. Was great, no side effects for me or babies. Oh, and no pain either

NiceCuppaTeaAndASitDown · 22/09/2017 16:49

DH did tell me he didn't want me to use a birthing pool as it would rule out too many of the pain relief options.

I had to point out to him that it should be entirely possible to climb out

BertrandRussell · 22/09/2017 16:51

What were his reasons?

Original poster

FirstNov2017 · 22/09/2017 16:54

The usual reasons
can slow labour
risk of spinal injury
immobile labour

but mostly the risk of spinal injury and paralysis.

OP posts:

RaeCJ82 · 22/09/2017 16:55

Hahaha!! I didn't want an epidural either and told my OH to remind me that I just wanted gas and air during labour. However, my 10lb 1oz baby girl didn't fancy getting into the right position to come out, so after 5 days of latent labour (contractions every 5 mins) and a day of unsuccessfully attempting to dilate, an epidural and then emergency c section were necessary. My vagina and I are both thankful that she came out of the sunroof!

SonicBoomBoom · 22/09/2017 16:55

What were his carefully considered reasons that are so important to him that he had to make such a definite statement?

AssassinatedBeauty · 22/09/2017 17:57

The risk of permanent spinal injury from an epidural is less than 1 in 20,000, did they mention that in your antenatal lesson? Apparently some studies make it even more rare. Is he normally so irrational about risk?

Sunshinegirl82 · 22/09/2017 18:03

I was induced (waters broken, no contractions, high blood pressure) and after 9 hours of contractions every 30 seconds they could have told me there was a 50% chance my ears would drop off and my face would turn blue and I'd have cracked on with that epidural. It was marvellous. Also made the emcs that I subsequently ended up needing (baby in distress) much more straightforward.

I was always very open to having one and would definitely have another if I have another baby!

viques · 22/09/2017 18:07

since it might be hard to get him to poo out a watermelon (nurse the eye bleach please) I wonder what other ways you could engineer putting a little pain his way.

Do you have a kitchenaid mixer? They are heavy and would make a dent in anyone's feet.

A car door slammed on a finger stings a tad I understand.

How are his teeth, any chance of a few minutes drilling, I understand the canines are particularly sensitive.

A dislocated shoulder is another possibility, could you arrange for him to face the front row of a local rugby team.

Continuing the sports theme he might like to explore why cricket batsmen wear protection over the family jewels, a few overs in the nets against a fast bowler might show him how pain relief works.......

KatharinaRosalie · 22/09/2017 18:12

The risk of permanent spinal injury from an epidural is less than 1 in 20,000 biggest UK study I've seen estimated that for labour, it's 1 in 80 000 and that was 10 years ago

Original poster

FirstNov2017 · 22/09/2017 18:17

The midwife in the antenatal class actual told us that if we wanted to know the figures we could ask her after as she didn't want to scare anyone and they change all the time. im definitely not ruling it out!

OP posts:

Sunshinegirl82 · 22/09/2017 18:19

Was your antenatal class an nct class OP?

GinIsIn · 22/09/2017 18:21

NCT by any chance?

2014newme · 22/09/2017 18:23

If it was NCT I'd question whether it was actually a qualified midwife. Any enthusiastic amateur can run an NCT class with minimal training and no experience of delivering babies. The whole thing g is a con

Branleuse · 22/09/2017 18:28

Bloody hell, what a twattish thing to say. Why the fuck would he even THINK that he had a say in your pain relief?

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