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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Other Half told me he doesn't want me to have an epidural

164 replies

FirstNov2017 · 22/09/2017 12:19

Lets all laugh together...
I don't want an epidural but this is my first child and I have no idea what to expect. I'm aware of the pros and cons and see it as a last resort. After our antenatal class this week my partner said "I don't want you to have an epidural, it's not an option in my eyes". Anyone else had similar comments/demands from partners? My body my choice and my pain threshold!

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MyBrilliantDisguise · 22/09/2017 12:47

There was a man at the antenatal class I went to who said, "We're not having any pain relief." The whole room erupted and he looked pretty shamefaced for the rest of the session.

Mayhemmumma · 22/09/2017 12:48

Oh he can sod off.

But maybe the antenatal lesson scared him off the idea- ie he didn't want you to have it because it looks pretty gruesome and they might have said about it more likely you'd need other interventions if you have an epidural (all valid points and reasons why I didn't want one)

But yeah so long as he knows it's your body, your choice.

Whinesalot · 22/09/2017 12:48

He's probably coming from it with genuine concern but even so you are saying the right things.
I'd also tell him you are growing your nails so that as he's holding your hand you can go through the full experience together - then I'd manically laugh...

BertrandRussell · 22/09/2017 12:49

"He's probably coming from it with genuine concern"

What makes you think that?

rightsofwomen · 22/09/2017 12:49

Perhaps if you refer to him as your other half (as in the title) he thinks you and he are one entity and thus he gets to make decisions.

I know it's just a turn of phrase but he's really NOT your other half.

Whinesalot · 22/09/2017 12:51

What makes you think it isn't genuine concern?

Willow2017 · 22/09/2017 12:51

Wheresmytaco · 22/09/2017 12:51

DP hated the idea of me using a TENS machine - wouldn't help me stick the pads on, so I never found out if it would have helped.

What didn't he have against it? And how mean to not help a woman in pain.

Op I can't even laugh. If he had said "I'm scared shitless of you getting an epidural thanks to that NCT class" etc I might have sympathy.

But 'it's not an option' warrants a kick to the nethers

lborgia · 22/09/2017 12:52

My DH was our practice mannequin during NCT class 20 minutes where we all were in charge of a difficult medical element of the "cascade of intervention" that was bound to ensue if we started having any monitoring etc.

By the time we'd finished with him I reckon he was probably agreeing that epidural was the work of witches. We all came out thinking that tbh. In the end I had an epidural, and every other issue under hte sun. I'm going to give your OH the benefit of the doubt, and say he was scared witless by the NCT lady .

Whinesalot · 22/09/2017 12:53

I had back pain for a year after my epidural so it's not to be taken lightly. I certainly didn't want one for my next baby but I may well have changed my mind if the pain was that bad. So he could well be doing it out of genuine concern - but that still doesn't give him a say.

lynmilne65 · 22/09/2017 12:53

Had many babies has he had ?????

elevenclips · 22/09/2017 12:53

What a stupid asshole.
See how you go and have what the fuck you need.
I've had one with epi and one without.
If I had to do it again, I'd be taking the epi.

Scroobius · 22/09/2017 12:53

I don't think we can say he's a dick or controlling or any of the rest of it. If you'd just come out of an antenatal class he was probably shit scared of all the things they'd said could go wrong with one.
Doesn't mean he's not being ridiculous and doesn't deserve a pat on the head and a stern talking to about how it's your choice not his though. Also start growing your nails now as pp suggested 😂

Wheresmytaco · 22/09/2017 12:54

Perhaps if you refer to him as your other half (as in the title) he thinks you and he are one entity and thus he gets to make decisions.

I know it's just a turn of phrase but he's really NOT your other half.

I think the OP knows that. My Dh and children are also not sweet hearts, pots of honey etc no need to comment on what you admit is a turn of phrase and certainly gives no man control over a woman's body. Or would give her the same rights.

stitchglitched · 22/09/2017 12:54

If it was a genuine concern he would have said 'I'm worried about you having an epidural'. Telling OP it's not an option makes him a controlling prick.

KungFuEric · 22/09/2017 12:54

Is there a little alarm bell ringing in your head right now that you are going to be having a child with this man who has controlling absurd tendencies? A child that he will feel the right to have 50% 'ownership' over.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 22/09/2017 12:54

Did he give a reason?

I have good reason to be very wary of them & if you were my partner I'd be worried about you having one, but like you said, it's a 'last resort' for you.

'I don't want you to have an epidural'. Fine. 'It's not an option in my eyes' so far from fine it's not funny.

However, I'm not worried about you, it sounds like you've got his measure & are quite able to tell him exactly where he can shove his opinion.

lynmilne65 · 22/09/2017 12:55

winter rising you made me spit my tea

RedSkyAtNight · 22/09/2017 12:55

Going against the grain here, but if (say) my DH had to have an operation and there were options about how it would be done, I would expect to have my opinion at least listened to.

So yes, it's OP's body and her choice, but DH should at least be able to state an opinion and his reasons. If (for example) her DH is worried about an epidural going horrendously wrong and leaving her with a spinal injury, then that's not something that should be just shut down as nothing to do with him.

Doublechocolatetiffin · 22/09/2017 12:56

I really didn't like the idea of an epidural and wanted very much to avoid it (heard a few horror stories and was a bit freaked out by the needle in the spine) but after 24 hours of active labour when the midwives suggested it I jumped at the chance. It was bloody excellent - I should have done it sooner.

What on earth is his reasoning for saying that? My DH was fully supportive of any choice I wanted to make and would never ever of dreamed of telling me there was a form of pain relief that I couldn't use. You need to have a serious discussion with him about this, he doesn't get to dictate terms for labour you do and he better make sure that he's supporting you every step of the way.

Wheresmytaco · 22/09/2017 12:56

Red sky would you tell your partner anaesthetic "was not an option"? Really.

Ididnthearanything · 22/09/2017 12:56

Concern for what I wonder.

Sorry OP but has he really thought about what he has said. Idiot.

I would reiterate what FizzyGreenWater says. Are you sure he's the right one to be with you for the delivery? Yes I'm sure he cares hugely for you but that doesn't necessarily make for a good birthing partnet (HATE that phrase). Especially if he has strong opinions on pain relief for your body. Unless he's given birth before he hasn't a fucking clue.....

FizzyGreenWater · 22/09/2017 12:58

Genuine concern, fright, or controlling nature?

Personally I think his choice - choice - of language gives it away.

I don't want - it's not an option in my eyes.

I think OP needs to keep a very close eye on this one. Any person who can even form those words, in their brain, about a someone else's pregnancy and birth quite frankly needs kicking to the curb. If I am completely honest.

BabychamSocialist · 22/09/2017 13:00

I would tell him to fuck off. Is he having the baby? No.

LeninaCrowne · 22/09/2017 13:01

You married to Tom Cruise?

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